SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN EXPLAIN> IF ANYONE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THANKS



Ive had this issue through out my entire life, , , and I thought it was just the situation and area where I grew up. I had hardly any friends in grade school, till about 7th grade when I became friends with this one girl. I just remember getting in trouble all the time, being annoying, and one time when I was actually invited to a birthday party (3rd grade or something) and I can only remember the girls mother saying I would never be invited again cuz I was too hyper(she didn’t say it to me)



The best four girl friends ive had were from my hometown, The only thing I didn’t like was how they treated me, like I had nothing intelligent to say, cuz sometimes id have a hard time saying things that actually made sense, (ya know add) I would think it all sounded right when it came out but apparently I was wrong.,, everything was making sense in my head till I actually spoke it. Plus I guess everything I say is random, too odd for them. I also stopped taking meds in 5th grade, and those friends didn’t understand I had a problem and I wasn’t medicated.





Through out high school the four of us stayed close friends. I started feeling restless with my situation, like I was being held back so. I wanted to meet other people, cuz I started thinking hopeless thoughts. So I applied to college, got in, (None of the other girls took it seriously or left the area, or went to college) so I was looking forward to leaving the confined area I grew up in, and meeting other people, and getting away from everyone who knew me or judged me from my add problem. After I moved to college, those friends and I became more distant even though we were only 1 hr away



I made lots of friends in my first year of college, I had 2 good girlfriends and all other guys. So I thought wow it just was the situation at home, those aren’t my real friends these are.



I started to gain more confidence as well and guys were interested so I thought this was good,,, I also noticed I needed to address my add issue and get into my school work which I couldn’t do cuz of the add.



So I went to the doc got meds, school work was doing good, friends from college were awesome I felt really happy .. the friends I had at home were kinda envois of me(unsaid) and I keep poor contact with them (no phone though) and they would get mad at me,,, which would make me think more and more I didn’t need people like that. My one friend out of the four, who I was closes with and knew since I was born, would call me up and curse me out for not ever hanging out with her, and how I didn’t care about anything anymore, or called. She would also start crying to me about how we were all friends and she missed me, and how could I be so careless and “forget” them (we were very close,,, me her mom, little brother, family,, all very close)



but this wave of disregard washed over me and I was incapable of feeling the pain I must have caused them with “disappearing” and not caring. but the thing was I felt like they were pulling me down, I just thought they really didn’t care being my friend. This was also the case with the guy I loved and dated for 2 years, I always thought cuz of his family issues, and his own issues were holding me from something, it was bases for termination. I loved him but, he was my first and only relationship. I wanted to see other things but as much as I loved him I wanted him out of my life. Something was changing me though with the meds I could finally get things done, and meet more people, I noticed how annoying I am, and what I like and didn’t like, It seemed like I was getting more attention and guys were more attracted to me, which is annoying cuz for some reason they all think ”they are in love with me” only after a short time after they meet me. But my ability to love felt lost as well, no feeling of compassion, or attraction to my boyfriend(EX). I felt nothing, I had to pretend not to hurt his feelings, but that lasted a few months and I broke up with him like we weren’t together for two years.





This is what scares me the complete loss of feelings I developed for him, One would say this is natural and it happens, (which I know) But I don’t feel anything for any of these guys , sometimes I start off liking them, then one day im like nope, bye bye. Leaving these guys confused and liking me. What ever happen to just friends?



Things started to go bad with my college girl friends (not really the guys) I didn’t think they really liked me or understood me. I got those vibes when I started to have friends outside "of our circle". I got an apartment with my 2 girl friends, when we moved in things were ok, but then I got very serious I knew I had to kick my drug problems. which these kids are deeply wrapped in. so I stopped hanging with them alot,, stayed in my room, did homework,,, or met other people and went out. Again I got these thoughts daunting me .. theses people are holding me back. I tried telling them my problem but it was too late I was too distant from them. I still live with them but I also feel like some things holding me back, nothing in common with them ,,, They aren’t my friends, just temporary acquaintances.



I am now very consumed in my homework and school work (all the time) everyone I meet now or shows interest in me, im very nice to and I get along with, and im very approachable, but I will only talk to them, I want nothing more than a friendly converstation,,, every time someone calls who I’ve given my number to, I wont answer or if I do I usually cant relax, take time, and hang out with them.



