View Full Version : **** What have I done?!


GeordieDave
04-21-15, 12:30 PM
So I'm on Wellbutrin. My Pdoc advised that I should not drink on them. However if I were to have a night out planned I should not take my medication on the day and the day after.

However. I've been out pretty much every weekend for the past 2 months. I've drank on my medication (unexpected nights out) and I've been completely fine. Been very drunk, but none of the following. Ofc sometimes I don't remember some parts of the night but I still behave properly.

Theres only 2 nights out which I have not took my medication and both of those nights I screw up and make an utter fool out of myself.

I pretty much black out. I'm still functioning, walking, dancing, chatting but the night is a TOTAL blank. It's like if I were asleep. I simply can not remember a thing.

1st time I didn't take my medication was about a month ago. I got into an argument with a bouncer as we bought a drink, went out for a cigarette and as they were closing in 10 minutes they didn't allow me and a friend back in. I argued with him, he pushed me and apparently I just flipped and grabbed his throat.. Luckily my friend pulled me back and got me to walk away..

2nd time.. Was last Saturday night.. This is where i have REALLY screwed up... Didn't take my medication, the night started of great... However my friend did mention to me that I was hyper and he felt like I was on edge a little. We went for food, bowling and then clubbing. Started drinking around 7pm.. and around 12pm, in the last bar we went to before hitting the club... It's from that time I blacked out...

Now all of this I simply can not remember at all. Not even little flash backs, why I did this or or how it even started.

Apparently some guy walked past, I pushed him and then threw a punch... He ran off and then all of a sudden a group of bouncers came towards me and I started throwing punches at them. They pretty much gave me bruised ribs and a nasty black eye.. I got kicked out... obviously... and that was it. I apparently waited outside for my friends for an hour...

Then one of my friends Girlfriend came out... This is when my memory just started to come back and I was like WTF just happened.. However we were both still quite drunk and she said she'll take me home in the taxi... In the taxi home we made out and then when she got home she rang me to make sure I was ok.

I feel VERY ashamed for my actions but also very guilty for what I've done as shes engaged to a good friend of mine and I'm invited to their wedding... I have also been texting her best friend which I'm taking out on a date next week..

The whole point of this is to ask if anyone else has this black out problem when they are OFF the meds that day? or even on them?

My head is racing at 1000mph at the moment, I'm anxious about losing friends, I'm anxious at why I black out and just snap like the incredible hulk (but much skinner).. I'm not a nasty or angry guy. I'm very approachable and I get along with anyone.. I do Mixed Martial Arts purely for fitness. Apart from that I hate fighting.. I would never fight sober.

Now I'm worried that I will no longer get invited out, I might of ruined a potential relationship with a really sweet girl... Which I haven't had in quite some time! And worst part of it I might lose a really good friend just because I either drank way too much or because I've been on these meds for a while now and because I didn't take them it might of caused some chemical imbalance which make me black out and snap!

I should stop drinking really or at least no longer drink shots of Jager!
I'm just so annoyed with myself. I feel physically sick.

I've spoke to the girl and we both agreed it was a huge mistake and it will never happen again.. I then asked her "are we keeping this between us?" and she hasn't replied and I'm supposed to be going out with her fiancee next week...

Sighhhhhhhhhhhh

TheChemicals
04-21-15, 12:44 PM
just kissed? I wouldnt worry about it.

sarahsweets
04-21-15, 12:52 PM
Take this for what its worth.....and I am not the kind of alcoholic that likes to tell other people they are alcoholics BUT You are exhibiting some really problem drinking behaviors. Blacking out frequently is a sign of loss of control when you drink and how much you drink. Experiencing negative consequences due to your drinking is a red flag. Loss of inhibition is common. The reason you are not supposed to drink while on wellbutrin is because tit lowers your seizure threshold as does alcohol. The combination of the two can make seizures a very real possibility. It also is bad for your liver. You might want to take a look at your drinking and associated behaviors to see if something is brewing below the surface.

GeordieDave
04-21-15, 12:52 PM
You think? I feel like such an ****hole though!

