View Full Version : Just Feeling Down


BellaVita
11-30-14, 03:01 AM
Been sleeping a whole lot lately....not functioning very well.

Idk, just kinda feeling depressed and not good enough.

Not functioning well without meds.

You all have been great with providing info about doctors, but I've been too freaking scared to call. :(

I feel lonely, yet have no idea how to make friends.

I'm depressed because my great grandmother recently passed away(just last week) and I don't know how to process it....

I feel bad that the last conversation her and I had, it was where her daughter convinced her to tell me I'm lazy and need to work harder... :| our relationship was great other than that, though...I had been wanting to write her a letter to make things right with her, but never got the chance to.

I've lost 2 family members within past couple months.

:(

I'm starting to also think I'm just defective, and that I won't be able to achieve anything.....everything seems incredibly difficult for me.

And also growing more and more paranoid about everyone....

Rebelyell
11-30-14, 03:04 AM
I'm sorry things have been.so.rough for you bella hugs.

stef
11-30-14, 03:33 AM
So sorry to hear about your losses :grouphug:
your heart will find its way out of this.

dvdnvwls
11-30-14, 03:39 AM
Bella... :grouphug:

Sorry about your family members.

A big part of the not-good-enough feelings is that you've been taught (and taught by far more people than you probably realize) that you're defective, or that you're doing things wrong. You have a lot to un-learn, stuff you've learned from a lot of sources, and some of those sources are still convincing to you, such that you're not yet really willing to reject their opinions.

Making friends: part of the discomfort and/or confusion can be chalked up to Asperger/ADHD. Don't forget that saying "I have Asperger's, and therefore I don't have to want more friends just because someone tells me to" is a valid point. However, having one or two good real-life friends is IMO good for anyone, and if you really do feel like things would be better with more friends, then I'm sure you're right.

A big part of getting friends is going to places where there are people who do the things you like to do. Friends aren't going to come to where you are, unless you already know them and you invited them - to get new friends, first you have to go where they are.

I'll come with you to wherever that is, if you like. :)

Take heart - things will work out - you're amazing! :yes: :grouphug:

someothertime
11-30-14, 03:51 AM
:grouphug: giant squishy squeeze

and i'm so glad you let it out Bella... under the circumstances... i think you've been extremely strong.

BellaVita
11-30-14, 04:00 AM
Thanks so much guys. Your posts really helped.

It did help me to let it out.

I am gonna try to find a dog club to join, to help me find friends.

someothertime
11-30-14, 04:04 AM
:yes:

chompy chompy chompy!!! when i go for nature walks now... i see so many dag walkers.....

my greeting is always; "nicey chompy!"

:D

stef
11-30-14, 04:10 AM
Also I think it's good for you, physically, that you're getting lots of sleep...

BellaVita
11-30-14, 06:40 AM
Also I think it's good for you, physically, that you're getting lots of sleep...

Yeah. I probably needed it.

Okay, still depressed of course, but I wrote a schedule for tomorrow which should hopefully help me. (Schedules comfort me)

I'll pull through this somehow....

I'm glad I have you all on here to talk to.

BellaVita
11-30-14, 09:55 AM
I haven't gone to sleep yet, too depressed and also scared to sleep.

I keep thinking cops are going to come knocking on my door. I feel like I have to be awake to listen to every sound.

Little Missy
11-30-14, 10:27 AM
I haven't gone to sleep yet, too depressed and also scared to sleep.

I keep thinking cops are going to come knocking on my door. I feel like I have to be awake to listen to every sound.

That is a terrible feeling to deal with. I used to feel that way all of the time. I sure do hope you are able to find a doc soon. :)

BellaVita
11-30-14, 11:18 AM
That is a terrible feeling to deal with. I used to feel that way all of the time. I sure do hope you are able to find a doc soon. :)

You did? How did you overcome it?

Thanks, me too. I wish I wasn't so scared.

willow129
11-30-14, 03:56 PM
Hi Bella **snuggles**

Can I ask, why are you afraid that cops are going to come knocking on your door? Is it because of your family?

Maybe if it helps you you can also post your schedule on this thread and let us know how it went. Sharing goals with others can be motivating.

fracturedstory
11-30-14, 11:15 PM
It always seems people leave this world after we've had a bad conversation with them. It was like that with me and my dad. It was worse though. It was like parent vs parent, most kids including me taking my mum's side. I'm super loyal to her.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

And your depression salutation is echoing that of my friends. I wrote a bit about it in my latest post in this section.

Just try not to focus on the negative too much. I was too afraid to call the doctors until I pretty much one day demanded someone drive me to the doctor's office.

BellaVita
12-01-14, 02:11 AM
Hi Bella **snuggles**

Can I ask, why are you afraid that cops are going to come knocking on your door? Is it because of your family?

Maybe if it helps you you can also post your schedule on this thread and let us know how it went. Sharing goals with others can be motivating.

