I have basically experienced this all my life - just always blamed it as a quirk on my part, until I was diagnosed with ADD.

I am good for about 10 minutes of listening to something interesting. I am good for about 5 minutes of listening to something that is not interesting. After that, I feel mentally overwhelmed, desperate to get away to think my own thoughts. and completely stressed - to the point I have to be by myself without sound to let my head clear.

Having company over or being invited to dinner at someone's house is a real stressor for me and something I try to avoid the best I can. The thought of being trapped with all that yakking just sends me into a panic.

Anyone else? Lost and Found

I can relate. I deffinately not a socialite.

It doens't send me into a panic though. Just wears on me.

I relate too, but I've also additionally had a tendency to jump into the middle of the conversation with my own thoughts, earning me a reputation for being rude and interruptive. It's why I avoid social situations unless it's with people who already know me and either understand or are willing to overlook my differences.

I have to wear my ADD like a shield sometimes. "This is how I am and sometimes things happen. I'm not rude or impolite, and if you give me a chance to apologize, I will. If you can't accept it, then you go your way and I'll go mine."

Lost and Found: It's funny because you begin your post in Bold with "Does Everyone Talk Too Much"? and I think the key to all this lies in the answer to THAT question which is unfortunately YES. I consider myself a very social person, enjoy listening and talking, learning about others' experiences, etc. But I'm with you, after about 5 minutes of a totally uninteresting topic, I want to run and in fact I start to resent that person, especially if I did not "invite" that person to be heard. I seem to give off non-verbal cues to people of being the ultimate "listener". So people will just start spouting off their mouths to me for what seems like an eternity. And people pleaser that I am, I let them ramble....It happened just the other day, in fact. I'm at this buffet type of event..and this lady in line with me -- I just say "hi" and next thing I know and 15 minutes later - I'm still listening to her sob story....meanwhile my plate filled with food is getting cold....does she even realize this??? NOOOOO(ARGH).....

So does everybody talk too much??? YES:(

Wow! you guys can make it 5 minutes!? I cannot even make it 3 minutes before I start to go nuts. I don't really panic or avoid situations though. If I start interrupting someone a lot I just apologize and tell them that I am ADD and am not intentionally being rude. Plus, I have a tendency to have ADD friends with me. Sometimes though like FtLaud said, you just have to tell people you cannot help it and if it really bothers them then, ' you go your way and I'll go mine.'

Originally posted by joanrdtobe
I consider myself a very social person, enjoy listening and talking, learning about others' experiences, etc. But I'm with you, after about 5 minutes of a totally uninteresting topic, I want to run and in fact I start to resent that person, especially if I did not "invite" that person to be heard.

Joan, I completely relate to this. I work around some WONDERFUL peeps (job sucks, but at least [not all] the people suck too), but if I'm working on something--job related or personal or whatever--and someone interrupts me with some inane comment or worse, wants to start a conversation about some bland topic, I get reeeeally annoyed. I am VERY aware of this reaction when it happens, and I put a lot of effort into NOT offending the other person(s) with any negative body language from me, because Lord KNOWS I've interrupted others' work and/or talked others' ears off SEVERAL times on subjects that surely weren't very gripping to them (especially if I was inflicting some self-absorbed diatribe on them).

Whereas most people would probably instictively stop their activity (or ask if the speaker could wait a few minutes so they could get to a good stopping point), turn to the speaker and make eye contact, look interested and/or ask interested questions and NOT glance at the computer screen, start messing with the mouse or even typing...I have to consciously think out in my mind the commands in sentence format to do (or NOT do) those things. Guess this is one of my problems related to hyperfocusing--and mood swings! Sometimes I welcome the interruption!

Hmm. This an interesting discussion. When it comes to listening, I find that I need breaks. In a conversation, I find I need to stop the other person often and add a comment or a rebuttal. I explain it to them usually by saying that I have a terrible short term memmory and will not be able to contribute much if I need to wait long. Frankly, I only feel I need to interrupt because the speaker is either wrong or on a tangent. I sense this very quickly and feel that I must intervene so as not to waste time discussing something later that may be in part supported by the thing which is erroneous now. Consquently I find that people are "afraid" to talk around me, they feel that I will pounce on them if they err. I'm just trying to make sure that the conversation is optimized.

As for speaking, I find that I'm either to brief or too long winded. As above it's related to my desire to make sure that the conversation does not contain non-essential information (too brief) or does not leave assumptions open to interpretation (too long winded). I find it absolutely maddening, enraging even when someone asks me a question and tunes out in the middle of it. I take great care in formulating my answers to meet that persons attention and comprehension span because of my reaction to their tuning out. Still I find that some people are unsatisfied by the short answer so they persue the long one (even though I know they won't last).

