View Full Version : Studying again, feeling hopeful


Jacksper
01-11-15, 07:01 AM
Hi!

In this thread (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=167563) I told you about how my university studies was almost going to fail. Well, it may still go wrong, but I can tell you that last week I've started following courses again and it's going pretty well! It's a 4 week course and it's quite challenging and intensive, requiring me to work from 8.30 to 17.30 every day and also some time during evenings/weekends. I am happy to tell you that I succesfully completed the first week! :)

During my long studies I've struggled with such courses a lot, for many reasons; difficulty setting priorities, procrastination, fear of failure, panicking whenever I saw a formula, getting discouraged, lake of routine, skipping lectures (because I screwed up - for example when I procrastinated on my homework. Now I know that you should always go to lectures), etc.

Last week was not easy, I felt a lot of the negative emotions that have become associated with studying; fear, shame, guilt (which often caused me to act accordingly, leading to failure), but I also felt a lot of positive emotions, like excitement, curiosity and pride.

A challenging situation occured on Thursday. I procrastinated on my homework and then I felt that I should not go to lectures, that I was not worthy. Like I said already this happened a lot in the past, and if I skipped one lecture, often a lot would follow. But, somehow I managed to convince myself to go anyways and it was great. I found two other students who didn't make their assignments and just started working with them. The teacher was actually very proud of me (he told me) because I was able to explain a tough exercise (that I didn't prepare, I made it in class). This was very good for my confidence and it's also good for my work ethic; now I see that just showing up can be very rewarding!

I told you about the university deciding about whether I can complete my studies by following courses... instead of finishing my internship, which I'd been working on for a long time but I just could not finish it and it only brought me frustration. At the same time they will let me know whether or not I have to retake some of my old courses (20% of my courses has expired). My study supervisor said I would hear this before christmas, but I still haven't heard it. Last Monday I just went to her office to ask her why it's taking so long and if it's going to be ok and she said that she expected it to be ok.

So, I started my course that day. It may be my last (if the news is bad), but at least I have something worthwhile to do (and to enjoy) right now. It's nice that my mind is occupied by this, I don't feel so much fear anymore that everything will fail.

I hope that this fear will not come back and that all the other negative emotions will fade away, so that I can be succeseful and enjoy this last part of my time at uni.

I really appreciate all the kindness, advice and encouragement that I've got from you! It has really helped me! I expect to come here more often to read your stories and to ask advice about the (hopefully little) challenges that will come up.

GoalieMel33
01-12-15, 02:36 AM
Things seem to be going pretty well for you :) I hope that you're proud of yourself for improving and taking steps forward. Congratsulations on going to your classes, sometimes we might feel like we'd rather stay home but it feels so rewarding when you can tell yourself that you've taken the best decision and didn't regret it. And I know how great it is when you're finnally feeling that you're getting back on track.

It's funny because I can relate to a lot of what you wrote because I've gone through similar difficulties. I stuggled with motivation , lack of self discipline and proscrastination, in addition to having a hard time with classes, which would often leave me stressed, frustrated and depressed.

So yeah I can understand the emotional roller coaster that comes with school. I was denied the internships (since I didn't fit their typical profile) and even though I have finished all my courses & was done with college (except the interships) I ended up not getting my diploma and not knowing what to do with my life. It was crushing.

For a long time I felt like a failure, asked myself many times why was it happening and I wasn't good enough. However I didn't want to give up although it hurt. I sought help and after working on myself (also meeting a career counselor), I decided that I would try one more time. At first I didn't want to spend any more time at school but I've found a course in a similar field that I was studying, for 4 weeks as yours and have too completed the first week.

It's evening classes so it perfectly fits my lifestyle, we're a small group, emphasis is put on effort participation and presence, we don't get exams, the teaching is based on student's learning rate, and for the first time I really feel like I belong to the group and not just having teachers tell me that I'm not cut out for it...

Anyways, I hope things work out for you. We can do it, let's finish strong!

Jacksper
01-12-15, 03:18 PM
Thanks GoalieMel33! :)

Great to hear that you started you studies as well! Takes courage! What field are you in?

You'll be find! Keep me posted! ;)

GoalieMel33
01-12-15, 04:54 PM
Security, to become a security guard, I'd like to work at airports or armored transportation eventually! Before that I was studying youth and adult correctionnal intervention (which is similar to criminology).

What about you?