View Full Version : How To Make Friends With Asperger's/Autism


BellaVita
11-30-14, 08:17 AM
Does anyone know how to make friends when you have this?

What did you do to make them/keep them?

Were they on the spectrum too?

The closest thing I got to having a friend here was, this guy who took his two dogs to the park at the same time I did.

He would wear headphones and talk to me, I didn't even think it was rude. Also, we both stood about 20 feet away, didn't look each other in the eyes, and would randomly talk about things *we* individually were interested in.

It felt really refreshing, like there was no pressure.

However, he stopped coming. :(

I'd really like to make at least 1 friend....

ChicharitoFan14
11-30-14, 09:04 AM
Hey @BellaVita

Im on the ASD too i honestly can say im not clearly sure on how to make friends i struggle with that
People have made friends with me, by talking to me first stuff like that

Im still friends with some of them since its easier cause they like the same hobbies has me so that helps
None of the are on the Spectrum

Is there any club for people with an ASD in your area that you could look into? Its worth it

cause I attend a place on thursday and friday which has helped me quite alot its not exactly for Autistic people only but for others with learning difficulties etc..

Im sorry if im not a huge help but you can PM me if you want to talk anytime

fracturedstory
11-30-14, 09:14 AM
The best way is to find someone who shares your same interests. I've got many opportunities to make friends this way but the problem is I can stop liking people pretty quickly. If they say a few slurs I'll try to let it go but if their whole vocabulary is made up of this language especially if they make me think they think they are superior to a certain group of people, or do causal racism, or don't open up their mind - then I'll either immediately dislike them and ignore them or I might tell them why they shouldn't be thinking that way or saying those things.

Basically, I get into a lot of arguments and people end up saying some really mean stuff to me, which in no way helps their argument, and I'm just led to believe everyone is this unreasonable and hostile. I also think I may be a bit anti-social.

The newest friends I've made have been in the music scene. One is a photographer who takes photos for the same company as me, and a few others are in the bands I've photographed. I have gone to a lot of effort to make friends with certain band members. I've had to deal with terrible anxiety over it and had to wait quite a long time to get the opportunity to speak with them. I even daydream about a situation in which we have a chat and basically come up with a lot of material I can say to them in real life, and this actually has worked.

Fans of my photography are kind of friends. Most of them live in another state though so I rarely get to see them. Some might be too nervous to approach me too. Gosh. I never thought I'd see the day where I said I had fans.

Do you have a Facebook page? Social networking has been a bridge to help me on the way to developing friendships. My real life friend (who I first met on a music forum) actually has met a lot of people and made friends with them when she goes to 3 Foo Fighters shows. It makes me a little jealous sometimes. But she's allowed to have more friends. She already has more friends than me. I think we are both officially bffs though. Before she came into my life I was all on my own though.

So, if it weren't for the music I would hardly have any friends at all. Or be completely alone.

The thing about Asperger's syndrome is we are very passionate and knowledgeable about our favoutire things. All you got to do is choose one.

I wish I knew more people into comic books and sci-fi and video games (without having to run into all that abuse online) but I am grateful I have the music scene. I basically select certain band members to make friends with. I did that before I had any friends of my own and I'm going to keep doing it.

I'd really like to start dating again though. I just can't help be interested in one guy though. It's more like 3. But they're in bands and live in a different state. Two are probably 10 years older than me. I don't mind being alone for now though. I've got no time to give to another person at the moment.

BellaVita
11-30-14, 09:15 AM
Hey @BellaVita

Im on the ASD too i honestly can say im not clearly sure on how to make friends i struggle with that
People have made friends with me, by talking to me first stuff like that

Im still friends with some of them since its easier cause they like the same hobbies has me so that helps
None of the are on the Spectrum

Is there any club for people with an ASD in your area that you could look into? Its worth it

cause I attend a place on thursday and friday which has helped me quite alot its not exactly for Autistic people only but for others with learning difficulties etc..

