View Full Version : Anyone have experience with ODD?


KentUnknown
01-21-15, 03:48 AM
This forum not LETTING ME POST CAUSE OF CRAP MEMORY FATAL ERROR CRAP.

So annoyed, SO annoyed. I don't even care I am going to post it here and HOPE a moderator can post it for me.

..........Anyone have experience with ODD? (oppositional defiance disorder)

I have been looking back and I have a thread that details my relationship with my parents, so I wont get into that here, but I come to question whether it truly is my fault or not for the way thigns are. I don't know if I have ODD, but i know I can't be in a good mood with my parents, I can't, I have tried but their personalities stress me out, my mom stresses me out cause she can't control herself in any way shape or form, and I think maybe I developed ODD as a result of my childhood.(see other thread)

Maybe that's the case, I don't know. I have always had one teacher growing up in school that I have hated, and even sometimes confronted or whatever you wanna call it, being a bad kid, misbehaving, skipping detention, whatever. Always one teacher who I couldn't get along with.

ODD is usually with authority figures, and seeing how controlling my parents were and still are, I am sure its possible I have it, as I hate almost everything they do.

I try to be myself around them, but I can't. As far as bosses go, I have had a couple run ins, nothing to big at least from my perspective. My most recent job I got sent home because I did not do these online tests for the menu(line cook), I kept saying I would and really meant to, but kept forgetting so they got angry with me and eventually got in my face about it in front of everyone and I talked back and got sent home that day. I was angry so I did not come back, no regrets.

Another time I felt mistreated cause I was always put on alone in this bar where football was very popular. So I was busy all the time and by myself, very frustrating, I ended up walking out of that place.

I have no idea though really, I am a poor self observer, i usually am told how I make people feel and don't get it, and get angry when my parents try placing blame on me for how I act when I feel like I am just keeping it together.(although I know I am lost right now)

So anyways, whats your experience with ODD and if not what do you know about it? Cause I am lost and have no idea how to fix anything.

Thanks

peripatetic
01-21-15, 02:08 PM
i hope you get some answers with this made into its own thread. take care.

Lunacie
01-21-15, 02:23 PM
ODD is actually very common with ADHD - especially when the ADHD is not diagnosed.

And even more so when the parents/teachers are in denial about the reality of ADHD.

We saw some of this with my oldest granddaughter before dx and treatment.
She would automatically argue with anything we said (her mommy or I).
It was sooooo annoying. She has ADHD.

Once she began taking meds, it was like her brain had the time to process
what we were saying instead of automatically going defensive.

We struggled even more with the ODD with her little sister, she has autism.
With her, it's been more a case of slowly outgrowing it, although mood meds
have been helpful as well.

KentUnknown
01-21-15, 06:44 PM
ODD is actually very common with ADHD - especially when the ADHD is not diagnosed.

And even more so when the parents/teachers are in denial about the reality of ADHD.

We saw some of this with my oldest granddaughter before dx and treatment.
She would automatically argue with anything we said (her mommy or I).
It was sooooo annoying. She has ADHD.

Once she began taking meds, it was like her brain had the time to process
what we were saying instead of automatically going defensive.

We struggled even more with the ODD with her little sister, she has autism.
With her, it's been more a case of slowly outgrowing it, although mood meds
have been helpful as well.

I am 20, and feel like I may have that. Seeing as I have not been diagnosed officially for ADHD It is just so hard to know for sure.
If you have read my thread on giving up on my parents, you would know that I have been punished often for things I am just beginning to learn may not have been my fault. This has resulted in low self esteem and self worth.
I do not have the confidence to do many things my friends do so very easily.

I am going to be honest, I am a ahole sometimes with my parents. I usually avoid even talking to them because usually they make me angry. Especially with how I have been treated in the past, I figure its easier to shut them out of my mind sometimes then to have a confrontation, which is always seems to boil down to.
An example of my aholianess is the FACT that my parents really don't stock our house with enough food. The only food that is around is chips or chef boyardee, popcorn, you know, SNACKS. So I get real up front and honest about how bs it is that I can't have 3 full meals a day (I feel I need this in order to get a better handle of ADHD) and there just simply isnt any variety of food, what am I supposed to do, have Hamburger Helper without the beef every day and alternate between that and chicken fingers? I need vegetables, protein, starch, I need a FULL meal. So I let them know it.
This almost always is just an argument and I feel very invalidated each time, and you can imagine the same with other situations. We just don't get along.

