Have you ever driven around a building trying to find the courage to go inside? Have you ever looked at a ringing phone as it rings its melody of terror? Have you ever been with friends and had a moment of silence that is shared by everyone and wondered, why did everyone stop talking? Have you ever not went out with friends because you were worried about nothing at all, just the possibilties of indifference?

Everyday appointmnets are had to tackle for some. Driving around the block telling yourself, "You can do it!". You talk words of encouragemnet to yourself. Trying to coach yourself into a fasle sense of secutiry that fades as you walk into the door. But it is to late now, everyone is looking at you. You offer a smile to make them feel warm to you. Now you must speak. The words jumble in your mouth, seems like you have a jawbreaker in your mouth, but it is simply fear.

The phone rings. Who can it be? Thank goodness for caller I.D.. But does that really help? Now you just know the name of the person you can't decide to talk to. The second ring. Do I answer? What will I say? The third ring. Will it ever end? Why didn't I turn the ringer off, that is always a good excuse when you don't feel like talking. The fourth ring. You muster the courage up and answer, I can do this you mutter to yourself. But alas, when you answer they are gone. But goodness knows you for surely aren't going to call back.

You are out with friends and the converstaion is good, then all of a sudden, silence. It seems as if everything was said and there is nothing more to say. How did this happen? You can't seem to get the feeling it is your fault that this happened. You heart starts beating. Faster and faster, like you are running for your life. How can this be? You have known these people for years. You try and find something to say but the words don't come out. Thank goodness someone else starts the flow of conversation again. What seemed like eternity was only a few moments.

The phone rings again. Why do people keep calling me? You find the courage and answer. A small battle won this time. The person says "Hey, we are going out? You wanna come?". Where will we go? Where will the night lead us. So many thoughts of confusion. It could be the night of you life, but these feelings of doubt swarm your body and mind. So much cloudiness to begin with makes the choice harder to make. You can only reply "No, I am really tired and need to get up early.". What do you mean early? The only plans for the next day are with yourself.

These fights within yourself are not of your choice but a quirk that you have been living with forever. Sometimes I sit and talk to myself. People laugh but all I answer with is "Why not, the conversation is always good." To some it is silly but we must over come these fears to live. Fear is an overpowering emotion that most can not handle. Some won't watch a horror flick because of fear or wear an outfit that is new from fear of rejection. There fear is as valid as mine and yours, for fear comes in many forms. The boogey man in the closet, watching someone take a risk that is not needed, or just the simplicity of fear itself.

I encourage you to fight the battle with yourself. It sounds silly but that is what we must do. Take control of your emotions and put fear in its place. Fear alone can not hurt us, but letting fear take over will drive us mad over time. March inside that building, answer the phone, don't let silence get to you, go out with your friends and take control of your life.

Hmmmmm, maybe just one more trip around the block. I sware I will answer on the next ring. So many battles such little time to fight them all.