View Full Version : An ex-Alcoholic Plans an Alcoholic Party


Powderbucket
12-30-15, 09:59 AM
Hello everyone,

It's been a long time since I last posted something or said hello. Life has been very busy, crazy, emotional and all sorts of other life things.

I want to know if I'm being ridiculous at all about something that's happening today, if anyone could help.

6/8 weeks ago, my sister went to my psychiatrist, was diagnosed with alcoholism, depression and ADHD. Wha-bam! *cue pills (even Ritalin, yes, 80mg of the stuff per day) and sessions*

She has been well sober for 6/8 weeks now - not a touch of booze.

However, a few days ago, she organised a "party" pub-crawl of sorts for her boyfriend and her friends. She was the organizer - no help. Her event is called "The Walking Drunk". It's current occurring as I type. The aim is to walk 20km in one day, stopping and having a shooter/drink at each pub you pass by. The idea sounds like fun, but it sounds very different when the one organizing it is an alcoholic battling alcoholism??

She's not drinking of course.... But I'm baffled. I'm quite upset and wondering WTF she's doing... :confused:

Is this normal? Should I be upset by it? Should I be worried? Should I inform our shrink? How should her boyfriend and/or friends approach this?:confused:

Any help will be emotionally and intellectually appreciated.

I'm off to be busy again and will reply to any responses as soon as I can.

Thank you! :confused:

Delphine
12-30-15, 10:35 AM
Yes, that does sound a bit scary!

It would be far more comfortable if she completely avoided such situations... and especially, if she didn't throw herself into the deep end like this so soon.

Unfortunately, worry doesn't ever help anything...... and you can't jump into her head and think for her.

It's impossible to tell what she is up to. Perhaps she is challenging herself to see if she can handle the temptation. Or perhaps the addiction is finding a way to put her in a situation makes it impossible for her to resist the temptation.

Whatever is going on with her, all you can really do right now (while it's happening) is handle your own fears and worries as best you can today... at least until you find out how it went.
You can't police her. You can't keep her out of harms way. She's an adult who is free to make her own decisions.

Perhaps you will be needed tomorrow.... either to celebrate with her that she did not give in to temptation...... Or to help her back on the straight and narrow.

It must be frustrating and a bit scary for you today. I sincerely hope this story has a happy ending

Pilgrim
12-30-15, 11:08 AM
Maybe it will be a good test for her.

Before I started stims I don't think I was an alcoholic, didn't do it for me, but my life consisted of going out and finding a beer in my hand at some stage.

Since starting stims I don't really drink at all. We have just gone through a range of Christmas get togethers, I've barely drank anything.

I must say for me it's one of the really bright spots of taking this medication. I was self medicating with alcohol and although I didn't love it I couldn't go out and enjoy myself without beer.

Now I might have a couple of drinks due to extreme fatigue or I might think I deserve one.

Goodluck

stef
12-30-15, 11:25 AM
It's risky, but maybe actually organising this is giving her some control?
(as opposed to randomly ending up at a bar with friends who are drinking)
IDK it reminds me of Sam on Cheers.

sarahsweets
12-31-15, 04:25 AM
I am an alcoholic in recovery and I will attempt to stay off my soap box but there are no guarantees. No its not a good idea, its a terrible one at 8 weeks sober. It shows (IMO) that she doesnt see alcohol for the demon that it is. Its one thing to have a party and allow guests to bring alcohol (which I dont do) its another to organize and entire day devoted to possible and inevitable intoxication and it shows that her BF doesnt care about her sobriety either. My husband would never participate in that with my issues and no one I loved who wanted me sober would ever ask or assume that that would be ok. She is not at the point where it could even be considered a "good test" (which is BS too). She is sober 8 weesks. I can tell you that in the 12 step circles I roll in, we say newly sober people who do what your sister is doing are on a 'pink cloud". They have gotten through withdrawal and can faintly see a life alcohol free and are empowered to prove they can live in a world without alcohol and stay strong. Eventually, willpower doesnt cut it. I wish I had more uplifting advice but it makes no sense to me.
If you were quitting smoking would you plan a cigar walk? If you had to stop eating sweets would you plan a cake walk?

Powderbucket
12-31-15, 05:06 AM
If you were quitting smoking would you plan a cigar walk? If you had to stop eating sweets would you plan a cake walk?

