I don't know how to make my husband understand. I am so tired of him tring to fix me. DAMN IT I am not broke!!!! I know I share in the blame when we fight.... but being told what I said was stupid. DAMN IT enough!!! Because I do not understand how to keep a check book does not make me stupid. And I am tring.... but anytime I screw up it is all heck breaks out at my house. I am tired of feeling like he would have been so much better off to have married anyone but me. I am tired of feeling like a failure. I am tired of sitting up nights (like now) cring while he is snoring away. I am sorry this may not be the place for this.....

(((((((((((((((((((((mrsnurse1965)))))))))))))))))

Thanks....some what better this morning.

I know exactly what you mean. My husband is the same way. Sometimes I do not know if it is him-or if it is me. He could just be mean and grouchy and always aggitated-or maybe I need to learn to do more. Sometimes I just wish I had a husband that was more senstive to me and would not mind taking care of things for me..

i know this does help but ,, thats why i dont wanna get married ... for the reason you speak of, i wish i could offer you some support,,, and i cant keep a check book either thats what that feature at the atms for

If he's using the word "stupid", honey tell him to stick it up his *****. You're not stupid. He married you, all of you, for better, worse, sickness and health. ADD is not a sickness it is a unique part of you. He can take it/you or leave it/you.

What the he!! does balancing a check book have to do with being smart or not? Nothing. We all have things we're good at or not good at. Hey, don't you have children, that you home school? Tell him to give birth and teach all the kids to read, write and DO MATH and see if he'd like the job.

The crazy woman exits, the mature and supportive moderator enters...

Perhaps the two of you need to sit down and divide things up a bit. You are not good at balancing the checkbook, so he can do that part, while you pay the bills and then you can sit down together to discuss the budget.

He does not deserve to sleep if you are crying. How can anyone sleep knowing they've hurt someone else's feelings? Some hate this advice, but it worked for me, don't go to bed angry. Mike and I have done it maybe twice in my memory of 11 years of marriage (I believe you've been married longer than I, so what the heck do I know). Mostly because I can't let an issue die. I need resolution or I stew on it. Even if I'm wrong I need to come to peace about it, make my apologies and be certain I'm forgiven.

You need his support, not his criticism. You need his love not verbal abuse. Calling you stupid is absolutely not OK, and "no name calling" is the rule. Keep things specific but don't get nasty. "I'm angry that we had another overdraft." "What can we do so that doesn't happen again?" In the real world people don't necessarily talk like that, but some variation of it that doesn't involve knee-jerk reactions and biting comments you'll regret later, will be fine.

When my darling hubby is in the doghouse I do try to make a mental note of the things I actually like and love about him, why I married him, why we are still together, yada yada, mushy stuff. Softens my b1tchy edge. (oops, crazy lady entered on that final sentence, please excuse my alter ego, she has a potty mouth)

big hugs Mrs. Nurse, even if all this stuff I said is garbage, I wish you well for what it's worth

I may have a remedy for you.

If he thinks you are somewhat dumb on a few things,,,

Well act like a really dumby , one day all day. Just ask like the worse dummy he as ever seen...

Ideas, put vinegar instead of milk in is coffee...and say oh sorry honey, you know how stupid i am ( with a big smile).

Put the durty dishes in the oven, annoy the hell out of him , with real stupid stuff..

just my crazy 2 cents here.

I know that is what i would do :p :rolleyes: :)

or kick is butt :D

Dear Digi,
Um . . . we need to talk. :D

I don't know how to make my husband understand. I am so tired of him tring to fix me. DAMN IT I am not broke!!!! I know I share in the blame when we fight.... but being told what I said was stupid. DAMN IT enough!!! Because I do not understand how to keep a check book does not make me stupid. And I am tring.... but anytime I screw up it is all heck breaks out at my house. I am tired of feeling like he would have been so much better off to have married anyone but me. I am tired of feeling like a failure. I am tired of sitting up nights (like now) cring while he is snoring away. I am sorry this may not be the place for this.....
I know how you feel. I often feel like a failure and I'm terrible with money or keeping a checking account. So I quit doing it. I no longer have a checking account, only hubby does. Sometimes it's inconvenient but overall we're much happier this way with him being in contol of the checking account. I help, but I don't write checks. I just write when the bills are due on the calendar. So far, it's worked fairly well.

