Hi everyone, I am so sad, frustrated, tired, etc... My husband has adhd and it's so unfair that we non add spouses/partners have to put up with all the bull ****. I am 29 years old and he is almost 31. We have been together for 8 years and personally I am tired of the fighting, the not being able to comunicate, the disrespect, the feeling of always being the bad guy. We have no kids, and I don't intent to have any any time soon, how could I? It's just not f*****G fair. I've always wanted to have kids by the time I was 30. Ain't gonna happen. He is curently attending add classes once a week for 8 weeks. But that's not doing anything except educate him. He is not taking any meds right now. He should be thow. I don't know. I've changed as a person, I have turned into someone I do not like at all. I feel miserable and I am starting to resent him more and more everyday. I cry all the time to the point that I can't stand myself and feel completely pathetic. I don't know what to do. We also just bought a house. I don't want to leave him, I do love him, I just feel like if something doesn't change soon I am gonna completely go insane.
Anyways just wanted to vent, feel free to offer advice.
Thanks and God Bless
04-14-05, 09:00 PM
I think your view is crystal clear Tyson, but you didn't mention whether your husband was aware of how you feel?
Non medicated isn't an easy way to go, but some of the folks on the forums here are working hard to manage their preference and with some amazing results.
Not sure how other non add partners might feel, but I'd say what is most important to me is that someone tries. But even with that, there might be a time when you have reached your limit of flexibility and support. Fair enough and listen to yourself and take care of that.
Before that though...is there an option of counselling with someone experienced in the ways of ADD?
Hope you find the right answer for yourself
04-14-05, 10:07 PM
I can't tell you how my heart is breaking for you. The pain and frustration you are feeling were very well expressed! I am so sorry you are having to face this heartache.
Venting here helps me when Iím frustrated and I hope it's helping ease some of the weight for you too. What else can you do to release your anger and frustration? Do you have someone in real life you can talk too? Does writing in a journal help -- (you really express yourself well - that's why i ask)? Is there something positive that you can do to help lift yourself up a bit? Venting here is one positive, can you think of another?
Iíve read many posts about "getting right with yourself," about coming to the realization that waiting for the other person to change is futile. I don't think this means you necessarily have to give up on your marriage, but, taking a step back to re-evaluate is a very logical step and a healthy one.
Hereís my brainstorm (please, donít feel like you have to do this!!!) Ö think of something that you can do for yourself, something you *really* enjoy doing and invite someone with whom you can just laugh to join you. Maybe even give yourself a weekend ďbreakĒ from your husband. Go off by yourself, hiking, or shopping, a spa treatment, or hang out in a bookstore all day. Whatever will help you re-new your spirit. I know that sometimes a little bit of distance helps bring me clarity. Maybe itíll do the same for you.
Iím so sorry you are going through this. I hope we can help you to feel not quite so alone. Iím sending lots of positive vibes your way!!!
I love your little icon by the way... where do you get those, I need one for myself. Anyways thank you for the kind words. I agree 100% with you, I think your idea of getting away is great, I went out last night to a scrapbooking workshop and scraped till 11PM (5 hours). It was nice change of scienery if you know what I mean. I guess I'll have to just hang in tuff and try to blow thing off that are not so important. I just wished that I had more pacients. The hardest thing for me to deal with is how my husband acts on impulse, speaks now thinks later kinda of thing. The disrespect is unbearable. He sais it's his defence mechanizam when someone ****es him off. If that doesn't sound rediculaus I don't know what does. When he wants to he is the biggest sweetheart, the kindest person you will ever meet. And he makes me laugh even when I am mead at him.
Oh well I guess I will hang around for while and pop in on you guys now and again for support if that's ok. I sure do need it.
Just wanted to say thank you to the ones that took the time to read my post and replied.