View Full Version : adhd inattentive self esteem and sports


Rob167
05-02-15, 03:54 PM
My son is ADHD Inattentive diagnosed and taking Ritalin.

He gets it from me and is a ADD copy of me down to the dyslexia. But we are both very good athletes but lack a strong self esteem. Since he was diagnosed and we finally put him on meds he has improved amazing at school. It is such a joy to go to school and get the kids reports and grades. Ok now for why I am here my son is in BMX racing and is very good. (I'm not just being a proud parent) He is very advanced and doing great at practice most days. He has a low drive to win or self esteem I don't really know how to explain it. We ask him if would like to just practice and skip the racing part but he is crazy about racing. When we get to the races he is introverted and almost doesn't talk and on the track if any kids get close to him he hits the brakes. (yes he takes his meds race day) But we have had days were he has come alive and just blew past everyone in the qualifying races only to get scared or nervous in the semi finals or the finals and come in last. When he is able to turn on the switch and ride well people just stop and watch because he makes it look so easy.

He practices BMX 3 to 4 days a week sees his dyslexia tutor once a week then on Fridays he goes to a mental training for champions. We setup the mental training and he has to have the tutor but that many days at BMX is what he wants. We have tried less days but he just gets bored at home.

Please don't think I am one of those crazy sports dads trying to make my kid my retirement plan or living my dreams through him. My son taught himself to ride a bike in 15 mins at the age of 5. He said don't worry dad I saw it on YouTube video and took off. I just want my boy to have the self esteem and the positive thinking that it takes to be better. So to finally get to the point how do I help me son grow his self esteem. I don't know because I still struggle with it myself. I know it is a long process but where do we start.

Thank you for any advice.

sarahsweets
05-03-15, 07:43 AM
Hey, you are in a tough spot. It really really sounds like he has an anxiety issue that needs to be addressed. He likes riding and racing yet gets locked by fear and anxiety, and that seems to interfere with his ability to enjoy what he loves. Those are classic signs of an anxiety disorder that is different than adhd. Therapy could be very helpful for him as well as a more thorough assessment from his doctor. Help him as soon as you can. Alot of kids blossom when both are treated and it could really open doors for him.

Pilgrim
05-03-15, 08:54 AM
My 2 cents. I agree with what Sarah has written here.maybe I should have done this at his age.
If I could say something regarding sport. I am was good at a couple of sports. Representing state level. My father was a representative rugby and my brother also.
I think sports are great if you have ADD.
I think by doing intense exercise ( intense ) this builds confidence.
The anxiety is related to the ADD and there is no easy way for it to go away. I think something you could do to build your sons confidence for racing is to tell him how good he is. This doesn't sound much but it will help a lot.

Something that helped me a lot was a lady ,a family friend who praised me very often. It sounds contrite but it eventually gets through.

I came from a home where it wasn't said much. But I knew my parents loved me.

stef
05-03-15, 10:51 AM
How many people are around when he practices? it might be the " strangeness" of the situation at the races( i know nothing about this sport though. Lol i was in band. but it was weird to play somewhere unfamiliar or a more formal setting).

Rob167
05-03-15, 11:29 AM
I will check into the therapy we need to check back in with his doctor this week because we had to adjust his meds to control the ticks from the Ritalin so we need to have a review. The other thing is we live in Colombia SA I have to find out what is the process here.
Ok a note to what happened this weekend. He was at a big race Saturday and was in a hard group and was in last place the first two races. After the second race he had a big meltdown crying uncontrollably and would not tell anyone anything. We asked him to not race the last race because he would not qualify and it was not worth being so upset. He ended up getting himself together (not because of us) and going out for the 3rd race and road with so much passion plus he was battling with the group. My wife and I have talked about just having him practice only but he is the one pushing the racing thing. Its like he knows what he wants but he is fighting his demons on the track face to face.
As far as the people being around there could be no one or there could be a 100 people watching that does not effect him. Its only when he is on the track with the other kids racing does he have problems and then its only sometimes. When he does get scared it is not a full panic but you can see he gets nervous and will slow down or hit the brakes.
Thank you for the advise I will keep you updated.

icarusinflames
05-06-15, 01:16 AM
After the second race he had a big meltdown crying uncontrollably and would not tell anyone anything.

I'm not expert, but I've been doing a ton of reading, aka research!

One thing to consider is how a person with ADHD can use emotion to focus. It's hard to understand unless you've experienced this, but it's as if you need to freak out in order to focus!

I wonder if that could be part of his processing when this occurs.

You may want to ask more of an expert too. There are probably some places on the internet where you can post questions to an expert of childhood ADHD!

I won't suggest forums because of woeful ignorance and it's against the rules here, but I'm just saying why not look for a free reply from someone with a phd or other degree and some experience in it too! Free is so nice on the net because if you dislike what the so called expert says, you can discount it or file it away mentally.

