View Full Version : The Proverbial Poo Hitting The Fan.....

01-13-15, 08:28 AM

Well. Got some ill-timed news yesterday.
Company I have worked for, for the past 10 years had some upper management changes in the summer, and has now become apparent it's for cleaning house / restructuring / centralizing / thinning the herd etc.

Unfortunately, middle management is part (and mostly) of that and it shall include me.

This throws a very large wrench in everything. I make a very good salary for the area (rural) I work in, and my company employs a good chunk of the area... so how do we even begin damage control?

In terms of crisis situations / major life changes, are there things that tended to help or 'this is what not to do'?

I'm terrified of a lot of things right now, but especially my partner panicking and either setting him back, or having him become paralyzed with fear and/or pressure.

Any advice? Words of wisdom? Immediate coping tips? Psychic winning lottery numbers? ;)

When life gives you lemons - make lemonade.
When life drops a grenade - try to run for cover and wait out the aftershock.

Sigh. Sucky, especially with my income being the consistent and reliable (long term) one, but all you can do is look forward. No date yet, just the knowledge it's coming. Yay business.

Thanks in advance for reading and responding.

-Soon To Be Hairless Mittens

01-13-15, 04:59 PM
Golly, Mittens,

What really bad news. Keep us abreast of how things go. Please do. That you're in a rural area means numerically fewer job opportunities... what an awful situation.

It's a minor suggestion, but I think it works: you, and you and your partner are going to go through some upsetting days: news comes in, which requires things like unusual activity or emergency talk, to deal...

Try to keep doing the parts of daily routine going that give you, or him, or the two of you comfort and a sense of life as usual. If ordinarily when you get up, you open the blinds for the light, keep doing that on schedule; don't let the house stay darkened. If he has a routine of retiring into his space at a certain time, keep that schedule going. That means you'll have to time the Big Discussions, I know... If you have a nook of the house that is your space for your own thoughts, use it (and you might consider dealing with the challenging, upsetting thinking somewhere else than the nook, like as you're vacuuming, so your nook remains your place to go to be well). If you have a daily habit of doing a small affectionate gesture to your partner, continuing to do it will help him and help you. I hope that's enough examples to suggest what I mean. You need to keep your chosen regularity of domestic life going, as a counterbalance to the bad news.

:) Do you have any preferred ways of blowing off steam, if you need to, in a way that doesn't alarm your partner? :) A monk I knew once told me, "honey, you've just gotten some very irritating bad news. Its all right to scream into your pillow."

Well, I'm not a pillow screamer, but it made me smile to think that he had figured out a way to vent that allowed a real scream, but wouldn't alarm the very quiet life of the other monks in his monastery.

01-13-15, 06:57 PM

Biggest sympathy and concern for you at this challenging time. You had so much on your plate already and now … this. What a shame. I'm sure you'll get through this, and you know that you should use any coping tactic you can think of (with or without pillows!) I think the most important thing is to keep some small pleasures, comforts and private relaxations, just for you, in every day. If you don't, you can get so worn down and discouraged that it's hard to keep striving.

Two thoughts for you:

1) It is a cliche that could be annoying to hear at this tough time, but sometimes getting a big push from fate like this can take you to a new good place. So, don't rule out the idea that you may end up somewhere positive after you get through the immediate difficulties. Change is hard but it can be good.

2) Everyone is different, of course, but I have sometimes seen my partner pull himself together with great success when sudden crisis occurs. Not always, sure--and I definitely understand and sympathize with your worries that this job crisis maybe hard on your partner or lead to him panicking. But you never know, and maybe he will be able to bring his best stuff to this emergency situation.

As Pentax said, please keep us posted on what comes next for you. My thoughts are with you--

01-13-15, 10:32 PM
The tough part is I have no idea when - could be in 3 weeks, could be in 6 months. Scary stuff.

I do honestly believe though that everything happens for a reason, and beyond a shadow of a doubt if we can make it through all this, there literally will be nothing we can't tackle lol.

Thank you for the practical advice and encouraging words - that is exactly what I / we need right now.

I'm not sure how, but it *will* work out.

Not sure what I would do without this forum, especially times like this.