I feel people don't have faith in me. They hear the occasional (very occasional) smart thing out of my mouth and mistrust it. Sort of like saying "If he is smart enough to know/understand that, then why isn't his station in life better? It must follow that what he's saying is wrong." I'd accept this kind of thinking if I wasn't right so much.

P.S. I must say I feel very uncomfortable saying the above. It makes me sound egotistical (perhaps ?). I'm just trying to express to you my perceptions. I really try to be a humble person. I hope you all understand, and won't judge me too much.

Originally posted by why

P.S. I must say I feel very uncomfortable saying the above. It makes me sound egotistical (perhaps ?). I'm just trying to express to you my perceptions. I really try to be a humble person. I hope you all understand, and won't judge me too much.

No judgments from me! I understand where you're coming from. It sounds like you and my father have very similar communication styles and philosophies. [Inherited ADHD from him, but he's still in denial.] After reading your post I remembered that I had wanted to mention something about my memories of Dad's long-windedness absolutely infuriating me as I was growing up. Naturally, I was quite humbled when I recognized the same trait in myself. ;)

Not to be antagonistic, but I object to your statement about the "very occasional" descriptor of statements coming out of your mouth...oh, puh-leeeeze!!! ;) There sure seems to be a lot of smart stuff coming out of your keyboard! :D It's just quite difficult for me to imagine there being a dearth of intelligent things coming out of your mouth based on the thought and wisdom evident behind what you say and how you communicate in your previous posts. You said you take great care in formulating your answers to people. I acknowledge that it can sometimes be difficult/frustrating to put a voice to our intelligent thoughts, but please don't bash yourself because of that difficulty/frustration. If people truly base their assessments of the veracity of what you have to say on your situation in life, then are their assessments truly valid? Are you certain they mistrust what you say/lack faith in you because your "situation in life" isn't better? Or are you projecting your feelings onto them?

I'm afraid I'm sounding like I'm ripping into you and your perceptions of the conversations you have. Please believe me that I'm not trying to do that--maybe I have perceived some of your statements incorrectly; if so, please set me straight! :)

i feel sorry for my son sometimes...hes 10 and asks 1000000's of questions and its so hard for me to concentrate - i just explain to him that sometimes mom just gets overwhelmed with my 100000000's of thoughts in my head plus all his questions - im so lucky hes a great kid....

juliek

No, no. I think you are very astute in your observations. You may be exactly right when you say that my "perceptions" are projections of my own feelings. To be honest I've never really thought about it in these terms. I just wonder then, what is it about me that causes people to dismiss my words and opinions so easily?

I usually shirk the responsibility of leadership, but also usually end up with it when it becomes obvious that no one else steps up to the plate, or when it becomes painfully obvious that leadership by committee is taking us no where. So it is intensly annoying when I accept the burden that my decisions are so unpalatable to my peers. I even adjusted to this behaviour by ensuring that I have sufficient evidence (to back up my choices) in advance (hence wordiness, being long winded) - yet it is still very difficult.

Perhaps my inability to inspire confidence lies in my avoidance of arrogance... Perhaps I come accross as being unsure of myself? Perhaps my attempts at humility (which are always genuine!) are being perceived as being false, which in itself creates resentment (false modesty being such an abhorrent trait)? Regardless of the cause, this sense of mistrust or lack of confidence, is making very self-conscious and tends to create anxiety and depression.

So, having said that (and returning back to the original idea) perhaps I am trying to compensate for the above by trying hard for success. However, being hampered by my natural ADD tendencies, success is very slow in coming; which in itself leads to further anxiety, low self esteem and depression...

Sheesh, perhaps that's a bit over-the-top. Needless to say, thanks for pointing out that some of my "observations" of others may actually be projections of my own feelings. I'll try to be more aware of that from here on in. See, this thread already has created positive results!

Why: I have a question for you.....When you talk to people, what are your facial expressions like? and your voice tones? and what is your body language saying? Do THESE inspire confidence and trust? Your struggle may have nothing to do with the words you actually use to convey your thoughts and opinions......The other stuff I mention here has EVERYTHING to do with how people come across to others/how you come across....and if trust is able to be established. How do you look at people when you speak? (with empathy and compassion, hopefully? and with sincere interest?) How is your voice tone? (not too loud, not too soft??) You may wish to think about this stuff......Because unfortunately in your path to being successful....and I suspect you know this already....your path to being successful is not going to compensate for the "lack" you feel having these other struggles....In fact these other struggles may hamper your ability to achieve the success you seek.....TOO BAD WE CAN'T SEE/HEAR YOU AS YOU WRITE:D

Originally posted by why
I just wonder then, what is it about me that causes people to dismiss my words and opinions so easily?

