View Full Version : I cant *^%{]#*% find ANYTHING! EVER!

01-02-15, 10:06 AM

I cant find ANYTHING!!!!

I read about this symptom and that symptom, and i get most in fact a I went into inattentive add to post this pretty much every thread title rang a bell with me...

but one thing in particular feels like the bane of life for me...

Is there anyone else out there who as an adult with adhd/add feels that 90% of their problems from adhd would disappear if they could just FIND stuff?

I spend SO much time out of every day just looking for stuff.
Im not here to get suggestions on ways to ensure i dont lose stuff, ive tried it all.

And does anyone else really start considering, seriously considering that either they are going mad (as in delusional mad) or that one of the following could be true:

- Inanimate objects can and do move by themselves when no one is looking
- Little blue men ( or whatever) move stuff about when we aren't looking, or poltergeists, demons, whatever you wish to call them, are deliberately moving things around when you aren't looking. Or that you a under some sort of curse that causes every day of your life to be 'one of those days ' (except ten million times worse)

I know the above sound completely mad and I don't actually believe that is what is happening.
But I am So, SO, SO, SO SOOOOOOOOO FRUSTRATED by the fact that I will to and try to find something, and look where my memory tells me I last saw it or where I put it.
in fact I sometimes think that the whole idea that ppl with Adhd have tempers and anger issues is rubbish, that we are simply reacting to extreme levels of frustration stress. That if non Adhd ppl had to go through a day not being able to find anything they would lost their temper at least as much as they see add ppl do. That we aren't angry or short tempered, we are just being shat on, figuratively speaking, constantly, day after day after day. Ie you see a character on tv or a movie lose it after a comedic series of mini disasters and I often think 'thats just normal and constant life for me, no wonder I am always losing my temper)

Im not talking vague idea I might have put something in a certain place, but a fully detailed recollection of putting said item in a certain place, along with recollection of what else I was doing, why i put it there, the day, time etc... Yet I go back and it isnt there. And after half an hour or more of searching, it will show up either:

1: In one of the places I have already searched thoroughly
2: Or in some totally different place I have no recollection of putting it. And even when I find it I still cant remember putting it there, or doing anything which may have inadvertently resulted in it being put where I found it.

For number 1 above, I have often done things like, search my handbag. Take everything out, item by item, replace. Often I will do this, 3,4,5 times and the item I am looking for ISNT THERE. Then I will find it, in the handbag. And its like, Ok i took every item out one by one, checked handbag was empty, upended, pulled lining away and shook etc. then replaced items one at a time. Looking at each item. How did I do that and somehow I must have picked up the thing I am looking for, and looked at it, took it out, put it back in, , several times, and not one of those times, realise I was holding in my,hand what I was frantically searching for?

For number 2 why am I so often apparently putting things in places and having no recollection of doing so, even after finding it there...


i am starting to feel as though I am going completely mad, and that I cannot trust the things I remember seeing with my own eyes and touching with my hands as being what I actually did.

In case you are wondering if I AM just bonkers... If I am then Ive been so since I was born. And these problems with remembering putting or seeing an item somewhere then finding it elsewhere, and the problem with searching somewhere several times then finding it there... These only happen to me in terms of looking for stuff. And looking for something that I need RIGHT THEN to complete a task I am engaged in. (This was read out to me as one of the factors used to diagnose adhd).
Ie my memory doesn't play tricks on me when it comes to things like remembering how much money I spent on various purchases. Ask me to recall every cent spent, and where and I can recall it pretty much faultlessly for the last week or two. Or remembering a recipe I have only used once or twice. In fact, for a lot of other things that don't relate to finding something I NEED right now, id say if anything my memory is better than average, and this has been proven in plenty of situations.

But when it is something I need to know, to get something done, that I need to do, my memory seems to be like a little gremlin laughing at me and playing tricks

I cant figure out how to manage it at all, as every form of management relies on me being able to remember to do something. Even if I do remember to put everything i will be needing in a specific place, often it wont be there, and I figure what often happens is for example

If i have work in the morning early, I might put everything i will need i. Set places, and even write notes on my iPad incase i forget
So car keys, clothing i will be wearing, any notes, devices etc. phone, shoes, everything i need to get out the door
Then in the morning one or more of the,above isn't where I left it. And what has happened is: after placing it in a specific place (so I could find it) I have picked it up and moved it. But I have done so without even realising I am picking it up or that its in my hand, or that I am putting it down somewhere random.

