View Full Version : What about me?


Cecily
01-13-15, 09:18 PM
Am I supposed to just absorb and compensate for my husbands struggle with ADD and a mood disorder (they think it's hypomanic bipolar)?

He tries so hard to love me and the kids and oh, he can do so well! When he screws up and is very mean or really self-centered, he always later apologizes sincerely. For him to see how much he hurts me it often sends him right down into the vortex of hopelessness and self-hatred that I so desperately don't want him to go down! I'm left hurt and powerless again.

So, here I am trying to be patient and forgiving because that what couples do, right? He is going to counseling and taking meds for ADD and a mood stabilizer (still trying to figure the right dose). He has a good heart and he's seeking help, but regardless, when he is downright mean, breaks his word again and again and again, offers little appreciation and just takes advantage of my work and effort for him and our family, or refuses to help me even when I ask for help.... It can't help but hurt. I bleed. It doesn't matter whether the arrow was shot on purpose or blindly or by a guy with a gimpy arm who apologizes profusely.... I bleed, dammit.

I have my own baggage and anxiety issues. What about me? Would somebody be concerned about me, please? He thinks I'm so strong and amazing.... When should I just get so, so angry? When should I say enough is enough. He's trying... and I love him so much. But he's breaking us and I'm weakening.

Is it possible to find peace in a relationship like this? Or should I resign myself to placing an emotional barrier around myself so that I can survive living in close proximity to him?

Lunacie
01-13-15, 09:59 PM
What would your role be if your husband were diagnosed with MS?

Either way, therapy or a support group for yourself would be a good idea.
Couples therapy couldn't hurt either.

And check out Gina Pera's book "Is It You, Me, Or Adult ADHD?"

Pilgrim
01-13-15, 11:19 PM
How long has he been on medication?

VeryTired
01-13-15, 11:28 PM
Hi, Cecily--

Your lament goes right to my heart. I think I know what you are feeling, and how hard it is. Lunacie just gave you several very important responses, with great economy of words. I won't repeat her suggestions, but will instead expand upon the them of you-are-not-alone. I think many partners of people with ADHD (+ co-morbidities) can understand what you are feeling.

You certainly are not supposed to just absorb and compensate for your husband--not at all. Feeling that way is a sign of life out of balance. You have to be free to live your own life for you, and to concentrate on your own needs as well as his. You have to be clear about all the ways in which you cannot help him, and how he is autonomous even if you play many important supportive roles. You can't have your whole life be absorbed by kids' and husband's needs.

Please do things which help you--you alone--be safe and well and whole and happy. You won't be able to take care of your kids or support your husband unless you yourself are well. You know what they say about putting on your own oxygen mask first …

I have had the conversation with my partner a million times about how if he hurts me me, then I hurt--even if he didn't intend to hurt me or later regrets having done so. We get nowhere--it is a miserable and circular conversation. I don't know why what is so clear to me makes so little sense to him, but that's how it is. So now I try to avoid re-having that conversation since it isn't a productive one. But I can tell you that I really recognized that you were saying here and I feel your pain. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad about this, but it makes me feel better, strangely, to know I am not alone in having this problem, and I hope your hearing my experience will make you feel as though you're not alone either.

Sometimes it's great to be the strong one, to play the role of the rock in the relationship, to be recognized as strong by one's partner. But--what about when one is sick or sad or scared? Then, all of a sudden being expected to play the role of strength is problematic. Giving support all the time and feeling one cannot receive it in return is a dangerous position to be in. That's why therapy just for you might be really important to get right now.

Your last question breaks my heart to see in your sad post. I have asked this myself, many times. For me, it looks as though "peace" as I understand it isn't ever going to be available in the context of this relationship. Sometimes I think I can learn to be OK with it, other times I think it's not OK with me. No definite answer yet. As for the emotional barriers, I have been wrestling with that for a few years now.

The barrier thing started when my partner's intense hyperfocus on me and our relationship ended with a sudden bump. He began to put up barriers himself. Then I began to realize that to survive many of our difficulties, challenges and conflicts, I would have to separate myself more and more. I don't know how much barrier-building and apartness will work for us without meaning we just drift apart. I often feel that the more barriers I put up to protect myself, the more unlikely I am making it that we will end up happy and well together.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that my best help comes from reading and writing here at the Forums. It has made a gigantic (positive!) difference in my world. And therapy--for myself--helps me a great deal, while my partner attends group therapy for adults with ADHD and it has made an astonishing difference in him. It helps him more than any other thing so far. If that's an option for your husband, maybe you could suggest he give it a try.