I cry at night a lot too. Last night especially. So I know all about feeling like a failure. Sometimes I feel I have no purpose or that I'm worthless, especially now that I have problems in the sexual area. I guess in a way that is a big part of who I am as far as a woman and a wife. He doesn't like my cooking, I'm terrible with housework, so what else is there? But of course I love him and hopefully I'll eventually find something I can do that makes me feel I'm worth something in his eyes lately.

Anyhow, BIG HUGS to you...!

I dont have that problem with worring about a check book. I dont have a checking account since I dont work. I am on government funding and I feel immature because I am not where someone my age should be emotionally.

I am so behind in my development.

I dont know how to drive and I have this message going through my head..."What would you drive anyway? You can't afford it"

I dont work.

Am emotionally immature.

Not married

No chidren

No career.

Feeling like I have to prove myself to everyone but myself.

I like the idea that Digitl said get sarcatic and "dumb" OH hun I am so sorry, You said________________________( fill in the blank.)

Thanks to all.... I know I am not "stupid".... at least in my head. My husband...welll we are working on it. And one way or another we will come through this.... and we will come through this with out me feeling stupid..... spent to many years feeling that way. I did find and see a really good person who works with ADD people. I think it is way past time for me to learn the skills I need to deal with the rest of the world. And auntchris ADD people grow up slow don't beat yourself up about it..... HUGS

http://www3.sympatico.ca/garrylawton/ADD/What.htm (http://www3.sympatico.ca/garrylawton/ADD/What.htm)





What's It Like To Have Add?





by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.


Copyright (C) 1992








What is it like to have ADD? What is the feel of the syndrome? I have a short talk that I often give to groups as an introduction to the subjective experience of ADD and what it is like to live with it:

Attention Deficit Disorder. First of all I resent the term. As far as I'm concerned most people have Attention Surplus Disorder. I mean, life being what it is, who can pay attention to anything for very long? Is it really a sign of mental health to be able to balance your checkbook, sit still in your chair, and never speak out of turn? As far as I can see, many people who don't have ADD are charter members of the Congenitally Boring.

But anyway, be that as it may, there is this syndrome called ADD or ADHD, depending on what book you read. So what's it like to have ADD? Some people say the so-called syndrome doesn't even exist, but believe me, it does. Many metaphors come to mind to describe it. It's like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Everything is smudged and blurred and you're speeding along, and it's reeeeally frustrating not being able to see very well. Or it's like listening to a radio station with a lot of static and you have to strain to hear what's going on. Or, it's like trying to build a house of cards in a dust storm. You have to build a structure to protect yourself from the wind before you can even start on the cards.

In other ways it's like being super-charged all the time. You get one idea and you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea before you've finished up with the first one, and so you go for that one, but of course a third idea intercepts the second, and you just have to follow that one, and pretty soon people are calling you disorganized and impulsive and all sorts of impolite words that miss the point completely. Because you're trying really hard. It's just that you have all these invisible vectors pulling you this way and that which makes it really hard to stay on task.

Plus which, you're spilling over all the time. You're drumming your fingers, tapping your feet, humming a song, whistling, looking here, looking there, scratching, stretching, doodling, and people think you're not paying attention or that you're not interested, but all you're doing is spilling over so that you can pay attention. I can pay a lot better attention when I'm taking a walk or listening to music or even when I'm in a crowded, noisy room than when I'm still and surrounded by silence. God save me from the reading rooms. Have you ever been into the one in Widener Library? The only thing that saves it is that so many of the people who use it have ADD that there's a constant soothing bustle.

What is it like to have ADD? Buzzing. Being here and there and everywhere. Someone once said, "Time is the thing that keeps everything from happening all at once." Time parcels moments out into separate bits so that we can do one thing at a time. In ADD, this does not happen. In ADD, time collapses. Time becomes a black hole. To the person with ADD it feels as if everything is happening all at once. This creates a sense of inner turmoil or even panic. The individual loses perspective and the ability to prioritize. He or she is always on the go, trying to keep the world from caving in on top.

