View Full Version : Anxiety issues on the Holidays


MusiciansWish
12-20-14, 12:06 AM
I hate the holidays. I really do because when my grandmother and father get together, I feel as if I am picked apart..everyone wants to pick at me and make me feel bad about myself. Every little flaw I have, it's pointed out.

Tonight is a perfect example, I am already tired from work....I'm in pain from arthritis in my knee and I just want to be left alone. My dad is home, visiting, and he says, "It looks like you're getting pudgy...there." and goes to poke me in my stomach.

...Let's all ignore the fact that I just got finished eating dinner....So no one took into consideration that my stomach is full from eating.

Before he even came home, I was already worried about my weight. I already know that I have a little belly. I hate it when people attempt to point out how it looks like I have gotten bigger....when in truth, I really haven't. Anyways, my dad proceeds to laugh and my grandmother laughs too.

My mood has already been dampened and the fact that my grandmother joined in and laughed at my dad's comment, makes me feel even worse. In all honesty, my mood has been going further and further down hill.

I feel horrible about myself, I think I am fat, and I am contemplating starving myself for the sake of losing weight. Am I worried? Of course! But more so about being, how my dad put it, "pudgy" than starving myself.

I cant tell no body how I feel...because all I am going to get from my family is that "I'm going to be alright", "I need to get over myself", and "It should tell me that I need to exercise more". It's as if no one in my family even considers the fact that I have issues with anxiety....

I don't know how to handle this....I'm tired of my family picking at me and pointing out my flaws as if they have fun telling me how bad my hair looks or how fat I am getting. It's gotten to the point where I hate it when my father's home and wish that he never visits. I don't know what to do other than to starve myself...or just severely decrease my food intake. :(

I need some type of advice...or something.....

argentvortex
12-21-14, 06:03 PM
Sometimes family members can be very different in personality. Some people think poking fun at one another's flaws is just normal interaction, and don't see anything wrong with it because they are not very worrisome personalities. This however can be a big problem when they are around people who are prone to worrying and over-thinking. They don't understand how the worry-er gets so upset about it. (I'm not saying that this is necessarily what's going on with you and your family. This is just some theoretical information that may or may not be applicable or helpful to you.) The problem is, you really can't change people. They are what they are, and only the developments of life in general can make them into something different, which more often than not is out of our control. The only thing you can effect is yourself, and so all you can do is attempt to safeguard yourself from further emotional harm. For example, there is a technique for protecting yourself from emotional harm called the, "Observe Don't Absorb Technique" that might be useful to you. It was originally developed with the intention of helping people develop a defensive mechanism against the emotional manipulation of narcissistic individuals, however I have found it extremely useful in protecting myself against emotional harm from people who are just simply insensitive jerks. Here's a link to a video that explains the technique:

http://advancedclinicaltrainers.com/the-observe-dont-absorb-technique/

I don't know if this will be useful to you or not, but I would highly recommend it.

Little Missy
12-21-14, 08:34 PM
I'm going to tell you a secret:

The time to be worried is when you aren't being picked at or teased.

MusiciansWish
12-21-14, 10:21 PM
I'm going to tell you a secret:

The time to be worried is when you aren't being picked at or teased.

I don't see how. Actually, when I am not being picked at or teased it makes life so much more enjoyable. That and it makes it so much easier on my anxiety disorder. If I had to deal with any more teasing, I have a gut feeling that I will end up hurting someone.

I rather take the silence than the constant worry, depression, and difficulty sleeping due to intrusive thoughts.

MusiciansWish
12-21-14, 10:26 PM
Sometimes family members can be very different in personality. Some people think poking fun at one another's flaws is just normal interaction, and don't see anything wrong with it because they are not very worrisome personalities. This however can be a big problem when they are around people who are prone to worrying and over-thinking. They don't understand how the worry-er gets so upset about it. (I'm not saying that this is necessarily what's going on with you and your family. This is just some theoretical information that may or may not be applicable or helpful to you.) The problem is, you really can't change people. They are what they are, and only the developments of life in general can make them into something different, which more often than not is out of our control. The only thing you can effect is yourself, and so all you can do is attempt to safeguard yourself from further emotional harm. For example, there is a technique for protecting yourself from emotional harm called the, "Observe Don't Absorb Technique" that might be useful to you. It was originally developed with the intention of helping people develop a defensive mechanism against the emotional manipulation of narcissistic individuals, however I have found it extremely useful in protecting myself against emotional harm from people who are just simply insensitive jerks. Here's a link to a video that explains the technique:

http://advancedclinicaltrainers.com/the-observe-dont-absorb-technique/

I don't know if this will be useful to you or not, but I would highly recommend it.

Thanks! Regardless of whether or not it's a part of their personality, I think that it would be smart if they took into consideration, their target's feelings. I hate constantly worrying or feeling as if I will snap and hurt someone if they continue to poke fun at me. My shrink, and the proctor of my test both told me that I have maladaptive ways. They both know that I can get violent when upset and what not. I need to learn new techniques and what not to handle myself better. . .before I end up in a mess. Ugh...

Corina86
12-22-14, 10:23 AM
I get that with my father too. But I snap and yell and call him that he's fatter- then I feel sorry about it, but it has actually made my interaction with him more positive (for me).

Remember that it's about them, not you. They're either projecting their own fears or self-esteem issues or they're making fun of you to feel better about themselves. I'm not sure what the best reaction would be; some people simply don't care about how they make others feel :(.

Hope you have an acceptable time during the holidays!