01-13-15, 10:52 PM
I'm too pooped to form helpful thoughts at the moment, but love what's been shared so far, and just wanted to share some hugs. :grouphug:

02-10-15, 08:15 PM
Sorry to hear this news Mittens - hopefully it's later rather than sooner. Just keep the communication lines open and prepare as much as you can having some knowledge and time to prepare. good luck.

02-13-15, 05:13 AM
Brief update.

My husband is doing amazing.
He is absolutely business focused and getting more done than I have ever seen him.

He was extremely stressed because he has a project he is doing for me for Valentine’s Day - and he told me that it probably wouldn't be ready till a couple weeks after. This may sound minor, but he was stressing *SO* bad that it wouldn't be ready, and I told him that I really appreciated him telling me, and who cares about a date? So what if we have our own day on another date? He gave me a heads up, and not only (to me) did that say that he was considerate enough to let me know, but it also showed the fore sight for him to tell me to ease the pressure on himself, and that in turn made me feel really good because he was happier as a result. Again, sounds minor, but it just meant the world to me and was something that was a big thing in my eyes and a very big positive.

I'm still struggling (badly) with the whole 'bed rest' thing, but I am working on it.

Tester has been truly trying, and he even went to an ADD meeting type get together (on entirely his own idea and accord) and it was in the city, so I told him my 'contribution' would be driving him there so he wouldn't have to worry about finding somewhere new on top of being on time, on top of going somewhere and doing something entirely new and probably pretty scary. It was great. I did some running around while he was in his get together and he came out with some great thoughts and take-away's. He even helped a young man's non-add mom understand a bit more about her son, and in turn saw and understood (from seeing it from the outside) things from my perspective as well -so all in all a really, really great experience for him.

I am so, so, so proud of him. Nothing is perfect, but he is really trying and it definitely is so extremely apparent.

So, nothing overly exciting to update, but some definitely good things and confidence things are going in a great direction. I really am a very lucky woman.

Happy Valentine's Day :)

-A Smitten Mittens

02-13-15, 05:22 AM
I just realized I thought I had included something but didn't - unfortunately my doctor put me off of work on medical leave. I saw one of my specialists and after his conclusions I am off (so far) till the end of February when we'll have a 'review' and he'll let me know when I can return to work or how much longer i'll be off for. There's a bunch of medication changes and such and my body just hit boiling point, so now I am on bed rest until my body sorts itself out and gets back on an even keel.

Talk about adding more to an already not so great turn of events - however, Tester is taking it in stride and we are taking it one day at a time. He stresses about me over doing things right now, and as a man that worry tends to come out as aggression, but we are working on it. We still have a long ways to go in terms of communication but it is getting better.

Fingers crossed.

I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I may not know the specifics right now but I am a firm believer in 'everything is okay in the end, and if it's not okay, than it's not the end.'

Sorry for the reverse update, I blame the medications, lol. Yay for not-smart moments!

Happy Friday :)

02-13-15, 08:30 AM
Love your tattoo, Mittens. Tester's a great guy. You take care and mend. Thinking about you both.

02-13-15, 09:50 AM
Thank you for the update! You are Tester are in my thoughts and prayers!

02-14-15, 05:30 AM
I'm not sure if this worked, I tried to upload 2 pictures because it was just so amazing to me and I just had to share.

The surprise project that Tester was working on.

Our house is about 100 years old and our front door is missing the glass out of it - I always said I wanted to replace it with stained glass... and he designed and made this.

It's not finished, but it is already stunning.

Sorry, had to have a 'oh my goodness, I feel like the luckiest gal in the world' moment :)

That man has more creativity in his pinky than I will ever have in my life.

Anyhow, I hope everyone had an amazing Friday the 13th.

Who says you have to have holidays on specific days just because other people say so?

It may sound silly, but as much as ADD has its challenges, it clearly is not without its gifts - as well as valuable lessons. This forum has been a major contributing factor in allowing me to see it, and that is invaluable.

02-14-15, 03:03 PM
Wow, how cool is that? :goodpost:

02-14-15, 09:33 PM
It's beautiful!

02-15-15, 03:43 AM
Really cool!!!!!

02-15-15, 05:49 AM
Looks great!

02-16-15, 12:34 PM
Love the updates and the door!

02-17-15, 12:55 PM
awwww shucks :) **blushing**