View Full Version : Hormone imbalance = depression (trigger warning: suicide mentioned)


fracturedstory
05-08-15, 03:09 AM
They are a lot of symptoms of mental illness during this PMDD (severe pms) stint.

The worst are the feelings of depression. Even when thoughts of depression don't form I still feel the feelings of those thoughts. It's kind of confusing but it's just a lot of pressure in my head that leads to crying and feeling empty.

The thoughts do and have come. Self-doubts, feelings of self-harm and suicide.

It's so bad today. I even think my cat hates me.

I've got a gig to shoot tomorrow so I'm naturally feeling nervous about that. My mum even gave me the 'other people have problems and just deal with it' line. My friend even gave me her usual lecture about not letting the mental illness win. I don't do that anyway. Last time she made it clear that she wouldn't give me any sympathy for my anxiety. It's really hard to find support.

I straight out tell my sister I've been depressed though and she doesn't deny it or say that line my mum does, but sometimes she barely says anything. She's got bipolar so she's not always going to be the caring one.

Anyway, sorry to cut this short but it's dinner time for me and the cats. I'm sure there's more I can say. I'm just struggling to get through this.

sarahsweets
05-08-15, 04:49 AM
Sounds like your mum and friend need to read up a bit on PMDD and other symptoms of mental illness.

icarusinflames
05-08-15, 04:40 PM
I can relate to everything you wrote. I also have days when I feel like my cats dislike me! Cats are such snobs! And they turn up their noses one day, only to rub all over you the next. I think it has to do with territory in the home. If I sit in my office, one of my cats will visit me there for some sweet loving. If I am not in my office, he's more quick about it, like "rub me. rub me here. Thanks ma'am. See you!" *vanishes fast* hehe

I really hope that you enjoy your day today in some way. It's tough when you feel such a lack of support. The people closest sometimes fail to even say something kind or to spend a little time with you.

When I feel how you do, I often just go into my hyper-focus on my favorite games and music. It's like that's the only appropriate response to a day of gloomy feelings, or bad feelings. Self nurturing activities help me a bit, although only on the intellectual level. I've often wondered why I don't go lay in a warm bath for an hour or 2, or why don't I have the impulse to paint my nails or go for a nice walk, or make myself a delicious meal. Nope! For some reason my self-care efforts, although they work, are all in the imaginary realm of my interests and ideas.