Ok Sarah thanks! Yeah I know I need to slow down, we as a group are terrible for binge drinking... I don't drink any other time during the week. Only on nights out. But I have around 8 pints of lager, about 8 shots of jager and maybe a few other mixues like vodka and coke or whatever.. I drink anything when I'm drunk.. The thing is we all buy each other rounds so even if I don't buy anymore or run out of cash the drinks are still pouring in!

and sorry could you explain when you say "to see if something is brewing below the surface." please? Meaning if theres a reason why I get angry or?

My parents do think that I drink because it increases my confidence.. I don't know my limit neither... That's one thing I need to figure out.

Unmanagable
04-21-15, 01:48 PM
I used to drink until I blacked out, too. I was in my early 20's when it started, and it didn't fully stop until my early 30's. I wasn't on any meds, nor had I been diagnosed with anything back then. I self-medicated with so many different things it was hard to keep up with myself.

I was just considered a hard-headed rebellious hell raiser who loved to party. I'm lucky to still be here to tell about it. I'd get into some deep s*** and had a hard time believing my friends when they'd tell me what I'd done. I'm so glad the internet and cell phones weren't a big deal back then. *whew*

Meeting my now hubster, and getting a job where I had to be a good example (and I loved it, so it kept me motivated) helped me lay off the booze. Herbal remedies of the not yet legal variety helped a whole lot, especially when I gave up cigs. Once I got diagnosed and started meds, my desire to drink disappeared. I'm glad, too, because the hangovers and consequences were a b****, and they kept gaining momentum with each overly intoxicated stunt I'd pull.

Wishing you much luck in figuring out what's creating the desire to keep drinking so much, even after knowing what the outcome is likely going to be. It took a painful while for it to sink in for me. May yours arrive before something too incredibly irreversible happens.

KarmanMonkey
04-21-15, 03:47 PM
Yeah, it sounds like medication (or lack of it) could be affecting things, but it's the alcohol that's likely the bigger culprit.

If you're serious about slowing down, maybe the next step is to figure out what that looks like, and setting a schedule for yourself... And if it's hard (or even if it's not) get some help sticking to it (I had a friend who relied on me and some of our other friends to run interference and make sure she stopped at a certain point)

A good friend of mine at college would leave all her debit/credit at home, and take enough cash for the drinks she planned to buy and a cab home. Problem there was that guys kept buying her drinks and she felt like she'd be rude if she turned them down... :-(

Moral of the story is, it sounds like there's part of you who sees there being a problem, and you just have to decide if keeping your current habits is more or less problematic than changing.

GeordieDave
04-21-15, 05:10 PM
Thanks for your replies. I've had a word with my best friend. I've told him to simply tap me on the shoulder and tell me when it looks like I've had enough. We've also made a pact to no longer do ridiculous amounts of shots before hitting any clubs and not mix our drinks. So sticking to lager.

I now acknowledge that I have a binge drinking problem. Although I don't do it every day.. It's still damaging me internally and externally.

TheChemicals
04-21-15, 05:55 PM
Thanks for your replies. I've had a word with my best friend. I've told him to simply tap me on the shoulder and tell me when it looks like I've had enough. We've also made a pact to no longer do ridiculous amounts of shots before hitting any clubs and not mix our drinks. So sticking to lager.

I now acknowledge that I have a binge drinking problem. Although I don't do it every day.. It's still damaging me internally and externally.

i wouldnt speak of the kissing to anyone. Some things are best left a secret so you dont hurt others or create unneeded turmoil

Pilgrim
04-21-15, 06:34 PM
I use to do a lot of what you said. Once I started medication the desire to drink finished. Thank god.
It probably cost me friends and some respect. Now I drink little. I just use it for medicinal purposes.
Funny medication should help with this problem. I always found that if I was going out regularly for drinking, there was a problem underlying this.

sarahsweets
04-22-15, 05:53 AM
What I meant by brewing beneath the surface is if you have a more serious drinking problem going on beyond binge drinking.