Perhaps it's not about you; perhaps it's about them...and their insecurities about being in the presence of someone of your intelligence. It's ok to own your "issues/stuff;" it's not ok to own their "issues/stuff."

Originally posted by why
I usually shirk the responsibility of leadership, but also usually end up with it when it becomes obvious that no one else steps up to the plate, or when it becomes painfully obvious that leadership by committee is taking us no where. So it is intensly annoying when I accept the burden that my decisions are so unpalatable to my peers. I even adjusted to this behaviour by ensuring that I have sufficient evidence (to back up my choices) in advance (hence wordiness, being long winded) - yet it is still very difficult.

I'm the same way...leadership involves commitment, and I have commitment issues. Yet you bet I'll step up if no one else does, and usually end up doing so because I get so bored waiting for SOMEthing to happen, and I've been ready to move on! :p

And it would pi$$ me off too if my peers griped and sniped about decisions that I made when they had the exact same opportunity to have an influence on a situation but instead chose to sit back and fall ill to an infection of "not my job syndrome." It sounds to me like when you're put in these situations, you do everything you can to present valid, factually sound decisions. Unless you're putting off antagonizing or other negative body language as you deliver these decisions, if your peers get all pi$$y on you, those are their issues and not yours. The politics of dealing with people just blows chunks, man.

[i]Originally posted by why
Perhaps my inability to inspire confidence lies in my avoidance of arrogance... Perhaps I come accross as being unsure of myself? Perhaps my attempts at humility (which are always genuine!) are being perceived as being false, which in itself creates resentment (false modesty being such an abhorrent trait)? Regardless of the cause, this sense of mistrust or lack of confidence, is making very self-conscious and tends to create anxiety and depression.

I think these are possibilities that would be good for you to ponder. Introspection is very healing.

We do teach people how to treat us. As ADDers, though, we are notoriously poor self-observers. If you are coming across as lacking confidence and extremely self-conscious, people will generally treat you accordingly...with a dismissive demeanor, as if you were invisible, a waste of space...pick your terms, or they'll avoid you altogether because they don't know how to deal with someone who thinks of themselves in that way. Perhaps you could discuss how others truly perceive you with a trusted friend or colleague.... We just never know how others perceive us--we're not wired to pick up on those cues. I've been blown away by some of the stuff people have told me about their perceptions of me--both positive and negative.

Originally posted by why
...being hampered by my natural ADD tendencies, success is very slow in coming; which in itself leads to further anxiety, low self esteem and depression...

It seems to me that we each must find out who we are, ADD and all, and THEN come the hard parts...ACCEPTING what we learn about ourselves...changing, eliminating, or at least managing the qualities in us we find but don't want (if possible)...and, finally, moving towards becoming the person we are meant to be---a v-e-e-e-e-r-r-r-r-y slow, non-linear process by Design (of course!). I'm in a similar cycle of anxiety/low s-e/depression to yours (I suspect many Forum Members are, too), but I am able to take courage and comfort (right at this moment, that is...ADD mood pendulum could swing violently at any unannounced moment) in reflecting on where I was a year ago at this time...or even a month, week, or day ago!

Thank you, Why, for being so willing to open up on these Forums. Somewhere else on this Forum I mentioned going through a personal growth program founded by Dr. Phil (1994, many years before my Dx...often wonder who different my experience would have been had I known I was ADD....). In it, the participants "play" different types of games related to helping them identify what and learn how to accomplish what they want from their lives. The people who got in there and bared their issues and participated wholeheartedly in the process (the "games") were said to be "playing hard." I think you play hard, and I appreciate it and think it's awesome!