Museums. (Have you noticed how I skip around? That's part of the deal. I change channels a lot. And radio stations. Drives my wife nuts. "Can't we listen to just one song all the way through?") Anyway, museums. The way I go through a museum is the way some people go through Filene's basement. Some of this, some of that, oh, this one looks nice, but what about that rack over there? Gotta hurry, gotta run. It's not that I don't like art. I love art. But my way of loving it makes most people think I'm a real Philistine. On the other hand, sometimes I can sit and look at one painting for a long while. I'll get into the world of the painting and buzz around in there until I forget about everything else. In these moments I, like most people with ADD, can hyperfocus, which gives the lie to the notion that we can never pay attention. Sometimes we have turbocharged focusing abilities. It just depends upon the situation.



Lines. I'm almost incapable of waiting in lines. I just can't wait, you see. That's the hell of it. Impulse leads to action. I'm very short on what you might call the intermediate reflective step between impulse and action. That's why I, like so many people with ADD, lack tact. Tact is entirely dependent on the ability to consider one's words before uttering them. We ADD types don't do this so well. I remember in the fifth grade I noticed my math teacher's hair in a new style and blurted out, "Mr. Cook, is that a toupee you're wearing?" I got kicked out of class. I've since learned how to say these inappropriate things in such a way or at such a time that they can in fact be helpful. But it has taken time. That's the thing about ADD. It takes a lot of adapting to get on in life. But it certainly can be done, and be done very well.

As you might imagine, intimacy can be a problem if you've got to be constantly changing the subject, pacing, scratching and blurting out tactless remarks. My wife has learned not to take my tuning out personally, and she says that when I'm there, I'm really there. At first, when we met, she thought I was some kind of nut, as I would bolt out of restaurants at the end of meals or disappear to another planet during a conversation. Now she has grown accustomed to my sudden coming and goings.

Many of us with ADD crave high-stimulus situations. In my case, I love the racetrack. And I love the high-intensity crucible of doing psychotherapy. And I love having lots of people around. Obviously this tendency can get you into trouble, which is why ADD is high among criminals and self-destructive risk-takers. It is also high among so-called Type A personalities, as well as among manic-depressives, sociopaths and criminals, violent people, drug abusers, and alcoholics. But is is also high among creative and intuitive people in all fields, and among highly energetic, highly productive people.

Which is to say there is a positive side to all this. Usually the positive doesn't get mentioned when people speak about ADD because there is a natural tendency to focus on what goes wrong, or at least on what has to be somehow controlled. But often once the ADD has been diagnosed, and the child or the adult, with the help of teachers and parents or spouses, friends, and colleagues, has learned how to cope with it, an untapped realm of the brain swims into view. Suddenly the radio station is tuned in, the windshield is clear, the sand storm has died down. And the child or adult, who had been such a problem, such a nudge, such a general pain in the neck to himself and everybody else, that person starts doing things he'd never been able to do before. He surprises everyone around him, and he surprises himself. I use the male pronoun, but it could just as easily be she, as we are seeing more and more ADD among females as we are looking for it.

Often these people are highly imaginative and intuitive. They have a "feel" for things, a way of seeing right into the heart of matters while others have to reason their way along methodically. This is the person who can't explain how he thought of the solution, or where the idea for the story came from, or why suddenly he produced such a painting, or how he knew the short cut to the answer, but all he can say is he just knew it, he could feel it. This is the man or woman who makes million dollar deals in a catnap and pulls them off the next day. This is the child who, having been reprimanded for blurting something out, is then praised for having blurted out something brilliant. These are the people who learn and know and do and go by touch and feel.

These people can feel a lot. In places where most of us are blind, they can, if not see the light, at least feel the light, and they can produce answers apparently out of the dark. It is important for others to be sensitive to this "sixth sense" many ADD people have, and to nurture it. If the environment insists on rational, linear thinking and "good" behavior from these people all the time, then they may never develop their intuitive style to the point where they can use it profitably. It can be exasperating to listen to people talk. They can sound so vague or rambling. But if you take them seriously and grope along with them, often you will find they are on the brink of startling conclusions or surprising solutions.

What I am saying is that their cognitive style is qualitatively different from most people's, and what may seem impaired, with patience and encouragement may become gifted.

