View Full Version : How can I help my son do hard things?


Cecily
05-30-15, 08:50 PM
Our son is nearly 9 years old. As his mother I see him exhibiting several key characteristics that remind me an awful lot of his dad's ADD. One of them is catastrophizing something as simple as picking up the bath toys that his younger siblings left in the bathtub yesterday so that he can take a shower today. It would have taken about 30 seconds to pick them up but instead of just doing it he cried and cried and said for the first time that he hates me.

His dad has an awful time getting himself to do things he does not want to do as well.... I've always wondered just how hard it is for him... I've felt a little suspicious, I admit.

Is there any way I can help either of them (short of doing the task for them)?

hg12345
05-30-15, 11:45 PM
I know exactly what your talking about because I'm an adult doing the exact same thing in many situations. Something that I find that really helps me is to give a warning about what needs to be done before he needs to do it. For example, if you want him to pick up toys then instead of telling him to do it right then warn him 5 minutes before that in 5 minutes he will need to do it. This way he can mentally prepare himself to do the task. I find that any change in schedule or spontaneous tasks are very difficult for add people to transition to.

sarahsweets
06-05-15, 11:39 AM
Sometimes you have to pick your battles. If you would rather him learn to clean up after himself more, than asking him to pick up his siblings bath stuff might not be a battle worth having. Adhd kids are 30% less mature emotionally than their peers and sometimes it seems obvious to us what the desired outcome should be but not at all evident to the child. The five minute warning is a good suggestion and another thing that worked and still works with me, is no long multistep directions. If you he needed to say, do his homework you might say, take out your math books and work on the first three problems. After you check his progress, you'll want to give him the next set of steps. It seems obvious to us what comes next but keeping things simple can really help a child to succeed.

LuckyLady070283
09-10-15, 12:39 AM
I have a four year old son who has many adhd symptoms. He is in head start; big for his age; talks incessantly; unable to sit still at all; even during a favorite book or cartoon; wild, constantly testing boundaries.... A lot of this is pre-school stuff but he is noticeably extreme in everything. I love his extovert nature and I worry about medications effect on it. I'm sure science has improved since I was in school, but I'm cautious about getting a diagnosis.

He asks almost daily,"why doesn't my body listen to me? I want to be good and listen but I don't know how" I have been giving him non-helpful answers, such as if a teacher is talking u don't talk u try really hard to do what she asks. This is not working. (I'm sure u guys are like duh!" Because I feel that way when I tell him it. I don't know how to help him. I can't relate to that. Is there a way to help him control himself without meds ? He is so young - in kindergarten maybe but he doesn't get the toy at the end of the week because he has not been listening. It makes him feel bad about himself . the talking I curb; we take turns in the car. He gets to go first, but then he has to b quiet for his brother(he isn't but he tries) ; he gets 3 activities after headstart TV time, outside/inside toy time and coloring/reading time. I give him heads up with change, use a timer , he doesn't seem anxious just to busy with his thoughts and body. The I can't listen because my body won't do what I want it too is breaking my heart. I don't know if that's part of ad/hd or what to say/do to help it.

peripatetic
09-10-15, 01:14 AM
I have a four year old son who has many adhd symptoms. He is in head start; big for his age; talks incessantly; unable to sit still at all; even during a favorite book or cartoon; wild, constantly testing boundaries.... A lot of this is pre-school stuff but he is noticeably extreme in everything. I love his extovert nature and I worry about medications effect on it. I'm sure science has improved since I was in school, but I'm cautious about getting a diagnosis.

He asks almost daily,"why doesn't my body listen to me? I want to be good and listen but I don't know how" I have been giving him non-helpful answers, such as if a teacher is talking u don't talk u try really hard to do what she asks. This is not working. (I'm sure u guys are like duh!" Because I feel that way when I tell him it. I don't know how to help him. I can't relate to that. Is there a way to help him control himself without meds ? He is so young - in kindergarten maybe but he doesn't get the toy at the end of the week because he has not been listening. It makes him feel bad about himself . the talking I curb; we take turns in the car. He gets to go first, but then he has to b quiet for his brother(he isn't but he tries) ; he gets 3 activities after headstart TV time, outside/inside toy time and coloring/reading time. I give him heads up with change, use a timer , he doesn't seem anxious just to busy with his thoughts and body. The I can't listen because my body won't do what I want it too is breaking my heart. I don't know if that's part of ad/hd or what to say/do to help it.


greetings and welcome. unsure if you've clicked around some, but you might want to check out dizfriz's corner: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130 there's a lot of helpful information in there.

best wishes,
-peri

dvdnvwls
09-10-15, 01:46 AM
I second the recommendation for Dizfriz's corner.

Another thing (and maybe it's in there, I'm not sure).

When your son (and your husband) do this kind of thing, there's a real and intelligible thought process behind it; there may be times when you find it helpful to try to think in the same way they do. Thinking differently doesn't magically pick up the toys, but it does have the potential to teach you what to expect in various situations.

Basically, when someone with ADHD acts in what seems to be just an odd or illogical way, it's often predictable if you understand more of the way their brain works. They may even see that by ordinary expectations their logic is messed up; the fact that they're conscious of that doesn't give them the power to re-wire their brains.

TygerSan
09-10-15, 11:16 AM
Honestly, the fact that he recognizes that he has a problem and is able to verbalize it so eloquently is pretty nifty. That said, personally if he were my child, I would have him evaluated because it also sounds like he's getting frustrated and continued frustration isn't good for anyone. It doesn't mean that you have to medicate (though the child of a family I know in a similar situation found that the correct medication was quite literally a lifesaver), but it would be good to have strategies available for him that have a chance of working.

And what he says absolutely is congruent with ADHD.