So if I don't even consciously realise when I do on earth do I stop myself from doing it?

And if for example, those times I look in my,handbag several times for something and cannot find it, even though it will later turn out it was in my handbag... How can I make myself see something that apparently I am looking at or even picking up but not seeing?

This causes me SO many problems, often i feel as though it takes me an hour or more to do something that should take ten minutes. And I cant explain to colleagues or family why I am so late or taking so long, even if I do explain exactly what happened, I can see they just don't believe I could seriously be losing things that often. Even people who know I have Adhd, I can tell think either i am simply not trying to organise myself even when its really important I am on time, or they think I am just saying something was lost because in reality I couldn't be bothered getting there on time...

And I cant even explain to myself why I cant find a bloody thing, ever, so how on earth am i ever supposed to explain it to others so they understand?

This is ,the most frustrating part of my Adhd

The second would be the constant cuts, bruises, scratches, tripping over, dropping things, knocking things, etc that I also do multiple times. Often in weird clumsy ways that I couldn't possibly recreate intentionally, for example picked up a chair the other day, stepped forward and somehow my foot got caught in the leg of the chair and wouldn't come out till I almost fell over...or constantly bumping into doors, putting something on a table and it will fall off, and take half a dozen things with it. Or catching my hair on things so suddenly I almost scalp myself!

Each little incident in itself is minor and seems like nothing. Its the repeated, and constant barrage of it. The fact that every single thing you do every single minute of every day is fraught with delay after delay after delay due to losing stuff. Often i just have to go out and buy another one, because i turn my entire home upside down and it simply isn't there (till i get back from the shops with a new one of course).

It usual for me, to spend 30-60 mins on a 5-10 min task , searching for thing essential to the task.

Id love to go through a day or to not losing things or injuring myself i bet Id be a calm happy picture of peacefulness if that ever happened....

01-02-15, 12:20 PM
I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD yet, but I'm going to see a neuro-psych to see if I am ADHD.

My entire life I have always lost things. Basically because I couldn't remember where I put them. And yes, it is so frustrating!!

For the most part I don't have that problem now because I've become an organization nazi. I am VERY anal about putting things back where they belong as soon as you're done with them. I spend a lot of time organizing and putting things away.

I sometimes still lose things and it's very annoying but it doesn't happen that often because I am constantly organizing and putting things away.

01-02-15, 04:41 PM
Tl, dr

I lose everything. It's the story of my life. So much wasted time.

01-07-15, 06:45 PM
kimmyh51, what you describe is scary-familiar to me. You may have it even worse but it's the same thing. I have had fits of rage over things such as keys.

What's funny about it all is, I'm Catholic and some of us pray to St. Anthony, the Patron Saint of lost items! :D I joke that I have a "Frequent Customer" card with good St. Anthony. Now here's the part where you may think I'm a religious nut, but I promise it's true - sometimes I know St. Anthony has put the item in a place where I'll find it. :cool:

Now as to how the items move to places where I can't find them, I have sometimes wondered like you, could there be little demons moving them?! Who knows. I just know that they sure do end up in odd places or are never seen again. It's really frustrating with the frequently, even daily used items such as keys.

I also have that same issue with parts of me, my clothing, or my hair getting caught on things or knocking into things and making a mess. If there's some kind of projecting piece of a structure to get caught on, a hundred other people could pass safely right by it, but it will reach out and grab me, or I'll just barely catch and send a bunch of things tumbling. The mess and frustration created by these incidents is usually so aggravating that some of it just gets left, adding to the chaos and confusion.

I have sometimes felt at battle with the physical world. I've told the force of gravity that we're going to have it out one of these days. :doh:If this qualifies me as crazy, then I'm crazy. But I certainly feel your pain. Wish I knew a cure for us.

01-07-15, 08:28 PM
I can relate to pretty much everything you've said! It sucks SO MUCH to spend so much energy on things that seem so simple for everyone else. :( Hard not to feel like you're crazy in an NT world that expects you to be able to do such things with minimal effort. For a long time I thought I was crazy, too. Turns out that some parts of my brain apparently work better or worse than others. It is what it is, I guess.

Regarding memory, specifically, I find it helps me feel better to realize that there are distinct types of memory, not all of which may be impaired equally: for example, my short-term memory is awful, like "can't add two numbers in my head" awful. Yet, I can somehow remember vivid details from random events that happened years ago! If "memory" were a single process, this would make absolutely no sense... thus the thoughts of, "am I just crazy?"... but since memory is actually whole category of things, that may only be minorly related, just knowing they don't all work the same all the time is a relief for me. At least, a relief from feeling "crazy"... I still lose things a lot, unfortunately!

