View Full Version : trying to cope with feeling ignored!


laurajade
05-04-15, 01:38 PM
I cannot handle this feeling anymore i try not too take it personal and understand but I feel as though he doesn't care at all anymore I can't tell and I don't no how to approach him about this. we can be fine one day it will feel like he does love me and the next he will blank me as though I don't exist I am really worried as its seemed to get worse recently alongside other symptoms such as anger and not been able to do small tasks ect I feel like I've done something wrong which I haven't and I also feel like I can't speak to him about this as he may get angry and stess out even more

Greengrasshoppe
05-04-15, 08:22 PM
I dealt with the same thing minus the anger. g/l

Lunamoth
05-04-15, 09:08 PM
Hi Laurajade,

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your partner, it sounds very frustrating for you. Has your partner been diagnosed and, if so, are they medicated? Do you have children?

My husband has ADHD, and before he was diagnosed and medicated I often felt the same way you describe. It was often made worse by additional stress from work and children, which he felt unable to communicate to me. Is there much going on in your lives at the moment?

sarahsweets
05-05-15, 04:23 AM
You can only control your behavior and the constant mental obsession over his makes it hard to do that

rickymooston
05-09-15, 10:09 AM
I'm trying to understand your situation. I'm actually a husband with ADHD myself. Sucking at small tasks certainly is me.

Now, you mention "blanking you out" and "anger".

Anger is a bit scary although in my case, the anger tends to be my wifes because my inabilities to do some tasks drives her nuts. How does he express his anger? How destructive is this? How much is the anger mutual? What triggers it? This has to be solved in some way. Root causes could include a lack of a common view on what is important. It takes two to tango, sadly. A family chore list requires agreement but that is the sort of thing that could be needed. However, timing could matter too. Does the garbage have to be taken out when he gets home if he is for example tired from his day or work? I'm not sure, that's an example from my parents marriage.

Blanking out. Does he have some "me time". What is he obsessed wiyh? Do you have "me time". Anyway this probably is a case where u could be projecting your interpretations of him. He might want to do something by himself that isn't exclusive of caring about you?

Anyway, I got my own marriage problems, sadly. Best wishes on yours.

Pentax
05-09-15, 06:35 PM
I cannot handle this feeling anymore i try not too take it personal and understand but I feel as though he doesn't care at all anymore I can't tell and I don't no how to approach him about this. we can be fine one day it will feel like he does love me and the next he will blank me as though I don't exist I am really worried as its seemed to get worse recently alongside other symptoms such as anger and not been able to do small tasks ect I feel like I've done something wrong which I haven't and I also feel like I can't speak to him about this as he may get angry and stess out even more

Laura, yes, from the receiving end it can be really stressful and confusing. One day one behavior, another day as you name it well, your partner will "blank you". What a description that fits my life at times. To be blanked, instead of any response at all.

Look, I'm no expert at living with someone else's adhd, but I guess what I'm learning on the job is that the signals that you and I would read one way with someone who doesnt have adhd, dont always mean the same thing coming from someone who has it. He might be blanking because he doesnt know what to do, or is tired, not because he's coldhearted or angry, or you crossed some invisible line that he hasnt expressed to you. It's hard to live with some days, I know. if you've meant well, dont doubt yourself, okay

Keep an eye on the anger, though. No need to be the ground for him to take it out on you. Glad you're on the site

Pentax

BellaVita
05-09-15, 06:58 PM
I cannot handle this feeling anymore i try not too take it personal and understand but I feel as though he doesn't care at all anymore I can't tell and I don't no how to approach him about this. we can be fine one day it will feel like he does love me and the next he will blank me as though I don't exist I am really worried as its seemed to get worse recently alongside other symptoms such as anger and not been able to do small tasks ect I feel like I've done something wrong which I haven't and I also feel like I can't speak to him about this as he may get angry and stess out even more

Maybe set a time each day to talk?

I talk with my SO every evening. It's a routine thing.

I'm kinda worried about the last sentence, I've bolded the parts in particular that I'm concerned about.

If you're fearful of him becoming angry, that's a big red flag.

In a loving relationship, one shouldn't be afraid constantly that their partner will become angry with them.

Manipulative partners use anger to control.

So, just something to think about.

daveddd
05-09-15, 07:04 PM
Maybe set a time each day to talk?

I talk with my SO every evening. It's a routine thing.

I'm kinda worried about the last sentence, I've bolded the parts in particular that I'm concerned about.

If you're fearful of him becoming angry, that's a big red flag.

In a loving relationship, one shouldn't be afraid constantly that their partner will become angry with them.

Manipulative partners use anger to control.

So, just something to think about.

yea, but people with adhd also can just get angry easy especially when asked to talk about things

BellaVita
05-09-15, 07:06 PM
yea, but people with adhd also can just get angry easy especially when asked to talk about things

True, but I guess I'm talking more about frequent explosive anger and him using it to control her.

Like having to walk on eggshells.

daveddd
05-09-15, 07:11 PM
True, but I guess I'm talking more about frequent explosive anger and him using it to control her.

Like having to walk on eggshells.

i don't like walking on eggshells

daveddd
05-09-15, 07:14 PM
myself, I'm not a fan of excusing anger, add or not

Gina
05-17-15, 01:18 AM
I cannot handle this feeling anymore i try not too take it personal and understand but I feel as though he doesn't care at all anymore I can't tell and I don't no how to approach him about this. we can be fine one day it will feel like he does love me and the next he will blank me as though I don't exist I am really worried as its seemed to get worse recently alongside other symptoms such as anger and not been able to do small tasks ect I feel like I've done something wrong which I haven't and I also feel like I can't speak to him about this as he may get angry and stess out even more


Why would you want to "cope" with that feeling any more? Why would you not want to "take it personal"?

The path you're on can be a dangerous one, ending with complete loss of self and entrenched depression.

Forget about "speaking to him about it" for now and educate yourself. Know what it is you are dealing with.

That might be the only way out this too-common situation, for you and him.

Good luck,
g

InvitroCanibal
08-24-15, 03:14 AM
I cannot handle this feeling anymore i try not too take it personal and understand but I feel as though he doesn't care at all anymore I can't tell and I don't no how to approach him about this. we can be fine one day it will feel like he does love me and the next he will blank me as though I don't exist I am really worried as its seemed to get worse recently alongside other symptoms such as anger and not been able to do small tasks ect I feel like I've done something wrong which I haven't and I also feel like I can't speak to him about this as he may get angry and stess out even more

So he ignores you, yells at you, and goes hot and cold. Be blunt, its all adhd people understand. Talk to him. Ask him what he intends to do about it to change the behavior. If you disagree with his answer/ see no effort within the week, then walk.