View Full Version : What My Job Has Taught Me About Scars

06-11-15, 04:28 AM
Always, I see people pathologizing their emotions and their emotional scars.
I was asked by the first client I ever sat down with "how do I move on with these scars?"
It was a good question. One that hasnt been answered by any therapy that I know of.
Most people spend their life with the choice to either run or hide from their scars and their emotions. And when people can not run or hide any longer they are given coping strategies and techniques to run and hide better.
Within our current mental health system recovery is a mystery. Its a story that associates wellbeing with what no one can see. So that as long as your emotions are safely hidden or repressed, that you have achieved mastery and control over your life.
But you havent, its an illusion or a lie.

The truth is, our scars can't be hidden or controlled so easily. I watch therapists and people spend their day in silent fits of rage, guilt and depression. Everyone sees it but no one says a word. Because it would mean that we don't have absolute control.
The truth is almost all of our coping mechanisms as a society have only shown us how to lie to ourselves and eachother. So that what's become normal is silence. I find that after a while they become the silent dead. They don't know why they feel anymore, who they are, or what life means to them other than a measure of duty, status, and standards.
I've seen well intentioned and well to do people do the worst because they can only offer physical support without any real emotional currency to spend on others.
The situation is grave and there has to be a new school of thought if we're going to survive in this repressed oppressive society.

So once again, im faced with that question, "How do I move forward with these scars." Everyone asks it without realising it.
But to me the answer always has been and will be, with love.
We can't love if we never know what that means. It wasn't given to us, and there is never a clear road or path to take. Sometimes though, life gives us an oppurtunity to go down that road, but it's terrifying.
It's a road that doesn't always make sense or can be easily understood because you won't know where it's going.
But if you muster the courage with brevity and hope, you'll find yourself heading down that road but you'll still be terrified.
No this is not a "follow your dreams" speech. This isnt about acceptance either.
You may accept your scars but that doesn't make it any easier. Acceptance is only a small part of it brcause still, you can't control your scars, and you can't run from them or hide. Acceptance alone will most likely make one depressed, feeling doubt and over compensating themselves through life by asking less than what they are capable of and knowing that they are. Therefore they must beat themselves down, till the safety of their self view fits what they percieve as reality.
To me, love is about more than hope, acceptance, and forgiveness, it isnt repression, and it is not running or avoidance.
It is the opposite of avoidance.

The difference is that love, true love occurs when you stop image crafting. Both for others and yourself. You see the whole of yourself, without fear. One might try to also say without excuses, but that assumes we have to excuse being human. As though their were an apology letter to write for ourselves. But that isnt love.
When we love we walk towards our scars and see them as they are. Wounds that need tending to. Our love must not be contingent on whether or not we heal. Because we need the parts of ourselves that carry scars. Repressing your scars can be like trying cut off your hand because it hurts.
Rather you care for it. You recognize them as part of who you are now.
We must walk with our scars, our pasts, hand in hand not toward acceptance but toward healing.

Healing requires knowing that we must recognize our needs. It is no different than any physical wound or broken bone, or crippled limb

We heal by treating ourselves with care, strengthening our resolve and allowing ourselves to understand what it means to feel again. It is a personal journey with answers that must be come from within because learning how to heal is part of the proccess. Always know that new scars and wounds are inevitable, but if you know how to heal, then they are less likely to hurt you in the long term.

Healing means feeling weak in order to become strong. It means testing your limits and building success from the ground up within not just yourself but others as well.

Make no mistake though, our scars do not give us strength, but they do inspire us to find and build strength.
And, When you are strong enough, you will be able to lend that strength to others.

This is how we move forward with our scars, we change our thinking about them as apart of who we are and we build that part of ourselves back up. Till we can stand on our two feet.

Then and only then can we find out what it means to live and find happiness. Know your needs, know your weaknesses, know your tendencies and know that this is what it means to not be perfect. Perfection, just like love is an idea we must strive for but never obtain. Because if we hold onto perfection we deny endless possibilities and oppurtunities to find new ideas, and to create a better world.

And to me the meaning of life is more than love. It's about creating a better world first for ourselves and then for others and love is just a tool to which we achieve this.

This is to me, how we move forward with our emotions and scars in tow, with the purpose of healing and finding the strength to go on.


06-11-15, 10:54 AM
Thank you for sharing, intro.

I finally learned that true love isn't external. Sure wish I could get all that mileage back that I burned up in the external love seeking adventures of my youth. Wishing more folks supported instinctual feelings, as well, and encouraged making time to listen to them. Total suppression of feelings only works to create more suffering, indeed.