View Full Version : We followed through with what we said we'd do, and it seems to be right.


sarahsweets
12-16-15, 05:50 AM
This is about teens and weed but I dont think it belongs in addictions because this is more about kids and parents and stuff.
ok, the story.

We have always been open and honest with our kids about addiction and drugs and alcohol. Especially because I am in recovery and share that with my family, they know that they can come to us with any issues or questions. My kids have all been to 12 step meetings with me and my husband has too, so everyone gets it.

Way back, hubby and I decided that if any of our kids were out at a party or wherever and there was drinking or drugs involved, even if it was them, that all they had to do was call us or contact us and we would come get them no questions asked. I made it plain that I dont want them in a car with anyone who is under the influence, or if they are under the influence. Our idea has always been to have kids that come home alive and safe rather than be so afraid of getting in trouble that they attempt to get home on their own and get in an accident or other harms way.
2 weeks ago my son was out and I needed to have him home so we could go to the hospital and he could stay with his sister. I texted him and he said he wanted to come home but was in trouble. He said he was somewhere at a friends house and they tried weed and his car was somewhere else and he didnt want to drive himself or with the friend to get home. He gave us the address, we picked him up and brought him home. He was so embarrassed and apologized. We told him that he did exactly what we had always told him to do, and thanked him for it. The next day we told him that acceptance does not mean approval and tried our best to tell him that drugs are not ok with us, but he is almost 20 so he needs to figure some things out himself.

GASP! We followed through! I had to resist the urge to preach about how drugs are illegal and how could he do something like that and endanger himself blah blah but I realized that if we didnt keep our word, he would never trust us with anything again.
We felt good about it.

Then 10 days ago, my 15 year old ended up at the hospital with a severe UTI and she said (under the influence of a narcotic) that she thought she should tell me that a few weeks before at her friends house she tried smoking weed because she was scared they would see it in her urine screen. She said she was scared to talk to me about her UTI because of this but then it got unbearable. I thanked her for telling me. She was floored that we were not freaking out and yelling at her. I told her again, the same thing we told our son, and also that she needs to ask for help to get out of stuff like that. She said she didnt like it, that she was freaked out, scared and throwing up- but didnt know what else to do.

Am I wrong to look at these situations as miracles? My kids can come to us when these very serious things go on in their lives and not be afraid of being grounded, shamed, belittled, or made to feel stupid.
We want alive kids, not dead ones so we had to follow through.
Maybe its my recovery view of life reading too much into this, but truly, I feel really blessed to know that my kids are not afraid of their mother-that their mother is sober enough and has her sh*t together enough to help them navigate through life.
I dont know how my husband and I ended up being the parents we are, which is the antithesis of the parents we had, but we feel very special.
Ok I'll shut up now.
What are others' experiences and thoughts on this?

aeon
12-16-15, 06:58 AM
What are others' experiences and thoughts on this?

My thoughts? You’re an example the rest of the world would do well to follow.


Cheers,
Ian

Pilgrim
12-16-15, 07:07 AM
I agree, wish my parents were that way.

Fuzzy12
12-16-15, 08:18 AM
Mt thoughts??? Amazing. You are amazing. As are your husband and kids! !!!

If I ever have a child I'll make sure to read all your posts on parenting. You really are an inspiration.

Unmanagable
12-16-15, 10:04 AM
Had I been blessed with parents who communicate with their kids as openly and lovingly as you and your husband do, I likely would have been able to navigate this existence a hell of a lot healthier than I did. Rest assured that you're doing this parenting thing just as it should be, and maybe even a little better. Gratitude for being an example for others.

Lunacie
12-16-15, 12:25 PM
We had this attitude with my daughter in her teen years, over 20 years ago now.

She was at a party with a friend when someone slipped her friend a mickey, and she brought her home to our house instead of taking her to her own parents.

We spent the night sitting up with the friend while she was out of her mind and by morning she had come down and could go home again.

That was proof that we were doing the right thing. I'd rather know the worst than have my kids hide things from me.

ToneTone
12-16-15, 03:31 PM
Congratulations ... yes these are miracles. And I think it's great that your children disclosed to you ... because even when parents tell them ahead of time as you and your hubby did, a lot of children still have trouble trusting their parents.

The thing you have going for you is that kids (if there are parents are even a quarter-way decent) don't want to disappoint their parents. So it's not necessary for parents to do all the preaching when the kid messes up. Your concern will be in your voice and body language ...

So congratulations!

Tone

sarek
12-17-15, 03:34 AM
Sarah, I think you and hubby are wonderful role models for what parenting should be like.