One more thought (damn, girl! shut up already!). It's actually quoteworthy (if you're twisted in just the right way), and I just made it up: Just because a person is so very obviously spewing pure, unadulterated B.S. does NOT mean you have to go up and step in it.

cagal - know what you mean! My son, who is ADD, asks me questions like that too! Especially right when I get home from work. Our conversation is alittle like this:

Me: Hi Chr-
Chris: Mom, Can I show you my computer character?
Me: -is, In a second, I have to -
Chris: Its really cool, it has-
Me: -put my stuff-
Chris: -a cool sword and sheild, and-
Me: -away in the bedroom first. Wait-
Chris: and magical armor, and he knows-
Me: - a minute, stop-
Chris: -all kinds of spells, you-
Me: -interrupting, Chris! Wait-
Chris: cancastlightspells-protectionspells-damagespells-youshouldseeallthecool things.....

see? ;)

Kassie: WHAT A RIOT!! Two totally different conversations intertwined around each other:) So adorable....Here's what you said...just so you know you were heard by US:)

Hi Chris. In a second. I have to put my stuff away in the bedroom first. Wait a minute. Stop interrupting. Chris, wait.

This has been a super post that has touched on a lot of very serious issues

I can relate to so many of them

I have two things to put forward on this.

1. is there any of us out here in ADD land who has the ability to take words such as this and put it together in a readable format, that could be given to an ADDer that suffers from "Foot in The Mouth Disease" so that it would be easy reading and comical at the same time.

(smooch please correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to be able to take the entire post and break it down into small bite size digestable chunks. There is a ton of invaluble info that flows from some of these posts but after a while the posts fizzle out and we move on to other areas. It is just such a shame that we can't pool our our experences and put them into a ADD book.

Kate Kelly and Peggy Rumano did well with there books as to making them easy to read

You Mean Im not Lazy Crazy or Stupid and The ADDed Dimension )

2. I forgot what the second thing was as I was typing away on #1

3. Now I remember " How many of you guys have ever been in the room with another ADDer (or more than one other ADDer)where you both are living on the same wavelength at that particular time.

ie: where the two of you can have 4 or 5 or 6 different conversations (topics) all going at the same time and be totally in tune with each different tangent.

My ADD friend comes over with his non ADD wife and the two of us get going and his non ADD wife and my non ADD wife just sit back and shake there heads as they don't even try to keep up to us.

Dealing with linear thinkers in these situation is very trying and hard but when I get together with ADDers and were brainstorming the energy that can flow from those situations is very intense.

Originally posted by Garry Lawton
1. is there any of us out here in ADD land who has the ability to take words such as this and put it together in a readable format, that could be given to an ADDer that suffers from "Foot in The Mouth Disease" so that it would be easy reading and comical at the same time.

I don't have an answer for you, but for anyone that's into the big-budget foreign films, there's a scene from Amelie wherein she fantasizes about always having a prompter nearby whispering to her so she could come up with a snappy comeback every time she needed

I so related to that scene

-Cary

"Why is it when help is so readily available, we all too often choose to walk alone? To save my own life, I will ask for help today."

Originally posted by FtLaudWolf
I relate too, but I've also additionally had a tendency to jump into the middle of the conversation with my own thoughts, earning me a reputation for being rude and interruptive. It's why I avoid social situations unless it's with people who already know me and either understand or are willing to overlook my differences.

I have to wear my ADD like a shield sometimes. "This is how I am and sometimes things happen. I'm not rude or impolite, and if you give me a chance to apologize, I will. If you can't accept it, then you go your way and I'll go mine."

This is one of our major reasons that linear thinkers have such a hard time to accept us. I like you FtLaudWolf find myself in this situation quite often.

I have absulutly no problem when someone pipes up and says to me that "I'm interupting or running on with verbal diarea"

I respect that that person is honest enough to stand up and say something.

Its the other people that "Cast Judgment about me" or "form an Opinion " of which they very quickly spread that opionion around to any body else they talk to about it

But they Dont have the Balls to Tell you to your Face"



I have always lived by the rule

" Feel Free To Call Me An A**Hole to my Face, but be prepared to tell me WHY"

If I am not aware something is broken or wrong, " Then I can't FIX IT"

By the way FtLaudWolf

I think your dog needs a drink

hes been walking for days now and I haven't seen him take a drink anywhere

Oh so nice to see all of your replys! And I relate to many - however, all of you seem to express yourselves so well which is something I never seem able to do. Unless I get myself on a roll and that seems to just click on and click off without my control. I do, however, seem to be drawn to other people with ADD and now that I look back over my life I suspect alot of the people that I have had relationships that just fell into place with also had ADD.

Okay, ditto on the interrupting, I just can't wait for anyone to fiiinnniiisssshhhhh, plus as quickly as I jump into the conversation I also quickly jump right back out and go along my merry way.