The thing to remember is that if the diagnosis can be made, then most of the bad stuff associated with ADD can be avoided or contained. The diagnosis can be liberating, particularly for people who have been stuck with labels like, "lazy", "stubborn", "willful", "disruptive", "impossible", "tyrannical", "a spaceshot", "brain damaged", "stupid", or just plain "bad". Making the diagnosis of ADD can take the case from the court of moral judgment to the clinic of neuropsychiatric treatment.

What is the treatment all about?

Anything that turns down the noise. Just making the diagnosis helps turn down the noise of guilt and self-recrimination. Building certain kinds of structure into one's life can help a lot. Working in small spurts rather than long hauls. Breaking tasks down into smaller tasks. Making lists.

Getting help where you need it, whether it's having a secretary, or an accountant, or an automatic bank teller,

or a good filing system, or a home computer, getting help where you need it. Maybe applying external limits on your impulses. Or getting enough exercise to work off some of the noise inside. Finding support. Getting someone in your corner to coach you, to keep you on track. Medication can help a great deal too, but it is far from the whole solution. The good news is that treatment can really help.

Let me leave you by telling you that we need your help and understanding. We may make mess-piles wherever we go, but with your help, those mess-piles can be turned into realms of reason and art. So, if you know someone like me who's acting up and daydreaming and forgetting this or that and just not getting with the program, consider ADD before he starts believing all the bad things people are saying about him and it's too late.

The main point of the talk is that there is a more complex subjective experience to ADD than a list of symptoms can possibly impart. ADD is a way of life, and until recently it has been hidden, even from the view of those who have it. The human experience of ADD is more than just a collection of symptoms. It is a way of living. Before the syndrome is diagnosed that way of living may be filled with pain and misunderstanding. After the diagnosis is made, one often finds new possibilities and the chance for real change.

The adult syndrome of ADD, so long unrecognized, is now at last bursting upon the scene. Thankfully, millions of adults who have had to think of themselves as defective or unable to get their acts together, will instead be able to make the most of their considerable abilities. It is a hopeful time indeed.

Address Correspondences to:

Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.
328 Broadway
Cambridge, MA 02139

Garry, what a great post...

Thank you so much :)

http://www3.sympatico.ca/garrylawton/ADD/What.htm (http://www3.sympatico.ca/garrylawton/ADD/What.htm)





What's It Like To Have Add?







by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.



Copyright (C) 1992

No man should ever call his wife stupid. Not only is it hurtful it certainly calls into doubt his taste in women.

My take on guys that roll their eyes as if to say "I could have done so much better"... is that if they could have -they would have. There's not a man in the world who would take the "second best" woman in the world if they could get the "very best". Anyone that says they would is trying to fool themselves.

Not sure why people act like that. No one makes themselves look better by diminishing their mate.


MB

I have to admit that I have been getting to abusive in my language with my wife.

I have ADD, and I am dealing with a work environment that can be seen as less then perfect. I have just changed my career path from CAD design/drafting to one of Construction Management. This is causing a lot of stress with me. One of the big reasons I am hanging with it is the person that hired me. He saw the potential that I have and understood that I have a tremendous set of "self defense mechanisms” that are blocking my potential greatness. He has undertaken the task of breaking these bad habits and showing me that there is more to me than an impulsive man.

This is causing stress and frustration between Lisa and I. She has been very supportive, but this has been a very difficult time for me. At times I feel as if there is nothing good that I am doing. I lose my temper and lash out, usually breaking thing around me. I have never, and will never strike my wife!! I have never thrown anything at her. If I do, I would probably end it at that moment. I would have become one of the people that I hate the most.

In these frustrated arguments, I have said that she is stupid. I think I do this because I feel like she is not understanding what I am going through. The truth is, I don’t understand what I’m putting her through. She is angry with me because I am not helping with the household chores. We both work full time, and the chores have to be divided or else there is no time free time. I have been shirking my responsibilities due to my ever increase stress level. It is a lame excuse. And just this last Friday it came to ahead.

We had a fight, a short one. It ended with a broken dinner plate, a broken stack of CD’s (mine), and almost the greatest loss of all, her walking out of my life.

We have had fights before, and I think I have started to use my anger to avoid things that I don’t want to deal with, a way for me to stop her from pushing too hard. I did this as an unknowing, or a melodramatic act. I do not want to lose the best thing that has happened to me.

