View Full Version : Depression eating away at me...


spartan920
12-02-14, 07:35 AM
So to start off, just a few weeks ago, my girlfriend wanted to have a cool-off with me. So now I'm too down to even prioritize my thesis for an upcoming defense. For the past week, I've been reflecting on so many things and have been bumming. I've been thinking a lot about my attitude; how I become self-righteous at times and don't want to lose an argument or how stubborn I am when it comes to criticism, even if it's valid. I feel that my defense always has to be up in arms (ironic isn't it?) if people, including my girlfriend, tell me what to do or correct me, like it's the end of the world. I always want to pick a fight with people I deem a threat to the relationship or my personal space. But in the end, I just look and sound like an idiot because I never listen. This is really frustrating and at the same time, depressing. I wish I had all the answers on how to live life to the fullest even with this disadvantage, maybe everything would have has a better scenario. Even though I try researching on ADHD and how to counter this behavior of mine, I always end up clueless as to how and when to start, because most of the time, distractibility is really high on my end. Sorry if this doesn't relate to depression, but this is just how I feel right now. :(

midnightstar
12-02-14, 10:42 AM
:grouphug: so sorry to hear you're struggling, are you currently on meds?

Fuzzy12
12-02-14, 10:58 AM
Start small and easy. Start with just a single thing that you'd like to change and once you are happy with that go on to the next. It can be overwhelming and confusing trying to prioritise which change is most urgently required so maybe just pick a random one. Or an easy one. E.g. "I will try not to get defensive immediately when criticised but will first think about what I've been told or wait for 10s before I respond", etc. Make it as small and limited as required.

Best of luck for your defense. :grouphug:

spartan920
12-02-14, 11:11 AM
:grouphug: so sorry to hear you're struggling, are you currently on meds?

No I've never taken meds in my entire life, my mother thinks it'll do some bad stuff to my health. But I heard it has benefits countering distractibility and hyperactivity hehe

spartan920
12-02-14, 11:15 AM
Start small and easy. Start with just a single thing that you'd like to change and once you are happy with that go on to the next. It can be overwhelming and confusing trying to prioritise which change is most urgently required so maybe just pick a random one. Or an easy one. E.g. "I will try not to get defensive immediately when criticised but will first think about what I've been told or wait for 10s before I respond", etc. Make it as small and limited as required.

Best of luck for your defense. :grouphug:

Thank you very much for your advice! Much appreciated :) Then I guess I need to start first with controlling my intense emotions whenever unfavorable circumstances come up. I was wondering, do you ever feel like exploding easily?

Fuzzy12
12-02-14, 01:00 PM
Thank you very much for your advice! Much appreciated :) Then I guess I need to start first with controlling my intense emotions whenever unfavorable circumstances come up. I was wondering, do you ever feel like exploding easily?

That's neither small nor easy!! :lol:

At least not for me. Yes, I explode easily. It doesn't happen often but once I start having overwhelming emotions, they overwhelm me extremely quickly.

spartan920
12-03-14, 04:50 AM
That's neither small nor easy!! :lol:

At least not for me. Yes, I explode easily. It doesn't happen often but once I start having overwhelming emotions, they overwhelm me extremely quickly.

Haaay. Talk about disadvantage... That overwhelming feeling of paranoia and anxiety is really something huh.

Fuzzy12
12-04-14, 09:14 AM
Haaay. Talk about disadvantage... That overwhelming feeling of paranoia and anxiety is really something huh.

No, it's not fun!! It's really damaging, both to me and to others. Let me know if you find a way to deal with it!!

Hope you are feeling a bit better again.

spartan920
12-05-14, 10:09 PM
No, it's not fun!! It's really damaging, both to me and to others. Let me know if you find a way to deal with it!!

Hope you are feeling a bit better again.

It really is and because of it, we keep on second-guessing ourselves if we're actually doing the right thing or not, or having low self-esteem. I hope I can find a way bro, to be aware is the first step of the learning process, but it'll take time to re adjust.

Greyhound1
12-05-14, 10:47 PM
It really is and because of it, we keep on second-guessing ourselves if we're actually doing the right thing or not, or having low self-esteem. I hope I can find a way bro, to be aware is the first step of the learning process, but it'll take time to re adjust.

Hey Spartan

You have made several major steps already.
1. You realized it was a real problem.
2. You have now taken ownership of.
3. You are learning and researching ways to improve it.
4. You joined this forum and will learn and benefit so much from the others experiences.

You have made a lot of major steps already and seem to have the drive to improve your condition. I think now you have to develop a mental strategy to become happy. Things like renewing a passion or hobbie or possibly an exciting goal you will be motivated to achieve. You need enjoyable things in your life you can use to escape the agony our minds can put us in. I used to always make the mistake I could think things through and solve my problems. I would listen to my negative and anxious thoughts and only make it worse.

