View Full Version : ADD, Depression, & Social Aniexty


adhdDepressionS
11-02-15, 11:43 AM
I'm new here. I'm just looking at people who I can relate too and vent a little.

Recently, with a new job I noticed how bad my ADD was so I started on Concerta. I was messing up a lot and it helped tremendously. I've always had depression and social anxiety, just never noticed how bad it was till my new job. It requires me to be around people a lot more than I ever have before. The depression and anxiety got bad so I started on Cymbalta.

The ADD is okay right now, depression is a little worse.. my doctor increased my dose last week so hoping it helps soon. But the social anxiety... I don't know...

I moved around A LOT as a child. I think that screwed me up. I have absolutely no friends, never have. I avoid group conversations when I can at work. When people talk to me, I am always thinking "what are they thinking of me right now? does it look like I care to them?" etc... People always say I look mad. I hardly ever am. I just don't know how to talk to people and don't know how to respond.

I have a couple people I talk to at work which is good... one on one only. Other people just talk behind my back, say I'm an ******* or act like I'm too good for them. I really don't think that... Some people are just easier to talk to than others.

I'm just lost. I'm tired of all this going through my head everyday. Sadly, I'm happiest when I'm by myself.... but know I'm by myself cause no one else cares to be around me.

Pilgrim
11-02-15, 02:16 PM
Why don't you like the company of people?

Corina86
11-02-15, 02:53 PM
I have a couple people I talk to at work which is good... one on one only. Other people just talk behind my back, say I'm an ******* or act like I'm too good for them. I really don't think that... Some people are just easier to talk to than others.

One fact that you'll have to accept is that certain people will never like you, no matter how you behave towards them. It probably them, not you. As long as everyone is still respecting some basic manners and you're not being insulted or bullied, you just have to turn a blind eye. If they're starting to bully you or deliberately act nasty towards you, you should take action, otherwise it might get worse. Putting up with their s**t won't make them like you better. Nobody is universally popular.

but know I'm by myself cause no one else cares to be around me.

How do you know that? How do you know what they think? Maybe they're lonely too, but they're also afraid of opening up to others because they might get hurt. From my experience, lots of people are lonely and looking for friends, but we're all kinda waiting for the right time, for appropriate circumstances, for time to pass to get to know the other etc. It's one thing when others are blatantly rejecting you, it's another when they appear uninterested. Maybe they're shy as well or tired or thinking of other things.

Delphine
11-02-15, 03:00 PM
Welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry you feel like that. Life is hard enough without having these extra struggles. I'm delighted to hear that the Concerta helped tremendously, and am hoping for you that the depression meds kick in soon.

A new job is a huge stress for anybody, and it sounds like it has really brought stuff up for you. That's completely normal.... even if it sucks for a while. It gives you an opportunity to address some of those issues.

Being around a lot more people than you are used to is another added stress on top of coping with a new job. No wonder you're finding these changes hard.

Have you seen, or are you seeing a good therapist regarding the social issues? I feel that could help you a lot.

We all like to be liked, at least somewhat, and it is painful when people back-bite and snipe behind your back. (That really is more about them than you, but it hurts... I know.)

You are probably happiest by yourself because it gives you peace from the stress of uncomfortable human interaction.

Feeling that "no one else cares to be around me" is most likely a symptom of depression. I hope for you that your social life will adjust accordingly as you feel lighter. I'm sad for you that you feel like that.

pixie cut
11-05-15, 05:21 PM
Hi and welcome. Lack of friends, of a best friend, and struggling socially are very much a part of the ADD picture for a lot of us. It's very common. A lot of the things you've been told, I've been told. It hurts right, and I totally get the withdrawing and loneliness. I've been diagnosed 2 yrs ago, am a middle aged woman still finding it difficult to break old habits, but I believe it is doable. With meds, I'm learning to, and finding it possible to, take the pause and listen, to not interrupt, to maintain eye contact, to not finish sentences for people etc. Our inattention, impulsivity, and difficulty with the give and take of conversations can make social interactions worrisome, but as you said, things are getting better.
I am reading a Russell Barkley workbook which is very helpful. It's called Taking charge of Adult ADHD. I'm convinced that with time, and new strategies, social interactions will improve. All the best.

KarmanMonkey
11-06-15, 11:02 AM
but know I'm by myself cause no one else cares to be around me.

I'm with Corina; do you have facts to back up this assumption? One thing I learned through my own depression and anxiety is that our minds can make all sorts of assumptions, and the types of assumptions say more about our own state of minds and our own self-image than they do about other people.

If you feel like no one cares to be around you, I'd guess there's part of you that has a hard time seeing why someone would WANT to spend time with you.

Sometimes people keep their distance because WE keep our distance. They can sometimes tell that we're uncomfortable and assume that they make us uncomfortable. They can tell something's up and not feel close enough to call us on it.

It's good to hear that you're on a medication that seems to be working for you; now the next step may be finding ways to challenge some of the assumptions about the way you see the world. The right therapy can sometimes help with that. Or a good level-headed friend :)