View Full Version : ADD beyond the most commonly listed traits...


Elizabeth83
01-12-15, 11:34 AM
ADD seems to be wired into every single aspect of my life, all my actions, all my thoughts and there is no way to hide or escape from it. Everything I have ever done, all my habits and everything that frustrates me and holds me back in my life can be traced back to it.

You know how it takes FOREVER for you to realize stuff? I swear I have been angry at everything most of my life. I realize that I have a tendency to try to control other people because I can't control myself. I have the worst confidence and I am terribly hard on myself when I make mistakes. Does anyone else have a self-esteem that's almost non-existent?

I have come to realize that the ADD-pi tends to affect everyone differently. I just wonder if anyone shares the anger and frustration.

how many times in your life have you been so frustrated and wondered why you do a certain thing when you feel like you are supposed to act differently?


http://www.scatteredminds.com/ch1.htm

Read through the chapters. I read at work one day and made me tear up. :(

Fuzzy12
01-12-15, 12:04 PM
I'm diagnosed with ADHD - C but I hope you don't mind me posting anyway. My symptoms do look more predominantly inattentive anyway, I think.

I agree that ADHD affects every aspect of your life. I think, that the diagnostic list of criteria in the DSM really can only be used for diagnosis (though even for that it seems a bit sparse). It doesn't give a comprehensive overview of all the things we really struggle with.

I think, a lot of us suffer from low esteem probably resulting from years of underachieving, making mistakes and just being not very functional compared to our peers. I wonder if it's different if you were diagnosed during childhood and knew for most of your life that your failings were due to a disorder rather than due to moral or personality flaws. I always believed that I really was just generically lazy, crazy and stupid (which I might be anyway..:scratch::rolleyes:).

how many times in your life have you been so frustrated and wondered why you do a certain thing when you feel like you are supposed to act differently?

Pretty much every day for as long as I remember. Till I got diagnosed I was terrified because I just couldn't understand why I wasn't able to control my actions, thoughts and emotions or why I just couldn't do the things I KNEW I had to do (sometimes even wanted to do) and knew how to do. I just didn't do them.

I don't think I'm angry. If I'm angry it's mainly with myself. Well, actually I get very angry and frustrated with myself for not being able to do the things I need and want to do.

What exactly are you angry about?

Elizabeth83
01-12-15, 01:15 PM
Thanks for replying! I was diagnosed when I was a child by a specialist. I was put on Ritalin, but I didn't take it for very long. I don't remember it helping me much. I always knew something was wrong with me. I didn't really have parents that explained ADD to me. My dad is undiagnosed ADHD. My sister is the one that brought that to my attention last year and asked me why I hadn't noticed. A lot of hurt feelings in my childhood and so many misunderstandings about my father had now become clear. I'm 31 years old and it's taken me this long to really acknowledge and try to understand this ADD thing.

I considered trying medication several years ago, but I'm not the type who likes to take pills of any sort. I decided about 4 months ago that I was going to try something and then that led to all sorts of discoveries about myself. I'm glad I found this forum because it seems like there are lots of others out there who can really understand what I go through. I feel like an Alien a lot...


I have always been angry since I was a baby. My mother said I used to hold my breath until I passed out when I was mad. Very angry at myself a lot, but also angry at people in general for disappointing me and not living up to my expectations. It's probably got to do with me being unsatisfied with myself. I donno, but geez I can be hateful. I have seen this in pretty much every ADHD person I have known, it may be coincidental, but my father is a very angry person and someone else I knew for years with ADHD was so hateful and mean. he was always so loud and he did not hold anything back, such an intense "in your face" type and so quick to temper, same as my father. I had a bad temper when I was younger, but I seem to have gotten it under control.

Pilgrim
01-13-15, 02:25 AM
Probably the self esteem issues are the worst things to look in the mirror about.

I must say that I find medication a must. A little bit like the insulin for a diabetic.

This keeps me a lot calmer , positive and balanced throughout the day.

