View Full Version : ADHD and hypersexuality help for Non-ADHD Partner


loopylou6
02-01-16, 07:54 AM
Hi, I have only joined today as I am desperate for advice & help. I have been with my boyfriend going on 8 years now & our relationship is in a bad place. If there is another thread with advice, please can someone send me a link to it?

My boyfriend has not been diagnosed with ADHD but after reading a lot of website and doing online tests we both think he has ADHD. The two doctors we went to told us that they do not recognise ADHD for adults and we don't know where to go from here.

I'll give you a little back history. It took me over 4 years to persuade my BF to go to the doctors for his personal issues/anger issues (This was after a serious issue where I needed to attend A&E with a broken wrist and him cheating on me on a "drunken" night out). All the doctor did was put him on antidepressants. While this has helped with his anger issues (sometimes) this has not helped in other issues of our relationship. After reading a lot of threads on here, it has helped me realise I am not the only one who feels unwanted/unloved, angry, emotionally blocked and frustrated. I constantly feel like his mother and always the one doing the housework, taking care of all the plans etc. Since I feel this way this causes us issues with sex. My BF has an unusually high sex drive which is causing us major problems and I don't know how to fix it or explain to him how I am feeling. At the moment we have sex once a week and he feels this is far too low and don't understand why we can't have it more. I have tried to explain to him that because I do everything in the home (housework, cooking, cleaning etc) and also work a full time demanding job as well as not having a full night sleep (sick pet), I never feel in the mood. I also have tried to explain that I do not feel he wants sex with me, I feel he wants sex cause he's stressed or because (and I quote) "its my duty as a GF".

I do love him but I am really struggling. Can anyone give me advice which would help?

sarahsweets
02-01-16, 01:59 PM
WOA! lets take adhd out of the equation and talk about physical abuse and infidelity. No way should you ever tolerate that. No way is that a part of adhd.
I'll give you a little back history. It took me over 4 years to persuade my BF to go to the doctors for his personal issues/anger issues (This was after a serious issue where I needed to attend A&E with a broken wrist and him cheating on me on a "drunken" night out).
All the doctor did was put him on antidepressants. While this has helped with his anger issues (sometimes) this has not helped in other issues of our relationship.
Thats because there is no medication that can treat someone who is physically abusive.
After reading a lot of threads on here, it has helped me realise I am not the only one who feels unwanted/unloved, angry, emotionally blocked and frustrated. I constantly feel like his mother and always the one doing the housework, taking care of all the plans etc.
If you dont do these things then you wont feel like his mother, which is never a good thing to feel in a relationship.
Since I feel this way this causes us issues with sex. My BF has an unusually high sex drive which is causing us major problems and I don't know how to fix it or explain to him how I am feeling. At the moment we have sex once a week and he feels this is far too low and don't understand why we can't have it more. I have tried to explain to him that because I do everything in the home (housework, cooking, cleaning etc) and also work a full time demanding job as well as not having a full night sleep (sick pet), I never feel in the mood.
And what does he do during the day? The same amount as you?

I also have tried to explain that I do not feel he wants sex with me, I feel he wants sex cause he's stressed or because (and I quote) "its my duty as a GF".

If he actually said that, find the door fast and leave.

I do love him but I am really struggling. Can anyone give me advice which would help?
You need to read up on codependency, and find a domestic violence center, counselor or shelter. You also need therapy. You need to build your self esteem back up. Its not your fault that he gets angry and hurts you or that he cheats or that he wants more sex. He is the wrong one here.
The danger will only escalate the longer you wait.

dvdnvwls
02-01-16, 02:54 PM
loopylou6:

When you say that you love him, what you mean is definitely not the same thing that the average person means when they say they love someone.

Unfortunately, I don't mean that in a good way.

When "I love him" means "I sometimes let the bad parts of him rule my life", it shows that you have a messed-up view of what love is.

You can't continue this way. It will get worse, very fast, unless you make huge changes to your life.

I know that it's him doing wrong. I know that you are being good and kind. But he is not going to change anything, because he has all the advantages and he wants to keep it that way. So it's left to you - you have to act now before it's too late.

Please take Sarah's advice on what to do.

Pilgrim
02-01-16, 03:04 PM
If he is unwilling to get some specialist care, an ADD Specialist, I would agree with Sarah above. I don't think it will improve.

Maybe, if you want to salvage what's there you could support him. If you're correct regarding his sexual behaviour this could be very closely tied to ADD and this is the added stimulation that the mind requires and satisfies that mindset.

