View Full Version : Social situations are my bane


phazonConduit
05-28-15, 07:33 PM
I've noticed how my social anxiety is stemmed from my generalized anxiety, and I try to not let that define who I am as a person.

This, however, becomes particularly difficult when in social situations, such as hanging out with friends in a group. My level of unease becomes increasingly high to the verge of just wanting to go home, and, while wanting to do so, not engaging at all because of this unease.

I see myself doing one of two (maybe three) things:
-talking to only one person (most likely someone I have a stronger connection with) and seeming to disengage from everyone else
-or withdrawing from the entire group and either getting completely lost in thought, or not noticing that I've put my earphones on because I, out of sheer reaction, want to not be around people but have placed myself in a position that does not allow me to get away (such as having gone to a bar via a ride from a friend)
-the third is weird: I try to find a reason to get away for a bit (such as taking a walk outside, going to the bathroom, scouting for a cigarette, and/or "needing to make a phone call--then furiously trying to find someone to call so I could waste time")

As it even goes as far as even predicting any of the above reasons and giving myself an even bigger excuse to not head out and reject invitations to go out.

It just sucks how I have a hard time trying to pull away from depression/isolation by engaging with other people, but even then I impulsively do this behavior and then ultimately regret doing it.

The worst part is that people think I'm very sociable, but it just feels forced because I strike conversation out of impulse and then people don't think I run into problems like these.

Anyone relate?

Little Missy
05-28-15, 09:46 PM
Here!

acdc01
06-03-15, 11:46 PM
Me too. All 3 things you listed I do. And it's a vicious cycle for me to as the more I do it, the more I hesitate to go out with others in the first place.

I don't think I'm severe enough to be diagnosed with social anxiety though.

Don't have any good advice on how to stop it either.

Maybe hang out more in smaller groups or mainly 1 on 1s?

InvitroCanibal
06-05-15, 01:38 AM
Ya dido. No need to explain. I find comfort though for myself when I remind myself that what some people may hate me for is what makes me who I am and successful. The more I try to hide the more people hate me anyways. So I just stay myself and don't try to change my flaws. I just try to remind myself that no matter what I say or do socially, if im smiling when I say it, people seem to take it with ease.

A lot of people at my work hate me because im socially retarded. (Too blunt Is what they keep telling me) It makes me sit around and get angry or resentful at myself or people. However my boss said something to me the other day that really made me feel better all in all.

She said that "we often are quick to blame ourselves when people don't accept us, but we don't realize that isn't something we are responsible for or can control. It's good to take responsibility for your own emotions but it isn't okay to take responsibility for everyone elses."

I think the fear to go out is the fear to be rejected because your experiences have taught you that is most likely going to occur. Maybe you're different or you just clam up. Either way, you can't change for them, and you will get rejected by more people than you'd like but the good people that accept you for who you are make life and social situations worth it.

I find myself regretting things the most these days when I feel like I tried to change myself or explain myself for other people.

I don't wanna hide and I don't wanna pretend. When I go into work or any social setting with that mindset, I find im not afraid.

Another thing that really stuck with me a peer taught me, was that "when ever you find yourself anxious it is usually because you are out of your element. When you talk about things you are passionate about or enjoy, you will find your anxiety goes away and you are having fun."

Obviously you cant change the subject to things you enjoy but what I do is I listen to peoplr first. I don't try to speak and I listen not to look good but to see if this is someone I can talk about yhings I enjoy with. If it is than ill go to social stuff with them and I find im not anxious.

Honestly you may just be hanging with the wrong crowd and you dont realise it because you were too busy hiding or trying to entertain.

Maybe none of that helps or is cookie cutter advice but it has helped me a lot.

Pilgrim
06-05-15, 02:34 AM
Another thing that really stuck with me a peer taught me, was that "when ever you find yourself anxious it is usually because you are out of your element. When you talk about things you are passionate about or enjoy, you will find your anxiety goes away and you are having fun."

This is so true. When I began university I had this strange yet exhilarating feeling that I did not really understand what it's name was. It was anxiety.
When I got taken out further , being rejected by the opposite sex and other unpleasant things, it eventually led to depression.

All im saying is WHY do you feel uncomfortable and if you can, deal with it.
Goodluck