My point is that with depression you need some mental outlets. Overthinking, seconding guessing are related to anxiety/OCD and depression. Escaping the negative narrator inside your head is the key. It's okay and healthy to not listen and avoid thinking about the negative thoughts. Just know that the negative voice you hear in your mind is not you. That is the voice of your anxieties, fears and depression.

Being mindful of your depressive thoughts is vital. You want to recognize them when they happen and have a stimulating happy place in your mind you can immediately attempt to think about and take your mind to.

InvitroCanibal
12-06-14, 12:50 AM
You're not connecting with people for fear of vulnerability

You need to allow yourself to be vulnerable to be happy. To bring yourself back down among the rest of the human race, start recognizing and accepting your own flaws. Recognize you are human and that's okay. You're probably talented in some areas of your life but you're afraid any weaknesses will overshadow that so you become paranoid of any weakness. The weaknesses are your strengths though. The two connect and can't exist without the other. Someone who has adept attention to detail could also be OCD. Take away the ocd and maybe they no longer are as attentive to detail. Just an example. Recognize that everyone has flaws. Start noticing theirs as well as your own, to remind yourself you're not the only imperfect person on earth. When you see how much you have in common with others, only then do you see them as a brother and sister, and only then do you allow yourself to be vulnerable and truly connect with other people.

Good luck

spartan920
12-08-14, 05:12 AM
Hey Spartan

You have made several major steps already.
1. You realized it was a real problem.
2. You have now taken ownership of.
3. You are learning and researching ways to improve it.
4. You joined this forum and will learn and benefit so much from the others experiences.

You have made a lot of major steps already and seem to have the drive to improve your condition. I think now you have to develop a mental strategy to become happy. Things like renewing a passion or hobbie or possibly an exciting goal you will be motivated to achieve. You need enjoyable things in your life you can use to escape the agony our minds can put us in. I used to always make the mistake I could think things through and solve my problems. I would listen to my negative and anxious thoughts and only make it worse.

My point is that with depression you need some mental outlets. Overthinking, seconding guessing are related to anxiety/OCD and depression. Escaping the negative narrator inside your head is the key. It's okay and healthy to not listen and avoid thinking about the negative thoughts. Just know that the negative voice you hear in your mind is not you. That is the voice of your anxieties, fears and depression.

Being mindful of your depressive thoughts is vital. You want to recognize them when they happen and have a stimulating happy place in your mind you can immediately attempt to think about and take your mind to.

Yeah, glad I found this website so that I could be a part of something bigger and really feel like I belong. Well, drawing's both a hobby and a passion of mine so I guess that could also be a mental outlet. But at some point, I think I may have abused this mental outlet because someone close to me got mad about it before and told me that I should do what I preach to myself. The thing is, whenever I promise to myself that I'll try to do better or change for the better, it just so happens that I forget it instantly, like after a day or two. It's frustrating to feel like you haven't fulfilled that self-imposed promise mainly because of the short term memory... it makes me look like a fake and a hypocrite at times.

picard
04-12-15, 03:27 PM
you do need antidepressant. ask your psychiatrist for the right meds.
the second thing you might need to do is get testosterone supplement. you only take it if your energy level is low all the time. Testoserone will restore you energy.

rickymooston
04-13-15, 09:32 PM
At this point, it sounds like you need to focus on your defense and go into damage control mode. I've had similar relationship issues by the way. Long story

I'm not sure how to deal with your girl friend long term but you will be in a better position to get her back if you succeed in your defense. Women tend to prefer their partners to be successful. ;). Damage control

Cooling off doesn't mean breaking up. This is what damage control is about. You want to get your defense done but try not to have the rest of your life go to hell doing that. If you can get food outside without having your place messier that's better for example. :confused:

It is the wrong time to research your ADHD; that is your ADHD trying to seduce you away from your thesis! Believe me, this, I know. I'd do it too. Big time. Truth is, you will accomplishing nothing by "researching your ADHD now" because finding solutions you don't already know,


To deal with your defense, it's probably o.k. to temporarily immerse yourself in the topic at hand, your thesis. This stuff has to be massively interesting. Let's be honest, you got ther e with your ADHD, because part of you loves this stuff. :)

About the depression? I can't give you medical advice about whether you need anti-depression medication or not. Only your doctor can, i assume, if you give her/him honest information? Obviously, lots of people here have experienced clinical depression but the consequences of ADHD can cause non-clinical depression too. I have had my share becuse i've underachieved lots and had lots of relationship problems like "not listening", etc.

GeordieDave
04-21-15, 12:50 PM
Hey dude, welcome to the forums! I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. This place amazing for support, so it's a good start on your healing process!

For advice, I'll just be repeating what others have said so I won't ramble on too much... However keeping yourself busy, working on yourself, focusing on a hobbie and career and eating healthy and staying active, go out with friends, spend time with family etc.. Is the best way to get over someone. imo.