I am sympathetic to your plight and hope you can work it out. But don't take any form of sexual, physical or psycialogical abuse cause it's just not worth it.

ADD is quite tricky to treat because it must be identified, took about 15 years for me. Treated by someone very skilled, the medication and dosage requirements take years of experience. And the person being treated must want to change and become a better person or its all a bit of a waste of time.

Goodluck

Fuzzy12
02-01-16, 03:06 PM
I agree with the others. It doesn't even matter if it's adhd or not. The anger issues that aren't being managed are a huge red flag and you shouldn't be in an environment where someone can suddenly give you a broken wrist or whatever else...or where someone thinks he can demand sex just because you are his girlfriend.

BellaVita
02-01-16, 06:54 PM
It kinda makes me feel weird that someone is trying to blame physical abuse/cheating on ADHD.

If we ever attempted to say "I think this person is neurotypical because they cheat and are physically abusive" everyone would go crazy.

Anyway -
That relationship isn't healthy - and the longer you stay the harder it will be to get out of it.

Please - you have choices. It might be the most difficult choice, but you need to leave.

In years from now you will look back and be glad that you got away.

Please read my recent thread about escaping abuse, and how just 2 years later I'm doing so much better.:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=174921

That can be you too, in two years.

And trust me, it was extremely difficult for me to get out. I was surrounded by 2 abusive parents and enabling family members.

Plus I have severe ADHD, anxiety, and I'm autistic.

I'm NOT being that person who says "if I can do it so can you" - I'm just trying to show you that even in the toughest situations one can get out.

It takes enormous strength, courage, and honestly will-power...and it will be so difficult since you are already in an emotionally fragile state...but you MUST do it anyway.

Secretly call up a friend or two, and have them help you plan your escape.

Whatever you do - do NOT tell your BF or even hint that you are wanting to move out. He might retaliate and things might get even worse and he might physically hurt you.

Take care, please try to update us if you can, and know that you have what it takes to escape the abuse no matter how vulnerable you feel.

dvdnvwls
02-01-16, 07:17 PM
It kinda makes me feel weird that someone is trying to blame physical abuse/cheating on ADHD.
It's wrong to blame it on ADHD, that's for sure.

At this point, trying to figure out what to blame it on is a waste of time, but abusiveness is not an ADHD symptom.

Fuzzy12
02-01-16, 07:22 PM
Poor impulse control can make cheating more likely though.

And poor emotional regulation can lead to anger outbursts ..

However, apart from that we are fluffy little angels really. Well, at least apparently some of us are.

BellaVita
02-01-16, 07:30 PM
Poor impulse control can make cheating more likely though.

And poor emotional regulation can lead to anger outbursts ..

However, apart from that we are fluffy little angels really. Well, at least apparently some of us are.

Hmm. Perhaps. But I think it goes much deeper than that.

And no need for snark, no one is claiming we are angels.

dvdnvwls
02-01-16, 07:36 PM
Poor impulse control can make cheating more likely though.

And poor emotional regulation can lead to anger outbursts ..

True, but poor impulse control means something happens once.

Poor emotional regulation can certainly lead to anger outbursts as well - but again, it's as an accident, not as a frequent habit.

When these kinds of things become frequent habits and the person is obviously not interested in changing those habits, it's quite a different thing than what can happen with ADHD.


Compare: Are frequent violent rages part of serious physical disability? If I suddenly lost my legs, I certainly might experience violent rage at some point. But if it became a frequent habit, would you say it was just because I had lost my legs?

ToneTone
02-01-16, 11:09 PM
Wow, absolutely amazing, thoughtful responses here!

Thanks everyone.

Tone

Fuzzy12
02-02-16, 05:21 AM
True, but poor impulse control means something happens once.

Poor emotional regulation can certainly lead to anger outbursts as well - but again, it's as an accident, not as a frequent habit.

When these kinds of things become frequent habits and the person is obviously not interested in changing those habits, it's quite a different thing than what can happen with ADHD.


Compare: Are frequent violent rages part of serious physical disability? If I suddenly lost my legs, I certainly might experience violent rage at some point. But if it became a frequent habit, would you say it was just because I had lost my legs?

No, it doesn't. Does poor impulse control mean that you procrastinate only once in a while? Does being unable to regulate your attention mean that you fail to pay attention just once in a blue moon?

