Sorry in advanced that this is so long. Part venting, part needing advice....


My son has had a rough couple of years, to say the least. Two yrs ago his Nana & Papa moved from a few blocks away to Houston,TX. We told him not to worry that we would go & visit them, you'll still see/ hear from them. All the things your supposed to tell your kids when someone moves away. Then two months after they moved his Nana passed away unexpectedly. We went out for the funeral, he had mixed feelings--he got to see his cousins but under the wrong circumstances & he knew it.

Then we had to put our beloved Good Kitty to sleep because she had cancer. He went with us to the vet & kept his arm around me& kept telling me it would be ok. He was amazing, I was a wreck! This was 3 days before his birthday.

The day after his birthday my b/f call to tell me her oldest had cancer (he was 8 at the time, he's doing great now). They consider eachother as cousins. My son asked me if they were going to have to put him to sleep too. Bless his heart. Did I mention this is Christmas time too?

Flashforward a year--Papa dies unexpectedly. Then Aunt Jo gets dx w/ cancer & dies. Now just this week another aunt, Aunt Pat who is the most amazing person I've ever met, had gall bladder surgery & the drs found cancerous legions on her liver & kidneys. They origially gave her 1 month but have now said that they will wait for family to arrive before they unhook her from life support. Wed night I had to call 911 for my husbands Gramma (lives next door), had to go to the hospital from stress induced hemmoraging. This will be 3 of her 4 daughters. She's ok, for now, but still under ALOT of stress.

My son "wears his heart on his sleeve", as my dad says. He absolutly LOVES all of these ppl in his life. But because of all this he has been a bear to live with at times (& thats being nice). Anything can set him off, crying, unconsolably one minute -the next just being as stubborn or argumenative as possible. It's starting to wear on us to the point where we almost lose control with him because he won't stop crying/or being oppositional. He says he wishes he were dead too, although it's the kind of wish to just be able to see these ppl again. I have talked to his dr about it & she agrees with me on this.

I just don't know what to do. I've told him everything I can, from what I've read, heard, or think is right to say... but I'm at a lost. If any one has some suggsetions...Please help.

I miss my happy go lucky kid--the one that wasn't afraid of anything.

I am really sorry for all of your losses. I don't think there is a lot you can do except hold him when he cries and hold him when he rants. Let him lead for awhile. Maybe he is "talked" out.

However, I would watch him very closely and stay in touch with your doctor. He may need an anti-depressant for the short term. Yes, even kids need them occasionally. How old is your son? It could be tied in with puberty, too. My 12, almost 13 yo, is suffering with depression and it is tough to watch. No matter what I do or say it doesn't help. Will be talking to his dr. this week again, too.

One other suggestion would be a grief support group for your son. Even though he is a child, he is still grieveing. It may be that he needs to talk with people who aren't so close. Just a thought.

Sorry this rambling...I just took my meds and in la la land until they kick in.

Kim

You should take him to a counseler, because saying at his age "he wish he were dead to" is not good at all.

Thank you for responding.

My son is 8, but sometimes I think it might be pre-puberty. I do know that even kids need anti-depressants, he has a counciling appt & I will talk to the dr about all that is going on.

"talked-out"--hmm?-- I only wish he would talk. If I try to talk to him, it's like dr jeckel & mr hyde, I never know which one I'm gonna get.

I'm glad to hear you are going to talk to a counselor and will talk to the dr. By "talked out" I didn't necessarily mean he had talked himself out, but that the topic had been so dominating for so long. I know that I am a "typical" woman and work through things by talking about them, but "guys" don't tend to be that way. Not that they wouldn't be healthier if they didn't talk a bit more.

Kim

If you get the mad side of him be kind don't lose your cool he will talk when he is ready to force it. Pre Puberty at 8 unlikly but possible and that could explain a lt of the angry stuff.

Hey Witsend, boy when it rains it pours...I am so sorry about all that.

metaphorically speaking...
Maybe some old fashioned "chicken soup" would help..... sometimes a "kiss and a bandaid" can go a long way. I know these things can't heal the grief either one of you are experiencing, but maybe some eight year old "happy distractions" would brighten his world a little - some sunshine, some chocolate chip cookies, a surprise trip to see his favorite movie?

In no way do I want you to think that I am trivializing the rotten stuff he is going through, but sometimes I know it helps me to just get the heck out of the house! You know what I mean? Just take a little time out from all the talking.

I wish I could bring you dinner tonight. I make a good chicken pot pie. ;)

Thanks . He's been out playing w/ friends so I know that he'll be fine in the end. He's a tough little guy.

I only talk with him about these things when he brings it up b/c I know that if I were to bring it up constantly it would be like "rubbing salt in a wound".

Chicken pot pie sounds so good!!! Is your recipe posted here?