View Full Version : Stuck in a mental rut


Luvmybully
08-24-15, 11:22 AM
My adhd suffering husband is struggling right now, and I am also struggling with how to help him through it.

A few details:

BIG, major, change at work. Not just change for him, but change for the entire company, and he is one of the biggest changes. (Brand new position. He is building the entire division from scratch. Right now, he IS the division).

He D.O.E.S. N.O.T. H.A.N.D.L.E. C.H.A.N.G.E.

That in itself is hard enough. But the other thing he does NOT HANDLE well, at all, is when people disagree with him.

He tends to take it as criticism.

His very close friend at the company also got a new position, and he did some not so nice things to my husband. They are no longer very close friends. But they HAVE to work together. Have to.

My husband is like a pit bull with a bone. Once he latches onto something, he will not let it go.

So now, every conversation and interaction with this person, he has that "he did (THIS) to me" in the back of his mind. ALL thoughts stem from that one negative place, and it shadows everything with an ugly vibe.

He really MUST find a way to move beyond the past, and move forward in a way that does not eat at him with negativity. Not every difference in business plans is a direct attack against him, and he is not able too see it that way in regards to this one person.

He feels like this person is very antagonistic towards him, but when he tells me what was said and done, I do not see it. His boss does not see it as antagonistic either.

His mind is stuck in a rut, and he HAS TO get out of it.

It is affecting every part of his life. (He can't do his Krav Maga stress relieving sessions because he hurt his knee. Another problem)

I am his emotional support person, and I can normally walk him through ways to handle his emotional "stuff" with work, but this one is tough.

He DOES recognize he is basing all his thoughts from that rut in his head, but he can't find a way out of it.

Lunacie
08-24-15, 11:27 AM
Sounds like he's channeling all the stress into this one situation.

I can't think of anything helpful at the moment. Maybe someone else will.

Luvmybully
08-24-15, 11:30 AM
Sounds like he's channeling all the stress into this one situation.



Oh wow Luna, I totally missed that! Yes, I think you are absolutely right about that!

You've already helped!

:thankyou:

Fuzzy12
08-24-15, 01:30 PM
That's a really tough situation. New position, lots of changes and not only has he lost a good friend whom he might be missing but he also has to regularly confront this friend. When ive fallen out with someone I just want to avoid them and not deal with the whole situation every day. And then everything they do sort of hurts..or annoys me even if previously I wouldn't have reacted so strongly to it.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but I can sort of relate.

VeryTired
08-24-15, 02:10 PM
Wow, sympathy to you both. This sounds tough.

I think what you are describing is an example of exactly what CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is for. It's great that you are the emotional support person, but maybe it would be valuable also for your husband to work with a therapist, if he's one to it, about how to handle negative experiences without getting stuck in them.

wishing you both all the best--

Luvmybully
08-24-15, 02:45 PM
That's a really tough situation. New position, lots of changes and not only has he lost a good friend whom he might be missing but he also has to regularly confront this friend. When ive fallen out with someone I just want to avoid them and not deal with the whole situation every day.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but I can sort of relate.

He is exactly the same way Fuzzy. He'd like to just avoid him, but can't. At least they do not have to work in the same building every day! They have phone and email contact, mostly.

And then everything they do sort of hurts..or annoys me even if previously I wouldn't have reacted so strongly to it.

And yes, you described it perfectly.

Luvmybully
08-24-15, 02:47 PM
Wow, sympathy to you both. This sounds tough.

I think what you are describing is an example of exactly what CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is for. It's great that you are the emotional support person, but maybe it would be valuable also for your husband to work with a therapist, if he's one to it, about how to handle negative experiences without getting stuck in them.

wishing you both all the best--

My husband does not work well with others. :lol:

He has tried therapy over the years, he just can't be successful with someone when he has no connection to them.

sarahsweets
08-26-15, 04:34 AM
I wish I could explain better how i look at things like this because what I am about to say sounds corny an hokey.
He needs to let it go, and I mean pray,mediate,journal,exercise or vent it all away. Whatever spiritual way he may live, he should try an use that to let it go. Even if this guy is a douche, he needs to realize that he is the only one suffering because of this situation. The guy he had issues with isnt in pain over it, but your husband is. Why let that dick take up space in his head? Well, being adhd of course makes that easier said then done. a lot of learning to let things go happened because I got sober, so I get it that this may not be something he can do, but once I truly realized that I couldnt change any of the ****oles in my life and my choice was accept it and move on or be mad about it an stuck, I chose the way that offered me the most peace. This was not easy and everyday I have to practice letting go of old ideas, but its sort of like practice makes perfect for me. I try not to let sh*t take up space in my head if it means other things suffer because of it. I wish I could get in his head and show him how to do this and what it feels like but its so hard to explain. Sorry if thats a lame answer.