View Full Version : bed and pants wetting, age 13


hotwired
01-13-15, 06:52 AM
Hi all,
My 13 year old daughter was diagnosed with ADHD years ago, and is currently leading a pretty successful little life with Focalin XR 20mg -- we cut her down a few mg in summer to keep her tolerance from increasing (yeah I know, shaky science ... but after 6 years she's barely budged from her current dose). She is in 8th grade and takes high school algebra 1, high honors, Christian private school, and rides horses competively. We're very very blessed to be able to structure her life in such a way that supports her "type."

She does still have a couple of problems in the bladder area. She wets the bed maybe every other month (down from 2x week just a few years ago) and also holds her pee till the last minute. Many times she comes home from school with big wet spot and legs crossed limping to the bathroom. Wife likes to punish because she's convinced it's laziness. I don't like to punish because even though I think there might be a LITTLE laziness in there, I don't think that's the whole story. She has a great life all in all so the fact that she never got to have a single overnight with a friend isn't cause for a lifetime of therapy but I sure wish I could press a magic button and make this go away for her. Her childhood isn't over yet...there's still time.

Anyone else find a successful solution to this?

Thank you so very much.

busymomonli
01-13-15, 10:11 AM
First thing I would do is see her primary doctor. There could be medical reasons for her accidents, there are a number of medical conditions for which this is a symptom.

If all checks out okay, I would address is psychologically. Does she have anxiety about using public toilets? And, this is personal, but is she of womanhood yet? How is she handling that when she is holding her pee so long?

Could you arrange for her to use a private bathroom in the nurses office at school? Maybe talk to her teacher about allowing her a special time to go so she doesn't have to raise her hand in class?

Fuzzy12
01-13-15, 10:26 AM
I doubt it's laziness. It can't be very pleasant for her.

I was going to suggest to check first if there isn't a medical problem.

Also, some GPs can refer you to a sort of training class about bladder control. Also, there are some drinks that can stimulate your bladder (e.g. anything with caffeine or certain herbal teas).

Umm...I do sometimes delay going to the toilet till the last minute just because I'm engrossed in something else or just don't feel like getting up.

What does your daughter say about this? Why does she think it happens? If it usually happens on the way home from school then maybe the problem is that she can't get to a toilet quickly enough. Maybe she could try going to the toilet every time before she leaves a building (irrespective of whether she feels a strong urge to go or not) or just before going to bed at night.

In practical terms, maybe wearing a sanitary pad might help till these accidents can be avoided.

Lunacie
01-13-15, 11:42 AM
My 13 year old granddaughter (dx autism) also has this problem,
occasionally during the day,
especially when her mind is occupied with other things,
and until recently every single night.
She wears pull ups to bed.
Lately we've found her bed dry some mornings. Yay!

It's actually something I still struggle with occasionally,
and I'm a 64 year old grandmother. I use bladder control pads.

Sometimes the signals to the brain are lacking or mixed up.
Sometimes the bladder is smaller than normal.
Sometimes the bladder is overactive.
It is not because the bladder (or the child) is lazy.

I agree that you should discuss this with the pediatrician or doctor first.
But shaming and blaming and punishing doesn't help with this.At.All.

TygerSan
01-13-15, 11:49 AM
Does she have problems with the daytime wetting at home also, or is it only at the end of the school day?

It could be that she's too shy/afraid to ask to use the bathroom during the day at school for whatever reason.

The night time wetting sounds like it's beginning to resolve itself a bit. Sometimes ADHD comes with sleep disturbances, and sometimes sleeping really deeply does prevent one from waking in time to deal with urges.

hotwired
01-17-15, 09:01 AM
Thanks all. She doesn't seem to have any useful input. But this is how she is with some of her problems like this. She either is truly out of touch with what's going on with her or she doesn't feel comfortable sharing. I'm going to talk to her doctor myself during this year's checkup. I don't buy the laziness thing a bit myself. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but some things just don't fit, and laziness is one of them.

Her main problems during the day are when she's engrossed in something. This seems to be common. I've most LIKELY got ADHD and I notice myself that when I'm working on someething I'll squirm like a trapped squirrel but not consciously create the thought that I need to RISE FROM THE CHAIR. I don't have accidents but that's just because I have a strong bladder or urethra I'm guessing. Otherwise I'd be a mess.

She is very outgoing and extroverted BUT (with most ADHD type personalities) she may be absolutely mortified talking about something like this...she may have it in her head that using the bathroom in school, everyone in the entire class is whispering about her or something. I know irrational thoughts do sometimes cloud things here and add a layer of complexity and mystery.

she does have pads on her bed and when on vacation it's pullups every night. I would so love for her 14th year to be free of this. I'll keep trying. Doctor first. Thank you again.

daveddd
01-17-15, 09:34 AM
it could be an issue of body/mind communication, thats common in autism disorders, and maybe some adhd

Fortune
01-17-15, 10:02 AM
But shaming and blaming and punishing doesn't help with this.At.All.

This right here. This is huge. Punishing can make this a lot worse and provoke lots of anxiety about it, which won't help in the least.

And I mean, who lazies themselves into embarrassment and extreme physical discomfort?

KentUnknown
01-17-15, 06:11 PM
Please do not punish or make her feel bad, i used to wet the bed up until maybe 10, with occasions until 12 or 13. The main thing that helped me was this sensor (sorry i dont know the name) and it beeped every time it felt even a drop at night. I used to get shamed for wetting the bed Every. Single. time. Not only does it make you feel inadequate, but makes you feel like something is wrong with you and you don't deserve your bed.
I am sure there are ways to relax your child so she doesn't worry about it as much. I to this day have several bathroom trips a night and I have learnt to deal with it by pretty much sleep walking to do it so I can easily fall back asleep. Good luck!

ccom5100
01-17-15, 09:46 PM
could the horseback riding have anything to do with her condition?

MrsNewton
01-17-15, 11:55 PM
Hi all,
My 13 year old daughter was diagnosed with ADHD years ago, and is currently leading a pretty successful little life with Focalin XR 20mg -- we cut her down a few mg in summer to keep her tolerance from increasing (yeah I know, shaky science ... but after 6 years she's barely budged from her current dose). She is in 8th grade and takes high school algebra 1, high honors, Christian private school, and rides horses competively. We're very very blessed to be able to structure her life in such a way that supports her "type."

She does still have a couple of problems in the bladder area. She wets the bed maybe every other month (down from 2x week just a few years ago) and also holds her pee till the last minute. Many times she comes home from school with big wet spot and legs crossed limping to the bathroom. Wife likes to punish because she's convinced it's laziness. I don't like to punish because even though I think there might be a LITTLE laziness in there, I don't think that's the whole story. She has a great life all in all so the fact that she never got to have a single overnight with a friend isn't cause for a lifetime of therapy but I sure wish I could press a magic button and make this go away for her. Her childhood isn't over yet...there's still time.

Anyone else find a successful solution to this?

Thank you so very much.


I can tell you that as a 32 year old adult, sometimes I am so pre-occupied with life that I forget I have to pee until I am about ready to burst. I would be willing to bet any amount of money that it is NOT laziness, NO ONE likes the feeling of having to urinate badly.

I'm really concerned that someone would punish their child for having bladder accidents. Something like that is almost always physiological or medical.

There are people who report incontinence as a side effect of this med, so I would look into that as well.

MrsNewton
01-17-15, 11:58 PM
I would also encourage her to do kegel exercises. They will strengthen her pelvic floor and make it easier to retain urine.

She just needs to contract the muscles used to stop the flow of urine.

10x and do 3 reps several times a day. Should help.