Always say the wrong thing - I just seem to have the knack of insulting people and the minute it comes out of my mouth I know I have done it again! Lost and Found

Thank you, Joan :D

All my sisters and I are ADHD.... imagine 4 conversations going at once and we understand each other... creapy. Alas when speaking to a non-ADDer the poor souls get so lost! ;)
Yes this can be fun at times but when its work or important its so....hard.....to.....slow.....down....my.....spee ch.....!!!!!

Thanks for your thoughts, Smooch! It is very kind of you to listen this intently to my hand-wringing. I just want you and the rest of the folks here to know, that I very much apreciate the thoughts and wishes and fully intend on acting on them.

I am very happy to share with you all. I think these conversations will be very beneficial and I will try hard to contribute so I may return the favour. Cheers.

I had a conversation with a friend one night where we were both on different topics, but our answers could apply to each topic. apparantly(we were both semi-drunk), we were talking for about 3 hours, and both conversations finished at the same time. When they stopped, we had about 10 people watching and listening, as they couldn't figure out how we could both be off in la-la land, but be somehow be in the same conversation at once.

Nowdays, I've taught myself forced listening, and don't get into long conversations. Socialising is quite restricted, but at the same time, i've learn't to demonstrate my value via my actions rather than my words. Requires less social interaction, hard to argue with facts, don't need long conversations, and don't wander off on 5+ minute conversations.

Sleepz.

Originally posted by LostandFound
Having company over or being invited to dinner at someone's house is a real stressor for me and something I try to avoid the best I can. The thought of being trapped with all that yakking just sends me into a panic.

This is so me !

The most surprising thing I've found at this site are others who explain feelings and behavors they have that I have. I've either not had the words to describe or just thought it was some kind of weird personality thing I had going ....lol...

Most of my life I've been painfully shy. Wouldn't say a word around most people, never ever started a conversation let alone join in on one. I started being a chatter box at about 33, 34. Not sure why, I think I was just a late bloomer....lol...

Originally posted by Garry Lawton
How many of you guys have ever been in the room with another ADDer (or more than one other ADDer)where you both are living on the same wavelength at that particular time.where the two of you can have 4 or 5 or 6 different conversations (topics) all going at the same time and be totally in tune with each different tangent. My ADD friend comes over with his non ADD wife and the two of us get going and his non ADD wife and my non ADD wife just sit back and shake there heads as they don't even try to keep up to us.

This is so funny to read!......While talking I've looked over at my husband who will have the strangest look on his face of disbelief while he watches and listens to me talking to other ADDers....lol...

When we're with his friends and family(Non-ADDers) I hardly say a word. I know they don't like the way I talk. If I say something wrong(what I call backwards),interrupt, talk too fast or too loud, I get " the look" ....

Originally posted by Garry Lawton
This has been a super post that has touched on a lot of very serious issues

I can relate to so many of them

I have two things to put forward on this.

1. is there any of us out here in ADD land who has the ability to take words such as this and put it together in a readable format, that could be given to an ADDer that suffers from "Foot in The Mouth Disease" so that it would be easy reading and comical at the same time.

(smooch please correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to be able to take the entire post and break it down into small bite size digestable chunks. There is a ton of invaluble info that flows from some of these posts but after a while the posts fizzle out and we move on to other areas. It is just such a shame that we can't pool our our experences and put them into a ADD book.

Kate Kelly and Peggy Rumano did well with there books as to making them easy to read

You Mean Im not Lazy Crazy or Stupid and The ADDed Dimension )

Garry, thank you so much for your affirmation of me--I take it as a HUGE compliment! :D I would be totally jazzed and honored to tackle developing such a special project---like a gift from all you Forum Members to all ADDers. Dude, you have no idea the energy and excitement for this concept that is zipping through me right now!

I would appreciate any feedback on this concept from everyone, especially the Site Admins as there may be legal/copyright issues I'm not aware of yet....

But isn't it great now to find out that there are more of us that are the same. And were non judgmental toward each other with regards to our rambling.

this site has been such a blessing to me as it hasn't helped my social life any but at least I know that Im not alone.

Originally posted by smooch


I would be totally jazzed and honored to tackle developing such a special project---like a gift from all you Forum Members to all ADDers. Dude, you have no idea the energy and excitement for this concept that is zipping through me right now!

I would appreciate any feedback on this concept from everyone, especially the Site Admins as there may be legal/copyright issues I'm not aware of yet....

I personally think it would be a great idea....of course you would need permission from David, the site owner, and it would need to be discussed amongst Andrew, the site administrator and of course Tara and the others......and permission, etc. granted from all "contributors"....but in the meantime, now that you have the idea in your head Smooch, I wouldn't let it go.....

you have my blessings smooch and any help I can be, just let me know.