Hang in there--keep posting--let us know how it goes--

Lunacie
01-14-15, 01:15 AM
Is it possible to find peace in any relationship? Emotions make that difficult.

I suspect some relationships are more peaceful than others though.

Mine certainly wasn't peaceful. But we divorced before I was diagnosed.

dvdnvwls
01-14-15, 02:28 AM
I've been there, but on the other side of the equation. I know that you're hurt, and I may know some of why. I wish I could send a brain scan of what I've seen so that you could look at things from the other direction.

My post may be kind of "raw" emotionally, because when I talk about this stuff I reach back to an unhappy time in my life to find the words and feelings. I am not so much like this now.

About the taking advantage:

(and this is a serious and sincere question)

What other choice does he have? How could he be not taking advantage of the work you do?

________________________________________

About your pain, and the feeling that no one cares or is concerned about you:

I have a strong gut feeling that both of you are in this kind of pain. I think he may view a great deal of your hard work and effort as something you do mainly for your own benefit, your own peace of mind, your own social image, your own self-image - in a word, selfish. (I don't say he's right, just that that's possibly part of his thought process.) It's possible that he is confused over how you could think that doing work on his behalf shows concern or love. Keeping your focus on the tasks that need doing becomes your own dangerous vortex, because it pulls you emotionally away from him and into your own private non-relationship space. Building your emotional barrier makes it even worse.

I believe (from a "potentially sick/unbalanced ADHDer's point of view") that if you plan to build any kind of emotional barrier then you might as well just leave him now and get it over with; the "emotional you" is exactly who he needs most, and is exactly (whether just in his mind or out loud) what he's crying out for.

I beg you instead to smash the emotional barrier, make an effort to escape your endless task vortex, go to him, and allow yourself to be vulnerable and imperfect and emotional and real. Despite his failures, he needs you as a loving spouse far more than he needs a bill-payer/housekeeper/problem-solver - and you need him as a loving spouse far more than you need him as another kid or as a junior business partner, roles he's not much good at anyway. If he believes that you are withdrawing emotionally, he takes the withdrawal as a sign of non-confidence and non-love, and he will very quickly move to thinking "What's the point, I might as well be dead", where he will try even less than he does now. The fact that you care emotionally and that you are there with him holding his hand probably matters a great deal to him; the fact that you have cleaned the house or paid the bills is probably neither here nor there.

(There might be indignant questions at this point: "Doesn't he see that these things need to be done? Does he think the jobs just get done by fairies???". The answer to both questions is "No, he doesn't and can't see that things need to be done, it's called ADHD.")

To over-over-oversimplify, be emotionally vulnerable, hug each other more often, and let more tasks slide if that's what it takes to have the time and energy to connect emotionally.

________________________________________


When there are certain things in which he has proven he can't keep his word, stop asking for his word - in fact stop even agreeing to take his word on those things. Those areas of life will have to be changed to accommodate reality (e.g. "OK, we know he's not going to do that, now what?"). That's not easy, but it's easier and healthier than constant broken promises.

Mittens
01-14-15, 03:31 AM
It's late, and I unfortunately can't do the justice a response to all of these posts deserves - but wow.

Just wow.

I can't form words but this strikes so many chords on both sides.

Thank you.

Pentax
01-14-15, 09:27 AM
Cecily, welcome to the site. I'm very glad you're here and hope it helps you

Am I supposed to just absorb and compensate for my husbands struggle with ADD and a mood disorder (they think it's hypomanic bipolar)?

He tries so hard to love me and the kids and oh, he can do so well! When he screws up and is very mean or really self-centered, he always later apologizes sincerely. For him to see how much he hurts me it often sends him right down into the vortex of hopelessness and self-hatred that I so desperately don't want him to go down! I'm left hurt and powerless again.

So, here I am trying to be patient and forgiving because that what couples do, right? He is going to counseling and taking meds for ADD and a mood stabilizer (still trying to figure the right dose). He has a good heart and he's seeking help, but regardless, when he is downright mean, breaks his word again and again and again, offers little appreciation and just takes advantage of my work and effort for him and our family, or refuses to help me even when I ask for help.... It can't help but hurt. I bleed. It doesn't matter whether the arrow was shot on purpose or blindly or by a guy with a gimpy arm who apologizes profusely.... I bleed, dammit.