Before I was ' just don't get stuff' ,I don't really get that problem now.

dvdnvwls
01-13-15, 02:52 AM
I have come to realize that the ADD-pi tends to affect everyone differently. I just wonder if anyone shares the anger and frustration.

how many times in your life have you been so frustrated and wondered why you do a certain thing when you feel like you are supposed to act differently?


In my opinion, this is the core problem of ADHD for many of us; that we know what to do but are not able to act accordingly, we get blamed by ourselves and others for being "lazy, crazy, and/or stupid", and we become frustrated and ashamed.

Jongeman
01-15-15, 02:35 PM
Good point: knowing to do stuff, but just not able to.
And everybody has it. But we even have it with getting out of bed, making breakfast, going to work etc.

Elizabeth83, I feel you! Just yesterday night at a 'therapeutic session' we had to identify our major negative emotion which haunts us at a certain event.

I realized I am deeply, deeply unsatisfied with every aspect of life in every way. I hardly get pleasure from stuff except from drinking, flirting and eating haha. So horrible when you think about it.

And it permeates and effects everything I am, do and want I realized.

I'm going deeply into meditation since it is so beneficial. And I figured 'Yeah nice, really hands on man, nice work keeping up with the meditation. Everyting's cool, this is going somewhere.'
And yesterday night I realized that this deep, deep, DEEEEEP unsatisfied feeling is the root motivation for it. The core of all my actions haha. So horribel :(. I'm perhaps not necessarily acting out of motivation, but more to avoid this incredible void.

Not much use perhaps this 'depressing' story. But we all need this forum to tell our stories, relate to one another, and give advice when possible.

So here comes my advice:
Try the medication.

I'm a very pragmatic kind of guy, but also very focused on health. And struggling all your life, all these negative emotions all the time due to your condition, THESE ARE NOT AT ALL BENEFICIAL TO YOUR HEALTH.

So I'm on Dexamfetamine now, really helps, really does (for ADD-Inattentive, don't do the ritalin for ADD-inattentive, doesn't work. In the USA Adderall is the stuff that most resembles it I think).
I agree with what Pilgrim said. And perhaps I'm going to use the medication to direct my life in a way where I enjoy my job, some form of relationship etc. where my environment is stimulating enough so that I will not need them anymore.

And if you're still not in medication, try the herbal supplements: mucuna pruriens + Adaptynol. These combined have a powerfull effect.

Cheerio!
(do try SOME form of medication. Feeling angry and negative all the time is worse for your health and wellbeing than taking tried and tested 'chemicals', (which are actually very similar to your own neurotransmitters) )

oldtimer
03-26-15, 02:01 AM
Coffee and Ritalin help some but if I need to make sure 20,000 numbers were entered correctly I need at least adderal. I have checked something like that with Ritalin, got a complaint that a number was off then rechecked after taking high test and found 50 errors while I found few using Ritalin.

I walk with a notebook and jot down things I need to do as soon as I think of them. I check off the items as they are completed. This helps me organize.

RobboW
03-26-15, 04:15 AM
I'm really struggling with my life. Things are too busy for me and I feel I just haven't got the capacity to work more than about three days a week, but poor finances say we are going down fast! Life is chaotic, married with four children, I'm just overwhelmed by everything. My wife just doesn't understand. I believe she refuses to try. It's easier for her to throw around blame and accusations than to understand what's wrong with me. I'm treading water, I love her but can't give what she wants and her refusal to think about it is driving us apart. I have no idea where I'll be in a year. That's scary at 46....

sarahsweets
03-26-15, 04:28 AM
RobboW-
Have you considered coupes counseling? It may help her come to term with her anger and help you two work together.

RobboW
03-26-15, 04:42 AM
Sarah, she would never aknowledge any of our problems stem from her....
It would all be me. Really not worth it. I'll ride it out till the load lightens as the children get older, then re-assess. Have to see if there's life after kids or if nothing is left after they need us less. I'm not organised enough to really do anything about it and things are just too chaotic for me to improve.

