I recently learned that I have ADHD and quite possibly have had it for a very long time. I'm in my middle 30's now, and after 2 failed marriages, I'm back in the single life. I have a son from my last marriage whom I adore and work very hard to keep myself in his life.

I've been single now for about 5 years though and through those 5 years I have only been 'slightly' involved with 2 women of which both 'relationships' lasted only a few months. One ended because I wanted more than she did, and the other ended because I crowded her too much (looking back I think I scared her because things were too much for her and she ran). Since that time I've been avoiding even dating in fear of the whole rejection issues. Along the way I've been using excuses that my son needs me more so therefore allowing myself to be alone. But I'm realizing as of late that I'm needing more than just my son for happiness in my life.

I've had a lot of issues with going 'out' to meet people. I don't drink and never have because of fear of losing control of myself, so when I even consider going to places where most people meet people (generally bars) I not only feel out of place but I get an anxiety about going. When I'm somewhere that I don't feel like I have to drink to meet someone, I get rather 'shy' about appoaching someone new. I start having all these negative thought about myself that would equate to self-defeating flaws. When I'm at places where people are 'socializing' I feel envious that they are so involved that they can be comfortable enough to be themselves around other people.

The friends I do have are mostly online people that I've met, and very few are really friends that I can hang out with and have real conversations. I tend to keep myself very isolated in my daily routine and in my lifestyle, but the more time that passes the more I feel left out and alone.

I was just diagnosed this week with ADHD and next week I'm seeing my physician about medication, but I need to have an idea of what I should expect of myself. I guess I want to know is there still hope that I won't be alone in my life? That I will gain the confidence in myself with use of medication to actually get out in the world and meet people? Is anxiety (fear of dating) part of AHDH?? I've read on here of people who have become more confident and cavalier!

I'm not sure what to expect from medication so I'd like to know what other have experienced.

- Yes anxiety (fear of dating) is really part of AHDH, but chemically it is not anxiety, it's an issue that in meetings or conditions that there are a lot of people your brain totally shuts down, you don't have anything to say, you don't know what to do and ... those conditions for ADD people are similar to concentration tasks. Did you often have attention span issues? Did your brain blank out sometimes when you were trying to learn something or focus? the same happens in meeting with the difference that for doing a concentration task things could always be postponed or it could be broken in little chunks but in a meeting it's not possible to use the same trick. You can't put what u want to say and how u want to behave in small chunks and you can't deal with the condition and it drives you mad.

People with real anxiety exprience a very similar issue, and usually it's not easy to say which one is your issue, but there could be physical differences and a number of sympthoms: anxiety means too much dopamine and norepinephrine, so tell me do you have could hands (norepinephrine) and a fast heart beat (dopamine) in those situations? do you have hand shaking or tremor? if you have the above it could be anxiety but if u don't have them but u feel mad in those conditions this is lack of those brain fuels in those conditions (ADHD).

Taking an ADD med will at first give you anxiety, don't expect them to fix things for you right after taking them since they have side effects but after a few weeks you will have more confidence in those situations and more words to say, but it takes time.

Many doctors who have limited of knowledge about ADHD can easily mistake the fuzzy brain state of the ADD person in meetings with a social phobia or chronic anxiety and since the two conditions are opposite, the meds for them work in the opposite way and it can only put you one step away from the true treatment, if you've had inattention, hyperactivity and enough ADD related things in your life then the underlying issue is ADD and the rest are the issues that ADD has in time pulled into your life, ADD treatment can fix things but it'll take weeks.

For me, I felt like my life was filled with failures and shortcomings. Relationships I did have I wasn't that great at. I was more annoyed with myself than anyone else could ever be at me.

Starting Straterra did not make my relationships better. Learning to live with, and not be debilitated by, my unique thinking process helped boost my confidence and self esteem. The happiness I found in likeing and accepting myself (and having a sense of humor about my many "quirks") reflected in my relation to others.

I have by no means arrived at some epiphany, I'm still growing and learning. Knowing what I have put me on a path of self-discovery. Frankly, I've been enjoying the ride. I have made new friends, even though we may not have met in person, I feel close to and trusting of them.

You may find you'll meet more people of value that share the things that are most important to you. i.e. Play dates, sports, hobbies, support groups. I've never been able to get into the groove at a bar either, which I've visited, I think, twice.

Taking care of yourself and your son is top priority right now. I hope you find the happiness you're in search of, and more.

hmm. I ve been iving with it since the 80's . im in my 20s and have problems dating. Relationships have been disasters for me. I completly stay away from social gatherings as im usually entertaining myself at them, so i found myself being better off without them. but thats just me. i cant remember the last time i went on a date. proably in high school.