View Full Version : Paralyzed by Depression


KentUnknown
07-03-15, 07:11 PM
The last week or 2 hahve been so much worse then normal its hard tomimaginenwhat next eeek looks like let alone live it and plan for the future. I have nobody to talk to, i dont eat well at all, i am akmkst never hungry, i have no social life at all, although i did catch up with a couple old friends yesterday.
I can't love myself, therefore nobody can love me. All i need is love and its so hard to find, and trust.
I come home from work and all i want to do is sleep to fast forward the time. I dont know what to do, but am thinkinf about biting the bullet and havinf a phyisical and hopefully that leads to medication thatll help me , but it all seems like there is no time to do it, even when the only time im booked is 8am-3, 3 days a week. 4 days to do so muchm yet i cant leave my room. Nobody told me life was going to be so hard.

Skyf@ll
07-03-15, 07:44 PM
Depression is a horrible thing. In the past I remember curling up in the fetal position in bed, wishing all the problems I had would eventually vanish.

Doesn't work that way unfortunately. You have to hit the problem head on, find the root of the cause and deal with it.

From what I have read in your post-you need to re-establish a regular social life with your friends first, that's the first step!

anonymouslyadd
07-03-15, 08:43 PM
I appreciate the candor and honesty in your post. I never imagined life would be so challenging, either. When you're depressed everything becomes more difficult and a drag. You can't think straight. One therapist said it was like having foggy glasses on.

One thing that helps me is to read a quote about the blessings of struggle. I enjoy improving myself and find comfort in Helen Keller's quote about suffering. Character is a good quality to have.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened ambition inspired and success achieved.

~Helen Keller

I was probably depressed a good portion of my young adult life and didn't know it. No one suggested I get clinical help. They put it on me to change. Indeed, I needed to change and work on many things.

When I was really depressed, alone in bed, I didn't know that things could be a little better. Not perfect but better and easier. Thank God I found Wellbutrin, which has made my fight against depression a possibility instead of a losing proposition.

someothertime
07-05-15, 07:46 AM
Kent.... thanks for posting this. Pretty brave actually....... i see no harm in seeking answers.... if medication helps...... this is good.

Personally....... a can relate....... to many things you said...... knowing others find it so tough and i'm not alone helps me to no i'm not an alien or reject. Wring, and separating emotional experience will hopefully allow some much needed distance from the immediate.

If you ever have time..... i'd love to hear about the things you love :)

Lunacie
07-05-15, 11:09 AM
Meds can help, but it's not easy to get yourself to the doctor and talk about
why you need them.

Most people think being depressed means you're sad about something.
But it's not that, you don't actually feel any emotion really.
You don't care enough to feel anything. Usually.

The fact that you posted this means you still care enough to do something
for yourself. Please make that appointment. Please keep the appointment.

Unmanagable
07-05-15, 11:40 AM
Your body is experiencing so many things from not eating at all, and not eating well when you do. We must have healthy fuel to function more healthily. There's really no way around that, only temporary food-like fixes that give us the illusion of well-being, from my experiences.

Add lack of sleep, too much sleep, constant worry, drowning in vibration-lowering self-talk, feeling every feeling you thought would surely take you out of here if you ever had to endure it, etc., and then add incredibly deep feelings of helplessness and the feeling of being totally defeated by life on top of all that, and things seem to pick up speed, going down hill, f'n turbo style.

It's all you can do to stay awake and be with your own energetic presence, much less try to function well enough to have to interact with others, especially those who seem to only be able to kick you while you're down, to make an appointment for help, and then manage the process of following through.

I feel your pain on so many levels, my friend. I remain amazed that I'm still around, and I still experience depressive debilitating ditches, but much fewer and further between as of late. Please know if you ever want to talk, vent, or toss around whatever's hangin' out in your mind, holla!

I would definitely give the doc a call if I were you. There's so many treatment options available to help get you to a healthier space. Meds, talk therapy, and a combo of other things have all proven to be beneficial in many ways. One single approach may not help everything at once, but it sounds like you're in a space where you realize help is needed, and maybe even welcomed? Try to remember that it's all going to be a process and you're more than worth the effort. <3

midnightstar
07-05-15, 02:30 PM
(((Kent))) so sorry you feel this way, we're all here for you :grouphug:

Little Missy
07-05-15, 03:33 PM
I would daresay there is not a one of us here that has not spent some time in the fetal position one way or another in our lives. SO debilitating.

Honestly, there is a much better life out there with meds for people.:)

dvdnvwls
07-05-15, 06:06 PM
It's easy for people to say things to you.