Im sorry if im not a huge help but you can PM me if you want to talk anytime

Thanks for your reply. :)

I was thinking about looking for a club in the area, with the topic being dogs.

I will have to look for a club for people on the autism spectrum, that's a good idea.

I just want to be part of something.

Liking the same hobbies would be a big one for me. (That's why searching for dog club)

BellaVita
11-30-14, 09:28 AM
The best way is to find someone who shares your same interests. I've got many opportunities to make friends this way but the problem is I can stop liking people pretty quickly. If they say a few slurs I'll try to let it go but if their whole vocabulary is made up of this language especially if they make me think they think they are superior to a certain group of people, or do causal racism, or don't open up their mind - then I'll either immediately dislike them and ignore them or I might tell them why they shouldn't be thinking that way or saying those things.

Basically, I get into a lot of arguments and people end up saying some really mean stuff to me, which in no way helps their argument, and I'm just led to believe everyone is this unreasonable and hostile. I also think I may be a bit anti-social.

The newest friends I've made have been in the music scene. One is a photographer who takes photos for the same company as me, and a few others are in the bands I've photographed. I have gone to a lot of effort to make friends with certain band members. I've had to deal with terrible anxiety over it and had to wait quite a long time to get the opportunity to speak with them. I even daydream about a situation in which we have a chat and basically come up with a lot of material I can say to them in real life, and this actually has worked.

Fans of my photography are kind of friends. Most of them live in another state though so I rarely get to see them. Some might be too nervous to approach me too. Gosh. I never thought I'd see the day where I said I had fans.

Do you have a Facebook page? Social networking has been a bridge to help me on the way to developing friendships. My real life friend (who I first met on a music forum) actually has met a lot of people and made friends with them when she goes to 3 Foo Fighters shows. It makes me a little jealous sometimes. But she's allowed to have more friends. She already has more friends than me. I think we are both officially bffs though. Before she came into my life I was all on my own though.

So, if it weren't for the music I would hardly have any friends at all. Or be completely alone.

The thing about Asperger's syndrome is we are very passionate and knowledgeable about our favoutire things. All you got to do is choose one.

I wish I knew more people into comic books and sci-fi and video games (without having to run into all that abuse online) but I am grateful I have the music scene. I basically select certain band members to make friends with. I did that before I had any friends of my own and I'm going to keep doing it.

I'd really like to start dating again though. I just can't help be interested in one guy though. It's more like 3. But they're in bands and live in a different state. Two are probably 10 years older than me. I don't mind being alone for now though. I've got no time to give to another person at the moment.

Same interests, yes.

So I need to find someone interested in:
1. David Archuleta
2. MBTI
3. Dogs

I think the 3rd one is my best bet.

When you said, "and I'm just led to believe everyone is this unreasonable and hostile" I do this quite a bit, I've got to let go though because it's obviously not working.

I also daydream about convos with people, mostly convos with people I haven't met though, and likely will never be friends with.

That's really cool that you have fans. :yes:

I do have a FB, but don't go on much as reading the newsfeed just depresses me and makes me realize how much more everyone else "has a life" than I do.

I also tend to get into comparing when on FB, which also depresses me.

You said, "I basically select certain band members to make friends with." Yes! That's always been my way of trying to make friends (not band members), I first "select" the person, observe them for a while, then eventually approach them. It works better for me that way.

dvdnvwls
11-30-14, 03:13 PM
I [tend to believe everyone is hostile], I've got to let go though because it's obviously not working.
It appears to me that your having Asperger's makes it difficult for you to let go of non-working strategies. You have this excellent habit of

"observe situation -> analyze data -> decide strategy -> act",

but you tend to render that habit ineffective (and even turn it into a disadvantage) by not following it up with

"observe good and bad results of strategy -> analyze new data -> modify strategy -> act differently".

