I never look forward to this time of year. Besides tax season, it's time for my son's yearly IEP meeting at school. He's 12, diagnosed adhd/ocd/mood disorder (with an added touch of behavior issues). He's in 6th grade middle school.

We started the wonderful world of IEP's when he was going into Kindergarten. Since he was so hyper, he was not one of the kids that fell through the cracks.

My mom has always gone to the IEP meetings with me. My (ADD) husband does not go with me because when he attended a "Can we please come back to school after being suspended meeting" for my son, he lost his cool and blew up at the guidance counselor. He does not handle these type of things calmly.

Back when my son was in 2nd grade (the grade that alot of add/adhd kids flunk, such as my husband), we hired a special ed advocate at $50 per hour to attend the IEP meetings with us. She was recommended by someone at CHADD and worked for a disability lawyer. She was wonderful. She knew what we were entitled to, what we could request and what we would demand. She was well worth it. We no longer had to go to an IEP meeting and feel like we were horrible parents that didn't teach our son social skills. They used to recommend family counseling, social skills class, and everything under the sun. All because they had no clue on what a "classic adhd child" was. I gave his elementary school so much literature on adhd that it has to be coming out their *** by now.

We learned so much from our advocate, that my mom and I are able to hold down the fort ourselves. We walk in with our tape recorder and binder of paperwork from the last year of school. His current IEP includes everything from being able to use a multiplication chart and a calculator, to being able to leave the room if he feels he needs to calm down.

We walk into the meeting with a "Don't mess with us" attitude and if they are not able to teach my son, we have a special education school nearby at $20,000 per year that we can enroll him in and the public school will pay for it if they can't properly teach him. (I heard this years ago and don't know if it's true). I have been known to tell a teacher or two that couldn't handle him to "Please put it in writing for our disability lawyer that you are unable to properly teach my son". :)

Anyway, our meeting was yesterday at 1245pm. It was my mom and I, along with 4 of his current teachers and the principal.

I am still in shock. It went wonderfully. They had nothing but good things to say about him. He has his days (don't we all?) but he has made major improvements.

At last years IEP meeting, when he was in 5th grade elementary getting ready to come to 6th grade middle school, the old guidance counselor and special education teachers told his current teachers all kinds of horrible things they could expect from him. Like he was the devil himself.

His current teachers said they kept waiting and waiting for all these horrible things to happen and it never did.

Everyone agreed that he probley had this "bad seed" label tatooed to his forehead during grade school. He was always the one to get in trouble. When he finally got out of that school, he had a fresh start.

Don't get me wrong...He is no angel. Even on the day of the IEP, his teacher said that earlier in the day he got into it with a girl in Science class. She had taken his supplies. He said something to her. She to him. They both shoved or something. But no bloodshed. No detention. Just normal day to day 6th grade stuff in an unstructured chaotic science lab environment. (not good for adhders)

My mom and I were so happy. We were both speechless (which is hard for both of us since we are chatty adhders.)

I couldn't wait to get out of there and call my husband and my sister. When I got back to work I was the town cryer.

When my son got home from school and called me, I went on and on about how much his teachers enjoy him. They said he was kind, emphathetic, caring, helped others and more....

They complimented us on being such active advocates for my son and mentioned that most kids do not have this kind of support at home. It really makes a big difference.

Of course this was rewarded monetarily ($10) but what's 10 dollars when you have finally, after 6 long grusome years of IEPs, heard everything wonderful about your son that you knew already but have never heard anyone tell you.

It's unbelievable.

P.S. We still have about 30 or so more days of school. Cross your fingers. 6 years down. 6 more to go.

That is so awesome!!! I bet it's the changing classrooms, more movement, more ....more of whatever makes him tick!!

My son was labeled "the bad seed" at his school last year but, this year:
new school + new environment = somewhat new kid.

It's been slow (partly cuz his dad is always taking shots at his ego) but I have begun to notice a difference.

Here's to the next 30 days going just as good!!! CHEERS!!

