View Full Version : Help my son


harley79
10-18-15, 10:46 AM
My son has ADHD/DyslexiaHe is in 9th grade AND he is not doing some of the work in certain classes cause he doesnt like the teacher. He has always been big on personaliites I dont know what to do...

ADHDsim
10-18-15, 12:33 PM
Firstly is he being medicated correctly by a caring doctor who reviews his situation until stable? If he is not being medicated then simply there's nothing in my opinion to talk about.

However if he is medicated (and kudos to you for being a great mother for doing so) then I would direct you to read up about ODD or Oppositonal defiant disorder. Naturally I do not have enough infomation to really suggest he has that but you can certainly read up and rule it out yourself.

Outside of that possibly certain teachers aren't trained correctly, is there a pattern to your child's behaviour? Why some and not others? Maybe he dislikes certain subjects?

Maybe your child actually has his own "good reason" for acting in such a manner. Maybe the teachers personality / tactics are totally wrong?

dvdnvwls
10-18-15, 03:36 PM
I have had trouble in the past with teachers who I don't like. Luckily for me I liked my teachers in high school, and didn't run into difficulty until university.

When a kid with ADHD doesn't like his teacher, it's hard to know what to do, because (and here I disagree pretty strongly with ADHDsim) there are quite a few factors affecting the situation.

First, remember the real goal here. Your son's good future and his being OK right now.

The goal is NOT "getting along successfully with this teacher". The goal is NOT "getting along with other teachers in future". Because... everyone knows someone they don't get along with. Imagine someone you really dislike. Now imagine that they are your new teacher.

For the teachers I didn't like, my problem was usually that they were doing a poor job. They couldn't answer questions on their own subject from an interested student like me. They didn't try to help students understand, but simply plowed through their prepared set of notes and readings as if they were some kind of teaching robot.

Maybe there's a key there for your son... maybe what he's looking for is a good presentation of what's being taught, and isn't finding it. Maybe he can "go through the motions" more happily in this class if he can actually learn the material more effectively from someone else.



You may have the impression that this thing is mostly your son's fault. In that case, you need to dig deeper and find out what's wrong and why he feels this way.

But first, assume it's not his fault.

stef
10-18-15, 04:17 PM
those are excellent suggestions!
your son being big on personalities, is a valuable thing in life and shouldnt be overlooked or dismissed.

ADHDsim
10-18-15, 10:50 PM
Dvdnvwls, I don't think you disagreed with me at all, I think you simply expanded on the few points I left at the end.

look, we can all beat around the bush but if the child is not being helped along with an appropriate medication for ADHD then all the interventions, punishments, questions, stress are worth squat and will weigh on the child in a big way.

All I hear is a child that is angry with himself.

dvdnvwls
10-19-15, 01:01 AM
Nobody anywhere has said or implied or even slightly hinted that he might be angry with himself. He doesn't like one of his teachers.

If he suddenly disliked all his teachers at once, that would be different.

sarahsweets
10-19-15, 03:29 AM
Does your son have an IEP? Is he classified in anyway? I found that an IEP helped trump a bad teacher. Not that it solved everything, but it helped pave a way for better support.

ADHDsim
10-19-15, 07:33 AM
Dvdnvwls, think about it, the child is most probably frustrated with himself and the work he is producing. The easiest path for him is to lay the blame on the teachers and "save himself"

does the child dislike the teachers in the subjects where he is succeeding? Would he still dislike these teachers if he was succeeding? I say no, chicken and the egg what came first?

busymomonli
10-19-15, 10:40 AM
In my sons case, who is in seventh grade, when he doesn't like a teacher its because something is going on in that class. It could be anything from he doesn't understand the material, to a problem with a kid in the class. I agree to not assume this is your sons fault. Dig a little deeper, maybe meet with the teacher and get to the root of the problem.