I’m a nice person but I see nothing lately that interests me in anyone, and that’s worth spending my time with. Nothing sparks my attention, so I think oh cool I wanna get to know them. The only thing that signals a flag to my head is if I am attracted towards some ones, appearence, and style, guy or girl (which no one really knows). I feel like I have time for no one,,, just want physical relationship and that’s it. Just problem is I don’t wanna do that anymore either,, so I dunno.



I do want to have at least 1 or 2 good friends like I did with the girls from my childhood but I’ve never felt that comfortable, secure, whatever it is that makes good friends, with anyone. Some they understand me and like me for me me and me. im distant from everyone, though I still talk to my roommates and friends here when im not busy, but no one calls me that I consider my good friends to see what’s up or to hang out. I just do work or stay busy with my own things. im no longer considered in there plans or anything, ive said no too many times, and they just stopped calling.

I jus think now, I fu^eD up and im too hyper, and im too independent by doing things on my own and by myself, im too random, outspoken, too this or too that for anyone to actually befriend me. More so I just think every one ive met so far holds me back. So ive like turned into defence mode and don’t let anyone to close. Ive got a lot of friends but just like drinking friends.



I just can’t put it all together, am I wrong to want to be around high energy, positive, motivated, crazy like me, interested in things I am. or I do I a problem here I gotta be constantly doing something productive and positive, and it seems to work better alone, I haven’t meet anyone who understands me or has this charge to want something more, something better. Or have I and I literally can’t notice.



every time I think ive found friends I feel like some things switches in my head and I feel like I need to get away find something else



Im scared I will be like this forever, its like I feel incapable of loving anyone anymore, incapable of making friends who stay around long enough, or I let stay around, to meet all sides of me and not get weirded out



my ex boyfriend had said to me “I don’t understand you its like once you commit yourself to something you feel like your missing something else, then you push that away, and keep going” IS it the people ive met so far or me??

YupYup, would you mind posting in a color that isn't so bright? and maybe not in italics? I haven't gotten quite half-way through your post. some of it sounds familiar, maybe, but I'm not sure if it is particular to ADD.... I'd rather read it in a visual format I can read and understand better, then I can think better.

First off I am glad that you can admit to yourself that you seem to have lost compassion for ones you care about, at least you know that this is not how you want to feel.

I am a male but an extremely sensitive one (no sexism intended) so I hope that you can still relate to my experience on Concerta & Adderall so far ...

Let me start out my story by saying that I have only been on Concerta for a month (had to switch cuz it wasn't working/massive headaches) and Adderall for six days now so I still am going to have to give the medicine some time to see what side effects are going to last. I have been through a whole ordeal with trying to get help with my ADD & depression/anxiety to the extent that after my doctors at college misdiagnosed me and sent me into hell I had to come home for the simester and I landed in the hospital a few times before they diagnosed me ADD. When a few doctors at home all agreed that ADD was the reason for my troubles I was overjoyed that the docs finally believed me and ****ed off that all my troubles could have been avoided if they would have just helped me in the first place!

I have a girlfriend that I absolutely adore and she means everything in the world to me, our relationship is extremely healthy and she loves me unconditionally. When I went away to college she stayed back so that was obviously hard, our relationship grew stronger. Well when I started my first medication, Concerta, my girlfriend noticed differences in me ... I did to but it was hard to admit to myself because I was feeling sooo much better depression wise. I normally would talk to her every second of the day which any girl would love for their man to do. This seemed to change ... I was happy just sitting there not saying anything, just thinking. She was very worried because of everything that happened before and thought I didn't care for her anymore .. which is not the case at all. I also seemed to notice that I was content just hanging out ALL ALONE! This was not the case in the past, I needed someone around to not get depressed and in the course of a month that changed.

My headaches got worse, my ADD symptoms were not being taken care of and I was acting a little different towards my girl. The doctor was happy that I was not depressed, at all, for a whole month and said that we were on the right track and that Adderall should be my ticket. I started the adderall and I had no strange euphoric effects or anything like that which is great, while at the same time I was in even a better mood then before. I can converse with much more ease and recall information a great deal more quickly. Reading has not improved nor my listening skills (distractibility) but I am going to give myself and doctor time to figure out my dose.