That line has officially made my New Year's Eve. Thank you!

And thank you everyone for your responses.

From a "test" and "control" perspective, she certainly passed it. Every single selfie of her in the bars had her with a nice glass of water, everyone else with a pricey craft beer. If control was the aim of the game, she succeeded. Now, what this says about her mental condition, on the other hand..... not quite sure what to make of that. I'll be sure to read up on the "Pink Cloud" and other phases of giving up alcohol.

It still doesn't sit easy with me. It all feels horribly too soon to be doing this kind of thing. I'm also feeling embarrassed for her. Of course, I would never say anything to make her feel stupid or silly (she's also particularly volatile on 80mg of Ritalin), but it's building up....

Powderbucket
12-31-15, 05:09 AM
Maybe it will be a good test for her.

Before I started stims I don't think I was an alcoholic, didn't do it for me, but my life consisted of going out and finding a beer in my hand at some stage.

Since starting stims I don't really drink at all. We have just gone through a range of Christmas get togethers, I've barely drank anything.

I must say for me it's one of the really bright spots of taking this medication. I was self medicating with alcohol and although I didn't love it I couldn't go out and enjoy myself without beer.

Now I might have a couple of drinks due to extreme fatigue or I might think I deserve one.

Goodluck

I completely get what you mean by not feeling the need to drink, especially as a result of medication. My medicine makes me want to do healthy things, which I really like. Also, having a beer when I'm mid-peak on my Concerta makes me feel like I've just swallowed a gallon of Ether. It's horrible! Now, since I hardly drink anymore, when I have one glass of wine I'm already shaky. I can see how they might help a person stop bad stuff, like drinking, but then I'm also worried about my sister's stims replacing her alcoholism.... :confused:

Pilgrim
12-31-15, 09:13 AM
I completely get what you mean by not feeling the need to drink, especially as a result of medication. My medicine makes me want to do healthy things, which I really like. Also, having a beer when I'm mid-peak on my Concerta makes me feel like I've just swallowed a gallon of Ether. It's horrible! Now, since I hardly drink anymore, when I have one glass of wine I'm already shaky. I can see how they might help a person stop bad stuff, like drinking, but then I'm also worried about my sister's stims replacing her alcoholism.... :confused:

This is a really good observation, I've often wondered, about 3 thousand times, was I just replacing one drug for another; and the answer is no.

I was reading this book recently and this guy talked about healthy addictions. What he was really saying was its ok if your addicted to something if it helps you builds you lets you grow.
I agree with Sarah alcohol is an insidious addiction. My grandmother was an alcoholic , wish I could have went for a walk with her and given her some Dex.

Goodluck

Unmanagable
12-31-15, 09:41 AM
That line has officially made my New Year's Eve. Thank you!

And thank you everyone for your responses.

From a "test" and "control" perspective, she certainly passed it. Every single selfie of her in the bars had her with a nice glass of water, everyone else with a pricey craft beer. If control was the aim of the game, she succeeded. Now, what this says about her mental condition, on the other hand..... not quite sure what to make of that. I'll be sure to read up on the "Pink Cloud" and other phases of giving up alcohol.

It still doesn't sit easy with me. It all feels horribly too soon to be doing this kind of thing. I'm also feeling embarrassed for her. Of course, I would never say anything to make her feel stupid or silly (she's also particularly volatile on 80mg of Ritalin), but it's building up....

I would likely be driving myself crazy wondering why what someone else was doing was bugging me so deeply. That's the part that trips me up more often than not. I wish I could get back all that precious energy I've exhausted on things that don't affect me directly. Still trying to learn how to better catch myself mid thought. lol

DJ Bill
12-31-15, 10:25 AM
I'm curious, is she attending any 12 step meetings for addictions? It sure does seem way off the wall for her to have done that...but I am impressed she did not drink. (Altho selfies of her and a glass of water really don't prove it)

thoughtery
01-01-16, 04:12 PM
I've been a wallflower around here, but wanted to comment on this as I'm in and out of recovery.

I know people in recovery from alcoholism who can't stand people drinking around them.

I don't love it - I have a very difficult time and I'm envious of the fact that they can drink in moderation or not be considered an alcoholic. Every alcoholic wishes they could drink like a 'normal' person.

