View Full Version : Need help

sassy pants
10-08-15, 10:34 AM
I have a teenager in 10th grade that is ADHD with anger issues. He does not care about school, does not want to do any work, and does things in school to get attention to himself but then is upset when someone does something to him. He has lied to my and school on several occasions. I have took away games, TV time and hanging out with his friends but still does not seem to work. School put him on a 504 plan but that has not worked to his benefit. The guidence counsler has bent over backwards making reward cards so his teachers can hand them out when he is really good in class and brings what he needs with him but still nothing has changed. I threaten to go sit with him in every class but that mad him angry. I thought about military school but I can't afford that. The school has mentioned that if he keeps the way he is going they might have to petition the judge to get him removed and put in a foster home till they can work out what he needs. Can anyone suggest or help me

10-10-15, 10:55 AM
Is he getting any counseling for his anger issues? What about meds, is he taking any for his adhd?

10-13-15, 12:12 PM
I work with kids as an adhd coach and mentor
Im not an expert but I wanted to say that when I've seen this behavior in kids with adhd; it is because they are depressed. More than that they have no hope in themselves.

I help them by asking them what they are good at or what they want from life. whatever they tell me; I then ask them to tell me what it is inside themselves trait wise that helps motivate them or makes them feel capable to do whatever it is they dream to do.

The main thing is to help them stay positive. In a world and life that's hard, you start to feel like you can't do anything right. You just stop caring and feel angry. I went through this as a kid in 10th as well.

I also help kids like this by building upon their traits. However if they tell me nothing, as far as what they enjoy, what they are good at, I then ask them "who do you want to be?"

Without any limitations what would you do or who would you become? This helps get them focused on what they want and to see themselves in what is possible instead of what is.

I find this works with adults too but I think adults are better at looking at the negative objectively. Kids just can't handle too many negatives because their personality and self esteem is so fragile and developing.

Also recognize that he isn't motivated by your rewards for him or your consequences for him or anyone elses for that matter.

Adhd is not an issue of focus but of prioritization. The motivation can only come from internal factors and not external one. Deadlines rarely work either. You have to build connections to his schooling and what he wants from life.

I tell the kids I work with to live up to the man/woman they know they are. That they aren't striving to become anything but that they are only trying to express the best of themselves.

I think telling them they already have it is critical because it helps them want to not lose or squander the best of themselves.

Motivation for adhd is based on challenge, interest, true urgency, a connection to the reason why something matters and how it relates to them that makes sense, and a sense of mastery/self efficacy/having something to prove that they know they can.

It's important to keep looking forward and not bring up past failures and let him problem solve and think for himself. I belueve what motivates adhd makes us look defiant but when he says "why?" Just take the time to listen and ask him to explain to you why so that he is always looking for the answers from within.

Adhd kids get discouraged very easily. The best approach is to ask them questions to help them find insight into who they are and their struggles. If you feel he is not having realistic expectations for himself or others, simply ask him what his plans are to accomplish his expectations or to help others live up to them. This will get him to realize what it will rake without anyone telling him he can't do something. Also realize that even if his dreams sound stupid or not realistic, I would say let him dream anyways. He needs to define his own limitations and not have them defined for him.

When other people do not let an adhd individual fall down, we often discourage them. Adhd people want to be masters of themselves and their world. It is critical that you be there to help him pick himself up but don't ever try to carry him.

There is a pride there in adhd individuals that many do not speak of. Its that pride that keeps us all going but also makes us procrastinate when we are faced by the true possibility of failure or our own limitations. If you can help him fail and keep his pride, you'll keep him interested in school. You have to teach him how to live and study and learn as an adhd individual and not like everyone else. The book " make it stick" by peter c. Brown will help you with this as well as him.

If you need any help in this area of helping him develop his own way to learn like an adhd individual, just message me

Try to stay positive and also listen that's the most we can do for anyone honestly.

Let me know if that helps