Hey XYZ.
I am so glad that the IEP meeting went well and that everyone at your house can walk with their shoulders a little higher. I know you are proud of your little guy - the compliments from his teachers illustrate how hard he has worked, not to mention his mom. In the south we say "Bless your hearts". "I can hear your smilers all the way over here." :) :) :)


We have a "boot camp" here for middle school children who are destructive and troublemakers. It is part of the school system and is mislabeled in my opinion, "REBOUND".
The school system falsely believes that they will make a difference in these children's lives. The motto of the place is "Showing the way."

I was hired to paint a mural of a lighthouse on the outside of the administrator's office building.
The place is nothing short of abusive. The children wear uniforms, are forced to get down on the ground by police officers in the hot gravel, and are verbally abused and screamed at. 12, 13, 14 year olds.
I witnessed these happenings for weeks as I painted. I've rarely felt so helpless. They go through this for a week with little counseling. They may get sent there for pushing and shoving or something much more severe like bringing knives to school and threatening others. The parents are led to believe that they have no choice but to let this punishment take place. But many of them don't care. Some of them believe it is for the good of the children.

I was allowed briefly one day to let some of the "good" children be my helpers. They shared their hearts and souls. They aLL had a disheartening story. They were all hyperactive and needed direction. Most probably our adhd chidren.

The saddest part of my whole experience was coming to know what was in store for these children when they left...dozens of children.
I talked to the school counselor at the facility and expressed my concerns. She shook her head. She knew that ultimately, most of the children would end up dropping out of school or in Juvenile Hall.

So who gets the rebound?

I don't know your name or your face, xyz.
But thank you for being your child's advocate. BLess your Heart for your tape recorder, your paperwork, and your "don't mess with us" attitude... So many children don't have safe places to fall and positive forces in their corners. Maybe by standing up and educating your school, you will have made a difference down the road for other children.

hugs,

Annie <3

Thanks for the positive feedback and encouragement. We were definitely at that point that it could only get better. I really feel sorry for the kids that were at the boot camp you were at. We think our lives are so hectic, chaotic and not normal but their lives had to be so much worse in order to end up there. Hopefully things get better for them.

As far as advocating for our kids, we have to.

I think it was Hillary Clinton that said, "It takes a village to raise a child."

Well....it takes a village to raise an add/adhd child, along with the mom, dad, grandma, aunts, uncles, teachers, neighbors, and the list goes on and on. Nobody can do it alone, that's far sure. No wonder we're always so tired.

I always heard my mom say that "a man works from sun to sun but a women's work is never done." Amen!

It's that time of year again to renew my son's IEP. Guess what?

Yesterday when his special education teacher called to ask when I was available to meet for the IEP, I asked if anything was changing in it. She said no. That he's been doing very well and that we can leave it the same for 8th grade. I said that was fine and she is going to send a copy of it home for me to read through and sign. No meeting. No hassels. No headaches.

For all you parents of adhd kids still in elementary school struggling with IEPs, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am proof.

Knock on wood. Usually when it's going this smoothly, we are actually in the eye of the tornado. Suspensions are very common for him during the Spring. Wish me luck. :)

:D wow..that's such good news...:D great thread to read through!!

@ adhdxyz,

amazing, i must really commend u on ur parenting skills as well as story telling :D

it's nice to know that at least some kids have such support.

i can remember parents evenings, i dreaded them so much cause i always got slammed by my teachers and then when we got home i got long long "talks" about why i'm not doing well in school :(

My stupid school never ever even bothered to contact my parents...
My reports were shocking!!! I nearly died of shock when my Mum gave me a report from high school to give to the DR..I actually didn't rememebr being half that bad!! :eek: :eek:

Thanks for sharing your encouraging story!!!:) :) :) And congratulations on all the steps you've done to make this improvement possible!


Scattered

Here I am on the opposite side of the coin. I am that Special Education teacher who is in those IPRC meetings where the IEP's are signed. First off, glad that things went well for you ADHDXYZ. :) I have several advocates at meetings and from experience, a good advocate generally is a calm advocate. They have typically done a lot of work behind the scenes before the meeting has begun.

As bad as schools, teachers, and even IEP's, can be...let me say that what is in place can work wonderfully and I believe is the best approach we will have for some time. If some group, ever in your life time, wants to get ride of...or "change" IEP's....scream like bloody murder is occuring. This process is truly in the child's best interest.

