OK, HERE GOES. so far i hae learned not to trust people. Most of the time people lie to me, ditch me or take off. what i mean by this is what i have observerd. IN both situations, i see people drop things at a bat of an eye to take care of anything anyone asked of them, except for me. When it came to me, it was the usually, i dunno if ill have time , or im too busy, or something came up. after a while , i stopped talking to people and looking to anyone when i needed help,support or companionship. my relationshisp would follow the same pattern. either they run off, and dont say goodbye, or just leave to be with someone else, realize that i am aware its a lie and then act all remorseful . I sorta learnd not to trust whatever is told to me, or what is said. i found that i am much safer and happier this way. The only people ill put backing behind is a law enforcement official ( bc they put you in jail) or a doctor ( they can keep you alive). so any suggestions? i tried joining a professional dating service and have a hard time even selecting someone to write to bc im skeptical of everything i see. Same problem at work. i generally figure everything out on my own or force myself to figure it out without interaction from anybody whatsoever.
The last part is about the very few friends i ever had or made. only hear from people when theyre "bored" or "NEED SOMETHING" thats the only 2 times ive EVER heard from anything. In any other scenario, if things are good and dandy, i dont exist, im a ghost. as far as most friends ive made are concerned, i fell off the face of the earth. SO as you can see, i just figured, id be better off ALONE.

I think I understand what you are saying. I also have a tendancy to not trust other people and be very skeptical about their intentions. Many times this will scare people off, but I guess that's just the way I am and I've just come to live with it. However, it does does have a silver lining of sorts -- it seems to scare off the shallow and superficial people who I wouldn't associate with anyways, so I guess it all works out in the end.

A major part of culture is forming shared reality with other people. This is hard with ADD... we simply have not learned the culture. There are so many invisible layers of communication that we are not part of. Often non-ADDers seem untrustworthy because they communicate with an eye on what might be common knowledge in the culture but are unknown things to us. White lies are very common but they are hurtful to us ADDers and cause mistrust. People try to save our feelings in ways the seem mysterious to us, but are understood and appreciated by other non-ADDers.


We even have trouble with other ADDers because the pain can be so deep that relationships are scary on both sides and communication fails.

In relationships, I often feel like a blind man trying to find his way around a new room...when I finally think I know the lay of the land... the person leaves in frustration...

I tend to be worried about the motivations of people. I feel like everybody want to get something for themselves with no regard for the effect on me.

have you ever heard of "its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

I'm a socially clumsy ADDer too but I still try and yes there are a***holes in this world but there are good people too

Your letting those people who hurt you affect the quality of your life.Dont give them that much power.People are people,everyone is diffrent and we all can be a-holes.Its human nature.I had to learn that under that highlighted hair and mascara they had the same wants,fears and problems(if not worse)than me.I had to learn the hard way that people arent always honest.I am,so when I would make a friend I would expect the same but I found out after years of confusion and hurt that thats just how it is sometimes.People run away for diffrent reasons.Be it a insecurity problems or not being able to connect to others well.I learned that from my biological mom.You cant expect alot.For some they just dont love or feel as deep as others and thats just them.But this is you.There are people out there who are capable of making you feel completly loved and cared for.Dont give up.But remember you have to love yourself.

Speedracer.. I can totally relate. I'm actually going through a period right now where I feel like if they don't meet me half way, it doesn't matter how much I like them, I'm just not going to try any more. I too, am tired of constantly being hurt and blown off:( :mad: . I make time for others, they are important to me and it often feels as if that is not the case with their actions towards me. This recently happened with someone I've know for 20 years. That was pretty much the last straw. I left a message saying that I was tired of the inconsistancy and that they were going to have to contact me in the future. That I was tired of being frustrated. I don't know what the answer is. I don't want to be alone either. But it seems as if after a period of time, it's just not worth it. It causes too much damage to try to really connect. I know I'll keep trying, tht's just how I am, but I also am loosing more and more of myself with the hurt and I don't offer much any more because I am tired of offering and making time and being rejected in one way or another. It doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl, it's the same. Ths is with the non-adders or the non-diagnosed. It doesnt seem to happen with the adders I have met in group.
I hear ya!! Casey

I can relate as well but maybe a little differantly,,,, I know that my feelings of rejection comes from being insecure and many times when I think I am being rejected,,, I am not ,,,,, by the time I realize it,,, it is too late because I am the kind of person who runs before I am rejected. I do this alot to people I care about. I still feel rejected often by the rest of the world but sometimes I have to stop caring if I am being rejected and wait to find out. Sometimes I find myself pushing people away once I feel the smallest amount of rejection and then when they are gone, then I convince myself that was there plan all along. I guess I play mind games in my own head sometimes. Trust is hard to come by,,, especially when you do not completely trust yourself.

