What do you do when your husband needs an ADD time out for a while, but you can't just go away? I have ADD, I've tried Strattera which did nothing for me and am currently weaning myself off of it...and I think I will try Wellbutrin next. Well, my husband has a whole slew of problems himself, including a tremendously high stress level. So he needs a lot of support to get him through, I try so hard to support him, to be there for his every need, and help him any way that I can...and while my intentions may be great, I always end up doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing, which leads him to thinking I just don't understand him or am just not trying hard to help. Not to mention that the ADD makes me kind of numb out and live in a fog, so even though I may really mean and feel what I say, it comes out monotone and like I really couldn't give a damn. This is really causing a great deal of tension between us recently and is really making me feel like I can't do a single thing right. The bottom line is that he needs a break from this ADD because with everything that he deals with, sometimes he just can't deal with this as well. I feel kind of lost because I keep trying to do the right thing, but it always ends up completely off the mark. Don't know what I'm really looking for here, but I guess I just need someone to understand.

there seem to be a lot of hugs needed...heres an idea!

You hug your hubbie.

We'll hug you, anytime! :D :D :D :D

CS

I use a lot of non-verbal communication when my husband is stressed to save my butt. For instance I'll give him great back rubs so he can relax at night and rest, make him a snack while he's working, make sure he has fresh coffee, brownies, smile when he looks my way, when I walk by I ask if there is anything I can get or do for him. Keep it simple, if he needs to complain then have him sit in a chair and tell him to let it rip tell you all about it while you rub his head (my husband loves that) and his neck and shoulders this way he is unable to see your face and what could be mistaken for a lack of attention.

What has worked for me is I will write down just how I am feeling and give it to my husband. It took him a while to get use to it..but I can put into writing better that speaking when I am upset or hurt. And we have had some major bumps in the road. First the fact he is a very type A, organized person and I am about as type B as it gets. After a lot of fights, tears, and councling. We are learning how to love and respect each other. But the bottom line I think nothing can work if both people involved don't commit to working on it.

ADD79,
I can totally identify with your situation. Unfortunately, I am working on this same issue myself and don't have any solution to pass on- just support!!!!

ADD79,

have been giving this some thought after the hug first think later idea...

If you need to get away but you can't get away: not sure whether you mean he needs to get away or you do..but

1) stay with a friend or relative for a bit even a weekend?
2) hotel for a night?
3) are you apart during the day? if not, then could you find something to participate in for a few days like sharing opposite parts of the house by agreement, or going to see some movies, hanging with a friend, hiking locally through the nearby parks and such or combo

I like mrsnurse's idea about writing down how yu feel, that is a good way to share your inner thoughts if they are hard to communicate verbally. i realize my add friend does this sometimes, when talking, but if I read something he's read, I automatically include appropriate feeling in the words when I read them to myself.

Maybe an idea will come to you from this, hope so.

CS