BellaVita
12-01-14, 01:47 AM
It appears to me that your having Asperger's makes it difficult for you to let go of non-working strategies. You have this excellent habit of

"observe situation -> analyze data -> decide strategy -> act",

but you tend to render that habit ineffective (and even turn it into a disadvantage) by not following it up with

"observe good and bad results of strategy -> analyze new data -> modify strategy -> act differently".

That second part confused me.....

I don't get it? Can you give me an example?

dvdnvwls
12-01-14, 03:26 AM
You seem to avoid the step of reviewing the results of your strategies to see if the strategies are working or not.

BellaVita
12-01-14, 04:42 AM
You seem to avoid the step of reviewing the results of your strategies to see if the strategies are working or not.

I still have absolutely zero clue what you're talking about.

Isn't that what I'm doing, by making this thread?

I've reviewed the results, just because I'm not getting good results doesn't mean I'm not reviewing results.

fracturedstory
12-01-14, 08:34 AM
I still have absolutely zero clue what you're talking about.

I never know what he's talking about.

Hey, my bestie today just told me her doctor thinks she might have Asperger's syndrome.

We've already both got ADHD and bipolar in common, why not one more thing?

Plus, dogs are awesome. I know a lot of NTs who are into dogs too. Not like I was as a child. I still know about all the dog breeds.

Lisa_Mac
01-06-15, 07:28 AM
I've made some friends since I've started attending art classes. Still not able to take it beyond the actual class, but it's nice to chat and connect to the same group of people every week. :)

Fortune
01-06-15, 08:19 AM
I never have a lot of friends at any given time. Currently, there are two people I talk to almost daily. One I met through a mutual hobby, and the other I met through a mutual forum, and that friendship was not one I was expecting, although I value it greatly. There's one more person I speak to at least once a week, and I've known him since 1996, when he moved to the same city I lived in and we shared gaming in common.

There are more who are less connected, whom I value but we don't really seek each other out much.

When it comes to maintaining friendships outside of my interests it's hard to keep things up. I can talk about my interests (which include video games, tabletop RPGs, certain television shows, certain movies, psychiatry, autism, etc) forever and I'm fine, and even manage some degree of talk about daily life stuff. But there's a certain skill to maintaining friendships outside of such things that I do not seem to have - or if I do, I have to learn it for each individual person, which may be more nearly accurate.

Not sure if this helps.

BellaVita
01-06-15, 09:46 AM
I never have a lot of friends at any given time. Currently, there are two people I talk to almost daily. One I met through a mutual hobby, and the other I met through a mutual forum, and that friendship was not one I was expecting, although I value it greatly. There's one more person I speak to at least once a week, and I've known him since 1996, when he moved to the same city I lived in and we shared gaming in common.

There are more who are less connected, whom I value but we don't really seek each other out much.

When it comes to maintaining friendships outside of my interests it's hard to keep things up. I can talk about my interests (which include video games, tabletop RPGs, certain television shows, certain movies, psychiatry, autism, etc) forever and I'm fine, and even manage some degree of talk about daily life stuff. But there's a certain skill to maintaining friendships outside of such things that I do not seem to have - or if I do, I have to learn it for each individual person, which may be more nearly accurate.

Not sure if this helps.

That's cool. :)

Same. I can't really hold a conversation with someone who doesn't share at least one of my interests, and they must talk about it.

I suck at keeping friendships with people who DON'T talk about my interests, and I really see no point in trying to maintain a friendship with people who don't anyway.

It helps, it's good for me to see where others come from on this.

Tinatheawesome
01-08-15, 02:29 AM
I had alot of friends in elementary because well, I give them things which I know is not how you make friends. Friends out of playing with them. Friends because they say to hi to me and friends from child development center because they wanted me to stop crying. Has the same name as me. They have to look a specific way too.

Batman55
01-09-15, 01:36 AM
I never have a lot of friends at any given time. Currently, there are two people I talk to almost daily. One I met through a mutual hobby, and the other I met through a mutual forum, and that friendship was not one I was expecting, although I value it greatly.

I value it just as much... :D

Fortune
01-09-15, 04:00 AM
Well played!