I'm not depressed about it, just how it is. I can't help it. I find things for me to enjoy.

ferez21
05-03-15, 04:30 PM
Yep, having ADHD is frustrating, and it doesn't matter what sub-type you have, i believe we can all relate with most of the symptoms, or at least understand them.

A few days ago i thought about how can i describe my ADHD by a single sentence, and i came up with that:

"It seems we are in a constant struggle in which we waste most of our time, only to try and bring ourselves to a starting point, from which we will be able to do things and actions that are trivial for the majority of people"

Anyway, that's how i feel most of the time.

Pilgrim
05-04-15, 05:24 AM
[QUOTE=ferez21;1730821]

A few days ago i thought about how can i describe my ADHD by a single sentence, and i came up with that:

[B][I]"It seems we are in a constant struggle in which we waste most of our time, only to try and bring ourselves to a starting point, from which we will be able to do things and actions that are trivial for the majority of people"[/

I find the first part of his is correct. Although the second part I do a lot better.

icarusinflames
05-04-15, 09:06 AM
Yep, having ADHD is frustrating, and it doesn't matter what sub-type you have, i believe we can all relate with most of the symptoms, or at least understand them.

A few days ago i thought about how can i describe my ADHD by a single sentence, and i came up with that:

"It seems we are in a constant struggle in which we waste most of our time, only to try and bring ourselves to a starting point, from which we will be able to do things and actions that are trivial for the majority of people"

Anyway, that's how i feel most of the time.


This is the story of my life! I can totally relate to the original poster too. The anger thing I know well, although I have internalized everything it seems in order to avoid the guilt of hating my parents. I love them. But yeah, I have at times hated them. I hate myself but I love myself. I love some people, but I hate them. I'm repelled by humanity, but I'm drawn and attracted and think of humanity quite a lot in good, neutral and sometimes bad ways. on and on. I often could relate to a couple of characters from the original wizard of oz by L. Frank Baum. One was the tinman, who because he considered himself to not have a heart, was very careful to avoid hurting people (which was actually a sign that he had a great heart):

“You people with hearts,' he said once, 'have something to guide you, and need never do wrong; but I have no heart, and so I must be very careful.”

I often thought that my desire to retreat from situations was to avoid causing more trouble or antagonizing some individual, or just to basically split and everyone would probably be relieved. To think of your avoidance as a way to prevent more misunderstandings is rather sad though. There were many collaborative efforts I did that I ended up dumping like that.

Also, the could relate to the cowardly lion who felt he had no courage, yet he was always the one to act quickly to rescue or help when there was an emergency. I always noticed how hesitant I was to act in general, but then if there was a sense of emergency or urgency, I could act and do all kinds of things that people may commend me for later, like helping a lot during a severe earthquake situation.

One thing that always confused me was that when I would get angry, I would cry sometimes (especially in private). I realize now that what i called anger was really extreme frustration. People see me as angry because I am comfortable with confrontation and I also can be too direct. I am unafraid of anger talk, although the stress of it all makes me feel sick so I tend to avoid it.

Elizabeth83
05-31-15, 02:58 PM
Wow, that is a new eye opening thing you said there. I had never considered that the anger could be coming from all the frustration I feel with myself and dealing with life in general.

Greyhound1
05-31-15, 03:14 PM
Wow, that is a new eye opening thing you said there. I had never considered that the anger could be coming from all the frustration I feel with myself and dealing with life in general.

I think Icarus, makes a great point.

Through out life all of my frustrations usually lead to anger or anxiety. Many times they begin with anxiety and my frustrations mount.

Once, my anxiety reaches a certain critical point, it usually converts into anger or irritability.

Pilgrim
05-31-15, 04:42 PM
I made a breakthrough lately. I realize that my anxiety reaches like devour pitch, I use to think this was just a form of extreme confusion but it's not.

Now that I know this is part of ADD I see the ability to think clearer.