View Full Version : Questionable dx for myself


Gryphonfyre
01-22-16, 04:30 AM
Because of some long-term issues that I've discussed with a therapist over several sessions, I was referred to a doctor to get some testing to see if I may have ADHD.

I have many unfinished projects -- I can't seem to stay on task for any length of time. I'll start on something and before you know it, I'm on to two, three, eight other things and by the end of the day I'm beyond frustrated that I didn't get a single thing done.

I'm always late -- always. Christmas cards/gifts, birthdays, work, couldn't possibly list it all. I have to plan to leave almost an hour before my son's school starts because I know that inevitably I will not leave at the time I want to leave so I have that cushion in order to get him there on time. I have absolutely no sense of time duration.

The majority of my adult life is quiet because I get anxious about getting into a conversation with someone and saying something ridiculous, or I can't think of a word and then I just can't go past it because I can't get around that part of my sentence because it takes forever to think of the one word that I was looking for.

I have to have things sequential. If something is out of order or if a plan changes, it just sends me into a tailspin and it may take quite some time for me to move forward with my day. Once again, that paralysis or sorts.

Back in the day in school, my report cards had me as the child who wouldn't sit when told to or stop talking or daydreaming.

I've always been easily distracted. I absolutely can't do any kind of reading work if there is any noise -- no tv, no talking, keep the window shut because Heaven forbid I hear something two blocks away, I'll be peering out the window trying to find what it is. Can't even have instrumental music on.

I'm literally three to five classes away from three different college degrees. I've had numerous jobs. I've started to read I can't even tell you how many books.

Also, when I was in school, after a test other kids would talk about what they got for different questions. I didn't remember a single question, let alone what answer I put. However, give me a number and I would have it memorized forever -- socials, phone numbers, credit card numbers, etc. And I could quote an entire conversation like it was playing in my ear.

I can't think of any more right now. I just feel like either there's something going on with me or I just really suck at life. So I went to this hours-long appointment where all kinds of testing was done. Be all, end all, a week or so later when the doc had tabulated -- or whatever it is -- everything, he said that I exhibited signs of ADHD. He said that it may be enough to possibly take his findings to my PCM and get meds, but I guess it wasn't so high that he considered it "clinical"? is that the right term? I'm 40 now. I'm tired to be honest of feeling like I can't think, of not being able to finish one thought without it being interrupted by another, of having lists of my lists. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just want to function normally.

I know this was long. If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read.

Gryphonfyre
01-22-16, 05:24 AM
I couldn't figure out how to edit my OP, so I'll just post a reply. Sorry, admin! =(

I would say that the main reason that I'm looking at myself is because of my son. I love him so very, very much, and I just want to be the best mom that I can be for him. He struggles making it from one end of our living quarters to the other without getting distracted by a slew of things in between and/or forgetting what he was doing altogether. Getting ready for anything -- bed, school, run errands -- is a nightmare, and I usually wind up yelling at him, probably in part because I feel so scattered myself and feel frustrated that I've somehow allowed him to wander for the last 10 minutes instead of directing him to get ready because I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. It feels very difficult to try to guide someone with chore charts (not sure how many I've made) or transition signs (had to make these with pictures for when he was a reaaaally little guy because transitions were difficult then as well) when I can barely get ready myself. I was always the girl running out to the bus with a curling iron still in my hair as the bus was getting ready to pull away.

wanderingpines
01-22-16, 08:00 AM
I could have written this myself. I, too, am constantly all over the place. It's hard to focus on one task when you just want to keep going on to the next. I was diagnosed with ADD in August of 2011. Nest thing that ever happened was Adderall. It slows my mind down and lets me actually focus on something until it is complete.

I would definitely suggest making an appointment and getting that official diagnosis. It'll change your life. If you are concerned that your son may also have it, it's worth getting him tested, too.

Gryphonfyre
01-22-16, 10:58 AM
Hi, wanderingpines. Love the name, btw. Thats great that youve found clarity! Not sure I'd know what to do with myself, but it sounds fabulous! I guess I will make an appointment with a general practioner and go from there.

As for my son, I have had him in play therapy for quite some time. He's the love of my life, and he challenges me on every level. Play therapist suggested getting him tested for ADHD when he turned six last year. Had him tested and the doc said there was no denying ADHD for him. He also said came up with ODD, depression and possible bipolar for him. We've just moved, so I need to find a ped for him and see what my next move is.

Gryphonfyre
01-22-16, 06:50 PM
I made an appointment with a PCM today for myself. Soonest I can get in is February 18. Feels like forever away. It seems logical to me to address my issues so that I can help my son with his. I feel selfish making an appointment for me before my son, but I can't imagine trying to address meds and trying to help him focus while I'm everywhere all at once still. I probably exacerbate and/or trigger things in him when I'm like this anyway. Hope y'all don't think I'm being selfish.

Gryphonfyre
01-22-16, 07:02 PM
Sorry again, moderators and admin, for the additional post. I would edit, but I don't have that privilege yet. Not complaining. I completely understand it's because I haven't been here long enough, posted enough; there are certain protocols. I get it. Just apologizing that I had an additional thought that I wanted to put in my last post, but as I was writing it, I had forgotten that I wanted to include it, so I just wanted to thank the admin/moderators for having the patience to deal with my added post-posting thoughts.