You can read about the cops stuff here:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-160958.html

Schedule going good so far, I made it a goal to do laundry and so far that's completed. I have to prepare for dvdnvwls to come tonight, and also going to take Loua for a walk and see the lights.

BellaVita
12-01-14, 02:16 AM
It always seems people leave this world after we've had a bad conversation with them. It was like that with me and my dad. It was worse though. It was like parent vs parent, most kids including me taking my mum's side. I'm super loyal to her.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

And your depression salutation is echoing that of my friends. I wrote a bit about it in my latest post in this section.

Just try not to focus on the negative too much. I was too afraid to call the doctors until I pretty much one day demanded someone drive me to the doctor's office.

That really sucks, sorry you went through a hard time too.

I'm trying to. I am keeping Cesar Millan's technique in my head, that one should have it so there's more good stuff happening than bad.

I read the thread, don't know what to comment yet but I think you did an amazing job writing it.

Yeah....must overcome fear of calling dr....

Little Missy
12-01-14, 08:58 AM
You did? How did you overcome it?

Thanks, me too. I wish I wasn't so scared.

I knew that I had enough of MI after my mum died and I sold my place and made an incredibly crazy move back home to WY. Best thing I have ever done impulsively.

When I got here I tried out a new pdoc and he did to me what that one did to you so I went to my old gp and he wrote my meds without a blink and gave me an incredible job being a companion to his mother.

Now, I know this is not as easy for you, but your old pdoc should have written you enough for 3 months until you find the right doc, and can still prescribe for you there until you find the right one. And DO NOT pay a doc that antagonizes you! I wrote medicare and had them rescind the payment to that quack I had to endure for 15 minutes of his arrogant idiocy. I refuse to be lumped into an "addict" category.

Now, pull up those boot straps and git to the doc and get the meds you need. :)

someothertime
12-01-14, 09:32 AM
I wrote medicare and had them rescind the payment to that quack I had to endure for 15 minutes of his arrogant idiocy.

:thankyou:

psychopathetic
12-04-14, 08:47 PM
Oh Bells :(

My heart just breaks for you.

I admire you so much. You've meant so much to me here on these forums over the last year...and I feel so sad for you. :(

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/hug/hugs.gif

I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. Omg my poor Bells :*(

And it just breaks my heart to see you struggling. You're such a beautiful person...I wish people like you didn't have to know what sadness was :(.

:grouphug:BELLS:grouphug:



I'm starting to also think I'm just defective, and that I won't be able to achieve anything.....everything seems incredibly difficult for me.

I'm so right there with you :(. It's eating me up. Snuffing my inner fire out. It all seems to pointless. I look into my future and all I see is me always being this lazy slob. Never achieving anything of meaning in my life. What's the point? :( I've no hope of change.

I feel so broken. Like I'm a mistake. Whoever or Whatever caused me to come into existence ****** up when it created me.
That's how I feel right now. Something that I've felt for many years...something that I'm feeling more and more as of late.
Leaves me feeling miserable. My self hatred slowly starts kicking back in.

((((((((((((((BELLS))))))))))))))

:( :( :(

Why do people with such beautiful spirits have to struggle so deeply? We don't deserve this Bells.
<3

Canadian Mess
12-04-14, 09:44 PM
I'd love to give suggestions to help but I'm not exactly in a good position to do so... I have been on here in months because I forgot my password and couldn't be bothered to figure it out.

Have been having a ****ty week/month/whatever myself.

InvitroCanibal
12-05-14, 06:32 PM
I feel this way right now, except I sleep 16 hours a day this past week has been hard. September, October, and December are always my hardest months in the year. December is usually the hardest.

I react differently to depression everytime I get it. I used to not sleep at all but now im finding I react in the more "traditional" way. It isn't easy but I found exercising 30 minutes a day to be the only way I get through it. It gives me something to control when everything else feels out of control. It reminds me that im strong enough to handle this.

I find depression to be both episodic and sequential. It unfolds like a story, how you handled it last time will make you feel more or less depressed, depending on what you did.

It's kind of just a storm you have to weather but whatever you do at your weakest will give you hope the next time you feel like this.

Just try to do one thing you'll feel positive about in the future. Where you can look back and say, "damn, I did that even though I felt like dying."
That's the best advice I can give you. I'm sorry if that doesnt help, but just remember it isn't always about success it's also about valuing your efforts. Trying is more important than succeeding so just focus on trying and not on succeeding

dvdnvwls
12-05-14, 07:18 PM
Just try to do one thing you'll feel positive about in the future. Where you can look back and say, "damn, I did that even though I felt like dying."
That's the best advice I can give you. I'm sorry if that doesnt help, but just remember it isn't always about success it's also about valuing your efforts. Trying is more important than succeeding so just focus on trying and not on succeeding

Maybe a better way to put it: Doing one good thing is always a success, even if it doesn't automatically lead to another one.