01-07-15, 09:32 PM
I haven't been able to find my Hero camera in so long, they came out with a new model.

01-07-15, 10:44 PM
Putting things away, in their appropriate place, is a daily practice. I've been doing that practice for years. I'm much better at keeping track of things and rarely lose something.

01-09-15, 12:09 AM
I've purchased a tablet and that has helped me organize one small yet scary place in my life - my purse! ;) It's to take the place of address books, scribbled on slips of paper, checkbook register, store coupons (because now I can just get the stores' apps), and other miscellany. I can actually reach into my purse and also put things back into it without so much forceful cramming effort.

A friend of mine told me about FlyLady and some people like her organizing methods. I'm not a huge fan of her entire program, but the "shiny sink" or conquering one small doable thing concept is helpful.

01-09-15, 01:29 PM
Putting things away, in their appropriate place, is a daily practice. I've been doing that practice for years. I'm much better at keeping track of things and rarely lose something.

I have lost my keys many times, misplace my phone, you name it. The above post is what helps me a lot. I have to make sure I hang my keys and put my wallet and chapstick, all the essentials right by the door on the counter. 90% of the time I do a check before I leave the house... "ok.. phone, wallet, keys, pens, notepad, pill"... I'll admit that I don't always put things where they are supposed to go. I get it done most times though. Hope you find a way to keep up with things. :)

So nada
01-18-15, 01:42 AM
I have lost my keys many times, misplace my phone, you name it. The above post is what helps me a lot. I have to make sure I hang my keys and put my wallet and chapstick, all the essentials right by the door on the counter. 90% of the time I do a check before I leave the house... "ok.. phone, wallet, keys, pens, notepad, pill"... I'll admit that I don't always put things where they are supposed to go. I get it done most times though. Hope you find a way to keep up with things. :)

I try to do the same thing. I try to have a set pattern as to how I do things. I put essential items at the door so I literally have to step on them if I forget them. I also leave my car keys at the door with essential items and gather them all at once. If I forget them and get to the car I cannot get very far without my keys. :lol: This reminds me to go back and get my stuff.

01-18-15, 04:45 AM
I lose stuff constantly and go into a finder rage, usually give up and feel angry for hours. It drives me bonkers!

02-06-15, 09:47 AM
Hi Kimmy - I feel your frustration. Reading your post was like watching a rerun in my mind
of past events. It's so bad with me, that I refer to my home as the Bermuda Triangle of Houses! I often don't lock my car when I'm out running errands because as soon as I turn off the car ignition, I do something with my keys, but have no memory of it. Usually they're in a pocket or the purse, but sometimes I have to do the purse dump and search under the seats.

The worst is when I'm trying to leave for a trip and really essential things just vanish. There have been 2 times I had my passport right before leaving and then it vanished. One time I missed my flight and the last time I had to leave without it. I then had to learn how to work the system in order to get a passport in one day.

I constantly lose my cell phone so often, that I have to keep a landline so I can call my phone. One time so many things were missing that I contacted a psychic to ask if someone I knew (or my kids knew) had stolen them from me. They eventually turned up months later in different places. One person I consulted told me that they were in a different dimension! Ok, I'm open minded and I've heard of parallel dimensions, but really!?

So, I decided to do a bit of research on this. I stumbled onto this website called Reality Shifters and there were all these incredible stories about people who always put something in the same place and then one day it wasn't there. However, shortly afterwards, the item either showed up somewhere they swore they didn't put it, or it was back in it's usual place.
I was missing a sapphire ring I always keep at home, but one day I realized it was missing. Months later, I found it in my bedroom at my ski condo on top of a chest under a folded quilt. Even if I had worn it there which I doubt (who wears good jewelry to go skiing?), why would it be under a folded quilt?

I now it sounds crazy, but some people say that things (or yourself), can move into and out of these other dimensions without realizing it. If physicists claim that there are multiple dimensions, who knows, maybe that is what's going on with us. If nothing else, the stories about reality shifts will make you aware that others experience this and maybe we're not losing our minds!

On another note, I'm generally not too clumsy, but whenever I'm rushing around because I'm running late to get somewhere (which is most of the time), I bang into things, knock things over, trip over stuff and break things (as well as lose things).