Another thing I am aware of is that children with ADHD definitely seem to have some issues, proving this is a neurological disorder. I believe one significant area of impact is a type of sensory ability to sense where your body is in space. Sometimes motor skills can be affected.

Keep in mind that your child as a signature of the universe is totally unique. So how he is impacted will be unique to HIM.

But I believe there are many therapies that help children these days to develop greater motor control skills as well as those really subtle issues of your body in relation to all other things in the world (some kind of innate physics sense?)

WHat I used to do as a child that I realize is majorly majorly a part of my ADHD is that I was totally addicted to swinging. SO if I found a swing, I would leap with delight and take off running to it. I believe they do that kind of stuff in these sensory integration therapies!

I used to spend a ton of my hours a day on rollerskates too, to develop my sense of balance.

I would look at your son as an athlete in training, even though it's on motorcycles. But you should consider his issues which may include stiffness in the hips or legs. Maybe he could try stretching and...

oh dear my dogs are barking. And I'm over talking, again.

Nice to meet you and I hope your son thrives in his interests!

Tmoney
05-06-15, 09:59 AM
I have two boys grown who were both great athletes. One diagnosed one not. I coached them all the way up to middle school and then stepped out and let someone else coach them. (there comes a time where a dad becomes more of a interference than a help)
I currently mentor a young man who is 9 years old. I have been with him since he was born. (long story)
He is an unbelievable gifted athlete. He has had great success in sports and is well known in his community for it. However, he has absolutely no emotion on the sport or his performance. He loves to play but could careless if he wins or loses. He also shows no emotion. No enthusiasm, no anger no joy. It is something I have never experienced before. We have always focused on the fun and friendships and I guess he never worried about anything else. I never address it specifically, I just ask if he is enjoying it and my only rule is if we start something we finish it.

Does your son care if he wins or loses, does he get upset or does he just like competing?
Has anyone ever asked him about this drive or lack thereof and if so what was his answer?
Mental training for champions? How old is your son?
Do they address his self esteem and or anxiety with him?

Cotter67
05-06-15, 05:40 PM
being undiagnosed with adhd pi until twenty is what has caused my social anxiety, and chronic self esteem, all those years as a child at school but told I was different from everyone else, plus the constant criticism, yet they just chose to label me a bad kid. that school was a disgrace.

Cotter67
05-06-15, 05:44 PM
Hey, you are in a tough spot. It really really sounds like he has an anxiety issue that needs to be addressed. He likes riding and racing yet gets locked by fear and anxiety, and that seems to interfere with his ability to enjoy what he loves. Those are classic signs of an anxiety disorder that is different than adhd. Therapy could be very helpful for him as well as a more thorough assessment from his doctor. Help him as soon as you can. Alot of kids blossom when both are treated and it could really open doors for him.

good post very true

Rob167
05-13-15, 08:36 AM
Thank you everyone for your support. I will keep you posted as to the process. The champions training is no more than a class on positive thinking and how to over come fears by positive thinking. It is NOT as therapy. It is helping him to think more positive and to beat his fears. (I believe since he has started doing jumps on the track he would never try before). Thanks again we are trying to setup the therapy thing its not easy finding a doctor for kids that we feel will match with our son.

Rob167
07-13-15, 06:15 PM
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!
Well for now we have turned a page. We have been training and working with our boy to help him get his confidence. 4 weeks ago he got 1st in a small local race and that just sent him to the heavens. After that he had the big Grand Nationals race for all of Colombia and he came in 5th in the finals. Then this last weekend he got a 2nd in a state race. Along with his trainers (no he's not pro he just has a lot of people/trainers that want to help him because he is so sweet and has a real future in BMX) and my wife and myself we are getting him over his fear of the group and not braking anymore.
We had to take him out of the Champions training because they do writing and ask to speak and read in front of everyone. With his dyslexia and under average reading skills it was not helping. We will start working with a personal mental trainer in the next weeks to see how that goes.
Thank you again for you words of support. I will keep you updated.

LynneC
07-17-15, 10:41 AM
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!
Well for now we have turned a page. We have been training and working with our boy to help him get his confidence. 4 weeks ago he got 1st in a small local race and that just sent him to the heavens. After that he had the big Grand Nationals race for all of Colombia and he came in 5th in the finals. Then this last weekend he got a 2nd in a state race. Along with his trainers (no he's not pro he just has a lot of people/trainers that want to help him because he is so sweet and has a real future in BMX) and my wife and myself we are getting him over his fear of the group and not braking anymore.
We had to take him out of the Champions training because they do writing and ask to speak and read in front of everyone. With his dyslexia and under average reading skills it was not helping. We will start working with a personal mental trainer in the next weeks to see how that goes.
Thank you again for you words of support. I will keep you updated.
Wow! That is fantastic! A big congrats to your boy and to you for working so hard to help him succeed... :)