View Full Version : constantly feeling misunderstood by others


fosterthehuman
08-05-15, 10:18 PM
so i'm in a support group at my local hospital and today i was running pretty late. and i know that i have to usually be there at least a few minutes before the group actually begins cause the staff writes our names down on paper and puts it in the hallway telling us which room to go into. So I got there pretty much two minutes before it began, quickly asked the staff to write my name down, then went to the bathroom (cause i rushed out of my house this morning) and then went to the room. they were already talking so i just took a seat awkwardly. we were then asked what are signs that we noticed in ourselves when we are feeling extremely depressed. the girl next to me said that she becomes isolated and doesn't return phone calls or go to events that she's invited to. I just lied and said I get irritable and isolate from others (I pretty much have these symptoms all the time but I just didn't feel like opening up to the group today and saying the truth). So the group facilitator responds by saying "yeah sometimes we might feel upset about something that we think is a big deal but it really isn't." And in my mind I thought, what is she talking about? And then my anxiety just kicked in full speed and started thinking, "she's talking about you rushing to group, she's trying to say that it wasn't a big deal that you were running late." I already get really anxious when ppl point out things like that or put the attention on me so when she said that, I just felt really self conscious. It's like I wasn't really anxious, until the group facilitator said something. And that's when I started thinking negative thoughts. I told my mom about this and she said that the facilitator probably wasn't talking about my situation with being late, she was most likely just generalizing and talking to the group. But I feel like my anxiety is making me think that she was talking specifically about me, and now I just feel really bad about myself. It's already difficult for me to be on time as it is. Idk, was she referring to my situation this morning? Or was she just talking about everyone in a general since? It would be nice to hear from others about this. Cause sometimes I feel like I don't understand people.

Ugh then after the group, I had to take the bus home. And some random older guy waiting for the bus looks at me, I kind of look away and walk toward a bench close by. And then I hear "What's wrong with you?" Usually I wouldn't answer to these people and just continue whatever I was doing but today I just responded "Excuse me?" Then he said "You look sad." and I said "I'm fine." I've been asked "what's wrong" by strangers on the street so many times, probably cause I look stand offish and don't really communicate but I mean, I'm just not that open and I get pretty anxious in crowded areas. It just makes it even worse when people point out something and blatantly ask you. It almost feels like I'm being interrogated and I end up just saying that I'm alright. (I feel like I'm the only one it happens to :/)

dvdnvwls
08-05-15, 11:27 PM
When you have been judged a lot in your life, you start to expect it even if it's not there.

And too often, it IS there, anyway. :(

stef
08-06-15, 02:32 AM
You are definitely not the only one this happens to! More about this later when i get to a keyboard i am on phone.

coffeesudoku
01-21-16, 12:52 AM
When you have been judged a lot in your life, you start to expect it even if it's not there.

And too often, it IS there, anyway. :(

I agree with you. And honestly I don't think that strangers should be asking you that kind of thing. I mean it's none of their business and sometimes they just end up making things worse.

KarmanMonkey
01-21-16, 11:08 AM
The way we see the world is based on our experiences. Sometimes this leads us down a path that is unfair to ourselves, because the way we feel, and the way we have been treated, causes us to see criticism and leads us to doubt any positive elements of our lives.

When I'm depressed, every laugh I hear is a laugh at my expense. Every person in a bad mood is that way because of my presence. From my non-depressed perspective, I feel reality was distorted for me at those times. That being said, when I felt depressed, I thought my well self was the one whose reality was distorted.

Really there is no single truth. I personally felt angry at the facilitator's comment, not because of it's effect on you, but the fact that _I_ felt that it was like saying that the things we find overwhelming are "no big deal", meaning that we're wrong for experiencing the emotions we do.

The only person with the right to judge an emotional response is the person experiencing it. If I feel someone is reacting in ways that are unhelpful, I'll support them, work through the emotion, and try to help them reframe the experience so they can get to the point of acting mindfully rather than reacting blindly.

Personally I believe both my depressed and my recovered perspectives were valid, that both situations were reality for me. The big difference is that I'm happier with the attitude and perspective I've developed.

A quote I identify with that I feel fits with this topic:

Don't ever become a pessimist... a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Socaljaxs
01-21-16, 11:40 AM
It sounds like the person at the hospital, was just making a general comment, not specifically targeting your situation. Most likely she didn't even know you were running late, or that it would triggered your anxiety. But the comment made by the women seemed very generalized and more of a common anxiety reoccurrence not a specific here's what's going on with you. For, someone,with social phobias and social anxiety, many people will assume that people are going to judging them, waiting to humiliate, target them, pay more attention to them then people actually are.

In regards to the stranger. It's is also a common thing for myself and I'm sure many others as well. I,get asked all the time what's wrong, or told I need,to smile. I'm sure the intentions,good and people don't mean to be rude,mot making things worse. But it is a common thing,also of people asking strangers what's wrong or how are you today..