View Full Version : So stressed out about my son

09-01-15, 11:12 AM
I have 3 boys aged 5, 3 and 10 months. I have always had concerns regarding my 5 year old since he was 2 as his speech was delayed. He is also on the go all of the time. He hasn't got a diagnosis yet but we are going through the process at the moment with a consultant and we have just filled in questionnaires specifically looking at ADHD and the Autistic Spectrum, sensory issues and dyspraxia.

I just feel at a complete loss on how to handle my son as I do not know how to handle him and feel I have no control over him. He is displaying very challenging behaviour in the house and he does not listen at all. He runs around the house, jumping off furniture head stands up the wall, headstands on the stairs and he is just laughing and ignoring me. Of course my 3 year old is copying this behaviour. I feel close to tears most of the time with him and I know it sounds awful but I don't enjoy spending time with him at the moment.

He also has terrible meltdowns and he is difficult to settle to sleep. Again he is doing headstands all over the bed and up the wall and is very loud. He is impulsive still and can just run up the street. The only time he is happy is when he is on his game but I try not to let him have this all the time but sometimes its the only time I can get a break from his hyperactivity.

Please can someone offer some advice on how to discipline him and how to get him to listen to me as I'm at my wits end, thank you.

09-01-15, 02:13 PM
You are not alone. You are not doing anything wrong. This is not your fault.

The most important thing to keep in mind at first is that the normal strategies any parent would use for any average child are simply not going to work. All the usual advice from all the usual sources needs to go straight out the window.

For now, for the purpose of managing the current situation at home, it would be safe for you to assume that your son is autistic. (Not that you would say that to him, just that you may safely proceed as if it's the case.) Learn some of the ways autistic children are different from average children, and some of the things you'll need to do differently.

(If your son isn't autistic but you act as if he is until you find out, you won't do any harm - you'll just try some other ways of managing this situation. Some of the methods might work even if he isn't autistic, so you have very little to lose.)

No two children are the same. No two autistic children are the same either. (ADHD, other things, it doesn't matter which condition - no one is the same.) It's certainly going to be a learning process, finding out what works for your son and what doesn't.

I'll warn you away from an organization called "Autism Speaks", which essentially treats autistic children and adults as a horrible burden and as a disease to be eradicated. There are no autistic people working there, and no autistic people supporting their unfortunate crusade. Trust the information you get from people who are autistic, not what you hear from someone whose aim is to get rid of autistic people as if they were some kind of nuisance.

I'll let the people who know more about this topic take it from there.

09-01-15, 05:18 PM
Thank you for your reply. Well after trying to settle him down for sleep tonight since 8.00, he is still awake. This is from 7.00 this morning. When he goes to bed he is obsessed with his bed being right. I made his bed earlier when I changed it but because he has jumped and rolled all over it he wasn't happy with it and he has to make sure the quilt is straight at the bottom and no bedding is sticking out. He fidgets for ages until this is right. Is that an autistic trait?

He is also reluctant to try new foods and tends to want the same foods over and over. He is also obsessed when my husband is driving about the lights in the car and will go on about it until my husband switches them on or off.

Sorry for waffling on but I am in limbo at the moment as I know something is not right but I do not have a diagnosis yet but I know his behaviour is not right.

He also has no social barriers, he will talk to anyone and everyone. If we are stopped at the light and the windows are open he will say hello to the car next to us and try and start a conversation.

At school his behaviour is not disruptive but he has not made a lot of progress as the teacher has told me that they can tell they have lost his attention when they are explaining activities. When he gets changed for PE he cant stay in one spot and will walk all around the classroom getting changed.

Just feel so frustrated at the moment. Yet when I look at him now sitting next to me I could cry for him as I just wonder how this will impact on his life.

09-01-15, 11:53 PM
Hi Sunshine!

I had a challenging child with adhd. It was exhausting taking care of her!

Without having much detail to go on, a few things that may help.

Pick your battles. Make SURE it is important enough to you to stick with wanting cooperation.

Be VERY specific about what you want. Try to reduce it to its basic, most simplistic terms. for example : Stand on your feet. Furniture is for sitting. Jump on the floor. Shoes on first, then you walk.

Do not say what you do NOT want. Such as "don't run". He needs a direct command, not somethign where HE has to figure out an alternative.

He is very young! Just because he needs to MOVE now does NOT mean he is not learning, or that he will be unable to ever be still. Moving around at 5 years old is not a terrible thing.

Instead of running through the house, ask him to hop. Make games out of it. (2 hops left foot, one hop right foot.)

Let him stand to eat if he needs to.

My daughter needed her room "just so" before she could settle. Bedtime was EXASPERATING!! Worst time of the day. W were all tired. Tired of the day and tired of each other!

We slowly shifted the burden of her room to her. We would try to make it how she wanted it, but then let her handle it on her own.

Please know you are not alone! Your son is an independently thinking and acting little person, it is NOT on you to control him all the time!

I hope you get some great information from his evaluations.

09-12-15, 08:41 PM
research the MTHFR gene mutation, I recommend that you see a natural path doctor who will test for heavy metals, and vitamin and mineral deficiencies. The settling for sleep thing is often involved with low magnesium and some research on the MTHFR and I promise your eyes will begin to open and things make since. I had this battle with my child for almost 9 years before I discovered what was causing my child to have ADHD.....

09-13-15, 09:26 AM
research the MTHFR gene mutation, I recommend that you see a natural path doctor who will test for heavy metals, and vitamin and mineral deficiencies. The settling for sleep thing is often involved with low magnesium and some research on the MTHFR and I promise your eyes will begin to open and things make since. I had this battle with my child for almost 9 years before I discovered what was causing my child to have ADHD.....

What evidence do you have to support this?

09-13-15, 11:59 AM
The results that my son has made this year after being treated by the doctor that he is seeing. The doctor did a lot of test and explained what they meant and showed me a plan of how to address the issues. I was skeptical at first because the doctors that have treated him the past 9 years have not mentioned anything of the sort other than try different drugs. My son was treated with vyvanse, concerta and adderal to no avail. The two stimulants effect dopamine and I am sure you know what that plays a role in as far as neurotransmitters. The new doctor asked me up front what medications was my son on and I informed him that he was not on any at the time and that his doctor had taken him off all drugs because he was not helping him and at this point was not sure what to try other than some other drug. The new doctor did a lot of test and when the results come back she explained that my son did not need dopamine but was low on serotonin and that he had the MTHFR defect. She said that his vitamin D was low and also his magnesium. He also had some heavy metals but she said that he was not polluted to a point to where he needed chelation by IV therapy. Long story short I followed the doctors instructions and i am still in shock of just how my son has turned around. I was not sure this was going to work but after my sons teachers called and wanted to know what we had done to him because he was a complete different student. He was organized for once, and finished his work in class, and actually pass his test. In a nut shell the doctor told me if you fix the cell you fix the body. I am a believer at this point.

09-13-15, 03:21 PM
Here is the evidence on MTHFR:

MTHFR dot net is essentially run by just one man, who has an undergraduate degree in biology. He has not done any research, and with his limited education he wouldn't even know how to do the sophisticated research that would be required to prove his claims anyway. No real doctors or real scientists could possibly agree with him, because he hasn't done anything except make some crazy claims and not even bother to find out if they might be true.

Science-Based Medicine: Dubious MTHFR genetic mutation testing (