View Full Version : "Over-helpful" stranger encounter


Cecily
09-10-15, 05:06 PM
We were getting ice cream at a concession stand and they didn't have the flavor my 7-year-old daughter (with ADHD) wanted. She pouted and got angry, but thank goodness didn't throw a full fit. I just ignored her because that works best and continued ordering. The concession stand worker looked at my daughter and shook her head and scolded her saying, "You're 7 and this is how you act?" I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything. I couldn't just say right then and there that she has ADHD and that she's actually doing a pretty good job controlling her emotions right now.

I know a lot of parents get very mad when strangers correct their kids, but I can't assume that they are correcting my child because they don't think I'm doing a good enough job, because actually, having a stranger correct your child can actually permanently curb a bad behavior that you, the parent, has been working weeks with them on....

But should I be offended? Does it pose any danger to my kids, especially when their being held to an inappropriate standard for their developmental age by the stranger? What should I say to neutralize the situation?

I guess I just need to check my horizon. I appreciate input!

Greyhound1
09-10-15, 05:33 PM
How did your 7 year old react to the strangers statement? I think my reaction would be based on how I felt about 3 things.
1. Did this comment further upset my child?
2. Were they smiling and being nice and just trying to be helpful with comment?
3. Were they annoyed and attempting to teach my child a lesson?

For me, I would be okay with #2. Probably angry with #1 and or #3.

sarahsweets
09-10-15, 06:03 PM
Next time tell that out of touch, ignorant douche to go f**K himself and let you handle your girl on your own. I hate that kind of "help"

Lunacie
09-10-15, 07:51 PM
It depends. On a bad day, I'd be biting my lip to keep from telling that person
to keep her nose out of my family business.

On a good day I'd ask, "Is she being appropriate for a 5 year old? That what
age she is developmentally and she's doing very well and I'm proud of her."

BellaVita
09-10-15, 07:55 PM
Even though I don't have kids, but imagining if I did, a comment like that would really annoy me.

It's not their job to correct your daughter.

I know I was a sensitive little girl, and when strangers tried to correct my behavior it only ended up making me have social anxiety issues.

Luvmybully
09-10-15, 08:46 PM
That would SERIOUSLY tick me right the eff off.

NO ONE messes with the cubs.

It is pretty cowardly when an adult confronts a child like that. If she had ANY clue or tact, she would have spoken to YOU.

I get very defensive when I feel like my kids are being targeted.

My first thougt to her statement was "You're an ADULT, and this is how you act?"

willow129
09-10-15, 10:45 PM
That is so incREEEEEDibly rude. I wouldn't say that person grew up much past 7 either.

aeon
09-11-15, 08:12 AM
The relationship between mother and child is sacrosanct and inviolable.

Keep the mouth shut.

If a mother needs your help or wants your advice, she’ll ask for it.

stef
09-11-15, 08:35 AM
Ugh, my son had extremely rare, but EPIC, meltdowns when he was little. No one ever said anything but I got The Look if it ever happened in public!

sarahsweets
09-11-15, 11:11 AM
My apologies for getting so ranty above. I can't stand busy bodies.

Cecily
09-11-15, 11:15 AM
Since my children are usually right there witnessing the whole thing, I want to keep my response as peaceful as possible. Any good comebacks that are child friendly? :)

Lunacie
09-11-15, 11:23 AM
Why did you feel you couldn't say that she has ADHD and was actually doing
a good job of handling her disappointment?

With ADHD it can be very difficult to switch gears from what you thought you
wanted and were getting to figuring out what you will choose instead.

Unmanagable
09-11-15, 11:49 AM
"You are way out of line in your offering parental advice to my child, or any other. Kindly mind your own business and provide us the service we are paying you for, and nothing more."

Luvmybully
09-11-15, 01:01 PM
"It is not polite to make assumptions about one's age or developmental level"

anonymouslyadd
09-11-15, 01:09 PM
That would SERIOUSLY tick me right the eff off.

NO ONE messes with the cubs.

It is pretty cowardly when an adult confronts a child like that. If she had ANY clue or tact, she would have spoken to YOU.

I get very defensive when I feel like my kids are being targeted.

My first thougt to her statement was "You're an ADULT, and this is how you act?"
I probably would get defensive, too. I think I would just pick my child up and give them a big hug.

Ugh...what a lousy situation.

TygerSan
09-11-15, 03:56 PM
OMG, if I had been your child, I would have *lost my &%$^ completely* after having held it together. At the very least, I would've burst into tears.

(Not that my parents would've been particularly . . . understanding . . . either) but even at that age I *knew* I was making a herculean effort to not meltdown.

Ugh.

And someone like that . . . probably isn't going to be one of those people who understands completely when you say "She has ADHD and actually is doing well"

Off the top of my head, I think the best reaction would be to 1) give the cashier a stern look and a clipped "Thank you for the ice cream". and 2) address your daughter by saying "Good job managing your disappointment. Here's your ice cream" and leave. Because, really, it is absolutely none of the cashier's business.

Little Missy
09-11-15, 04:03 PM
Maybe the ice cream person is a blurter-outer and just couldn't hold it in.

dvdnvwls
09-11-15, 05:13 PM
"At least she's only 7. You, on the other hand, are clearly old enough to know better than to criticize children who aren't your own."