But at the same time, people love to drink. They have fun, they enjoy themselves and have been doing so for centuries. Just because I can't control it, doesn't mean I don't want to see people having a good time while drinking.

So it's definitely a bit of a predicament. For example (this is more tame), but if I hosted a dinner, I would want to serve booze.

Definitely impressed that she made it through sober! Not sure if I could do that.

dvdnvwls
01-02-16, 02:01 AM
In bare literal uninformed terms, it's obvious that yes she has replaced one drug with another. However, it's not nearly that simple. The truth is something closer to the idea that she's given up a drug that seemed like a good idea but was (for her at least) actually both harmful and ineffective, and replaced it with a drug that actually goes some way toward fixing what's wrong, and which at its properly prescribed dosage is not harmful.


There is an unfortunate tendency in discussions of alcoholism (especially by some - not all - participants in 12-step programs) to become entangled in futile bickering over terminology and labelling. That stems from the erroneous notion that sticking a particular label onto a situation somehow changes the situation itself.

Observe what is really happening. Is the situation better, or worse? Leave the rest to the "armchair quarterbacks".

DrZoidberg
01-02-16, 04:39 AM
Hello everyone,

It's been a long time since I last posted something or said hello. Life has been very busy, crazy, emotional and all sorts of other life things.

I want to know if I'm being ridiculous at all about something that's happening today, if anyone could help.

6/8 weeks ago, my sister went to my psychiatrist, was diagnosed with alcoholism, depression and ADHD. Wha-bam! *cue pills (even Ritalin, yes, 80mg of the stuff per day) and sessions*

She has been well sober for 6/8 weeks now - not a touch of booze.

However, a few days ago, she organised a "party" pub-crawl of sorts for her boyfriend and her friends. She was the organizer - no help. Her event is called "The Walking Drunk". It's current occurring as I type. The aim is to walk 20km in one day, stopping and having a shooter/drink at each pub you pass by. The idea sounds like fun, but it sounds very different when the one organizing it is an alcoholic battling alcoholism??

She's not drinking of course.... But I'm baffled. I'm quite upset and wondering WTF she's doing... :confused:

Is this normal? Should I be upset by it? Should I be worried? Should I inform our shrink? How should her boyfriend and/or friends approach this?:confused:

Any help will be emotionally and intellectually appreciated.

I'm off to be busy again and will reply to any responses as soon as I can.

Thank you! :confused:

Sounds like self sabotage to me. I think she's, on purpose, trying to **** up her sobriety. Usually alcoholics are in unhealthy co-dependent relationships. When going sober they most often end up having to end whatever relationship they're in as well. Considering how her boyfriend clearly isn't supportive one iota she needs to get far far away from him. Whether he's aware of it or not her boyfriend is taking an active part in sabotaging her sobriety. I know plenty of life with an alcoholic. The fact that a person chooses to live with an alcoholic is in itself a big red flag that they themselves need help. Is her boyfriend getting help? Is he also an alcoholic?

That's my two cents.

420_easter
02-07-16, 02:10 PM
I honestly feel like it would be good for her or bad for her. and here's why i feel that it might be good for her before you think I'm just crazy.

the main reason if she can successfully be around alcohol and opportunity to drink it and choose not to that's a big step for alcoholism in my opinion because you can't just choose to not be around something without it limiting your life you got to be able to choose to be able to say no. so maybe she wants to just get over her addiction and the easiest way to do that is put yourself in a challenge like this

why it could be bad simple reason... relapse once you feel like your addiction is just who you are and you can't change or don't want to because it's just simply easier you typically relapse being around your s.o.c could increase cravings for it

s.o.c = substance of choice

sarahsweets
02-08-16, 05:17 AM
I honestly feel like it would be good for her or bad for her. and here's why i feel that it might be good for her before you think I'm just crazy.

the main reason if she can successfully be around alcohol and opportunity to drink it and choose not to that's a big step for alcoholism in my opinion because you can't just choose to not be around something without it limiting your life you got to be able to choose to be able to say no. so maybe she wants to just get over her addiction and the easiest way to do that is put yourself in a challenge like this
With someone who is an alcoholic that is something you can eventually do maybe but not early in sobriety. And you can choose to not be around alcohol if you want to. Its not like food where everyone has to eat. Not everyone had to drink.

why it could be bad simple reason... relapse once you feel like your addiction is just who you are and you can't change or don't want to because it's just simply easier you typically relapse being around your s.o.c could increase cravings for it

s.o.c = substance of choice

I agree with this. If you are addicted to a certain substance then there is no award or merit exposing yourself to it. You dont need to prove you can be around it. It doesnt make you stronger to be around it and not use it.