So I don't know what to do, they keep asking me what they can do, but I think that is an unfair question for me, cause if i knew, I would tell them. I hate living in this hell.
I am a very kind hearted man, whose intentions are always good. It is hard to say that when at the same time I never get along with my own parents, after all I am the one "controlling" my own actions according to them, but it sure doesn't feel that way. My childhood gets harder to forgive and harder to forget.
I hope this made sense to you, I am still on my journey to self-discovery, what I enjoy, my interests, who I am, what I want to be. These questions are just all too hard for me to answer and I don't know where to turn.

Little Missy
01-21-15, 07:43 PM
Choose to feel differently about some things. Your burden will then be lifted.

KentUnknown
01-21-15, 08:23 PM
Choose to feel differently about some things. Your burden will then be lifted.

If only it were that easy.

Little Missy
01-21-15, 08:26 PM
If only it were that easy.

Definitely not easy, but it is doable.

KentUnknown
01-21-15, 08:38 PM
Definitely not easy, but it is doable.

Doable maybe, but they try to contradict me all the time, I contradict myself sometimes with rapid speech, Doesn't mix for a good recipe at all.

I am basically mute with my parents. They are the ones who openly admitted in my evaluation they avoided me for years so they didn't have conflict.

How would I make up for 3 years of avoidance from the other party? I am the damaged one, I don't even feel like I CAN make it better, let alone find the courage to WANT to.

Pilgrim
01-21-15, 09:41 PM
I can't remember whether you're on meds but it would've an idea. Man you're parents should be valued.
We've all got problems and you're at the bottom of the learning curve. The medication will smooth you out.
I'll give you another bit of advice. Bite you're tongue; cause I'll tell you why, this stuff comes back. I'm not discounting the fact you've got an issue.
You will learn to control yourself in the future and this is when you will really appreciate people.
Goodluck

KentUnknown
01-21-15, 09:51 PM
I can't remember whether you're on meds but it would've an idea. Man you're parents should be valued.
We've all got problems and you're at the bottom of the learning curve. The medication will smooth you out.
I'll give you another bit of advice. Bite you're tongue; cause I'll tell you why, this stuff comes back. I'm not discounting the fact you've got an issue.
You will learn to control yourself in the future and this is when you will really appreciate people.
Goodluck

i am on Strattera. It did help for the first couple weeks but now I feel a little bit off again, back to my old self if youwill. I wish I could bite my tongue, and me being MUTE is THAT, it just isnt healthy either.
I feel maybe a bit of insinuation that I don't appreciate people from you, I do, I really do. This is about my parents. The relationships I have outside of this house are completely different, a 360 spin. Almost like I am "acting" happy and positive and to a certain extent I am because there arent a million triggers being thrown at me whenever I am in a bad mood.

I am great at making acquaintances but anything further then that I get stumped and stop in my tracks, something I give credit to social anxiety for.

Believe me, I appreciate people. I however, cannot appreciate my parents for a variety of reasons and feelings I have yet to understand fully myself, which is why I am trying to learn about ODD cause I have recognized the possibility of it being here in me. I have never been good at biting my tongue, and the reputation I have in my family has made everything 10x more difficult to deal with, because only my parents know my concerns about ADHD. The rest still think it's "Kent being Kent"

My parents used to always talk to my 2 oldest brothers about me, behind my back. They would tell them what I have said in arguments, done, and what I do that concerns them(when i smoked weed, drank). This has most definately isolated me from my brothers, I feel I cant talk to anyone. This is why I am on the forum. Man, I remember my brother telling me once a couple years ago that I "Am exactly what i thought you'd be, only you're not in jail".
My suspicion is that over the many years of untreated and undiagnosed ADHD I have built the reputation that I am a BAD kid. Even my own family looks at me this way.

In short, I CANT TRUST. I can't, I want to, but I have been stabbed in the back so many times by so many people that I just can't anymore. I get therapy will help, but I cannot afford it.
I hope I didn't get off topic here, but for some reason a trigger went off when you said "really appreciate people" and i know you didn't mean it harshly, I just take it like that sometimes.. I do thank you for the advice, me taking it is really hard, even if I really want to.
Thanks again

Lunacie
01-21-15, 10:23 PM
Choose to feel differently about some things. Your burden will then be lifted.

Like when I was 38 and decided to feel differently about my dad?
I decided to let go of ever pleasing the man, wasn't doable.