I have jumped around a lot here, mostly because I need to confess, but in this confession I hope that I have a different point of view. He called you stupid, proving his own stupidity and frustration. I did the same when said that to my wife. I use to handle the money in this house, but she does it now. We have not had a missed payment since. My mistake is not to follow-up with the other chores.

The only way to solve a problem is to face it from as many sides as possible. Understanding his side dose in no way shape or form excuses him from his abusive tact, but it gives you a way of proving how wrong he was.

I hope this helps.

MrKen...it does help. And I to understand that what he said was wrong but I drive him nuts most of the time. If he asks me about something I forgot.... I tend to make excuses...then blame him, then when all else fails.... I just cry. None of these are thought out behaviors...just a life time of programing. My thoughts and prayer will be with you and your wife.

MrKen,
You have all the tools to fix the situation. You know you are stessed and frankly none of us like to fail. But you are doing things you haven't before. You have more responsibility and of course that is going to heighten the tension level.

There are a few things that I can share from my experience. I hope that they help. My dad was in the trades so I got to see a lot of construction happening when I was growing up. One thing that I learned is that even the best of Managers can't control the entire process. Eventually things will go wrong and face it, you might just make a mistake as well. Could be big, could be small but going to happen. How you decide to react will be the real test of your level of professionalism. You just have to prepare yourself and remember that you are not the first person that it's happened to in that job.

You admit to being impulsive. I am as well. I literally get red in the face and will have to excuse myself from a conversation if I find that I'm about to blurt out something hurtful - I haven't hurled many things in my life but it's happened a few times. Never around or at anyone though.

Your wife probably is wondering why you are angry at her. And like any wife is wondering why you aren't keeping up with your end of the chores. At our house, when someone is too busy to do the chores - sometimes the other helps out. But that isn't a permanent solution as no one wants to be their partner's maid.

If you find yourself too busy to do a chore. Tell her when you think you can do it. One thing that helps is to say "I can't do this right now - but I promise I'll do it right after (fill in the blank)". It will buy you time you need to calm down and or decompress - and likely she'll be happy because she will have gotten a commitment from you as to when it will get done.

You are correct. The amount of stress you feel shouldn't make you feel that you have to lash out at the woman you love. But I know from experience when someone shows faith in your ability the last thing you want to do is disappoint them - so you work extra hard. But there is a personal cost to that.

I was in a similar position at a company years ago and I was making life difficult for my wife. I simply was spending too much time working. We would argue about it heatedly as I was shirking my responsibilities at home. It occured to me that my mentor at that company would have thought very little of me if he knew that I wasn't managing my life very well, so I tried to seek balance. It's not easy - but maybe you can talk to your wife about some things that might help both of you to the stage where as a team you can build a stronger relationship when things get tough.

My best wishes in the new career path. It's great that you have been recognized as having the potential to fulfill a complex job.

Best,
Motorbrain

MrKen...it does help. And I to understand that what he said was wrong but I drive him nuts most of the time. If he asks me about something I forgot.... I tend to make excuses...then blame him, then when all else fails.... I just cry. None of these are thought out behaviors...just a life time of programing. My thoughts and prayer will be with you and your wife.

mrsnurse, forgive me if I ramble, but I can't wait another minute to respond to you. I thought about you on Saturday morning and I thought about you on Sunday morning and now again you are with me.

There is so much here for you, for me and maybe all of us. Your posts touch on many of our emotions. I'm sure that what you have said has resonance with others' and their personal experience with ADD. It sure does for me.

And to do that checkbook. What a nightmare. :confused:
and yes, even if someone did not say that I was stupid, I still have had that feeling of incompetent, after all...

Nevertheless, it does not matter how much you drive a person nuts, (if infact you do) you should never, ever be made to feel stupid. And clearly you are not, oh by the way ;)

Is it possible to know or begin to believe that being unable to do something, should not define you? Just seems to me that what I know about you is that you do not do checkbooks. I sure don't. You should take a look at the old ones I have hidden away:eek:

Bet you are good at lots of other things. Bet you that you could come up with a long list. And, oh by the way, living with ADD while doing all of the other things that you do. AND your thoughts about yourself are colored and biased and very, very heavy because you are "dragging along a lifetime of programming".

It can get better, but with lots of practice, insight, support and knowledge. If you can hang around and give yourself time, you might begin to reclaim your strengths and discard the old negative self-talk which has taken over from a liftime of old messges.

