View Full Version : feel like i made a huge mistake by opening up about my add

07-29-15, 04:47 PM
ugh well i haven't been doing too well lately. i'm in an outpatient program and have been going through severe depression during the last few months. i felt hopeless, like i've made too many bad desicions and idk. i have a difficult problem with accepting my add, though i was diagnosed a couple of years ago. i still feel like i don't have a strong handle on it. i also have social anxiety and i feel like that plays a big role with my negative thoughts that i have towards add. though recently, i feel like my negative thoughts have gotten better. i still tend to notice that i think that i'm stupid and dumb when i make a mistake due to my add symtoms. many times, my social anxiety causes me to want to avoid social situations where i'll have to read instructions or do difficult tasks in front of others because i fear that i may mess up (i've made many mistakes in the past because of this where i was ridiculed by peers).

today, in my program, we were in a small group where we were asked to explain what brought us to the outpatient program. i said that i struggled with depression and sa for years and then the group facilitator asked me if i could provide more details about my sa and depression. idk what led me to say this, but i brought up how i was diagnosed with add a few years ago and that though it made me feel hopeless and like i couldn't accomplish anything at first, it was also a relief because i finally knew what i was struggling with. (though i didn't say it that clearly). my depression and sa come from a lot of different factors in my life, not just my add. but for some stupid reason, i decided to bring it up to people today. i even have been working a lot on my organization skills, i also just recently finsished an add class. i talked about it a lot with my former therapist and thought i was doing well to manage it. but idk, i think that my sa and depression make me feel otherwise. but as i said, it's not the only thing that makes me feel low. so the group ended up giving me feedback about my add (i didn't really want that to be the main focus of disscussion) and i was asked questions like "are you talking to a therapist?" and "have you taken the add class here?" this other woman attempted to relate to my situation and talked about one of her disorders, she said that she coped by seeking other ppl that lived near her that had her disorder. it made her feel like she wasn't alone. i thought that was good advice but when the group facilitator brought up that it's easy for ppl with add to feel like they're dumb, stupid and lazy, but they're really not, i just kind of shut down. all my negative thoughts about my add came up iny head and i started thinking "i'm right, these ppl do think i'm dumb" and i just felt horrible for even bringing it up. i felt like it wasn't neccessary to even talk about it. i felt out of place, like i was an alien or something. i guess my question is, was i being too open with these ppl? and also, should i start telling others that i'm close to that i have add? would it be a good way to learn to accept it? idk i'm kind of just ranting rn. but i would love to hear some advice. thanks.

07-30-15, 05:26 AM
In the setting you are describing I dont see why bringing it up would have been a bad thing. Its an outpatient program with groups and is supposed to be a safe area. Its necessary to talk about it if it affects you and you need to. Thats the place you should be able to talk about it IMO. As far as the real world? Well IME I dont tell anybody that isnt close to me and that means employers.

08-11-15, 02:08 AM
Ive found that I am a bit more self-conscious since accepting my diagnosis. I dont feel dumb, but I do feel inept. anyway...I can relate. Honestly I get more from doing things for people and in my community, volunteering, than I ever have from a group...though I can credit the inpatient group therapy I attended in my teen years with teaching me how to fabricate emotion. Best way to fight feeling useless for me, is to try to make myself useful...

08-11-15, 02:31 AM
i guess my question is, was i being too open with these ppl? and also, should i start telling others that i'm close to that i have add? would it be a good way to learn to accept it? idk i'm kind of just ranting rn. but i would love to hear some advice. thanks.

Only you can answer those questions, but I would wonder if you felt like you were "blurting" and then felt shame, where it feels like the ADHD tendency to over-reveal and then feel weird about it. That does make me feel the same exact what you feel. Because I'm feeling like it slipped out without me thinking about whether this was the right place, the right situation, the right individuals to talk openly.

I've struggled for so many years in isolation where I didn't talk about anything real with people. So now, just in a short time, I'm opening up more and I find myself talking about what is on my mind. It has felt bad, to be open but some good things have come of it such as my family members realizing what I endured a neurological issue alone all those years, with no help. They expressed sadness that they didn't help more, and happiness that I am able to start achieving some necessary things for my own life to be good to me.