Including it's easy for me to say this: being depressed does just go away all by itself, but... if you're planning on just waiting for it to pass, you need to know that it can take a long time and cause a lot of needless pain and suffering while you're waiting. It's right and good for you to go and see your doctor about this instead of just waiting for it to go away.

KentUnknown
07-06-15, 05:19 PM
I set up an appointment today, i really really REALLY wanted it to be before work on thursday.... Only day available is AUGUST 26TH! Im going to go crazy. I have physical problems I really have neglected in my state of depression, for a year, or even yearS.

Thank you ALL for your words, and that Helen Keller quote is very helpful, I feel maybe this will create character, it sure as hell has created a vast well of empathy and compassion for others, just need to learn to communicate it i guess.
Life is difficult, I want to see a doctor immediately, I want to get blood work done, I want to check my physical symptoms, which have caused great anxiety. (or other way around!? O.o)
What's really brought on these recent bout of depression is there is a girl, who has definitely been interested in me for the better part of the last year. She came to our hockey games, well shes a friend of my cousins so that isnt unusual, but she came none the less. I was too scared of rejection I guess, and pushed my feelings down. She went away for the summer a couple weeks ago, and it hit me, I told her how I struggle, my issues, but just over text messages.. not sure if I regret it, but she seems supportive.(trust, right..?) Anyways, I am sitting here and realizing how helpless I am to further that relationship until september, and its killing me. This is why I don't open up I guess, cause now I have so many fears that the stigma has reached her. Couple that with my already depressing life, where I can't even be hungry for food, have a hobby I enjoy, or any friends at this time. So much to learn, and I am 21. I should be there by now.. Sigh.

Unmanagable
07-06-15, 05:47 PM
I set up an appointment today, i really really REALLY wanted it to be before work on thursday.... Only day available is AUGUST 26TH! Im going to go crazy. I have physical problems I really have neglected in my state of depression, for a year, or even yearS.

Thank you ALL for your words, and that Helen Keller quote is very helpful, I feel maybe this will create character, it sure as hell has created a vast well of empathy and compassion for others, just need to learn to communicate it i guess.
Life is difficult, I want to see a doctor immediately, I want to get blood work done, I want to check my physical symptoms, which have caused great anxiety. (or other way around!? O.o)
What's really brought on these recent bout of depression is there is a girl, who has definitely been interested in me for the better part of the last year. She came to our hockey games, well shes a friend of my cousins so that isnt unusual, but she came none the less. I was too scared of rejection I guess, and pushed my feelings down. She went away for the summer a couple weeks ago, and it hit me, I told her how I struggle, my issues, but just over text messages.. not sure if I regret it, but she seems supportive.(trust, right..?) Anyways, I am sitting here and realizing how helpless I am to further that relationship until september, and its killing me. This is why I don't open up I guess, cause now I have so many fears that the stigma has reached her. Couple that with my already depressing life, where I can't even be hungry for food, have a hobby I enjoy, or any friends at this time. So much to learn, and I am 21. I should be there by now.. Sigh.


Ahhhh......the bolded part. It reminds me of how much time I spent "shoulding" all over myself and kicking my own a** for not being "there" yet, although I've not really achieved a clear definition of just exactly where and what "there" really is for me personally. But I have very clear visions of what is NOT "there".

Just curious if you mentioned to the dr. office that you feel being seen is an urgent matter and mentioned that it's interfering with your quality of life. I know I used to be very reserved in speaking with mine over the phone and would often leave out important stuff I wish I'd shared. I couldn't be seen quickly unless I was pretty adamant about it.

Sorry you're having to juggle all the emotions at once. Wishing you relief.

dvdnvwls
07-07-15, 12:51 AM
I'm not sure who said it, and I might be embarrassed to find out, but the catchy phrase is worth it.

Don't "should" all over yourself. :)

It might be all right that the appointment is this far off. You've already waited this long - perhaps another month or whatever is no big deal.

If you're in a difficult place and need to see them sooner, then please do take Unmanagable's advice.

KentUnknown
07-11-15, 09:44 PM
I'm not sure who said it, and I might be embarrassed to find out, but the catchy phrase is worth it.

Don't "should" all over yourself. :)

It might be all right that the appointment is this far off. You've already waited this long - perhaps another month or whatever is no big deal.

If you're in a difficult place and need to see them sooner, then please do take Unmanagable's advice.

Thats a pretty awesome and funny quote there :p Helps me in these times! Won't forget that one!