I have my own baggage and anxiety issues. What about me? Would somebody be concerned about me, please? He thinks I'm so strong and amazing.... When should I just get so, so angry? When should I say enough is enough. He's trying... and I love him so much. But he's breaking us and I'm weakening.

Is it possible to find peace in a relationship like this? Or should I resign myself to placing an emotional barrier around myself so that I can survive living in close proximity to him?

What about me, as well as him, is an excellent question. The solution to your needs and wellbeing isnt always setting them aside, to engage sensitively and supportively with his needs and wellbeing. I know from your post that you know that, so I'm just wanting from my own life experience with a man I love very much to reinforce firmly that abandoning your own needs, just taking it on the chin when due to His ADHD he does something hurtful or unusually self centered is not the way to go. Overall he loves you or those efforts and his recognition of his impact on others and apologies wouldnt be happening. I have hope for you two. you both want te relation and are tackling things

No, being a patient forgiving occasional punching bag is not the way to go. And although I believe very strongly that learning (this site is great) about the feelings, life history of difficulty, limitations and ways of deailing with them that people with ADHD describe will be ongoing help in managing your own expectations and attitudes regarding your partner, getting sympathetically farther into his life does not speak to the questions that you asked

You asked, what about me (too)? It's a real, human, necessary question in a relation. I agree, it plain wont work for the long haul, for you to be the habitual absorber of his acting out when he's in trouble. He may not have a handle, or a good handle yet, that in a relation, there can be accumulating effect. If he is unable to see that repeated lashing out or repeated failing to do what he promised is more than the impact of one incident but also is teaching you through showing you a pattern of actions that he initiates, plus conditioning you to avoid him (please do read about the mechanics of conditioning) , new board friend cicely, you're going to have to self care about that area of your relation until he does get a good view of the accumulating effect of his actions. Its the accumulation of effect, the repetition of something harmful to one's loved one, that really begins to corrode...

A therapist will help in this area. I'm working on This area right now. Believe me, for the longest time, my partner did not believe the report of my feelings. He couldnt see them, and wasnt great at predicting impact of his actions on me. Until if even only for the tactics of interaction, he began accepting my account of my insides, and until I started taking action for my own well being during his tirades, not fighting back because i felt unjustly treated, but removing myself one way or another from the tirade, my partner and I didnt end up well after the lashing out. I wish you so much well, as you find your way. No you dont have to stand there and take it. Forgiveness is a big subject, so I wont veer off into it. Forgiveness doesnt mean keeping yourself vulnerable

I've written enouh for one post so will stop, but have some strong opinions about emotional vulnerability, emtional barriers and personal boundaries. I agree with parts of what others have written in answer to your question about this, but not all. I'd choose to talk about healthy personal boundaries, which in my mind and as they seem to work in my life, are not barriers, walls, but something else. Just one remark on that big topic: I have never, ever, ever in my life had to insist as explicitly, repeatedly (because he doesnt see, he forgets), and very often daily, with such vigor, on my needs and that yes, I WILL take care of them, than I'm learning to so and have to learn to do with my partner, who very often doesnt observe me, and due to the needs of his condition is deeply habituated to tending what he can see, which is himself.

Increasing emotional vulnerability, in the particular matters you asked about, which were lashing out and his failing to do what he promised, is not the way to go. Being more emotionally open to him will do neither of you any good regarding his lashing out. But closing off generally in the relation isnt good either, for reasons given. either. This, exactly is one of the major tensions. But Yet its Ok, its very Ok, to find your own emotional limits, and only you can tend those, he cant, they're yours

Oh eyeroll, too, about being expected to, or by default, getting thrust into being the "strong one". Yet another big topic.

Cicely:grouphug:

mamaluv
01-14-15, 10:55 AM
I can't even begin to imagine what it is like to have an ADHD brain. I am however, a parent of a 9 year old boy with ADHD (medicated adderrall) and a boyfriend (refuses medication and therapy). I am "in the middle" of two people I love very much yet my patience is very thin.

My son needs to be reminded every morning to brush his teeth and change his clothes. He remembers he has to take his pill because he can concentrate at school and it makes him feel smart. It really breaks my heart that he has to struggle so much. At bedtime my reward is that he brushes my hair because he knows it feels good and it relaxes me.