Unmanagable
02-08-16, 08:59 AM
With someone who is an alcoholic that is something you can eventually do maybe but not early in sobriety. And you can choose to not be around alcohol if you want to. Its not like food where everyone has to eat. Not everyone had to drink.



I agree with this. If you are addicted to a certain substance then there is no award or merit exposing yourself to it. You dont need to prove you can be around it. It doesnt make you stronger to be around it and not use it.

I consider myself actively in recovery from severe food addiction, especially now that it's been almost a year since I've drastically changed my diet, lost a little over a hundred pounds, and have experienced much improved health and vitality from those changes.

Just because "everybody has to eat", doesn't make the dynamics any easier or smoother, in my opinion. If anything, it makes it even harder because you can't f'n escape it.

You can't just simply choose not to be around food like you can with alcohol, and more than likely, all of your family members or whoever you reside with aren't on board with you at the same time, if ever, with every food choice, so good luck in finding nurturing support with food related stuff.

It grates my nerves when folks view food addiction as just something you have to deal with because everybody has to eat. Grrrrrrrrrr It lessens the chances of folks grasping the realistic severity and size of the issue, in my eyes.

I just accepted a p/t position working in my favorite local cafe, which means I'm going to be surrounding myself with foods I don't eat all day, preparing them, promoting them, and serving them. We'll see how well I'll be able to manage my food sobriety big time now.

sarahsweets
02-08-16, 09:33 AM
First of all,thats not what I meant. I was food addicted for years, bulimic in high school compulsive over-eater for years. I used to be involved in OA and weighed 290lbs. The point I was making to that other person was not that being around food was easy, its harder than alcohol! What I meant was that you can choose not to be around alcohol because it doesnt involve whether you are alive or not- everyone has to eat so food addiction is way harder. I was just trying to counter his point that in order to deal with alcoholism you cant shield yourself from the inevitable of social construct- that everyone drinks and socializes with alcohol because there are many that do not. And I have plenty of friends that are not alcoholic, but do not like to drink very often.
Ive heard of many people in my program who live with spouses that still drink, especially ones who think they deserve it and that they dont need to change their habits just because their spouse has a problem. That wouldnt work for me anymore than having certain foods in the house that are addicting to me. I used to love icecream, anything ice cream. I am not supposed to have sugar and it makes me sick when I eat it (post surgery) but I caved over the summer and bought frozen ice cream bars. In two days I ate all 6. I cant be around that type of stuff.

I didnt mean to belittle or invalidate food addiction so my apologies if I didnt explain it well enough. Sometimes I get so fired up about alcoholism I dont explain my other points very well.

I consider myself actively in recovery from severe food addiction, especially now that it's been almost a year since I've drastically changed my diet, lost a little over a hundred pounds, and have experienced much improved health and vitality from those changes.

Just because "everybody has to eat", doesn't make the dynamics any easier or smoother, in my opinion. If anything, it makes it even harder because you can't f'n escape it.

You can't just simply choose not to be around food like you can with alcohol, and more than likely, all of your family members or whoever you reside with aren't on board with you at the same time, if ever, with every food choice, so good luck in finding nurturing support with food related stuff.

It grates my nerves when folks view food addiction as just something you have to deal with because everybody has to eat. Grrrrrrrrrr It lessens the chances of folks grasping the realistic severity and size of the issue, in my eyes.

I just accepted a p/t position working in my favorite local cafe, which means I'm going to be surrounding myself with foods I don't eat all day, preparing them, promoting them, and serving them. We'll see how well I'll be able to manage my food sobriety big time now.

Little Missy
02-08-16, 10:31 AM
I consider myself actively in recovery from severe food addiction, especially now that it's been almost a year since I've drastically changed my diet, lost a little over a hundred pounds, and have experienced much improved health and vitality from those changes.

Just because "everybody has to eat", doesn't make the dynamics any easier or smoother, in my opinion. If anything, it makes it even harder because you can't f'n escape it.