MM

I'm with everybody in this thread.

I literally cannot STAND to listen to people talking when I am not interested. I fell asleep in Accounting and Visual Basic classes in college (and this is a 31 year old man talking). My wife and I have fought because I HATE going to her relatives place... because I always fall asleep during their conversations. They think I am being rude, but their words just bore into my skull and shut down my brain and I can't force myself to stay awake...

The opposite is true of somethign I am interested in. I can watch a 8 hour marathon of my favourite show, or play Civilization that long, or read an entire (good) novel in one sitting.

Originally posted by smooch


Garry, thank you so much for your affirmation of me--I take it as a HUGE compliment! :D I would be totally jazzed and honored to tackle developing such a special project---like a gift from all you Forum Members to all ADDers. Dude, you have no idea the energy and excitement for this concept that is zipping through me right now!

I would appreciate any feedback on this concept from everyone, especially the Site Admins as there may be legal/copyright issues I'm not aware of yet....

Smooch, I am an author as well, let me know if I can be of any assistance to you.

Thanks to all y'all who've supported this idea so far. :) I look forward to hearing more from other Members.

Joan, do you recommend I initiate contact/discussion with David, et al.? I realize this concept was hatched within the last 24 hours, and the "Powers That Be" (PTBs) most likely haven't even caught wind of it yet.... Just trying to figure out logistics and all....

I'm hving an ADD moment...:rolleyes:

What are you all referring to regarding smooch ?

I'm sorry....

Well you certanly would have my blessing and support

But I want an autographed copy of the first edition Grin

Originally posted by fasttalkingmom
I'm hving an ADD moment...:rolleyes:

What are you all referring to regarding smooch ?

I'm sorry....

They are referring to this:

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Garry Lawton
This has been a super post that has touched on a lot of very serious issues

I can relate to so many of them

I have two things to put forward on this.

1. is there any of us out here in ADD land who has the ability to take words such as this and put it together in a readable format, that could be given to an ADDer that suffers from "Foot in The Mouth Disease" so that it would be easy reading and comical at the same time.

(smooch please correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to be able to take the entire post and break it down into small bite size digestable chunks. There is a ton of invaluble info that flows from some of these posts but after a while the posts fizzle out and we move on to other areas. It is just such a shame that we can't pool our our experences and put them into a ADD book.

Kate Kelly and Peggy Rumano did well with there books as to making them easy to read

You Mean Im not Lazy Crazy or Stupid and The ADDed Dimension )

Originally posted by smooch


Joan, do you recommend I initiate contact/discussion with David, et al.? I realize this concept was hatched within the last 24 hours, and the "Powers That Be" (PTBs) most likely haven't even caught wind of it yet.... Just trying to figure out logistics and all....


YES....recomend Private Message Tara (livingwithadd) and Private Message Andrew (Big) first and go from there.....(ya know Smooch, share with them all the dialogues that has been going on here, your ideas, etc.......and then they will have a committee meeting about it with other administrators....)

This card isn't real pretty, but it's handy and will fit right in your wallet.

Good one FtLaudWolf

I love it

I probally would have been a little more unreserved in the last line

"and my window of focus has just passed."

would have been more like

" and Im getting very bored with your ramblings"

Grin

{not really } Just what I'd like to tell a lot of people

Hey FtLaudWolf
Can I call you just plain wolf

Im a real lazy typer

FtLaudWolf: I LOVE your card AND your quote....TOO...:)

Gary: "Wolfie" will do...ts'what my friends call me.

Joan: The quote's mine, thanks... I love making words. Now if I could get back into finishing the story that has a deadline of September 1st....

And I think I have to make up a bunch of those cards for myself...I've got a party I'm going to tomorrow and they'll be perfect. Of course I have to pretty 'em up first.

k Wolfie

enjoy the party

Originally posted by FtLaudWolf


Joan: The quote's mine, thanks... I love making words.




REALLY!!! I LOVE quotes...collecting them, etc...but never wrote any of my own...but that one is DEEP and I so agree....by the way...it is humble to ask for help...that is why I agree....I invite you to share any other quotes with us that are original.....:)

My quote:

There's an exception to every rule, except this one. :D :D :D

Originally posted by Paul S
My quote:

There's an exception to every rule, except this one. :D :D :D VERY GOOD:)

'Ich bin nie anderen Menschen zu messen genesen' - ' It has never been possible to measure me in terms of other human beings.' - Else Lasker-shuler

I think they german is right. It has been a long time.
MM

OOh! I just remembered another one that is a favorite: "Genius is mainly an affair of energy." Matthew Harold

Me, on being a writer with ADD (applies to homework, etc. as well):

It's 10% inspiration, and 90% constipation.

