I was recently diagnosed with ADD and chronic low grade depression and have been in treatment for about 2 weeks now. And let me tell you, it's saved my relationship.

All my life (I'm 26 right now) I had a tough time being with a woman. Not falling in love, not falling in lust, but sticking it out for the long ride. I've only really been in love twice, my last relationship and my current one.
My last relationship last just under 3 years, and ended up with her cheating on me and getting pregnant by the assistan manager of McDonalds (I don't go to McD's much anymore, now hehe)
With her, I feel I was more bipolar then add. I would turn on an instant, I had a sadisticness to me I didn't like. I never hit her, of course, but must of the possessions I owned had at least one dent in them hehe.

A year later I met my current woman, and we've been together almost 3 years again.
Now, what's happened the last 2 times was we'd meet, start dating, have a lot of fun and good times, and move in with each other after 3 months or so.
Then it'd slowly start going downhill - I'd become more withdrawn, talk to her less, spend more time on my PC, never go out with her on a date, etc.
Many times I'd wondered "Maybe I was just meant to be single, one of those guys that has a bunch of one-night stands, but remains a bachelor till the day he dies".
I'd get moody, quick tempered, I couldn't stand things not being done my way. Simple stupid mistakes that was no ones fault would aggitate me and I'd blow up.
It was probably hell for the women I'd lived with - the term "Walking on eggshells" has come to mind and been mentioned to me a few times before.
My fiance' proposed to me awhile back, and I accepted. But I never really saw myself getting married - there just wasn't a woman I ever felt "compatible" with - there was always something wrong.

It all changed when I started my meds 2 weeks ago.
It's like we started dating all over again. I'm rarely online much when she's home - we go out a whole lot more! We talk for hours on end! We haven't been in a fight at all since my first pill (Which is so rare, normally we fought at least once a day - I've always fought at least once a day).

In the back of my mind, I always knew I had ADD. But I never really researched or looked into it lately - I had no idea it would effect relationships as well.
I never truly understood the power of wanting to change and what a little therapy and a small off-white pill could do.
I actually want to maryr my fiance' now - and spend the rest of my life with her. It's all come back now. There's no more doubt about "Well, maybe I made another mistake - maybe she's not for me".

I guess this email from her sums it all up:

The man I fell in love with has reappeared. He is completely back. I was so afraid he was never to be found again, or even worse, never really existed at all. I prayed so many nights to the good Lord for Him to show me that, who I fell in love with really existed, that I wasn't just imaging it. And He came thru! Jeremy, the man I fell in love with 3 years ago, is still the man I most completely love. Thanks to the help of two doctors, and to Jeremy, Jeremy, for wanting that man to come back. It takes more than just one person (referring to me, I thought my
love could do the trick, but at times, it was just making it worse) to make things happen. Life is SO GOOD once again!


I just have a burning desire to tell someone about what's going on with me right now - and there isn't anyone I can tell outside my doctor.
It just feels like a miracle has happened to me - as if I can truly accomplish anything now. It feels great to have self-confidence back. And I just wanted to share. Thanks for listening, and thanks for this great community where we can voice our thoughts!

Good for you both! Keep it up and remember love is to be nurtured daily, or it withers and dies. Do things to show her that you love her on a daily basis (hopefully she reciprocates) and things will remain "SO GOOD".

This is great Dante......ah but wait...the best is yet to come....I believe you are experiencing a "pink cloud" thing with meds and relationships.....kind of like a placebo effect but not really because your meds are real:).....but this is the phase where you are newly being treated and everything feels wonderful and you feel all high and life is great and your relationship is great.....It's the NEWNESS of feeling good for a change....

After awhile this phase will come to pass....but this is a good thing...you will come to a place where the meds "level off" a bit and perhaps so will your relationship.....You will still love her dearly and madly -- but it will become the day to day realities of life thing with you and her....the day to day companionship....the comfortableness.....the stability......And THAT is the best part of what you have to look forward to.....

Congrats for taking the first steps....commitment to the treatment and meds and commitment to your girlfriend...the pink cloud will wear off so enjoy it...... and things will change after that....but they will change in a GOOD way.....it only gets better from there....:)

Best of luck to you. I am not qualified to offer any advice, so that's all I'll say. :D :D :D

Dante, I'm so happy for you and I'd have to agree with what Joan posted.

Your post tells my story somewhat. I'm the women, who watches my husband(of 15 years) pull away and come back over and over. He's not ADD but does so much of what you described. He has trouble with depression.

I've said the words many time " the man I fell in love with has come back to me" With a new med. he'd be so wonderful, so motivated to make our relationship his top priority. Within months it ends. He turns back to the computer, the TV, non-talking,critical, argumentative man that I still love but have trouble living with and understanding.

He is making one very big mistake that your not. He never sees a therapist and denies he has any real problems.

The advice I give you is to not stop seeing a therapist (See one together). Do the best you can to understand yourself, ADD and how it effects you. Work together to make it better, don't shut out her help....

You can do it !! :) You've already made a great start....Sharing this is very brave of you....

I know this post was made some time ago, but I wanted to share my story about my relationship & me being dx. There were so many things about my ADHD husband that really frustrated me. I always thought his behaviors & moods were HIM, then I started learning more & more about the behaviors/actions associated with ADHD. Our relationship, which was starting to fall apart, really starting to have some "meaning" again. In the last few months, my daughter along with myself have both been dx as ADD. It is like we are all on a whole different level..........the SAME level. I know this may be a corny term but YES the light did turn on. Things that I found myself doing(that I never realized before) were really very close to what was irritating me about my husband

Funny how what you think "things" are can bring on a whole different meaning when you are shown a different way of thinking

I'm very happy for you, and jealous of you as well! I wish meds would have turned my life around 180 like that. If you wouldn't mind disclosing - what med are you using?

I apologize for the off-topic question. I'm really at wit's end here trying to find the right med! I've tried Ritalin, Adderall, and Strattera, and none of them seem to work for me.

Heh Fuzzy

Dexadrine did many many many good things for me,

and probally twice as much for my wife

I'm very happy for you, and jealous of you as well! I wish meds would have turned my life around 180 like that. If you wouldn't mind disclosing - what med are you using?

I apologize for the off-topic question. I'm really at wit's end here trying to find the right med! I've tried Ritalin, Adderall, and Strattera, and none of them seem to work for me.
I totally understand what you are feeling. I am on Concerta. Things did not turn around at once but we did see a difference on how my hubby & I communicated to each other

Good luck to you. Please keep us informed on how things are going.

I'm not qualified to comment on this either. I've been married twice and was diagnosed 6 years into my 2nd marriage and have been on med treatment and therapy since being diagnosed. It didn't save my relationship and the only reason I'm not divorced again is that the first time was such a pain in the exit shoot that everything else is good by comparison.

I applaud your success and agree with everyone else here that if you do something everyday to nurture your relationship then you will do well moving forward. Of course(as I've found out), it has to be a two way street or it doesn't work. If only one of you is working to nurture the relationship and the other one is only on the receiving end..... GET OUT! :D (Holy Crud, I think I just gave myself advice too!)

Thanks for telling your story. It seems so similar to mine and gives me hope.

Dante, I am very happy for you:) Yes, the right treatment can make a huge difference.

I think my signature sums up what you are feeling.

All the best to you and your fiance`