Anyway, the reason that the appointment seems so far away is because this is seriously affecting my life; and when some sort of assistance is just over the horizon, I feel like I can't get there fast enough. I have a huge dog that I need to walk more, and her hair is very long, so I need to groom her. My house is abhorrent and I need to clean it. I have laundry that I need to fold and put away, so glad I was able to at least get it washed. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Why do I have all of these things to do that aren't done? Because I work at home and I have again, for the umpteen-thousandth time, taken on more that I can chew in the way of work. Additionally, this is affecting my working relationship with clients and my reputation. It only seems to be getting worse. Does this sound like ADHD? Am I way far beyond what someone with ADHD would be? What's going on with me?

Fuzzy12
01-22-16, 07:13 PM
No, I think you are doing exactly the right thing. Best of luck for the appointment. :)

BellaVita
01-22-16, 10:51 PM
I could have written this myself. I, too, am constantly all over the place. It's hard to focus on one task when you just want to keep going on to the next. I was diagnosed with ADD in August of 2011. Nest thing that ever happened was Adderall. It slows my mind down and lets me actually focus on something until it is complete.

I would definitely suggest making an appointment and getting that official diagnosis. It'll change your life. If you are concerned that your son may also have it, it's worth getting him tested, too.

You and I were diagnosed same month and year.

Just had to point that out. :)

Gryphonfyre
01-23-16, 11:51 AM
I hope I'm not scaring people away. Story. of. my. life.

Gryphonfyre
01-23-16, 11:51 AM
No, I think you are doing exactly the right thing. Best of luck for the appointment. :)

Thanks so much, Fuzzy12.

Lunacie
01-23-16, 02:35 PM
You're lucky you're getting a diagnosis and treatment while your son is still young.

I didn't get my diagnosis until my grandkids were in school. :eek:

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Gryphonfyre
01-23-16, 04:13 PM
Thanks! Finally feel like I have a direction instead of spinning my wheels and hope the PCM can come up with something. To a certain point I've embraced most of the traits I have from ADHD and OCD, although I didn't know about them really, but sometimes when there's too much things can get overwhelming and paralyzing.

Anyhoo, thanks for the added info as well, Lunacie. ;)

BellaVita
01-23-16, 04:29 PM
I hope I'm not scaring people away. Story. of. my. life.

Nope, you aren't. :)

Things can just be quiet around here sometimes.

Booty68
01-25-16, 02:33 AM
Wow, Whisper....this sounds a lot like me!!! Except I was a pretty good student as a child but had to work hard at it and lots of things distracted me or I would just get lost in my own thoughts. My BIGGEST issue is time management!!!!! Huge ISSUE with me and it doesn't matter how early I get ready to leave, I am Always Late! I take forever to get anything done! Get so sidetracked on other things, to the point of pure disgust of myself!!! I was diagnosed a few months ago with add. Titrated up to 2 twenty mg a day. Sometimes I only take one or one and half. It may sound weird but sometimes the med makes me sleepy an hour or two after I take it. I see Dr tomorrow. He wants to try the adderall ER before he changes the med completely. As of right now, the adderall hasn't helped much at all. Actually, I feel more ocd....I not only still get very sidetracked but get very obsessive over some things. How can it be both?? My Dr says it's just part of it but if I feel the adderall is making it worse, what med works???:D

Gryphonfyre
01-27-16, 06:43 PM
Boy, Booty68, do I hear you on the time management. Most people with whom I have contact think I'm aloof -- just don't care. It almost seems as though the more important the task, the more things I can come up with to do before it. It's ridiculous, and at this point I can only dream of a day when I can actually apply myself to something from start to finish -- a book, puzzle, task, chore, sentence -- without interrupting myself.

What did your doc say about the meds?

Booty68
01-29-16, 01:43 PM
Hey Whisper,
Doc changed me to adderalER 20mg but 2 a day. I have only taken both once this week, plus just took a second one now. The one day I took both, I did feel more on task a little better about my issues but still not normal. I don't really like having to take 2. I feel like that's too much! Dr is a bit concerned and said he understands my concerns. I don't want to be diagnosed or labeled as crazy or a nut job! He laughed when I told him that but was consistently writing all of it down! I felt like a freak explaining the obsessive part of this. We will just have to see how the month goes. If we have to switch meds, we will start over. I am just worried. I am on a lot of different medication and didn't want to add another😏. But at this point, have to try. I probably should go see psychiatrist but not ready to admit I need one. If I can't get it all under control within the next few months, I will be ready to see an expert!!

Jayfer
01-30-16, 10:03 PM
I feel like you could be writing about me! I have seemed successful in the past because I had a great support system and basically went for things that are easy. However, I crashed and burned as a professor and have been fumbling ever since (almost four years since I quit. Right now I have a part-time job because I can't gather the focus needed to go through the process of getting a full time job and I'm pretty sure I would have a tough time with the meetings, paperwork, and other boring junk that goes with a full-time job.

And I hear you with the dog that needs grooming and the unfinished house chores!

I am not diagnosed-- still trying to find someone who takes my insurance and has an availability for new patients who can evaluate me. And because of trauma with a school guidance counselor, I'm trying to find a female psychiatrist.

Oh, and both my boys are grown, but my older (step)son would have been much better off if I had been diagnosed-- I would have been a much better mom to him with all of his issues. Good call getting yourself straightened out first!

pelargonium
01-31-16, 10:04 AM
I identify with a lot of what you were saying. You sound like a very caring mum, wanting to sort this out so you can be your best for him. You deserve to be the best person you can be for your own sake too.

I was diagnosed at 42, and meds are not a magic bullet but they help. And it is more than a matter of being organised and getting my **** together for other people. I enjoy being able to engage better with things I enjoy. I like to sew and since my diagnosis, I have actually finished wearable garments instead of just piddling around hoarding sewing supplies and never producing anything. Small stuff like that feels like a huge accomplishment!