Poor emotional regulation is not a symptom of losing your legs. That example makes no sense.

I'm not saying that adhd is to blame for all of the op's partner's actions. I wouldn't know. Neither would you. I just find that holier than thou attitude very annoying...apart from being misleading.

sarahsweets
02-02-16, 05:27 AM
I'm not saying that adhd is to blame for all of the op's partner's actions. I wouldn't know. Neither would you. I just find that holier than thou attitude very annoying...apart from being misleading.
What part seemed holier than thou?

Fuzzy12
02-02-16, 05:29 AM
What part seemed holier than thou?

"It's wrong to blame it on adhd, that's for sure."

sarahsweets
02-02-16, 05:45 AM
"It's wrong to blame it on adhd, that's for sure."

I guess I didnt see it that way. I understand that alot of those behaviors may be linked to adhd, but the actual physical abuse IMO is not linked to adhd.

loopylou6
02-02-16, 12:12 PM
Hey, thanks for the replies...

I understand when it is written down it looks awful and believe me we have been to hell in back. I am not the kind of girl who is getting beaten up by her partner. It happened once and believe me it will NEVER happen again. I am a very "take no sh*t" girl and the wrist accident was the icing on the cake for both of us. All of these issues happened over the course of 8 years. His anger/frustration issues stem from not being able to explain why he is like the way he is and getting frustrated at himself for letting me/us down and tbh I don't help a lot of the time when I blow my top too.

We both love each other very much and we are trying to find solutions to our problem. We are desperate for specialist care but like I said the two doctors we've been to do NOT recognise ADD/ADHD in adults and put him on antidepressants. He wants to change & cope with life better but has nowhere to turn.

He works a very demanding job too but when it comes to housework/pets etc he gets easy distracted. I'll give you an example, if I am in the house I'll pop a washing on then take the bins out then feed the pets. If he's in alone he'll look at the bins & say to himself right I better take the bins out then turn on the tv & then lose 4 hours of his life flicking through channel after channel until I come in. If I don't do the housework, no one will so its hard when people say "well just don't do it".

As for the sex issue, this is causing us the biggest problem with us. He says sex helps him so much and he feels as we are still youngish we should be doing it a lot. When he says "its my duty as a GF" he means if we don't have sex then we are just friends and we wouldn't be together going through all of this. Sex to him is a mixer of helping him settle & us being a couple. I am just tried and struggling to cope with everything.

As I have said before I love him (with all my heart) and I wouldn't be writing on this if I didn't. I guess I am just looking for support from people who are going through the same issues as me & could possibly point us/me in the right direction. I do not want to walk away as we have been through so much together.

x

Fuzzy12
02-02-16, 12:58 PM
It's nice of you that you are so understanding but you really need to put your safety and well being first. The violence is still very worrying. Even if it happened just once. Can he get some sort of therapy for his anger issues?

I think, he needs to change his attitude to sex. It doesn't matter how you phrase it, it still doesn't sound acceptable. If it helps him calm down then maybe he just needs to masturbate more often. It's not your job to provide sex as therapy for him or to make him feel more like a couple.

dvdnvwls
02-02-16, 01:44 PM
If I don't do the housework, no one will so its hard when people say "well just don't do it".
I am saying, in all seriousness, "Well, just don't do it". The housework has to not get done. He has figured out that you will do it, and the only way to get help is to see the work yourself and wait for him to do it. You might wait weeks until he figures out that things have changed - I'm sorry. It will be worth it.

One easy way to start is to only ever wash your own clothes.

The other side to this discussion is that maybe you have decided that it's better for you to just do the housework. That is just fine, on one simple condition: You must be happy with the way things have turned out. If you aren't happy with it, then you have to find ways to become happy (for example, he does something else that is difficult for you, something that in your mind is enough to make up for the housework).

Little Missy
02-02-16, 01:48 PM
What answer exactly is it that you are looking for?
You have been given some real great help here that you are choosing to ignore.

BellaVita
02-02-16, 06:32 PM
Hey, thanks for the replies...

I understand when it is written down it looks awful

I hate to say it, but that's because it IS awful.

...and believe me we have been to hell in back. I am not the kind of girl who is getting beaten up by her partner. It happened once and believe me it will NEVER happen again.

I dated a guy with BPD once. We also had "been to hell and back."

One night, he took my hand and slammed the back part of it on to his forehead. It was very swollen (likely broken) for a year + after.