I don't get a reward from my boyfriend. I did in the beginning because his focus was on me, but now all he does is stick his face in his phone. I think I fell in love with him because he reminded me to have fun and be more adventurous, but most days I'm left wondering what I'm doing trying to get conversation from someone who is so "disinterested" in what I have to say.

I have my own hobbies, friends, keep myself busy, do everything in the house myself.

I can't help but distance myself. When I think about how much I do on my own, its like I'm single but faithful to him.

I hope my son excels in life and finds someone to compliment his personality. I am working with him to teach him life skills and to have fun.

I hope that someday soon I can remember why I fell in love with my boyfriend. Until then I continue to work on me.

Pentax
01-14-15, 11:44 AM
Here's a hug, mamaluv

VeryTired
01-14-15, 07:42 PM
mamaluv--

Big sympathy to you. Sounds tough. Maybe things can or will change some day if your boyfriend feels able to reconsider regarding medication or therapy.

mamaluv
01-14-15, 10:03 PM
I wish only the best for him but it has to be his choice. I wish I could rely on him and he wishes I would lighten up....lol when he becomes more responsible I will lighten up!

ToneTone
01-14-15, 10:09 PM
He's going to counseling. Why not you?

You are in one of the most exquisitely painful and difficult dilemmas of modern relationships. In order to resolve the issue in a way you find satisfactory, you absolutely have to be at your very best. That makes cleaning up every bit of your own baggage that blinds you to creative moves and solutions. That means developing new emotional muscles and skills that would help you manage this present relationship while taking care of yourself at the same time.

With a good therapist (someone sharp, who gets you and who you like) you can become more aware of your blind spots. You can possibly see options and possibilities for responding to him that you may not be thinking about right now.

Also, there's a chance to get to the deeper issue that is usually involved here, which means identifying what got in the way of you standing up for yourself before now, before this present crisis? And then ... of course, to begin to build new muscles to stand up for yourself and your needs in a consistent way.

I have ADHD, but I empathize quite a bit with partners of ADHDers because, despite my own struggles, I have had a pattern of getting into relationships with people who were even lower functioning than I was ... I had an awful pattern of disregarding red flags in relationships and pushing forward only to face a massive head-on collision that left all kinds of injuries and wounds in the process.

One problem people in relationships with lower functioning partners have is that by failing to stand up for ourselves, we actually block the other partner from receiving accurate information about us, about what makes us happy and what makes us miserable.

And these are all issues that can be worked on in therapy.

Good luck.

Tone

Stevuke79
01-15-15, 12:35 AM
Listen to VeryT. As far as I'm concerned she's our forum expert on this subject.

I'm probably a lot like your husband and I'm really sympathetic to how hard this must be for you. I really feel bad for my wife who has to adjust her life so that we can effectively share responsibility. Ultimately she picks up a lot of slack in many ways and it's hard. You guys need support too.

My wife does talk to a therapist and I think it's a good thing. It's definitely helped our relationship and just her life in general.

Best of luck!

Pentax
01-15-15, 06:06 AM
He's going to counseling. Why not you?

You are in one of the most exquisitely painful and difficult dilemmas of modern relationships. In order to resolve the issue in a way you find satisfactory, you absolutely have to be at your very best. That makes cleaning up every bit of your own baggage that blinds you to creative moves and solutions. That means developing new emotional muscles and skills that would help you manage this present relationship while taking care of yourself at the same time.

With a good therapist (someone sharp, who gets you and who you like) you can become more aware of your blind spots. You can possibly see options and possibilities for responding to him that you may not be thinking about right now....



Thanks as always, Tone. :) Yes it does shine a light on the baggage.

TLCisaQT
02-10-15, 08:30 PM
Just reading your post, my heart hurt for you.... and for me... and for everyone struggling to make it work with those they love who struggle with adhd. The positive is that he is working towards getting help and trying to make things better, but that will take everything likely that he has - so, for now, he won't be able to give outside of himself to others for awhile. You will have to be the one for you and the kids , which is probably how it's been anyways. I go to therapy and take medication myself - if it weren't for that, I probably wouldn't function myself!!! One thing I noticed lately is, I'm just too tired to "fight." I used to think I had to be the "strong" one or the "rock." But you know what? Why? Be kind to yourself, and accept you are going to have bad days, and bad moments, and that is normal; however putting up barriers isn't going to make it better.... FOR YOU in the long-run. Consider therapy or a support group, so that you can learn techniques to handle the conflict appropriately or to ignore his "tantrums" etc. I hope you find some comfort and support here. Many of us here can say "I know exactly how you feel and truly mean it.""

