View Full Version : Advice 9yo saying mean stuff

01-12-15, 09:30 AM
So my son got moved up a school year, last week to try help out with some of the on-going school issues. He seems to really like the change and the challenge. School were really happy.

Then, get called into the heads office this morning to say, he had a call from parent on Friday to say, was my son a trouble maker and he had been teasing her son, in this new class.

Whilst my son is no saint, I am almost 100% sure he does not say things intentionally to hurt others. But, he has a sharp sense of humour and a sharp mouth at times.

The head was wanging on about the boys in his new class, being a sensitive bunch and how Charlie would not get another chance, that he didn't know what they were going to do with him. Harsh words to a 9yo. Who to be fair is pretty well behaved the majority of the time.

I have a meeting with the head and educational psychologist in an hours time.

I am not sure how to approach this. I feel a bit like Charlie is picked out for not conforming aswell as others.

I really cannot believe he is unkind for the sake of it, he just has a slightly twisted sense of humour, for a kid. He is dead funny to be around.

01-12-15, 09:48 AM
I can sort of see the school's dilemma. Even if Charlie has the best of intentions and doesn't mean to hurt anyone, his words might still be hurtful. For the kid at the receiving end of his humour, his intentions might not really make a difference in practical terms or soften the blow.

I have a friend like this, who has a very sharp tongue and a very sarcastic sense of humour and though he'd never mean to hurt anyone, his words still hurt and cause damage.

Could you maybe talk to your son and try to explain to him that some things even though they sound funny and contain no malice still better not be said? Or probably you've spoken to him already....sorry, if I'm stating the bleeding obvious..:o It would probably help though if you told the head that you have spoken or are going to speak to Charlie about this so they know that there is scope for improvement.

It depends of course on what exactly was said, but I'm afraid that if you deny any wrong doing and tell them that you think he's just being picked out for not conforming as well as others, they might think that his behaviour will never change and take more drastic measures. Unless, that is what they are obviously doing and he is getting picked on for no reason at all (as opposed to a sharp mouth, which I guess, can be seen or can be problematic).

Best of luck for the meeting. I hope they'll give him another chance and won't be too harsh on him.

01-13-15, 12:02 PM
exactly what was he saying?

01-14-15, 03:17 PM
I finally got told what he said. He called a boy king of the nerds. Another boy then made up a song, which apparently was my sons fault as well...pretty cross about that!

01-14-15, 10:05 PM
Sometimes when kids are put into a new situation where everyone else is familiar with each other, they try too hard to make an impression. Sometimes the impression is a negative one, because they don't really know how to fit in. I think the headmaster was pretty harsh on your son. I would ask him to cut your son some slack and let him get adjusted to the new situation. I would also talk to your son and let him know that it's OK to feel left out at first, but if he is nice to the other kids, they will accept him faster.

01-15-15, 05:56 AM
Not to downplay the situation but it doesn't sound that mean. It sounds like typical nine year old stuff. If your son was calling someone a fat ugly ho then I would say thats mean but king of the nerds should only require a quick reminder about being nice before moving on.

I finally got told what he said. He called a boy king of the nerds. Another boy then made up a song, which apparently was my sons fault as well...pretty cross about that!