I had the same mindset as you. That we could work through it. I was in denial and thought "it just happened once."

Thankfully, we ended up breaking up before things got worse. (And lemme tell you - that was one tough breakup)

This is something that victims say "it only happened once" as a way to justify the behavior. Once is enough. I am sorry to say this but it likely will happen again in the future. Maybe not in the same way, but he might push you, grab your wrist/arms too tight, or perhaps hit you.

I am a very "take no sh*t" girl and the wrist accident was the icing on the cake for both of us. All of these issues happened over the course of 8 years. His anger/frustration issues stem from not being able to explain why he is like the way he is and getting frustrated at himself for letting me/us down and tbh I don't help a lot of the time when I blow my top too.

Is the wrist incident the only time he ever hurt you? Has he *ever* pushed you, been rough with you, grabbed your arm too hard, grabbed your hand too hard, or anything?

You must be honest with yourself.

We both love each other very much and we are trying to find solutions to our problem.

Love does not abuse.

Trust me on this one.

We are desperate for specialist care but like I said the two doctors we've been to do NOT recognise ADD/ADHD in adults and put him on antidepressants. He wants to change & cope with life better but has nowhere to turn.

The care won't work to heal his violent outbursts towards you and his abusive behavior. ADHD is not a part of that. You won't make any progress if you're trying to fix his abusive tendencies.

sHe works a very demanding job too but when it comes to housework/pets etc he gets easy distracted. I'll give you an example, if I am in the house I'll pop a washing on then take the bins out then feed the pets. If he's in alone he'll look at the bins & say to himself right I better take the bins out then turn on the tv & then lose 4 hours of his life flicking through channel after channel until I come in. If I don't do the housework, no one will so its hard when people say "well just don't do it".

He works a demanding job. That right there explains a lot. He is probably using up ALL of his focus and energy on the job. The only option really is to hire someone to help with the work, if you can't do it all by yourself.

As for the sex issue, this is causing us the biggest problem with us. He says sex helps him so much and he feels as we are still youngish we should be doing it a lot. When he says "its my duty as a GF" he means if we don't have sex then we are just friends and we wouldn't be together going through all of this. Sex to him is a mixer of helping him settle & us being a couple. I am just tried and struggling to cope with everything.

There are plenty of married couples who can't have sex for certain reasons/not as frequently - this doesn't mean they are "just friends." They find ways to work through it. And I have to agree, that no matter the way you word it it still sounds like he is being controlling and has a messed up view of relationships.

As I have said before I love him (with all my heart) and I wouldn't be writing on this if I didn't. I guess I am just looking for support from people who are going through the same issues as me & could possibly point us/me in the right direction. I do not want to walk away as we have been through so much together.

x

I have been through similar issues. And I'm telling you that you need to LEAVE. Things don't get better, they will only get worse.

I know how it feels to not take someone's advice and say "it's fine I love him." I did the same thing with my BPD ex. A good friend of mine that was a teacher at my school (I knew her since I was a baby) had watched my BPD ex over the years. She called me up on the phone to warn me about him, said that I need to not get "sucked in" because once I'm in the relationship it will be so difficult to get out. She talked about how he treated other girls.

Of course, I thought "can't be that bad" and for the first 9 months it wasn't - we didn't have a single fight. (He idealized me)

Then, after that, chaos happened.

He was mentally abusive, he asked too much of me, he was too needy to the extreme, he gaslighted me, manipulated me, got upset at me and caused scenes in public, he would freak out that I was going to abandon him (and run these crazy "tests" on me to "prove" I wasn't going to) he would switch into the "devaluing" mode and say nasty terrible things to me and degrade me. And then, he eventually injured my hand.

It took a year and four months until I finally was able to get out of the relationship.

I also was somewhat blind to how awful it was when I was in it, since I grew up being abused and sort of just thought "well, this again."

Life doesn't have to be that way.

Please, it's so difficult to do while in the middle of it, but even if you love him you must leave.

Imagine in a few years - all of this chaos gone, no fear of getting injured, no fear that your SO will cheat, no worried about how to "fix" all of these issues. Feeling loved, feeling safe, feeling valued.

You can have that with someone else. You deserve that with someone else. Please, at least try to think about leaving him.

DecoyOctopus
02-14-16, 04:21 AM
because (and I quote) "its my duty as a GF".