Dear Speed;

First of all, pleast don't jam all the text into one giant paragraph. Us adder's have a hard time reading it when it is like that.

It is much better if you put some empty space into your text so that peorple who are easily distracted and are a tad dyslexic can read it easily.

Now, about rerlationships....this is going to seem harsh, but it is not, honest..

I am assuming that you have ADD/ADHD or some similar issues...we all do.

For some of us relationships are a problem, for others it is not too much of a problem. It seems to vary a lot.

You seem to be saying that everyone you date lies to you, cheats on the relationship, then leaves you hurt and alone.

If everyone you are dating is like that, my guess is you need to really take a long hard look at your criteria for selecting a lover... you are picking some real losers...

Don't abuse yourself over relationships, back off a bit and stop jumping from one relationship to the next and take the time get a handle on whatever it is that is wrong before you set yourself up for more heartache.

My guess is that it is partly you, and partly the kind of people you are chosing. If you can't get it straightened out, my advice is to seek professional counseling.

It could very well be that isssues associated with ADHD or various comorbidities are getting in your way. If so, you need to identify these issues and address them or things won't be getting any better.

Relationships and ADD can be a painful, tragic combination, but I do not believe that it has to be that way. Find the problems and overcome them as best you can and things get better.

Me :D







OK, HERE GOES. so far i hae learned not to trust people. Most of the time people lie to me, ditch me or take off. what i mean by this is what i have observerd. IN both situations, i see people drop things at a bat of an eye to take care of anything anyone asked of them, except for me. When it came to me, it was the usually, i dunno if ill have time , or im too busy, or something came up. after a while , i stopped talking to people and looking to anyone when i needed help,support or companionship. my relationshisp would follow the same pattern. either they run off, and dont say goodbye, or just leave to be with someone else, realize that i am aware its a lie and then act all remorseful . I sorta learnd not to trust whatever is told to me, or what is said. i found that i am much safer and happier this way. The only people ill put backing behind is a law enforcement official ( bc they put you in jail) or a doctor ( they can keep you alive). so any suggestions? i tried joining a professional dating service and have a hard time even selecting someone to write to bc im skeptical of everything i see. Same problem at work. i generally figure everything out on my own or force myself to figure it out without interaction from anybody whatsoever.
The last part is about the very few friends i ever had or made. only hear from people when theyre "bored" or "NEED SOMETHING" thats the only 2 times ive EVER heard from anything. In any other scenario, if things are good and dandy, i dont exist, im a ghost. as far as most friends ive made are concerned, i fell off the face of the earth. SO as you can see, i just figured, id be better off ALONE.

The last part is about the very few friends i ever had or made. only hear from people when theyre "bored" or "NEED SOMETHING" thats the only 2 times ive EVER heard from anything. In any other scenario, if things are good and dandy, i dont exist, im a ghost. as far as most friends ive made are concerned, i fell off the face of the earth. SO as you can see, i just figured, id be better off ALONE.

Yes, you are right, people only want you when they "need something". That's not just with you but that is with everyone. All human beings are motivated by self interest. Use this to your advantage. I assume when you imply that they are using you, it is because they need TANGIBLE things from you. Everyone uses everyone, obviously or not. Some for tangible things, and others for non-tangible things. Why do you think people flock to those who are attractive or have a lot of money? It's because they want to feel good about themselves, they want to have friends that makes them look "cool". That is a psychological need fulfilled.

Start filling more psychological needs of others, then you'll get more respect from others, trust me.

This is simple ,get a book about making and keeping friends .The basics are that -go to a event find people you have things in common and get there number under any pretense ,ie. need there particular help with something or you offer to help them with something ,then follow through ,and chit chat while your with them and humor them being a geniuine, nice, helpful person .

Needy people don't make good friends ,remember that .
doing what you say your gonna do and being on time ,don't labor them with heavy personal problems ,espiecaly if you don't know them that well .

want friends who like to talk about mental nurosis and behavior problems ,go to AA and NA meetings ,these are all people working to better themselves on an everyday basis .

Don't take imagined hurts and think it's all about you ,
ie. self absorbed -people have there own agendas and you are in the picture somewhere if your cool headed
and they are not out to hurt you personally ,go with the flow and act as if you have it all together ,while trying to keep it all together and soon you will have most of it together !!!!

Dating -just getting back in to this and am a little rusty but I think I remember the game ,and yes ,it's a game .

Flirt ,flirt and smile ,be confident ,feel sexy

get her phone # ( I'm a guy ,so this is what I think )
call and chat ,compliment ,humor ,feel the convo ,if dragging ,gotta go .
call couple days later if she does'nt call first .chat some more ,compliment ,flirt ,humor ,ask for coffee ,something small ,arrange for day,time ,be there on time -you get the picture ,above all don't appear over eager BIG TURNOFF