Same problem though, I felt at first that I had more fun hanging out by myself which obviously scared me seeing as how much she means to me. After she kept getting all worked up about it we talked and figured some stuff out. Both of us are going to have to make some adjustments ... we might have to rediscover who I am and it will be hard. We both agreed to just stop getting all worked up about it and have some fun like normal. The next day was leaps and bounds better, I felt like myself but with some ADD aspects taken care of! Yesterday was even better and it is making us both wonder was it all the medicine or did it have to do also with our attitudes? Maybe the side effects are going away for me ... maybe we are just taking a more healthy approach to all this? I don't know but we are still doing what we can while praying for guidance to do the right thing.

Will the right thing be to not take a medication because our relationship is more important? Could be. I would much rather live with a nusance and disability then without the love of my life. You need to weigh the pros and cons to staying medicated because all that your isolation is going to lead to is, most likely, depression. Think about trying a different medication (btw can I ask what you are on?) and talk to your doctor about it, tell them what you have been feeling.

The last thing I have to say is that, above all else do what you know is right whether it be keeping the meds (adding an anti-depressant?) or dropping them to gain "yourself" back. Deep down you know what you want.

Keep us updated and I will do the same for you.

YupYup, would you mind posting in a color that isn't so bright? ...................
If I may suggest, hold your editing suggestions until after you've had time to think about a response to her issues. That way you help but the focus is on the topic at hand. Not a warning, just a suggestion.



YupYup: I really had trouble with friendships, especially in highschool. I've always kept a small group of friends around. I can't honestly keep track of a lot of people. It confuses me. Seriously. It's too much and I can't process everyone's needs, etc.

We moved a lot and I lost touch with friends and always had to make new ones. I always wanted (or just assumed I would get) something else. Same with boyfriends. I'd get one and look at others. Didn't cheat, but flirted, whatever...you get my meaning, distracted. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. And I'd eventually have to say goodbye.

Sometimes we have friends for "a season". They're in our lives for that time. I can accept that.

Some people I truly miss. But some...I'm glad they're not in touch. Only twice have I pushed someone away. They were not supportive, they didn't understand, they were judgemental of me. I can't be around that. I need to surround myself with those who are supporting me and on my side, accepting me for who I am. It's amazing how many friends I've had who aren't like that. Or were that and stopped.

When I meet someone who is working as a friend, we become in sync...I work at the relationship with generosity and a great deal of love and faithfulness. I notice myself getting tired of it, but I settle down the initial enthusiasm...pause...find a groove. I look for the comfortable spot, the balance. I'm learning to accept the timing of friendships, the gaps in between contact, the letting go that is sad but I understand it a little bit better now.

I think ADDers do have to work at this, but someone else will have to explain it, because I don't know if I can explain what's circling in my head.

EYEFORGOT, as far as I can tell she is saying all this happened when she started to take her medicine (besides the part duing HS). I have had the EXACT same feelings since I have been on my medicine, or the same feelings she is describing, granted that they seem to be going away (hopefully).

Now that you mention it though, I had one main group of friends but then I switched around so much it was crazy. Some years in HS my friends never saw me, well my first two years and I really did dump them for a "cooler" crowd. My new friends were all jocks and my old friends nerds, and even though I was great at sports I was better at being a nerd and had more fun doing so. I then started to realize what really mattered and hung out with my grade school pals the last two years in HS and I could not have been more happier about the way it worked out. We all have stayed close and I have actually helped my friend that I have known since I was 4, and still helping him through some tough times.

I think alot of relationship issues can be taken care of with attitude adjustments. I can say that the biggest one I made when I started on my meds was that I just stopped getting so hung up on things ... I just started to let stuff go, life is better.

[QUOTE] EYEFORGOT, as far as I can tell she is saying all this happened when she started to take her medicine (besides the part duing HS). I have had the EXACT same feelings since I have been on my medicine, or the same feelings she is describing, granted that they seem to be going away (hopefully).[QUOTE]

Excuse me brick, I did not notice a difference between high school and college. The flow seems to be how ADD has effected her friendships and that on meds she was more keenly aware of how annoying her ADD must be for others. I'm sure your whole month on meds has made you more sensitive to this issue, but she has the option to take or leave what I say. As do you.

