View Full Version : Recurring thoughts about bad things: OCD? *trigger warning: sexual abuse*


karbouris
05-10-15, 09:13 PM
Or if I'll be judged for it. I was severely sexually abused as a toddler, which is why I grew up in foster care. For the last few years, I have found when I have a lot of time on my hands I start having bad thoughts . Mostly about people raping young kids or other screwed up things IE rape, murder in general. Its very distressing. I have no interest in hurtinganybody. I'm just spending hours, looking at news articles of people doing this. I don't want to think about this stuff. Is this OCD?:(

FellowADDer
05-10-15, 11:20 PM
Karbouris, I feel completely ill equipped to answer because I haven't walked in your shoes and can't imagine what it really is like. But I would like to make a few observations which may or may not be helpful.

* It definitely sounds like it's bothering you, and affecting your ability to enjoy life. It would be a shame to try to work all this out on your own.
* Something like this is so life impacting and beyond what most people would be able to deal with themselves, so I'd definitely suggest finding a counselor and letting them know about it. You may also want to tell them specifically what your counseling goals are so they don't just "dig" randomly, e.g. you want to understand what's going on with the thoughts and the pain they bring you.
* The mind and emotions have strange ways to dealing with emotions and pain. Those thoughts might just be a coping mechanism or emotional pain leakage or just plain confusion about your feelings.

As far as the OCD question, I'd guess (without knowing too much about OCD) that obsessive thoughts on any topic fit the pattern but that there are also many other things that might cause that symptom. I knew someone that had persistent and unstoppable obsession with thinking about things that she felt bad about. She suffered from that a lot, but also seemed to just get further into that deep dark hole when she didn't talk to anyone else about it.

I think that we as people can overcome such obstacles and painful experiences in life that I certainly think it's worth working through this. I've gotten past some different kinds of tough things that I never thought possible, and I believe you can do it. (Just be patient if it's hard to find a good therapist - I've found that most have trouble helping people with issues that are not simple and straightforward or right in their particular area of expertise. You may need to shop around.)

So this is a sensitive subject and I've come into it like a bull in a china shop with opinions and very little knowledge. Hope you'll excuse me if I stepped on your toes or missed the point entirely, and I wish the best for you in terms of finding freedom from this.

karbouris
05-11-15, 08:22 AM
Thanks you're fine btw, I appreciate the help. Antidepressants help a smidge.

karbouris
05-23-15, 10:29 AM
I talked to my doctor. I'm pregnant, and this falls under the catogory of Perinatal OCD. The catapres I was taking made it worse. I've been switched to Ritalin and Intuniv and its a lot better now.

Unmanagable
05-23-15, 12:04 PM
Just curious.......has your doctor discussed PTSD with you at all? I had a family doctor, two psychiatrists, and numerous therapists totally set aside issues of past sexual abuse in my life, for whatever reasons, and they never discussed the possibilities of PTSD being the root cause of many of my struggles, hell, they never even brought it up. They were, however, very busy prescribing and discussing various meds for severe depression, severe adhd, and some unidentifiable personality disorder (their words). Glad you're feeling better now.

sarahsweets
05-23-15, 12:23 PM
I second what unmanagable says. PTSD is a very real, very difficult thing to overcome, if it can be at all. Trauma can affect the way we live and handle all kinds of stuff. I can lead to bad thoughts and feelings of worthlessness. Some hospitals offer intensive outpatient therapy which can help you learn coping skills. I highly recommend it.

Lunacie
05-23-15, 01:05 PM
I totally get that being pregnant (aside from the hormones) can bring back
bad memories and bad feelings if you were sexually molested as a todusedler.

For me, it all came crashing in on me the year my daughter turned 13, which
is the age I was when I was sexually abused.

I went to a psychiatrist who told me that sibling sexual experimentation is
quite normal. I left his office and was violently sick. Not the first time, nor the
last, that I've had my feelings or health problems totally invalidated by a doc.

Six months later I was still bugged by all the feelings and found a therapy
group led by a fellow survivor of sexual abuse. I could totally relate to all
those women. Our feelings were much the same whether we'd been molested
as children or raped as adults.

That was long before I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, Depression
and PTSD. Anti-depressants have been very helpful for me - probably would
have been even more helpful back then but the doctor wasn't interested in
helping me.


Oh yeah, :grouphug: and congrats on the pregnancy! :)

karbouris
05-24-15, 11:11 PM
Thanks guys, I had a diagnosis of PTSD, but when I switched docs, my records didn't come with me. I have the luxury of not being able to remember it. I did however, have a rough teenagerhood because my adopt I've dad liked to make off color comments. To be honest, if I was treated for it as a toddler, (I was like 1-2 when this was going on) had a stable adoptive home, and not heard about it so frequently, I'd probably have turned out OK.