Pentax
02-12-15, 07:33 AM
One thing I noticed lately is, I'm just too tired to "fight." I used to think I had to be the "strong" one or the "rock." But you know what? Why? Be kind to yourself, and accept you are going to have bad days, and bad moments, and that is normal

Hi, TLC. Yes the caregiver fatigue.

bldt
02-28-15, 03:00 PM
Am I supposed to just absorb and compensate for my husbands struggle with ADD and a mood disorder (they think it's hypomanic bipolar)?

He tries so hard to love me and the kids and oh, he can do so well! When he screws up and is very mean or really self-centered, he always later apologizes sincerely. For him to see how much he hurts me it often sends him right down into the vortex of hopelessness and self-hatred that I so desperately don't want him to go down! I'm left hurt and powerless again.

So, here I am trying to be patient and forgiving because that what couples do, right? He is going to counseling and taking meds for ADD and a mood stabilizer (still trying to figure the right dose). He has a good heart and he's seeking help, but regardless, when he is downright mean, breaks his word again and again and again, offers little appreciation and just takes advantage of my work and effort for him and our family, or refuses to help me even when I ask for help.... It can't help but hurt. I bleed. It doesn't matter whether the arrow was shot on purpose or blindly or by a guy with a gimpy arm who apologizes profusely.... I bleed, dammit.

I have my own baggage and anxiety issues. What about me? Would somebody be concerned about me, please? He thinks I'm so strong and amazing.... When should I just get so, so angry? When should I say enough is enough. He's trying... and I love him so much. But he's breaking us and I'm weakening.

Is it possible to find peace in a relationship like this? Or should I resign myself to placing an emotional barrier around myself so that I can survive living in close proximity to him?

They "THINK" it's hypomanic mood disorder?
I think it's best to first have a more definitive diagnoses.But more important then that is the right medication(s) and the right doses.Once you get that right determining what he has can be accurate.
You say he apologizes a lot,Sounds like he's trying the best that he can.You mention your own issues.Can you be more specific?Are you taking any medication? Keep us informed.
All the best,and keep the faith.

bldt
02-28-15, 03:43 PM
Hi, Cecily--

Your lament goes right to my heart. I think I know what you are feeling, and how hard it is. Lunacie just gave you several very important responses, with great economy of words. I won't repeat her suggestions, but will instead expand upon the them of you-are-not-alone. I think many partners of people with ADHD (+ co-morbidities) can understand what you are feeling.

You certainly are not supposed to just absorb and compensate for your husband--not at all. Feeling that way is a sign of life out of balance. You have to be free to live your own life for you, and to concentrate on your own needs as well as his. You have to be clear about all the ways in which you cannot help him, and how he is autonomous even if you play many important supportive roles. You can't have your whole life be absorbed by kids' and husband's needs.

Please do things which help you--you alone--be safe and well and whole and happy. You won't be able to take care of your kids or support your husband unless you yourself are well. You know what they say about putting on your own oxygen mask first

I have had the conversation with my partner a million times about how if he hurts me me, then I hurt--even if he didn't intend to hurt me or later regrets having done so. We get nowhere--it is a miserable and circular conversation. I don't know why what is so clear to me makes so little sense to him, but that's how it is. So now I try to avoid re-having that conversation since it isn't a productive one. But I can tell you that I really recognized that you were saying here and I feel your pain. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad about this, but it makes me feel better, strangely, to know I am not alone in having this problem, and I hope your hearing my experience will make you feel as though you're not alone either.

Sometimes it's great to be the strong one, to play the role of the rock in the relationship, to be recognized as strong by one's partner. But--what about when one is sick or sad or scared? Then, all of a sudden being expected to play the role of strength is problematic. Giving support all the time and feeling one cannot receive it in return is a dangerous position to be in. That's why therapy just for you might be really important to get right now.