You can't just simply choose not to be around food like you can with alcohol, and more than likely, all of your family members or whoever you reside with aren't on board with you at the same time, if ever, with every food choice, so good luck in finding nurturing support with food related stuff.

It grates my nerves when folks view food addiction as just something you have to deal with because everybody has to eat. Grrrrrrrrrr It lessens the chances of folks grasping the realistic severity and size of the issue, in my eyes.

I just accepted a p/t position working in my favorite local cafe, which means I'm going to be surrounding myself with foods I don't eat all day, preparing them, promoting them, and serving them. We'll see how well I'll be able to manage my food sobriety big time now.

Golly Unsy, are you really able to sell, serve and prepare foods that you don't like/agree with? This may be just me but I can not sell something that I am not in love with myself. I've never given in either. One time I bartended for awhile and thank God it was during the lunch rush of the day and no drinkers because I hate liquor, I hate selling it and I won't banter with drinkers at a bar. I told my boss that and he assured me they were there only for lunch at that time of day and it worked out fine. GOOD food.

Unmanagable
02-08-16, 10:43 AM
First of all,thats not what I meant. I was food addicted for years, bulimic in high school compulsive over-eater for years. I used to be involved in OA and weighed 290lbs. The point I was making to that other person was not that being around food was easy, its harder than alcohol! What I meant was that you can choose not to be around alcohol because it doesnt involve whether you are alive or not- everyone has to eat so food addiction is way harder. I was just trying to counter his point that in order to deal with alcoholism you cant shield yourself from the inevitable of social construct- that everyone drinks and socializes with alcohol because there are many that do not. And I have plenty of friends that are not alcoholic, but do not like to drink very often.
Ive heard of many people in my program who live with spouses that still drink, especially ones who think they deserve it and that they dont need to change their habits just because their spouse has a problem. That wouldnt work for me anymore than having certain foods in the house that are addicting to me. I used to love icecream, anything ice cream. I am not supposed to have sugar and it makes me sick when I eat it (post surgery) but I caved over the summer and bought frozen ice cream bars. In two days I ate all 6. I cant be around that type of stuff.

I didnt mean to belittle or invalidate food addiction so my apologies if I didnt explain it well enough. Sometimes I get so fired up about alcoholism I dont explain my other points very well.


My bad for jumping the gun on what I thought you meant. I get fired up, too, and two fired up brains are bound to miss a few details here and there. lol

Unmanagable
02-08-16, 10:54 AM
Golly Unsy, are you really able to sell, serve and prepare foods that you don't like/agree with? This may be just me but I can not sell something that I am not in love with myself. I've never given in either. One time I bartended for awhile and thank God it was during the lunch rush of the day and no drinkers because I hate liquor, I hate selling it and I won't banter with drinkers at a bar. I told my boss that and he assured me they were there only for lunch at that time of day and it worked out fine. GOOD food.

Luckily, it's a farm to table cafe' that sells the things I was eating right before I changed, along with all of my organic goodies and tons of fresh veggies, so it isn't like a fast food joint. THAT would be totally intolerable to my senses. They do carry other stuff, too, like sodas, pound cakes, cookies, etc. All home made. My stomach turns and I want to hurl when I see that stuff now, so the trigger has been squashed for sweets. Yay!

I spend a large amount of time there already, so I may as well get paid for it. :) I'm not as heavily triggered by stuff unless it's in my home. Trying to relax knowing something is in my own pantry messes with me big time.

These folks also know my likes/dislikes/personality/quirks/food choices, etc. and are more than willing to work with me, even as far as making sure I don't get scheduled on heavy meat prep days. :) It's a super safe space to try it out and see. Being a part of the team allows for a chance to introduce many more vegan options, as well. Win/win.

If it doesn't work, it'll still be my favorite cafe'. :) They're opening a larger location soon which will also involve live music, more artsy creative stuff, and more community classes, as well as being a certified kitchen open to public use for those who wish to prepare and sell their goods, so the opportunity to teach is there, also. I may teach how to prepare vegan meals or something similar.

I'm thrilled and so excited!!! It's the same peeps I did an internship with learning homesteading skills, so the comfort level is already good with interactions and what not. Nervous as hell though, too. lol