Firstly there was a transition between high school and college....

I also have been diagnosed with add and I took meds from like 4-5th grade ,,, I don’t know really exactly then for some reason I was taken off,,,

Then I didn’t take any meds until September 2003.... Then I took adderall for a year ... stopped that due to my addiction towards it, my first initial step in changing my life

That was in December of 2004,.,, I didn’t take anything till January,, at that time I tried concerta for a month ... that was awful.

Then 1 month later I started on Ritalin LA as well as Zoloft ... I was having bad issues with OCD, which I still struggle with but it’s a little tamed now

Then Ritalin LA wasn’t good for me so then 1 month later I was changed to Ritalin just the fast acting 4 hour ones, and still took Zoloft

Took that for a month then I got an appt with therapist, and I got hooked up with a physiatrist ... then about 3 weeks ago I went to that appt, and told her everything she needed to know

We ultimately decided I felt best with adderall xr when I wasn’t abusing it...also my prior doctor was clueless and was perscribing me abouts she wasnt even suppose to,, which i was unaware of till this vist. So ive been using addreall xr 30mg's a day along with 150mgs of Zoloft, and towards the evening/nite I take 20mgs of Ritalin so I guess I can sleep? and not come not so harshly from addreall. so that’s were im at now ... I got back to the psychiatrist on may 14 so she can she how im doing "stabilized"(yes those are the words used) and so that way we can figure out what’s going on with me... cuz still I feel something,,, is just not right.. So yeah

And I appreciate all the advise im going to try to not go back into those moods,, but I cant help it,,, but im gonna try so far so good ... When I talked to my therapists about this issue (the relationship thing) she was saying that im doing so well blah blah blah its hard to do what I am doing on my own blah blah blah,,, she said being overly obsessive about go to the library and doing work is ok for now..... Hopefully that ends soon though cuz 8am-930pm away in school and at lib. is tiring. im not gonna know how to chill out by the time classes are over!!

I have this same issue. I have a tendency to avoid people just because I don't want to be a burden to others. I think it has to do with my middle school days, when I was branded "annoying" (I'm still testy about that word) because I was a pest who always followed people around (I didn't see how I was following them around; I was simply trying to make friends). I finally shifted my mindset and stopped caring about having friends; part of this was due to my mom's good advice, years from now these friends will mean nothing, she always told me. So, I stopped caring about having friends, and focused my mind on other things entirely, sometimes I would even pick a random interest out of the blue, like Arab culture or something, and read about it. Then the strangest thing happened: people started coming around. Also at this time, I started developing a sense of humor. Whenever I cracked people up, I got this weird psychological high from it. So I started taking note of when other people said things that drew laughter, and I wrote it down in a notebook. I also watched a lot of stand-up comedians on TV. So yeah it was like, I had to switch mental gears in order to gain favorability. What's more, I don't really care to attract people, which makes me even more desirable. Isn't that crazy?

YeS!!! mystic, i hear ya on that one, were gonna have to come up with something... We dont care to attract people yet....... that is what they are attracted to???? Ummmm?? uHHH??? I wanted it when i didnt have it , not that i do i dont care for it ahh how the world works..... want what we cant get? but anyone ... ya for anyone else who reads this ... what is it that makes this carless attitude, and non intention of attracting people .... attract them?:confused:

I feel ya' so much.... I had numerous offers to go out from people over the years and turned them all down, so they thought I just didn't want to be their friend. I don't talk to anyone I grew up with. When we grow, we grow out of relationships and into new ones. I feel the same way, like I would rather be alone enjoying my time than spending it bored with someone else. I have learned to accept that.

Thank you for explaining your medical situation. My comment about meds was directed at bricktop. I was extremely grumpy last night and should have just shut up about it so that this thread flowed with the helpfulness of Mystic and Dizzling. My apologies.

I have had some change in my dealing with people on my meds....But I see it as I am able to focus and stay on track. As far as your friends from high school....maybe I am reading it wrong but they don't sound like they were keepers anyway. Friends are the ones who listen to me and love me even when I go off on a tanget or babble on.