I don't know if every parent needs an advocate but if things are going wrong, it is important to know how to play the game and have someone who knows the process on your side. There are some wonderful websites out there for those DIY'ers who many just need a little more information on the process. This is one road that is well travelled so don't think that you have to reinvent the wheel. I'll dig if you are interested and can't find any good sites.

Do remember to be civil, at least until school staff step over the line and are "breaking the rules". I can tell you that "crazed parents" are no fun and that their anger can be misdirected. If the grade 5 teacher is driving you nuts, well then, have a meeting with the grade 5 teacher and chew him out in front of his principal.

Scruro, I totally agree. Without an IEP, my 13 year old son would not be nearly as successful as he is.

We have him in a public school so that he can get all the resources that are legally available for him.

The trouble that I have had in the past 7 years is that we had a guidance counselor in elementary school that didn't believe in add/adhd. She tried to totally blame it on our family life, which didn't accomplish anything at the meetings. I am sure that there are tons of kids that not only have mental issues but also family issues that make it much worse. My son has always had trouble with social skills.

I am glad that we got the advocate as early as we did so that I knew what to do going forward.

With the lack of resources (money and staff), some schools (our elementary school) would try to lower the amount of special education resource time needed because they didn't have enough teachers for all the kids that they needed to provide it for. (NOT MY PROBLEM.)

The IEP has saved us as far as his being able to get up and move around if needed. Leave the class to cool down if needed. Have verbal tests and instructions repeated, use a calculator, etc.. The best class for him now is the final class of the day called Study Skills. She goes over any homework that he was given during the day and if he needs help, she helps him. If he needs to go consult with the teacher that gave him the homework, he can. It's not like a Study Hall where kids sit around and either do homework or chit chat with their friends. Its a structured Special Ed class with about 7 kids in it that are there to learn skills for studying. It is definitely a life saver.

I have several friends that have issues with their kids and when I ask if they were ever evaluated or have an IEP, they have no clue what I am talking about.

It has been my experience that if a child isn't hyper like my son and doesn't have behavior issues in class, they easily fall through the cracks.

My niece was entering highscool when she finally got evaluated and properly diagnosed for add and learning disabilities. She was never any trouble in grade school as far as behavior and it turns out that she was constantly in trouble both at home and school for being lazy and not trying. She is now in a public school instead of a private catholic school. She has an IEP, is properly medicated and is thriving.

The perfect combination for succeeding in school for someone with a mental disability is an IEP; properly trained and dedicated special ed teachers; main stream teachers that are open to learning about your child's issues and learning style and are willing to help them succeed; plus never ending communication between the school and the parents/guardians. The idea of "no news is good news" does not apply for special ed kids. You must be involved 24/7 and then some.

Scuro---Thanks to all you wonderful teachers!!!! :)

ADHDXYZ,
I'm glad you are finally in a place where you are happy your son's needs are being met. I have read many of your posts and, must admit, I was afraid and glad I wasn't on the receiving end of your frustrations! ;) :eek:

I agree with Scuro, unless you have tried civil means and it's not working, it is best to try to leave out the aggression because teachers can get upset too, especially if they are trying as hard as they know how and feel they are having anger and frustration misdirected at them.

It's so hard to have bad experiences and not go into new situations on the defensive and assume that each year would be more of the same frustrations and difficulties.

Unfortunately, falling through the cracks does happen, it's not intentional, it just tends to be a case of parents or teachers not knowing, or lack of resources. It is not right that there are some kids who fall through and I hope something is done with school funding to help provide more resources for those who need it.

I hope your success and feelings of satisfaction with your son's teachers continues!!:D

I once joked that being a Special ed teacher is like going down the river of need and scooping out a pail of water. There is all that unattended need still out there. We are doing ten time better then what was happening when I went to school 25 years ago and catching most of the obvious stuff. Still, if there is no discernible impairment in a kid's life, the system can't usually afford the time to give a kid a good close look. There are kids who still fall between the cracks.

Ahh well, you do the best you can.

I agree with you 100% adhdxyz, a lot of kids just need some tweaking to their education, understanding of their condition, and understanding from the adults in their life. That is why the IEP is good. It is the stick that finally gets some off these dipsticks to budge of their positions of ignorance.