View Full Version : anyone want to talk about addiction?


Abi
08-06-15, 08:43 PM
Just general experiences, coping mechanisms, etc.

No Gabor Mate theories and stuff please.

Little Missy
08-06-15, 10:57 PM
I'm so far removed at over 20 years now from what I was addicted to that my thoughts have never even contemplated a dalliance again.

I decided one morning that what I was doing was not pretty nor nice, I was ashamed of myself and I never did it again.

That was how I quit.

Unmanagable
08-06-15, 11:40 PM
Repetitive doses of shame, almost losing my life multiple times, not remembering stuff I'd do, feeling like tee-total s*** the next day in every possible way, and hating myself for it is what prompted me to give up my alcohol addiction. It was a slow progression of cutting WAY back and easing into quitting. Now, I don't drink and don't desire it. I have a really hard time trying to hang with peeps who get wasted on it. It feels like a whole different and uncomfortable vibe to me now that I've been able to address it within myself.

Yellowing teeth, the stink of smoke in my clothes and hair, the taste in my mouth, even after brushing, the incessant coughing each morning when I'd hack up a lung, the outrageous expense, the dirty ashtrays, yellowing of my fingers on the hand I held my cigs, realizing cigarette butts never go away, and no longer wanting to be looked down upon each time I'd light up prompted the strong desire to give up cigs. I did that one cold turkey after several unsuccessful tries with patches and gum. Smoked for 22 years, stopped 8 yrs. ago.

Food is the absolute worst addiction that I didn't even realize I had. We all do. It's been the hardest one yet to conquer, but I feel successful in kicking it's a**, too. I still have much to learn regarding food combining, etc., but I've come a long way and am blown away at how deep the food deception really is, based on what my body is truly thriving on. Addressing that addiction so seriously came about after a visit to the ER for a gall bladder attack.

I think I've been fortunate in being so easily amused and entertained by what surrounds me, that finding another distraction in place of the old habit I wish to break isn't as difficult as it seems for others.

That doesn't lessen the feelings of difficulty in following through with it one damn bit, but it feels like it made the transitions a lot smoother than I anticipated from other stories I'd heard.

Having control over my environment and finally being able to recognize more of my triggers is priceless.

Abi
08-07-15, 07:54 AM
I did it.

I called AA.

MY first meeting is on Thursday.

amberwillow
08-07-15, 07:58 AM
I did it.

I called AA.

MY first meeting is on Thursday.

Gosh Abi, I'm impressed!

amberwillow
08-07-15, 08:04 AM
My sense has always been that I'm safer not drinking. I feel that I know about myself that it could so easily get way out of hand, so I just don't drink. Food, on the other hand... Just can't NOT eat.

It's a problem that flares up sometimes. It concerns me how much of my time is spent working around myself.

phazonConduit
08-09-15, 02:22 AM
So far, my life feels better abstaining from using. Not that the addiction is gone, but it's manifested itself into my tendency to drink excessive amounts of caffeine and even smoke cigarettes (coping mechanisms, to an extent). The downsides, however, do feel discouraging. This is a part of my experience.

I've been clean and sober for over a year now and it's still pretty difficult. It's especially hard since I'm in my last year at university and everyone around me drinks and experiments with drugs and I now can't be a part of it.

After my reintegration to society (I was in an intensive inpatient and outpatient program that made me feel locked in from the rest of the world), I finally made new friends and am now going to move in, with a small group of them, to a house where I finally feel like I somewhat fit in...the caveat, though, is that these guys are also in college and will dive in for a night of drinking and getting high.

I can't be a part of that. Not anymore. It really sucks. I've already faced social rejection from my ADHD (NTs don't understand) and not being able to do what college students do leaves me out of a lot. It's glorified and it repels me.

I can't chill with them and take a drink if I wanted to. I've reprogrammed myself to not do it because I know what will happen next.

A coping mechanism that's been ingrained in my brain: playing the tape through. Drinking will lead to smoking and then the hard drugs will be back. It's harsh, but it keeps me from letting myself go.

But I have to keep in mind that most of what I did was my choice, and that other things were out of my control. I chose to start doing CM, but what was going on with my life was beyond my control (before I got diagnosed--no stability, bad grades...). I stopped myself out of desperation. I nearly died. I almost lost everything. It had to stop. I was losing myself.


The upside I see to it is that I'm not where I used to be. I'm getting the proper treatment and going to meetings. I realized I can't do all this by myself (even though I grew up with that mindset). I have control over somethings, but I now know I can't have control over everything. It's a HUGE relief.

But it's not easy. I've managed to distract myself from it several times (drawing, writing, etc.), which is great because I'm now using my diagnosis as an advantage (hyperfocus helps). I stopped smoking cigarettes because it made me almost vomit once and I lost my interest in them. Now I have to quit caffeine because it interacts with my medication. But I'm much more satisfied with my life than I used to be. I feel more at ease that I'm more me than I used to be.


tl;dr It's hard, it's complicated, but being in recovery (in the long run) is more satisfying (for me, at least). While I'm still here, that is.

I did it.

I called AA.

MY first meeting is on Thursday.

Congratulations! It's a big first step! I've been in the AA/NA program and now I've conditioned myself to change my perspectives (that's just me).

Take what I am about to say with a grain of salt; do not let my words completely affect your decision, but rather, keep in mind how strong-willed you are being for doing this. Going to a meeting and being a part of the discussion is strictly for you. You do it because you're choosing to get better. Mad props. Seriously. It really helps.

(Abi, if you'd like to talk about your experience, I'd be happy to lend an ear.)

stef
08-09-15, 03:36 AM
I'm addicted to caffeine and nicotine; it's fortunate I didnt have much access to drugs and was so afraid of " getting in trouble" when I was younger. I know I have an addictive personality and I can see how it would be dangerously easy for me to become an alcholic. A drink after work, a little wine with dinner...sometimes we do this on fridays and Im super careful to avoid during the week.

sarahsweets
08-09-15, 06:15 AM
oh abi......Im cant tell you what joy this post has given me this morning. Keep an open mind.

phazonConduit
08-11-15, 03:22 AM
I understand how you feel, stef. I wasn't much of a drinker myself (I loved drinking with friend and such--it's the easiest way to break out of this shell), so when I learned I had to abstain from all substances in order to get my life in order--I didn't know what to make of it.

I, too, had (still have) an addictive personality with alcohol and drank FourLokos several nights a week. Alcoholism never consumed me because I had moved on to more dangerous addictions. But, regarding alcohol, I'm considered a "time-stopper": I stopped the alcoholism before it started to affect major aspects of my life.

sarahsweets
08-12-15, 05:23 AM
Abi how did it got? Facebook message me,I'm away on vacation.