Excellent thread!

I can relate to just about everything everyone has posted.

1) Regarding my own conversational style, it is "all or nothing". I'm either trying to look interested or I am blathering a mile a minute about 15 or so topics (usually when I forget myself).

2) As far as other people's perceptions, I frequently am floored by my wife when I confess to being nervous meeting a new group of people, and she says "Why? Everybody seems to like you"

3) Foot-in-mouth-disease: my term for it is "exploding conversations". This is why I spend most of my socializing biting my scarred and swollen tongue.

4) I think just about everyone posting here has been pretty expressive; I think imaginativeness is one of our virtuous "side-effects". I also note that most of my favorite AD/HD self-help books are written by AD/HDs themselves. I've come to the conclusion that AD/HDs are good at (written) explanations because they have to make it very readable for themselves. That means no-nonsense writing and getting to the point, cheerfulness, lots of examples and illustrations....

Phew! 'Nuff Said.


Ken

Originally posted by Paul S
Me, on being a writer with ADD (applies to homework, etc. as well):

It's 10% inspiration, and 90% constipation.

That's a lot of constipation....I recommend a diet high in soluble fiber and lots of fluids.....:) That should get the juices flowing, literally and figuratively:)

Hee hee! Potty humor--too funny!

Grin good one Joan

want to work on lowering my colesteral for me

Okay - I can SOOO relate to this stuff. I can't remember anymore what I read on page 2 or 3, but it was RIGHT ON. (I'll go back and look later.) :)

I had a question though (if I can remember) ---

oh, I remember now - these posts reminded me of something I had to go through as a child and I thought maybe it was related & wondered if anyone else had a similar experience.

At one point in elementary school (upper grades) I got sent off to see the speech therapist for a year or 2 to work on slowing down my speech.

Evidently, somebody (teacher?) thought I was speaking too fast for somebody's comfort and tried to teach me to speak slower. I can't say that it helped, when I get excited I still start rambling, only pausing for breath, occasionally.

In retrospect - it sort of annoys me that I had to go DO that, cause I could never see the purpose of slowing down my speech, I don't know how much better I got about it, if anything, nowadays I have trouble with inventing new words because my mind works faster than I can speak, or it won't be able to decide on 2 different words - and it will come out as a combination of the two. So I end up stumbling over my words sometimes because I can't quite get them out the right way.

Makes me wonder if this is really related to the ADD, and if so, it's too bad no one recognized it (or several other signs I could mention) and helped me develop some strategies for the problems I was really having, instead of the speech therapy, psych therapy for whatever emotional problems they thought I was having. I had problems - but not until I was an adult, have I finally, really gotten some of the help I needed and worked on my issues - no one ever really saw the other problems for what they were.

Okay - sorry - I realize I've rambled off topic - oops! (or wait - is this a sign I talk too much? ;) ) I love a captive audience :)

I talk a million words a minute too... I think it is an ADD thing, a lot of us think a lot faster than we talk. I think that is the problem with many of us who do have speech issues as well.

Up to a certain point, I talked very quickly, then, maybe around 13, slowed down a lot (to a fairly 'normal' speed). Perhaps this would correspond to the time when those who think AD/HD is just a developmental (paediatric or child's) disorder imagine it goes. It doesn't of course (well, maybe it does for some), just goes underground (well, not really, but for the really thick-skinned...) - in my case from ADHD to ADD probably.

What I meant to say was that my speech slowing down was, despite having some advantages, in many ways I think not such a good thing. If talking slower than you think is already a problem (by the way, let's face it, most people would say they think faster than they talk - it's just perhaps more intense, and in any case more of a problem, for the ADDer), it can only get worse when you have to slow down.

But I can still write garbled (wheeze).

I quoted your whole thing...

discreprencies drive me nuts.

Socially tolerating long erroneous paths drives me nuts.

A social manuver was onced described to me as "Help him unload his wagon, then tell him what the truth is." The truth, to often, is that the wagon needs to remain loaded. i cannot bear to do this.

What joy do "normal' people take in rehersing their errors, all the way to the end? I'd NEVER want to be humilated that way. Normal people REQUIRE it!