One last suggestion, i bought one of those devise trackers that use a radio signal or something to locate missing items. Unfortunately, I lost parts of it and the instructions in my house, but you might want to try one of these. I also have many things in multiples to increase the chances I can find at least one. Oh, and I always keep my car keys inside my car at home. This isn't a good idea unless you have a garage or live out in the country however.

At least you probably don't lose your stuff because of all your clutter and disorganization like I do. However, I will get organized, eventually, it hope, someday.......

02-08-15, 01:58 PM
Organization is key. My grandfather had OCD levels of organization, and now I know why.

On the flip side, my mother and I are pretty slovenly, but up to a reasonable point I think that helps with finding things because you can visually search for something very quickly if there's a lot of stuff laid out in front of you.

Of course, this can get out of hand and overwhelming too, to the point where you couldn't find anything you wanted, so it needs to be kept in check.

Ideally, you can organize everything, categorize/index it, and dump all that information into a computer for fast lookups later. As long as you maintain your index, it should work out very well.

02-25-15, 12:12 PM
Totally Dad always said "you couldn't find your way out of a paper bag."

02-25-15, 11:07 PM
Ugh! I feel your pain! I absolutely lose my mind on a daily basis trying to find my stuff that I swear I just had a minute ago. It's so exhausting and irritating to constantly be looking for stuff!! I usually start getting really mad and cursing and speed-walking through the house as I'm tearing it apart, everything I needed to do gets put on the back burner because I am now hyperfocused on finding said object. Start looking in every room of the house, cupboards, freezer, the couch etc. for a damn spatula or a container of basil or my cellphone....or wallet....or anything else...because, you know, the DVD cabinet is where food goes and spatulas clearly belong in the bathroom, eye glasses go on top of the fridge, silverware goes in the garbage lol etc. etc. Soooo much precious time wasted trying to find crap. So so much..

03-10-15, 10:01 PM
I heard some guy on TV say if you keep loosing your keys make more copies of your keys so: I literally have: 6 sets of car keys(once got locked out of my truck with 4 sets of keys visible on the seats ), 8 remote controls (half of which I cant find),replaced front door lock with a electronic combo lock, keep a tie and belt at work for those days I forget, got extra drivers license that I keep in my car, keep my home telephone connected for sole purpose of locating my cell etc etc

03-11-15, 05:39 AM

i am developing a new book called "The ADDers Object Orientated Methods to Diffuse life"

the first chapter dissects Flava Flav's symbolic and functional snubbing of societal norm, by the use of a grenourmously humorungus timepiece, both representing his desire and it's systematic impact on his daily livelyhood.

the rest is super hush hush.... but i'll be the first the let you know when i'm done ;) ( finding the notebook i wrote it in :scratch: )

peace love and acceptance!

03-11-15, 06:00 AM

the first chapter dissects Flava Flav's symbolic and functional snubbing of societal norm, by the use of a grenourmously humorungus timepiece, both representing his desire and it's systematic impact on his daily livelyhood.

Aww, thanks :grouphug:
Totally unrelated and you could not know this of course, but fond memories of my mom - she had a timer on a chord, and for the laundry she would just wear it around her neck when cleaning and would always say she was Flava Flav!

oops derailing thread
OK everyone has said to have their bag ready for the next day - and this REALLY works!!! I have a beautiful purse now, it was a gift, and it's totally organised.

03-11-15, 06:15 AM
HAHAHA! That is soooo cool!

Little Missy
03-11-15, 04:15 PM
I'm still ignoring the last load of stuff in storage but I have to move it in. It is some of the most precious things of all. Its safe and I paid it until May 1st to give me a deadline. :eek:

And I still do not know where most of the stuff I want to know where it is is at.

04-28-15, 02:08 PM
A friend of mine told me about FlyLady and some people like her organizing methods. I'm not a huge fan of her entire program, but the "shiny sink" or conquering one small doable thing concept is helpful.

FlyLady was actually something that worked for me in the past, but very ironically and sadly they had this weird problem with their group. It generated all reminders in east coast time no matter what you did. So it would feel overwhelming on the West coast to wake up to a bunch of messages already. They are 3 hours ahead of me in time and it made it all just frustrating enough to put me off the program. Many women were complaining about that. I wonder if they were ADHD too and completely put off the program by something silly like the time the emails came.

04-28-15, 02:12 PM
What is really sad is that I like to write, and I often can't find a pencil or pen that works. Pencils are often dull and pens are often dry. What can I do other than think I have reached an all time low for that dreadful feeling of not knowing where anything is.