I can assure you that there are plenty of folks who will support you and validate you and give you the energy to believe that you are wonderful. and talented and nice to be around. But first you need to believe it.

Are you taking meds? In a support group or therapy or do you have a coach or a friend. The network is out there and available but you have to sort it through, find what works for you and put it in place so that you have a workable action. A plan.

hugs...

I don't know how to make my husband understand. I am so tired of him tring to fix me. DAMN IT I am not broke!!!! I know I share in the blame when we fight.... but being told what I said was stupid. DAMN IT enough!!! Because I do not understand how to keep a check book does not make me stupid. And I am tring.... but anytime I screw up it is all heck breaks out at my house. I am tired of feeling like he would have been so much better off to have married anyone but me. I am tired of feeling like a failure. I am tired of sitting up nights (like now) cring while he is snoring away. I am sorry this may not be the place for this.....
Mrs, you are not stupid, you seem to want so much to please your hubby, but you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that he can't tell you that you are stupid. He should do those things that you can't or aren't good enough at. You should do those things you're good at. In our house, my husband being ADD didn't pay the bills on time, so we had LOTS of late charges. With me paying the bills, and being ADD, we're $8,000 in the RED! LOL What are ya gonna do? Can you sit down and tell him the way his ranting at you makes you feel? Maybe some marriage counseling?
I'm here for ya with hugs,
Jazz

I cry at night a lot too. Last night especially. So I know all about feeling like a failure. Sometimes I feel I have no purpose or that I'm worthless, especially now that I have problems in the sexual area. I guess in a way that is a big part of who I am as far as a woman and a wife. He doesn't like my cooking, I'm terrible with housework, so what else is there? But of course I love him and hopefully I'll eventually find something I can do that makes me feel I'm worth something in his eyes lately.

Anyhow, BIG HUGS to you...!
Oh flvampgirl,

My heart breaks for you. Have you talked to your doctor about the way you feel? Are you on any meds? Just because the sex isn't the best right now, it life isn't over. There's so much more to marriage than sex, cooking, and housecleaning. He's a lucky guy that you love him so much. Hate to say this, but I'd be outta there in a heartbeat. (I've read your other posts) In the meantime, until you get things checked out with the doctor, have you tried any supplements or herbs, both for mood and for sex drive? I'll be thinking of you.

Hugs,
Jazz

Jazz, I've been to 2 doctors about the female problems and I have an appointment beginning of June now to hopefully see what they can do hormone wise. I used to have a very healthy libido and so I know what I'm feeling is not normal for me. I'm on all kinds of medications, unfortunately. I'm an asthmatic, so I'm medications to control my asthma, on Wellbutrin for depression and ADD and Adderall for ADD. I used to be on Prozac, but my doc switched me to Wellbutrin because he said it doesn't have the sexual side effects like Prozac, and I had been complaining about that.

I've had doctors tell me it could just be stress, but I haven't been that stressed out for 2-3 years now. They think I'm too young to start periomenopause, but I know better and I know it can happen. From everything I've read, that's what seems to be happening to me.

I'm usually in a good mood and the only times I seem to get down is being around hubby and his depressed mood. He's chronically depressed, but won't do anything about it. He tends to want my undivided attention all the time and is constantly trying to get it one way or the other. I don't think he understands ADD in the least, really. I do pay him attention, but he wants my total attentiveness and if I miss something he says, or a cue or a hint, (like he needs a drink) then he thinks I'm not paying him attention. He didn't used to be so needy and now he blames the computer for everything. Anytime I'm on the computer, I'm wasting time. In his eyes, the computer is only good for Ebay, email, research and porn. That's it. Anytime I'm on the computer, he says I'm ignoring him (even though I feel I do multi-task quite well). But the attention he wants is physical (sexual) from what I can sense, not the kind where we actually talk about things.

I think the core of the problem is my lack of libido and if I can do something about that, things will improve in other areas. I'm aware that there are a lot of areas that need improvement and I know a high sex drive isn't going to fix everything. He just feels so unwanted, undesired, etc. etc. I can understand how he'd feel that way, but it's not him. It's not that he just doesn't turn me on. Now he could probably work better at trying to turn me on, but it's just that I have no desire for sex, I don't think about it, dwell on it, or anything. My mind is on 20 million other things, but just not sex.

