View Full Version : Anxiety induced by new relationships?

12-08-14, 07:12 PM
Does anyone else find that the uncertainty of a new relationship triggers your anxiety? I've been seeing a new guy and things are great, but the longer we date without it being "official", the more I find myself getting panicky when I don't hear from him. I have attached way too much emotional importance to him way too early in the relationship.

It's also getting worse the older I get, because I feel like time is running out. (I'm 32 and desperately want to have kids.) When I was young, I was so much more independent and stood my ground in relationships. I didn't live and die by them like I feel I'm doing now.

Now, I feel like I've become the stereotype of the desperate single woman in her 30s.

I know this behavior can doom a relationship, yet I can't seem to stop. The last guy I dated broke up with me because I scared him off with my intensity. I know you should be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. But this goes beyond that. Who isn't going to be scared off by a girl who is emotionally unstable, clingy, paranoid, and needs constant reassurance? It's just a red flag and a turn-off, especially when you're supposed to be in the early, lighthearted stage.

I really like this guy and don't want to screw it up, but I just don't know what to do to protect my own feelings/interests, not go crazy, and not doom the relationship before it has a fighting chance.

12-08-14, 07:20 PM
Yeah, I can relate.

Have you asked him if you two are in a relationship yet?

Or at least can you figure how serious he is?

I'm not sure if it'll help you feel any better, but my aunt went through something similar. She finally got married at age 40. But it was worth it, and she said it was worth the long wait, because he's the love of her life. :)

She now has two kids.

I can also be clingy, emotionally unstable, paranoid, and need constant reassurance.

Thankfully I found a man who is pretty similar as me, just as clingy. :o

12-09-14, 03:27 PM
No, I plan to ask to "DTR" (determine the relationship) as soon as possible. But, I fear that with my recent, somewhat nutty behavior, he's already feeling a little overwhelmed.

The real problem is that I'm used to seeing him almost every day, and the past 3-4 days, he has made up one excuse after the other to avoid seeing me. This is my perspective on things - MAYBE he had a legit reason or two in there for actually being unavailable. :rolleyes: But it's like each day, I pin all my "good feelings" on whether or not I'm going to be able to see him. Then, when I find out I can't, I get mad, upset, suspicious, paranoid ... in a word - crazy.

I just hate anxiety and all its many stupid, stupid faces.

Thank you for the kind words though :) And I'm glad to hear there is hope for us 30-something singles.

12-15-14, 07:56 AM
In my case, this past relationship I was in, brought on triggers for early stage chron's disease.