Oh no **** that. I know you love him and whatnot but absolutely under no circumstances is that ever an acceptable attitude to have about your partner. That's some bogus self entitled whiney ****boy bull and you should NOT deal with that ever. I say this as a very very high libido male living with a low libido female in a porn free house and I try to masturbate as little as possible (as close to zero as I can). I would never disrespect her right to bodily autonomy by suggesting that her role in life is to **** me. That is just wrong, rude, hurtful, disrespectful, and a lot of other very not nice words.

At first I was going to type out a response about mutual connection and emotions but seriously after those words entered my eyeballs my entire tone has changed. IMO your BF has entitlement issues. I know that I do and constantly have to check my own privilege and remember that the world doesn't owe me anything just because I have the audacity to exist on it.

Independent of that, when I take ADD meds my hypersexual behaviors become much easier to manage but that's the key word: manage. The meds wont ever just FIX anything off the bat. It still requires work and discipline, and time, effort, sweat, tears, hurt feelings, and VERY BRUISED EGOS, but it is so important for your emotional health to rid your mind of your entitlement and recognize your privilege in these ways.

All of these issues happened over the course of 8 years. His anger/frustration issues stem from not being able to explain why he is like the way he is and getting frustrated at himself for letting me/us down and tbh I don't help a lot of the time when I blow my top too.

I'm going to see if I can quote him without ever meeting him
...I'm such a failure
...I don't see why you love me
...I cant ever do anything right

Those are all things I, and many other ADDers have said pre-diagnosis and treatment. The frustration that builds from watching your loved ones and peers do thing that are supposed to be simple that you yourself struggle with and fail would make anyone think there was something inherently wrong with them.


We both love each other very much and we are trying to find solutions to our problem.

It sounds more like youre trying to find a solution to his problem.


We are desperate for specialist care but like I said the two doctors we've been to do NOT recognise ADD/ADHD in adults and put him on antidepressants. He wants to change & cope with life better but has nowhere to turn.

Drive out of town to a better doctor than some hacks who think ADD is a fake disorder.


He works a very demanding job too but when it comes to housework/pets etc he gets easy distracted. I'll give you an example, if I am in the house I'll pop a washing on then take the bins out then feed the pets. If he's in alone he'll look at the bins & say to himself right I better take the bins out then turn on the tv & then lose 4 hours of his life flicking through channel after channel until I come in. If I don't do the housework, no one will so its hard when people say "well just don't do it".

That's all well and good and I've done that dozens of times over but the fact of the matter is just because you can explain the behavior does not mean that it is justified.


As for the sex issue, this is causing us the biggest problem with us. He says sex helps him so much and he feels as we are still youngish we should be doing it a lot.

Hey you have hair right? You should be dying your hair since you still have it! Soon your hair will fall our and you wont be able to dye it so you should really be dying it now while you're young.


When he says "its my duty as a GF" he means if we don't have sex then we are just friends and we wouldn't be together going through all of this. Sex to him is a mixer of helping him settle & us being a couple. I am just tried and struggling to cope with everything.

again no. This is called sexual and emotional blackmail. Just because you aren't ******* doesn't mean that you're not in a relationship.
Read the subtext of that:
"If you don't **** me, why are you even here"

And what does "helping him settle" mean? Like settle down after a hard day of work? No. He's an adult. ADD or no ADD its NOT AND NEVER WILL BE your responsibility to throw your vagina at him to help him calm down a toddler tantrum because he thinks he was adulting too hard today.


As I have said before I love him (with all my heart) and I wouldn't be writing on this if I didn't. I guess I am just looking for support from people who are going through the same issues as me & could possibly point us/me in the right direction. I do not want to walk away as we have been through so much together.

I understand that. My girlfriend is a mood swing crazy lady and I've been hit with everything in this house from plates to glass candles. I've had to get my things from the yard so many times. Its dysfunctional sure and I can understand that sometimes things aren't issues when they SHOULD be, and I can understand not walking away from history. Everyone else is suggesting bailing on the relationship so I'm offering a different standpoint. Even the devil needs an advocate.

That being said, your second post confirmed what I had originally said: Your boyfriend is an entitled little **** who needs to be properly medicated and get counseling from someone who is knowledgeable in this field if you ever ever ever hope to have a successful life together where you both are HAPPY, not just existing.
You might want at least, if walking away isn't an option right now, to start filing some emotional paperwork for leaving him if things don't improve.
[/QUOTE]

Socaljaxs
02-14-16, 01:45 PM
Im going to be very blunt and not sugar coat this. Whole I've never been physically abused by a partner I have been verbally and emotionally abused. My self worth and what I felt I deserved aloud me to continue this path for 5 plus years, until one day I went ok enough and I hit the point of I'm done. There comes a point "hopefully" where a person will have had enough. But until someone is done, you're not done. Right now you're not done.