Deeper blue...Thanks and I feel blessed to have found this place. I am on meds... and I just found and councler.

I'm on before I'm going to work, So I have to be brief.

Thank you for the support and I am glad that my bad situations have been at least useful to you. If something bad that has happened can be used to learn from or gleam something useful, then it isn't all bad! REMEMBER, that there is a silver lining to every cloud! But keep in mind how many people every year get struck by lighting looking for that silver lining! :D

Always remember, We all screw up. It is part of the human experience. I just choose to the be a much more experienced human than most!! :D

Have a Great Day

and the more screw ups we have, the more knowledge we have from the universe. We have the opportunity to walk away with a greater understaning about who we are and move toward a greater wisdom about our experience of the world.

My screw-ups are not really that at all but rather blips in the screen and hopefully they can be absorbed and reworked.


lots of love to you all.

I'm usually in a good mood and the only times I seem to get down is being around hubby and his depressed mood. He's chronically depressed, but won't do anything about it. He tends to want my undivided attention all the time and is constantly trying to get it one way or the other. I don't think he understands ADD in the least, really. I do pay him attention, but he wants my total attentiveness and if I miss something he says, or a cue or a hint, (like he needs a drink) then he thinks I'm not paying him attention. He didn't used to be so needy and now he blames the computer for everything. Anytime I'm on the computer, I'm wasting time. In his eyes, the computer is only good for Ebay, email, research and porn. That's it. Anytime I'm on the computer, he says I'm ignoring him (even though I feel I do multi-task quite well). But the attention he wants is physical (sexual) from what I can sense, not the kind where we actually talk about things.



Hey Flvampgirl,

For his bad mood, maybe try slipping him some 5 HTP in his food and see if he perks up. 100 mg a day might help. I take the Natrol brand every day or else I'd slip into mild depression. Sounds like he has some real issues that need to be addressed, and is very needy. That would be so hard to deal with.

As far as libido, when mine is waning, I turn to herbs. Maca and Damiana work pretty well. BTW, my GP said both 5 HTP, Maca, and Damiana are all okay to take.

GL!

I had the same exactly, which was why I went to be tested at Mensa. That didn't help much, when I got in, because then I was "flaunting it." But the accusations of stupidity were just so illogical, as I could think my spouse into the ground.
Anyway, after twenty years of being misunderstood and not having the guts to deal with it properly, we finally split up. Marriage therapy etc didn't work.
Then I met a brilliant person who understood the ADD and just found it a rather charming eccentricity that in no way interfered with our relationship or his respect for my intelligence. that was the most important step, probably, in my adult life.
I also read a helpful book called "should you leave?" by Peter Kramer, who also wrote "Listening to Prozac." It helps one sort out what matters and what doesn't.
Not to encourage you in any way to go for a separation - please excuse me if I ahve conveyed that! - but to say tht I think I do understand your frustration and have had to deal with it by a long, circuitous route.
I have been on my own for a while now and realize that the split was very good as I was not been understood at all.
I do hope you can get some help. There are ADD counsellors who can do marital work as well, as you probably know.
Very best wishes,
Hudson

I really enjoyed reading this information, it's nice to know that people understand how our minds work. My girlfriend found this site and she is also learning how my brain works! She knows more than I do about what is going on in our life together, but with some help (from information and understanding) I will soon be on the same page as her. I'm currently going to school for Rig Tech, and I now remember back in the day in highschool, sitting in class and trying to learn school work, how to launch objects across the room, what I'm doing after class, and as much junk I could fill my head with to keep focused on what the teacher is teaching!! thanx My girl found a new medication, truehope, it is definately not dexatrin but it gives the brain what it neads.

I really enjoyed reading this information, it's nice to know that people understand how our minds work. My girlfriend found this site and she is also learning how my brain works! She knows more than I do about what is going on in our life together, but with some help (from information and understanding) I will soon be on the same page as her. I'm currently going to school for Rig Tech, and I now remember back in the day in highschool, sitting in class and trying to learn school work, how to launch objects across the room, what I'm doing after class, and as much junk I could fill my head with to keep focused on what the teacher is teaching!! thanx My girl found a new medication, truehope, it is definately not dexatrin but it gives the brain what it neads.

Welcome! :)