Wasn't easy to quit trying to have a relationship with him.
But it was a relief.

Of course, there's a big difference between being almost 40
and having a life with a spouse and kids and all that stuff ...

and being a 20 year old who doesn't get enough support
to find that kind of a life. Or any kind of a life.

BellaVita
01-21-15, 11:01 PM
Choose to feel differently about some things. Your burden will then be lifted.

Having emotional dysregulation can make that nearly impossible.

KentUnknown
01-22-15, 12:02 AM
Having emotional dysregulation can make that nearly impossible.

it truly feels impossible 95% of the time. the other 5% of the time Its 2am and I am finding things I feel will help but I'll likely forget in my sleep, then I leave a tab open, and forget about it anyways.

I only feel comfortable at night it seems, unless I get that "I don't know" feeling like I posted in another thread.

I readily admit I need help with my parents, but I just don't feel they understand where I am coming from. Ever. They always seem to know what to say to make me upset, or hurt my feelings, or something that is just not a good feeling. For years I would hide most feelings from anyone, and now I realize the damage that has caused, because nobody can relate to or understand me.

I am sick of being hurt, sick of hurting, I just want to live my life and everyday feel a sense of accomplishment. One that isn't hindered when I come home and see my parents faces, the faces of judgement. I always feel like they are upset with me, for something.

Probably off topic again, but I don't care, its whats on my mind at this very moment. Thank you so much for understanding that I have trouble actually regulating what I feel.

BellaVita
01-22-15, 01:08 AM
it truly feels impossible 95% of the time. the other 5% of the time Its 2am and I am finding things I feel will help but I'll likely forget in my sleep, then I leave a tab open, and forget about it anyways.

I only feel comfortable at night it seems, unless I get that "I don't know" feeling like I posted in another thread.

I readily admit I need help with my parents, but I just don't feel they understand where I am coming from. Ever. They always seem to know what to say to make me upset, or hurt my feelings, or something that is just not a good feeling. For years I would hide most feelings from anyone, and now I realize the damage that has caused, because nobody can relate to or understand me.

I am sick of being hurt, sick of hurting, I just want to live my life and everyday feel a sense of accomplishment. One that isn't hindered when I come home and see my parents faces, the faces of judgement. I always feel like they are upset with me, for something.

Probably off topic again, but I don't care, its whats on my mind at this very moment. Thank you so much for understanding that I have trouble actually regulating what I feel.

:grouphug:

I felt that way about my parents too, they seemed to be ALWAYS upset with me.

I'm now on the opposite side of the country and have cut off all contact with them.

Feels much better.

KentUnknown
01-22-15, 01:11 AM
:grouphug:

I felt that way about my parents too, they seemed to be ALWAYS upset with me.

I'm now on the opposite side of the country and have cut off all contact with them.

Feels much better.

As much as I wish that would make me feel better, I feel like I would be so guilty about it. I feel guilty even thinking about it. All my family lives here, and I have been told so many times that family is so important and what not, but I have never felt supported by them.

Still doesn't shake the feeling of guilt I would have if I left them. It feels like I really can't do anything to help the situation, I feel so out of place in this family its ridiculous. The problem child, I wish I could get inside my parents head and really know if they regret having me.

BellaVita
01-22-15, 01:26 AM
As much as I wish that would make me feel better, I feel like I would be so guilty about it. I feel guilty even thinking about it. All my family lives here, and I have been told so many times that family is so important and what not, but I have never felt supported by them.

Still doesn't shake the feeling of guilt I would have if I left them. It feels like I really can't do anything to help the situation, I feel so out of place in this family its ridiculous. The problem child, I wish I could get inside my parents head and really know if they regret having me.

Awwww I'm sorry it's such a difficult situation for you.

Please don't feel guilty, if something is best for you then that means it's a healthy decision and that is a good thing.

But I can understand to some degree.

I really hope that somehow things get better for you.

KentUnknown
01-22-15, 01:32 AM
Awwww I'm sorry it's such a difficult situation for you.

Please don't feel guilty, if something is best for you then that means it's a healthy decision and that is a good thing.

But I can understand to some degree.

I really hope that somehow things get better for you.

Thank you, me too. The only way I would know if it was a good decision is to see the results, and the decision itself is too scary for me to even imagine it happening. At least right now :/

Thank you though, hopefully it will get better soon enough.