I don't necessarily agree that if he's not medicated there is nothing else to talk about. Not every child can be medicated and not every parent wants to medicate their child. It certainly doesn't mean that this problem can't be addressed.

sarahsweets
10-19-15, 12:42 PM
I agree and disagree with you. Medication changed the lives of my children and myself (i have sticky about it somewhere) and I believe medication,when tolerated can go along way towards setting a child up for success. After all it is a first line treatment for adhd. HOWEVER, in the case of a kid hating school and specifically a teacher, all bets are off. There doesnt need to be a rational reason why, the teacher neednt have done anything to the child, but the child will not learn if he does not jive with his teacher. I recently had to deal with my 11 year old wanting to overdose on pills because he hated school so much. We had to hospitalize her for 2 weeks and then she went to a PHP and IOP program from may until august. It was the best thing we could have done. SHe wasnt learning and she needed to be removed from that environment. No amount of coping skills and accomadations were working. She could never tolerate medication with the exception of lexapro so we have been dealing with the adhd as best as we can. She is diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety and adhd. Dont underplay your sons dislike for his teacher, it can make or break things for him.
In my sons case, who is in seventh grade, when he doesn't like a teacher its because something is going on in that class. It could be anything from he doesn't understand the material, to a problem with a kid in the class. I agree to not assume this is your sons fault. Dig a little deeper, maybe meet with the teacher and get to the root of the problem.

I don't necessarily agree that if he's not medicated there is nothing else to talk about. Not every child can be medicated and not every parent wants to medicate their child. It certainly doesn't mean that this problem can't be addressed.

dvdnvwls
10-19-15, 02:32 PM
Dvdnvwls, think about it, the child is most probably frustrated with himself and the work he is producing. The easiest path for him is to lay the blame on the teachers and "save himself"

does the child dislike the teachers in the subjects where he is succeeding? Would he still dislike these teachers if he was succeeding? I say no, chicken and the egg what came first?
I know the kind of situation you're talking about. There is nothing at all here to indicate or even give the tiniest hint that that's what's going on in this situation - except for your own wild assumption.

Daydreamin22
10-19-15, 11:17 PM
[QUOTE=ADHDsim;1763221

look, we can all beat around the bush but if the child is not being helped along with an appropriate medication for ADHD then all the interventions, punishments, questions, stress are worth squat and will weigh on the child in a big way.
[/QUOTE]

Eek, this is an uniformed viewpoint... This child may very well not need medication. It could very well be unhelpful in the long run... could be harmful in the long run... could cause dependence and have lots of unwanted cons or negative effects. ADHD medication is NOT helpful for everyone. It CAN be harmful to people. We see it every day on here.

ADHDsim
10-20-15, 01:18 AM
Fair call and I thank all who countered my opinion. I do feel though that many here might understate the impact ADHD has on ones life. Of course there is no one reason for a child acting out. The mother States he dislikes personalities of certain people, do regular kids with normal executive functions throw away their education / future simply because of someone's personalities? No

You can force the world to bend to a ADHD child or you can understand that the world functions a certain way (like it or not) and the ADHD child is lacking the fundamental tools to function with in it.

Medication is certainly the first step, nothing you can change in the child's environment can change the disorder with in.

I feel awful about being new to these forums and arguing with anyone. That said for someone to point out the rare negative side effects a child might encounter from a variety of medications on offer is distasteful to say the least.

How about we talk about the side effects of not medicating? Or the overwhelming positives from medication?

Of course it's the parents choice. It's their choice to google and utilise their own quasi education instead of following the recommendations of a medical professional.

I apologise again.

stef
10-20-15, 12:24 PM
Is he medicated and/or getting treatment?
Either way, it's a difficult age and it's really important to listen to him and hear his side of what's going on, and try and work out a solution, together.

hythlodaeus
04-17-16, 06:26 PM
Hello, thanks for posting about your son. I'm going to try to bring up a few points that maybe I can develop later in this post if you give some more info about your son.

1.) My sons (and my ex) show signs of ADHD (and I do too) but my ex is against getting my 16 year old son the help he needs. So he keeps struggling with school and substance abuse (self medicating). She was a special education teacher so she knows about LD etc. I don't really understand her bias.

2.) I believe ADHD kids in many ways are very talented. My oldest son (18) has dyslexia but he is likely also ADHD but he is also incredibly talented and capable. The only thing is, most school work is so easy for him he gets bored.

I wonder if your son needs a school that challenges him. Also in 9th grade many schools allow students to participate in vocational (career and technical) programs which ADHD kids really excel at when they find their niche.