View Full Version : Help me with my mom


Mikey89000
01-03-16, 06:47 PM
Most of my life my parents don't recognize me and mostly focus on my siblings. My mom favors my other brother and my youngest sister while my dad doesn't really favor.

Recently the only time my mom would ever talk to me is to lash out and yell at me. She knows I have add and anger issues and my siblings know that too, however when my siblings do somthing to make me mad (which is daily) my mom never takes my side and takes my siblings side and yells at me.

I haven't had an anger out break since I started therapy about mid way through 9th grade (currently in 11th) but as each session concludes there really isn't much to talk about and the therapist doesn't want me to just sit around and talk about the same thing over and over.

I don't know how to handle my mom since therapy is only helping me delay my anger out burst and going to my room temporarily helps. Along side my mom not knowing how to handle me her mom also so the two of them just keep pushing me to the point were I'm about to snap and they don't care.

My mom I also think is an unfit parent because when my tharopist tells her how to handle me my mom never takes her advise. Also when I try to get he attention she always is busy with my younger sister who she can't sat "no" too.


Thanks for reading I would really appreciate help with this issue

dvdnvwls
01-03-16, 07:46 PM
What big thing are you avoiding talking about with your therapist?

420_easter
02-07-16, 05:10 PM
i had a similar problem with my mom favouring my stepbrother in one of my angry outbursts i called her on it and she finally admitted to being scared to scare away her at the time new husband I'm not recommending doing that by any means but it couldn't hurt to tell her you feel like she favours them and how it makes you feel either she can live in denial or you could be taking them to a extreme or it could be just a misunderstanding just make sure you're mature and respectful about askin her DON'T I REPEAT DO NOT go up and be like "***** why are you constantly disrespecting me and don't care about me" or any variation to that simply try and pull her aside and explain how you feel she's acting and how it makes you feel.

i understand how it feels like to feel the way you do and it can be stressful and remember everyone makes mistakes.

20thcenturyfox
11-01-16, 06:16 PM
i had a similar problem with my mom favouring my stepbrother in one of my angry outbursts i called her on it and she finally admitted to being scared to scare away her at the time new husband I'm not recommending doing that by any means but it couldn't hurt to tell her you feel like she favours them and how it makes you feel either she can live in denial or you could be taking them to a extreme or it could be just a misunderstanding just make sure you're mature and respectful about askin her DON'T I REPEAT DO NOT go up and be like "***** why are you constantly disrespecting me and don't care about me" or any variation to that simply try and pull her aside and explain how you feel she's acting and how it makes you feel.

i understand how it feels like to feel the way you do and it can be stressful and remember everyone makes mistakes.

I had a similar problem, not only perceived favouritism, but a whole dynamic of contempt and provocation, and rage and resentment, that took me years to overcome. But for me, telling my mother how I felt was just an invitation for more venom. Maybe if I had come up with the perfect way to say it, it would have gone differently. But, honestly, I think I was much better off to look elsewhere for encouragement and understanding.

As I came to understand it, she had been treated similarly by her own mother, and I'm satisfied she got something out of "making me" lose my temper. Once I stopped looking for understanding and got the idea I was letting her win by showing anger, it actually became easier to control it on the outside.

This may not be your situation at all, but I mention it in case your mother is one of the "hard cases." Personally I have always found it much easier not to react outwardly if I feel someone is actually trying to make me mad or get me to lose control.

Regardless, I think you probably deserve more credit for holding onto your anger than you give yourself credit for. The meds may certainly help, but I don't think you would be racking up such a long winning streak without any determination of your own.

Rather than telling her how you feel (which could open up feelings of pain, helplessness, or neediness which make rejection harder to bear), you might try asking her if she has noticed how much better you are doing in controlling your anger. Don't credit the meds, take credit yourself by saying you have been trying really hard, so it would be nice if she noticed the difference, maybe even commented or gave you some encouragement, etc.

What her reaction is will tell you a lot about whether she wants to be part of the problem or part of the solution. If she is indignant that she should give any praise for just doing your job, this is probably a sign that you don't want to go telling her about your feelings about favouritism, etc. Just keep in mind, that even if this hurts you, really it tells way more about her than it says about you.

You just keep on doing your best to understand and control (but never swallow or minimize) the anger which is an inevitable part of your environment right now. Remind yourself that your whole life will be better if you can always choose your outward actions, regardless of your inner feelings.

Mr.focus
11-01-16, 11:07 PM
What a story man,

I'm currently have issue with my family too. I'm not an expert and i can never judge some event if i never experience it so don't take my advise 100%.

On one hand, i have anger issue and one way to stop it and to calm myslelf (on the short term) was to go alone in my bedroom, and yell strong as i can in the pillow. Put all my anger and bad emotions in my pillow.

On the other hand, on the long term, in you situation, i would be very honest with her. I would say something like, (btw don'T say exactly that, just get the main idea) i want the best in our relationship don'T you? I want us to live happy, don't you? I believe that you want the same for you. And then, when you fell that you are and she is comfortable, tell her what is in your heart and ask her what is in her heart.

True and honesty (on the both side), i believe, are the main reason a relationship is healthy.