I am not the kind of girl who is getting beaten up by her partner. It happened once and believe me it will NEVER happen again. I am a very "take no sh*t" girl and the wrist accident was the icing on the cake for both of us. girl,I hate to tell you this and burst that bubble but yes you are a girl that is willing and allowing yourself to take his ****. . I've been there so I understand how difficult it feels and it is something that you have to understand within your self.

One time is one time too many. I don't care if this happens over a 1week period or a 20 year period. He broke your body. You stayed. If this was your best friend. How would you respond to hearing your best friend wrist got broken by boyfriend just curious? Take yourself out of the equation and think how you would respond if this was a sibling or best Friend?

Also, the icing hadn't topped yet since you are still there. And not only still there being blamed for his behavior. Sorry, but this is emotions, abuse. It's a cycle and it sucks....You claim that you take no ****, yet you are every single day. Every time he tells you, that it's your duty or he says or does something to continue the cycle of "blame of you're in the wrong". You're taking his ****. No excuses on that. So sadly you may claim to take no ****. But you are not only taking it but excusing it. I repeat how would you respond if this was told to you by a loved one.

All of these issues happened over the course of 8 years. His anger/frustration issues stem from not being able to explain why he is like the way he is and getting frustrated at himself for letting me/us down and tbh I don't help a lot of the time when I blow my top too don't blame your self for his poor behavior, that's his bad not yours. I don't care how much of a top you blow, or how hard it is to explain something. Second he puts his hand on you, it's a line crossed. It may not have happened again, but you can't ever know for sure that it won't. Sorry, but no way you can predict that next time won't be worse.

We both love each other very much and we are trying to find solutions to our problem. We are desperate for specialist care but like I said the two doctors we've been to do NOT recognise ADD/ADHD in adults and put him on antidepressants. He wants to change & cope with life better but has nowhere to turn. you sound like you have trust issues with him? Rightly fully so I May add and resentment towards him, again rightfully so..he isn't trustworth right now and he constantly lets you down. Not to mention he blames you for his behavior and you take it. But this trust and resentment and anger from his behavior will constantly keep you two apart. My advice would be see a therapist separate from him. Let an outside party help you and maybe depending on how you respond make it a joint counseling session. But you should go alone first. The emotional abuse will take a toll on your self worth and cloud your judgement on what you think you should receive from a relationship.

He says sex helps him so much and he feels as we are still youngish we should be doing it a lot. When he says "its my duty as a GF" he means if we don't have sex then we are just friends and we wouldn't be together going through all of this. Sex to him is a mixer of helping him settle & us being a couple. I am just tried and struggling to cope with everything sorry but sex sounds like a choir for you with hi,. It's a duty it feels like, been there also, and sex as a choir is never good. But what's next he chests again(if he hasn't again already) you find out and you are at fault since you failed as his girlfriend to handle your duty of sex with him. You are supposed to be his partner not his property. Big difference.

As I have said before I love him (with all my heart) and I wouldn't be writing on this if I didn't. I guess I am just looking for support from people who are going through the same issues as me & could possibly point us/me in the right direction. I do not want to walk away as we have been through so much together.x love, and history isn't always enough to sustain the crap you two have been thru. A relationship needs way more than love to survive. Those missing peaces of trust, likeness(love and like aren't the same thing, you can love but not like a person), respect, equality, values, mutual give and take are big factors of any true sustaining relationship. A good relationship each person's wants more for themselves, and wants to be better versions of themself seven if just for the other person.(stive for more to be more for the other kinds thing) you two have too much history and many are deal breakers. Love won't conquer it.

And if I thought of feeling like my partners mother, that right there would make my sex drive hit the road. :grouphug:

I don't mean to be harsh, but I've been there and until I was ready to leave I wasn't leaving. It hit me to walk over the tiniest thing as my final straw, but it was built up over and finally one day enough came. He never physically abused me, but many walls and windows and items like chairs and appliances were abused verses my physical body

sarahsweets
02-15-16, 08:23 PM
The moment you tolerate the abuse and dont do anything to change it is the moment the abuser know's hes got you in his grip and its almost impossible to re-balance the power in that situation.