View Full Version : Child refusing to do homework


FlyButterfly
01-17-16, 07:14 PM
Hi everyone,
My 9-year old son has a diagnosis of Adhd.
We recently had my son do two EEG's but they were normal, so Absence seizures were excluded.
Also, we found that our son has a first degree heart block, and he recently underwent more testing.

Due to the concerns of the heart arrythmia,
we are currently waiting on starting any ADHD meds.

However, the struggles with homework is getting worse, and
also at school, my so is often not completing or starting his work.

Today, my son just sat at his desk, and wrote only ONE sentence in 4 hours.
He has recently been sick with a stomach bug, and so missed school/Homework, and instead of reducing homework, the teacher assigned more homework via email. She of course does not want our son to fall behind even more.

My main question is: do I need to sit there next to my son when he is completing his HW? He is in 4th grade, and I feel like he needs to become more independent.

It seems the ADHD issues are of course worse when a child has had a recent illness like my son had with the stomach bug.

I feel very alone as a mom, as I do not know any other moms that have kids with ADHD - in contrary, the kids in my son's class are very gifted, and these parents/kids seem to have no HW-struggles like we do.

dvdnvwls
01-17-16, 08:21 PM
Due to the concerns of the heart arrythmia,
we are currently waiting on starting any ADHD meds.
Have doctors said he should stay away from ADHD meds, or is that your personal decision? If doctors have not directly told you he shouldn't be on a stimulant, then please ask them their opinions.

FlyButterfly
01-17-16, 10:33 PM
We don't know yet if the cardiologist would ok it as we are are still waiting on some more test results regarding the heart

dvdnvwls
01-17-16, 10:35 PM
We don't know yet if the cardiologist would ok it as we are are still waiting on some more test results regarding the heart
That's good - just be careful not to make the assumption that medication is off limits. It may be exactly the thing that transforms your son's life - it certainly does for a lot of people.

mildadhd
01-17-16, 11:48 PM
I completely forgot about homework, when I was not in school. It is the most bizarre feeling to just completely forget homework, and get caught up with something else, on a daily bases.

sarahsweets
01-18-16, 08:58 AM
However, the struggles with homework is getting worse, and
also at school, my so is often not completing or starting his work.

Today, my son just sat at his desk, and wrote only ONE sentence in 4 hours.
He has recently been sick with a stomach bug, and so missed school/Homework, and instead of reducing homework, the teacher assigned more homework via email. She of course does not want our son to fall behind even more.
Does your son have an IEP or 504? It sounds like his teacher isnt very understanding about adhd.

My main question is: do I need to sit there next to my son when he is completing his HW? He is in 4th grade, and I feel like he needs to become more independent.

You might. Kids with adhd are 30% emotionally less mature than their peers. There could be a variety of reasons he wont do homework and if adhd is a big one there is no harm in sitting with him while he does his homework.


I feel very alone as a mom, as I do not know any other moms that have kids with ADHD - in contrary, the kids in my son's class are very gifted, and these parents/kids seem to have no HW-struggles like we do.
I hear you. It can be very isolating to have a child with adhd if there arent any other kids that you know have it. This is why having him evaluated by the school is important. He may need a different class environment.

busymomonli
01-18-16, 01:51 PM
My son is 12 and is also not medicated (a long story for another post). We have this same issue with homework. If I leave him to do it, he will answer one question in an hour.

Our solution is that I now sit next to him during homework. We sit at the dining room table. I don't necessarily help him. I often do other things that I need done whether it be bills or appointment stuff, or even if I am on my phone. Just me sitting there is enough to get him going. Occasionally, I will get up and get dinner started, but sometimes that can be distracting for him.

It's not ideal, but this system works for us. I think my sons brain is tired from trying to pay attention all day at school. Not sure if this helps, but I wanted to also let you know you are not alone.

BoldBeautiful
01-21-16, 07:08 PM
We have the same problem. It is very frustrating.

We do what busymomonli does as well, sit nearby and do our own work while our kid does homework. Our presence seems to help our son get work done. We are also there to see when he gets really off task and starts playing with legos or something.

Another thing we do is divide the homework up into really small chunks. Like tell him to focus on completing just one row of math problems. Then he can stretch and have a break. And since writing is a struggle, sometimes just one sentence at a time is our focus. I have him shout "done" every time he gets one finished. We try to keep the mood positive because this is a lot of work.

I also set a timer for homework. 10 minutes for every grade in school. When my boy was 9 we only let him do 40 minutes of homework. Then we sent him to school with whatever he got done. He hated this and worked really hard to get his work done before the timer went off. And we agreed he could have extra time if he was actually working and not slacking off. Kind of reverse psychology, haha.

As you get accustomed to the traits of ADHD, you'll realize that the expectations for other kids don't apply. The age our kids "should be independent" has to be adjusted. Look for progress on your child's timeline.

Good luck and best wishes on the heart tests.

qanda
01-23-16, 08:49 PM
My daughter is taking fish oil, suggested by her child psychiatrist, and it seems to be helping with her focus. Homework takes much less time now. He suggested 1,000 mg EPA in the fish oil, so I went to a vitamin store and read the back of the bottles. She takes 4 fish oil pills each day. Takes weeks to work if it is going to, but may be a safe alternative to try, but I would think even fish oil should be approved by his doc. I know it thins blood.

Fergie
05-20-16, 06:38 PM
Hi everyone,

My main question is: do I need to sit there next to my son when he is completing his HW? He is in 4th grade, and I feel like he needs to become more independent.


I think, the answer in this case is an absolute YES. You don't want your child falling behind, right? 9 is still quite young. Where I am from, most kids' parents oversaw homework way past middle school.

ginniebean
05-20-16, 10:49 PM
It may be a pain in the butt but sitting with your child for homework is a succesful strategy. Untreated adhd pretty much nixes the idea of self directed behaviour. He needs help!

One accomodation you can ask for and many parents do is homework queations cut in half. Some go so far as to say no homework.

Like I said, your child needs help. Sometimes we need to wrap our heads around how things are versus how we think they should be. Adhd is a performance issue. Performance is impaired, it's not about dependency, without help he'll likely fall further behind.

Hathor
05-21-16, 12:36 AM
Hi everyone,

My main question is: do I need to sit there next to my son when he is completing his HW? He is in 4th grade, and I feel like he needs to become more independent.

.

Quite possibly yes, you may have to supervise till graduation. I wish my parents would have done that..

I see your point about independence, but homework is a tough one that your son may not be able to overcome, esp if his heart does not allow stimulants.

In the case of homework independence is not really a lifelong problem, as your son can chose a career where they do not assign homework..

http://www.alfiekohn.org/article/truth-homework/

sarahsweets
05-21-16, 04:55 AM
I personally think homework is overrated.

qanda
05-22-16, 12:15 PM
There are studies that assigning homework as opposed to not assigning homework results in a very small difference on test grades, with the exception of math where homework does seem to make a significant difference.
But, as your child gets into the middle school and high school, not doing homework might literally cause him to fail as all that missed homework results in lots of zeros in the grade book. I feel for you, as homework used to often result with my daughter tearing up her paper, breaking pencils and throwing them, etc.
I would not worry about independence at this point. I am a middle school teacher and lots of kids as this age still need to be monitored, encouraged, to complete class work, so it's not so unusual for children to need someone sitting by them in order to get work complete.
We may all see children of friends that don't need this support, but that does mean it's the norm. My daughter is in 9th grade, and while once she starts her homework she is now independent, I still need to check her teacher websites to see what's assigned and remind her to do it, as well as help her prioritize her work so she completes assignments that need to done the next day first.