David


Originally posted by why
Hmm. This an interesting discussion. When it comes to listening, I find that I need breaks. In a conversation, I find I need to stop the other person often and add a comment or a rebuttal. I explain it to them usually by saying that I have a terrible short term memmory and will not be able to contribute much if I need to wait long. Frankly, I only feel I need to interrupt because the speaker is either wrong or on a tangent. I sense this very quickly and feel that I must intervene so as not to waste time discussing something later that may be in part supported by the thing which is erroneous now. Consquently I find that people are "afraid" to talk around me, they feel that I will pounce on them if they err. I'm just trying to make sure that the conversation is optimized.

As for speaking, I find that I'm either to brief or too long winded. As above it's related to my desire to make sure that the conversation does not contain non-essential information (too brief) or does not leave assumptions open to interpretation (too long winded). I find it absolutely maddening, enraging even when someone asks me a question and tunes out in the middle of it. I take great care in formulating my answers to meet that persons attention and comprehension span because of my reaction to their tuning out. Still I find that some people are unsatisfied by the short answer so they persue the long one (even though I know they won't last).

I feel people don't have faith in me. They hear the occasional (very occasional) smart thing out of my mouth and mistrust it. Sort of like saying "If he is smart enough to know/understand that, then why isn't his station in life better? It must follow that what he's saying is wrong." I'd accept this kind of thinking if I wasn't right so much.

P.S. I must say I feel very uncomfortable saying the above. It makes me sound egotistical (perhaps ?). I'm just trying to express to you my perceptions. I really try to be a humble person. I hope you all understand, and won't judge me too much.

I'm sorry David, I'm not sure I fully understood your post. Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you saying that you'd preffer to be corrected rather than persue a dead end? That's the way I feel. If I'm way out there, I don't mind if others bring me down to earth, or correcting my misconceptions. I'd rather be right than be humored. I guess I feel this way, because I don't trust convention, I need experience before I'm willing to accept its truth.

Why, I'm with you on two counts.

1/ If i'm on the wrong path, stop me now and let me know. How can I never know that I am wrong if the feedback I get is just a smile or silence. The funny thing is, the farmers I talk to see giving this feedback as confrontational and refuse to give it. I tend to speak less ad research more accordingly. That leads me on to the second point.

2/ I try to judge the amount of information given so as also not to leave any room for doubt. I know that 95% of the time I'm considered as rambling and taking too long to get to the point.

Ive worked out that a lot of farmers like to understand the what, but not the why of a problem. I try to explain the why of a problem so that they can learn and be able to use the information in more than just this instance.

I think it is some sort of efficiency thing where I like to solve a problem once, and use the solution many times; whereas farmers tend to be happy to spend less time on a problem; but have to solve it fresh each time. Just a guess, but over time; there is a consistency to it.

Also, another thing of similarity; is the inability to let people go down the wrong path in a conversation where an assumption is clearly false. I am well known for stopping a conversation when this happens, but rather than pointing out the error now days, I just say "hold on a second, can you clarify this point ssomeone once told me different and I just wish to understand it correctly".

Doesn't always work, but it is a way of taking the incorrectness onto myself so the other person isn't so defensive, and when the truth is ascertained, there is a lot less discomfort.

Like most of my ADD traights, learning to deal with these situations is 95% Trial and 3000% error.

Sleepz.

Wow sleeps thats heavy

myself I just ramble and continue to pay the price

you have obviously put great effort and thought into this

Garry,

It's just a view...and possibly just a ramble as well!

Sleepz

Yea but if you can recognise when your rambling and control it thats requires a great deal of effort

I know from experence its hard to do

Well documented. Though it doesn't do anything to make the ADHD values more acceptable to a non-ADHD world.
What you can do, is great. Not all ADHD folks can interupt themselves in process.
Very interesting.

Sleepz,

Be careful about using that technique (taking on the possibility of error on yourself, so as to allow your audience to save face when you walop them with the truth). I too use this and although it has the desired effect allowing me to get to the truth without an ugly confrontation, it has a long-term secondary effect. Unfortunately those same folks you were trying to be kind to, start believing that they were right all along... leaving you to justify yourself with even more effort. Most people tend to over-estimate themselves and are unwilling to admit their weaknesses, so they use every opportunity to perpetuate their self-image (even if it's wrong).

you need some instrumental music in the back ground, or beethoven, even then you would still get caught in the intricate condescending and uplifting strings and pianoforte. :)

Steve

And I'd rather every body was blunt, and to the point when in converstion and not beating about the bush even though i do not do that well sometimes.

Stevie

Me too. Be direct, explicit, blunt. Kind is fine too, but not in any way that obscures. That is not kind to me... that is cruel.

David