View Full Version : Are you really hard on yourself especially if you're a mom?!

10-03-15, 02:59 PM
I'm a mom of 3 and a stay at home wife. My two youngest are under the age of 2 and my oldest 10 with this comes many challenges especially being in attentive ADD with a side of anxiety.
I feel like I'm always 2 or 10 steps behind. I can't keep up with it all and some moms/wives make it all look so easy and it's a constant struggle for me to keep myself together,3 little ones and a household as well!

I've never felt good enough, I'm always feeling guilty,worrying and trying to fix something about myself. When I was working full time and just had my ten year old and was a single mom I was less stressed although I worked constantly and financially was never ahead. It didn't bother me a single bitif I had no idea half the time how much money I had in my account or what I made that month. Her and I survived in our little unorganized, no schedule, messy sometimes world. But I was less hard on myself and less stressed most of the time.. Now that I don't work outside the home I notice all my shortcomings more and this job as a sham is harder than any job I've ever had. I even have an amazing supportive husband but he is very type A and it took some time for us to adjust to one another.

I'm in my head 24/7 I'm almost painfully intuitive to where it makes me somewhat of a pessimist introvert. I can see so much more than the surface of people and I wish I could just have fun!

And now I'm rambling... Do you find as a fellow ADD mother or woman that you are really hard on yourself?:(

10-03-15, 05:51 PM
If someone were to ask a mom to describe what being a mom is, we would have different definitions. One thing that I think would be common would be pain. Pain for our children and the hurt the world can give them, pain for ourselves because when our kids hurt, we hurt, but mostly pain from not living up to some cookie-cutter predetermined soccer mom definition of what being a mom should be. You are a good mother. Anyone who says otherwise-tell them to f**k off.

10-03-15, 07:21 PM
I.m a loving and very empathetic mom of a grown son and when i llook at him i still feel such shame, over how I struggled with the basics when he was little.

10-03-15, 08:36 PM
I think what you describe is a classics ADD issue. I can't imagine a more exacting situation being a mother.

I know when I fall into constant introspection and anxiety it's a recipe for trouble.
What I might try to do is take on less, not expect so much from myself, walk on the sunny side of life for a bit because that other thing just leads to pain.

Sometimes you gotta work smarter not harder.

10-10-15, 03:21 PM
I am a young mother, 22 with a 3 year old.

I haven't been medicated until about a year ago, but for that first year I was on Concerta through my PCP and he wasn't comfortable adjusting the dose for me. It literally took me a year to follow through with finding a therapist/psychiatrist to do led management for me... since then I've learned that I need to stop trying to take on a million things at once (I needed to be stimulated and that's how I got the stimulation, from too much going on which would cause stress which would leave me always stimulated... it was a disaster), also very agitated at times and sometimes would be too harsh on Maddison, not physical obviously but I would snap at little things and I feel awful about it still.

I'm now on Vyvanse + Adderall. 10mg of Adderall in the morning and my Vyvanse at 8-9am and if it's a long day at work (I'm an EMT so my shifts are 12+ hours) another at night but I rarely do that.

Anyways, I have learned to make lists and only take on a few things at once and it's not possible because of medication and I can catch myself before I get agitated and even though I parent different than other moms, I don't care.

Screw anyone who says you aren't a good mom. It's really hard having ADD... no one understands. My daughters father has struggled with it his whole life and I see it in Maddison already... I'm glad I'm young and learning and went through it all growing up, so hopefully I can help get my daughter help before she has the trouble I ended up having.

Hang in there though, don't ever feel like a bad mom or less or a mom or anything like that! Hell, kudos to you being a stay at home mother with all of those kids... with my ADD I couldn't do it, physically and mentally lol