Your last question breaks my heart to see in your sad post. I have asked this myself, many times. For me, it looks as though "peace" as I understand it isn't ever going to be available in the context of this relationship. Sometimes I think I can learn to be OK with it, other times I think it's not OK with me. No definite answer yet. As for the emotional barriers, I have been wrestling with that for a few years now.

The barrier thing started when my partner's intense hyperfocus on me and our relationship ended with a sudden bump. He began to put up barriers himself. Then I began to realize that to survive many of our difficulties, challenges and conflicts, I would have to separate myself more and more. I don't know how much barrier-building and apartness will work for us without meaning we just drift apart. I often feel that the more barriers I put up to protect myself, the more unlikely I am making it that we will end up happy and well together.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that my best help comes from reading and writing here at the Forums. It has made a gigantic (positive!) difference in my world. And therapy--for myself--helps me a great deal, while my partner attends group therapy for adults with ADHD and it has made an astonishing difference in him. It helps him more than any other thing so far. If that's an option for your husband, maybe you could suggest he give it a try.

Hang in there--keep posting--let us know how it goes--

Hey,very tired
I think it's great that you frequent this forum and that it helps you,as well as you help others by doing it.As far as your therapy.I was wondering,if you had to pick one thing that you felt was the biggest thing you get from going to therapy that helps you to cope,what would that be?
Thanks.

VeryTired
02-28-15, 04:33 PM
Hi, 51--

A question deserves an answer, so I'll tell you. But I don't know if this will help or is what you want to hear. And I hope I don't sound mean when I honestly tell you this:

The big message for me in therapy is ALWAYS about making and protecting boundaries. My therapist endless returns the discussion to the point of pointing out to me that I too-easily lose myself in the onslaught of my partner's needs. I am not a push-over--I am strong, confident, capable! But nevertheless, somehow the raw sheer cyclonic force of ADHD (+ my partner's very large personality) seem to leave me flattened. His moods, his needs, his crises, his preferences, his shifting attention seem to fill up the whole world before I know it, unless I make it almost my first goal to protect a space around myself, and unless I enforce the boundaries like crazy.

I hate having to do this, but you know what? It works. It makes life possible for us both. Protecting my boundaries keeps us both safe and sane. And on the contrary, it would be a big waste of time for me to reflect on how I wish things were, how I think they are supposed to be--or actually even on how my partner is doing.

Training myself to start by asking "how am I?" "is this good for me?" "am I getting what I need?" "what do I feel?" is the absolute essential foundation. The more I can do that, the better things go for both of us. I am very ambivalent about whether it's OK with me that I am in a relationship which requires this of me. I am unsure whether I can sustain this permanently.

But right now, this is how it is, and therapy is the only way I can learn how to keep space for me, advocate for me, remember me, and avoid getting sucked in to the vortex of chaotic, emotional, inefficient, unreliable, volatile, inconsistent drama which my partner generates. He's a good person and he wishes me well--but he also does not have the capability to do many things that I need, or refrain from doing many things that harm me.

So as long as I am in this relationship, it's up to me to get what I need myself. Failing to get it and being resentful or pathetic or abjectly exhausted are not options. But without therapy, it would be hard for me to push back to the extent I must in keeping my own focus on me.

You didn't ask this, but I throw it in as extra. The best thing my partner gets from his adults-with-ADHD therapy group is spending time contending with the symptoms of (other people's) ADHD. He comes home from group every week and tells me that he appreciates what I have to put up with! Of course he also shares experiences with the group in ways they all value, etc etc--but just being with others who share the diagnosis lets him see how he often affects me. It's priceless.

Hope all this was helpful--sorry this is so long!

bldt
02-28-15, 09:34 PM
and can't[/B] see that things need to be done, it's called ADHD.")

To over-over-oversimplify, be emotionally vulnerable, hug each other more often, and let more tasks slide if that's what it takes to have the time and energy to connect emotionally.

________________________________________


When there are certain things in which he has proven he can't keep his word, stop asking for his word - in fact stop even agreeing to take his word on those things. Those areas of life will have to be changed to accommodate reality (e.g. "OK, we know he's not going to do that, now what?"). That's not easy, but it's easier and healthier than constant broken promises.
dvdnvwls,Very when put as usual.
I loved The part where you said "I wish I could send a brain scan of what i've seen so you could look at things from the other direction".It made me think of the line from the Beatles song "The long and winding road",that goes,"Anyway,you'll never know the many ways i've tried". :goodpost: