View Full Version : Stuck in my head 24/7 !!! At the end of my rope

08-17-15, 02:03 PM
Please dear people help me:confused: I'm driving myself absolutely crazy. I was diagnosed 4 years ago in my 30's with inattentive add. Prior to that I was medicated for anxiety/slight depression since I was 18. I was on and off meds constantly. Nothing ever seemed to work for long. The only med I have taken consistently in life is xanax. However, when I say take it I mean ONLY to sleep and not every night sometimes I go a month without needing it. I do not like the tired, fatigued feeling of benzos.

I constantly am stuck in my head. I worry 24/7 about everything. I feel guilty 24/7 for everything, for not working out, not doing laundry that day, for taking my adderall, for not taking my adderall, for not running the errand I should have, not calling someone back, for forgetting something, for not being social enough and on and on.

Here's my life situation, I have 3 month old, 15 month old, 10 year old, a father who is like my teenage son I constantly worry about, a wonderful husband and not enough time or sleep.

I just went through a gnarly, painful 10 days of detoxing from a insane case of candida that was in every organ, nervous system and causing me all sorts of brain fog, anxiety and stomach problems. During that week I did not take my adderall and cut out everything!!! But the candida is gone.

Here's my genius daily regimen ;)

lexapro 10 mgs ( been on it for 15 months) not sure if it's the problem or if it's to low dose to even do anything, thinking of tapering off.

Adderall ir 40 mgs total for day. I find that taking 10 mgs for first 2 doses 4 hours apart then maybe another 3 -5mg doses thru out the day is usually ok. But some days if I take to much because I can't seem to gauge when to redose I end up very irritable, hot, sweaty and running in circles. If I have a good day with it I'm very satisfied by the end of the day.

KRATOM- here might lie the problem. If you don't know what kratom is google it or none of this will make sense. I got addicted to this stuff from taking it to come off the percocet my PSYCHIATRIST prescribed to me for ADD/Anxiety treatment. You read that right. He said, it's off label to use opioids for add in very controlled, low doses. It worked like a charm for 3/4 months until I discovered I was full blown addicted and tolerance went up!!! That was a very dumb idea. The kratom got me off the oxycodone but I stayed on the kratom. I took it pretty sparingly during pregnancy but felt it was ok because it was natural and much safer than adderall or anything else during pregnancy. This stuff is no cake walk to get off of. For me it's much more addicting than anything I've ever taken.

Xanax 1/2- 1 mg for sleep almost nightly the past 2 months. The only thing that I can take can still wake in the night to feed the babies. I'm NOT breast feeding.

I have a 1/2 cup coffee in the morning and drink up to 2 gallons of water during the day.

At the end of the day most days I've spent the whole day obsessing over my state of mind. I can't seem to ever be in the moment, laugh or just be. I'm constantly in survival mode which I've been in my whole life from a pretty rough childhood. I'm a very healthy, fit, health conscious person. I eat all organic, exercise,take great care of my kids and family but I never feel good enough. I am always hard on myself and take EVERYTHING so serious. I can't get **** done or finished cuz of my add and I can't ever seem to shake the feeling of worry, guilt and anxiety except for the couple of hours here and there where either the adderall, kratom or Xanax is working. I'm scared to start trying new medications I hate the ins and outs of that too. I tried Wellbutrin all alone before adderall and loved it until all of a sudden a month later I turned into a anxious, mean crazy person with half of my hair falling out :eek:

Wtf is wrong with me????? And I don't have postpartum I've been like this forever off and on. And all my blood work came back normal to top it off:confused::(

08-17-15, 04:20 PM
Since you feel that kratom might be a problem, then I'd suggest you should assume that it is.

Another problem, harder to solve, is that you have a lot of things to do and a lot of people that you're worrying about, and you're doing all that on not enough sleep. (Too little sleep is pretty much a cliché in your situation, but that doesn't make it OK.) Regardless of everything, you have to find a way to stay sane. Less worry, more sleep, fewer tasks to do - something has to give. Your husband (if things are easier for him right now than for you) may need to take over some things. Your father, if at all possible, may have to fend for himself to a greater degree. But the bottom line is you need a substantial improvement in your sleep and a substantial reduction in both your work load and your worry load. If there's money, then consider hiring someone to do some major pieces of work that must be done but can do without your personal touch. Going along as things are is obviously not working - otherwise you wouldn't have posted this.

o TX o
09-03-15, 09:26 PM
Lowering your dose and stress levels will help you. I can relate my friend.